Hi my names Miren, I'll give you stacks of advice on anything =] I've got an Art&Design diploma and I'm studying a Film Production degree in Staffordshire. I'm also a black belt in Taekwon-Do. I'll try my best to help anybody needing... help.
Gender: Male
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 18
Member Since: July 8, 2006
Answers: 67
Last Update: July 14, 2008
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My two best friends are fighting and i'm in the middle of it. They want me to choose sides. What should I do? (link)
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Hmm, everyone is saying to not pick sides, but I think that will just annoy your friends even more, they will lose faith in you for not speaking up and they will get annoyed at you.
They will respect you more for being honest. What you should do, is take the points that YOU feel are the best from both arguments and explain it to them personally. It will be better coming from you because they won't have so much tension with you and they will listen, and therefore all 3 of you will be arguing less and listening more. This isn't picking one side, this is settling a dispute.
Speak up, be confident, tell them both what they are doing right and what they are doing wrong, have your say; the main point I'm making is - they are asking for your judgment, so they will listen to you, you are the one with the power to end their argument and have the final say so do it and don't coward out because it's up to you :)
I hope I made things more clear for you =]
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okay so lately i havent felt really needed by anyone at all. like i know that my family needs me and its not like im a total nerd or loser or whatever and i dont have any friends. but i seem to be the only one planning everything. you know when we hangout and stuff. and its real bad between me and my one friend. like i keep droping hints to her but she doesnt seem to notice.
HELP!!!! (link)
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yep i've been in that situation so many times =[
really don't like it, you should try and relax a bit on the term "organizing" next time you do anything just make it chilled out.. like call your friend and some others to just like chill out on the beach or something like that, or crash at your house or something.. it seems like your friends are a bit more relaxed then you are which will annoy you because your not really like that
your missing a friend who is a bit more like you.. with all the organizing and everything (you need to find a friend who is like that.. one is enough)
and this girl your friends with.. just talk to her like.. all the time and it will slowly make you feel better because.. the more you talk to her the more important you will be in her life.. and you will find that if (after talkin to her atleast 2 hours a day) if you don't talk to her one day.. the next day she will be the one ringing you.. or checking if your online on msn :)
its a really small thing but i know it makes me happy.. - I just started talkin to this girl who ive known for about a year but i hadn't spoken to her or seen her for like 6 months - and for the last week ive spoke to her on msn about an hour every day.. then for the last 2 days she was the one starting the convo.. and yesterday (lol) she started talking and i wasn't there and so she thought i was ignoring her and was getting really upset. even though she was upset, it made me pretty happy =P im sure you know what i mean
i hope i helped....
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Ok I'm going to give a lot of detail so it can be more understandable:
My best friend of 5 years, Alex and I because really good friends with a girl named Jen in June and then a few days later we became friends with Tara. So Tara and Jen became best friends and we became a group of four. Tara was going off to university though. We had a good summer but right before she went off, her and Jen had a fight but then they made up.
Mid-September, Alex, Jen and me went to stay at Tara's for the weekend to party. Jen and Tara had another fight where Tara's real feelings towards Jen came through and from then on she kept telling Alex and me how much she hated Jen. We didn't tell Jen about this because Tara had a few valid points for not liking Jen that we agreed with.
So Tara came down a few times and the three of us hung out.
There was this one time me and Alex had a fight in October and I was talking crap about Alex to Jen (I was just really really mad) but it turns out that Alex had phoned Tara and talked crap about me and to a few other people to her so eventually we moved on. A few weeks later, I told Jen that Tara hated her and Jen just shrugged it off.
Now last week Alex was going to go visit Tara by herself because I couldn't get off work. Just before she left, me and Tara were IMing:
Tara: You two seem like you have a lot of conflict
Me: Yeah but it's okay we've always been like that. Why is she saying anything?
Tara: No not really
Me: Don't be bothered by her, whenever she gets mad, she just goes and b****es to people
Tara: Or maybe she just tells me because I'm her good friend
Me: No she told blah and blah and blah about blah
Tara: Oh ok
So Alex left and I had a really bad feeling about it. She came home yesterday and today we were IMing and she told me that she wanted to go to Tara’s university. Now Alex has no idea what she wants to be and the only thing she’s seen of the university is people getting drunk on weekends. She doesn’t know about the school or the programs they offer. She would be paying $9000 extra a year and she had a plan to save up and pay for it herself leaving no money for anything else. It was just this plan they made up this weekend and I was like wth you don’t know anything about this school and what if you and Tara have a falling out?
She told me that I was an a**hole for assuming that she only wants to go there to party and that Tara is a really good friend and at least she doesn’t talk crap about her behind her back. She told me Tara told her I was talking **** about her.
I am so furious right now. I never said anything to Tara other than that convo above because you can’t take one wrong step with her. I saw how she hated Jen so fast and I thought it was pretty scary. Now she’s trying to turn Alex against me? And Alex keeps bringing back past fights we’ve had and how she wants to leave the city and stuff that she’s never even mentioned before just because of this weekend. She’s actually seriously considering it. So I left Tara a message asking her about what I exactly said to her about Alex and if she could enlighten me and she hasn’t answered back.
So what am I supposed to do about Tara? And how am I supposed to convince Alex to stay? I’m turning 21 in August and how can I not have my best friend there to celebrate my first year being legal?
(link)
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tara is being a b*tch talk to alex about it, phone her and ask her why she was being mean to you all of a sudden, makesure its jst a 1 on 1 convo maybe on the phone or in person, tell her that tara is talking poo. Hang out with tara a little more aswell, and try to be a nice friend to her, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. the closer you are to tara the less she can do about your friendship with alex - specially if you get bak on neutral grounds with alex, and then finally you can start hanging out togehter again
i think you will make up - dont worry
let alex think that she is going to that uni, maybe she will start changing her mind soon..
=]
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Ok, this might be long, so yeahh..
Well I'm going to be a freshman in high school. I have 2 best friends, let's call them Marissa and Erica. I can be my complete self around them, tell them anything, etc. I'm shy when you first meet me, so I don't have that many friends, I mean I have these 2, and a few others [but it's different with the others] and that's it. It's hard for me to make new friends. But now, I feel like this friendship between me, Marissa and Erica is slowly falling apart.
Let me give you a little background here. Marissa's parents are very protective of her. She is almost a year younger than Erica and I, being born in August, me and Erica in November and December.. Anyway. 8th grade, she was hardly allowed to go anywhere, mall, movies.. she wasn't allowed to go, UNLESS a parent was there. I live close to a park, if me Marissa and Erica wanted to walk down there, she HAD to call her parents, when she got there, got back, etc. If we wanted to go to Friendly's or whatever to eat, had to call when she got there, got back, etc. When we go to HER house, we hardly go anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I love Marissa, I've known her since kindergarden. She can get annoying at times, but so can everybody. Her house can get boring, but we can do other stuff.
Now Erica.. well her parents aren't as protective, but whenever we wanted to hang out on Fridays after school or whatever.. she [sometimes, most of the time actually] couldn't, because she had to babysit her sister. Now I know that's not her fault. But over we weekends we didn't see each other because of other plans, or we just didn't call each other. See like, Marissa nevers goes online [hardly], Erica does sometimes, not as much anymore actually but once in a while and she'd usually always be on after school. My friends.. well they don't like call each other. I don't know.. it's weird. Now it's summer and we call once in a while but.. i don't know. I'll get into this soon. Also, whenever Erica wants to hang out, she'd always have to leave by 9, 9:30, whereas Marissa could stay until 10, 10:30..
But now, Erica is mad at Marissa. she's always telling me how she hates hanging out with her..like everytime she comes online and i'm talking to her we end up talking about marissa and i feel soo bad talking about her behind her back because she doesnt even know. shpuld i tell marissa what's going on or will that make things worse? ok so like on friday i think it was i went to the movies with marissa and her sister [yeah for like the first time, her parents actually didnt stay, which was a surprise] anyway. all 3 of us had hung out about a week before that, and marissa kept talking about seeing the movie. well when she mentioned the movie to erica, she was like no i don't want to see that.. well ends up marissa didnt invited erica and now she is mad. she says she always feels like she is the one left and and me and marissa always text each other, well erica always said it cost a lot of money and i didnt want to add it to her bill, she says she can text sometimes..okk well then shes saying how me and marissa always calll each other first, well like erica doesn't even TRY to call one of us. i didnt hear from her from a whole week, the first week of summer..SHE could text me or call me..right? if she really feels that way. marissa atleast i keep more in touch with. idk. i love thse girls and dont want to end our friendship but do you think whats going on is right of either of them? am I being a bad friend? i feel like im stuck in the middle. what should i do about this? im so sorry this was so long, if you read it all thanks and if u answer it, thanks again♥ (link)
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Yup you are kind of stuck in the middle, but you should try keep on mutual ground with both of them; try and find out why Erica is having these problems with Marissa, perhaps you should try and make friends with some of Marissa and Erica's friends and start going out in 2 different groups, I know your shy but try not too, or perhaps the other friends you have start bringing them out with you guys so you're hanging out in a bigger group, Erica and Marissa might get along better that way.
Erica clearly wants more attention, she is feeling left out, so talk to her a little more and try and eliminate the cause of her grudges on Marissa.
Perhaps she doesn't like hanging out with her because you're giving Marissa more attention? or she is just jelous of your relationship with Marissa.
My advice is, give Erica a bit more attention, or invite another person into your group so that Erica can bond with them aswell. 4 is better then 3.
=]
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I have this really good friend and I've known her for about 3 years. We're really close and all but i feel like I like her a little more then a best friend. I know im not a lesbian because i've had boyfriends and been completely comfortable with them. it's just that my friend is always there for me and always makes me feel better about myself. has anyone ever felt this way about their best friend? Or could i be bi? what do you guys think? (I'm 14/f.) (link)
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I don't think from what you just said that you are bi. I recon you just have yourself an extremely good friend, perhaps a soul friend; you're lucky. =]
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My best friend is everything to me, but sometimes we make plans and she ends up ditchin me. And she always says that SHE'LL BE THERE, and then I ask her if she if going and she says "no", and when I ask "why" she says "I made plans before" and that absolutly ticks me off. And I get sooooo mad at her that I end up calling her a name or something. I always think that she talks about me because we kinda fight when we're not together. What do I do? Not be her friend? or... tell her to screw herself? or just ignore it and keep being her "friend"? (link)
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You need to start going out with other people, or maybe go out in a group instead of just this one friend. Clearly though, if this friend means a lot to you, then don't just drop her, make her feel a bit jelous though about your ongoings with other friends and if she asks about it, tell her that you invited her but she didn't bother to come like she always does; it might occur to her that she is being irritating and obviously it will result in affecting her as much as it does to you. You need to mainly sit down though and talk to her, tell her it's really bugging you, you won't lose her as a friend, you're in power of this situation.
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