I have a wealth of life experience, some because I've paid attention to other people's mistakes, and some because I've made the dumb mistakes myself. My dad use to say that experience was not the best teacher but the hardest teacher. Many, many times, I wish someone could have given me the heads up, but it did not happen that way. So without choice, I had to learn the hard way. I am willing to share my wisdom with you.
Location: East Coast
Member Since: April 6, 2010
Answers: 22
Last Update: April 12, 2010
Visitors: 4032
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I have a problem. I have always wanted abest friend that will be with m everywhere, and with me through everything. I keep sitting with new people that look like they are the perfect one for me!....dont laugh. after a while, they fade away, and i just want one that would want me as a friend as bad as i would want them :( one that wouldnt want anyone but me to hang out with and i just dont see that happening. im not unnormal or unnatractive, i just want a friend, and dont know what to do. help me! i am a girl.... (link)
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Dear I need advice,
I understand your hurt and frustration. In fact, I still experience it because my bff died, and she cannot be replaced.
Instead of looking for just ONE friend, I would suggest seeking a group of friends. First discover what your strengths. Do you sing well, paint, write poetry, love math or science, playing sport or watching sports? Then there is likely a group formed that shares that interest. Join that group and you will instantly have something in common with several people.
I am sure you have several interests, so you can join several groups or clubs. Eventually, you will find that someone will gravitate toward you, especially when you do not seem so eager.
Just remember that although you meet several people, and really want a bff, it doesn't that you allow people to treat you any kind of way. Hold your standards high and know what you expect in a friend beforehand.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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Here's the story:
I moved to Texas in the year 2003, I moved in with my grandma, and became best friends with this girl that lived on the same street as me.
We would hangout ALL the time, we were pretty much inseperable. We would fight but we would eventually get over it. Well, a couple years ago we got in a huge fight she got her sisters and her parents involved which resulted in it being a war against my family and her family.
I didn't talk to her for a year then she randomly messages me out of nowhere and apologizes for the whole thing it took me a while but I ended up forgiving her. My family still hated her, and her family still hated me so we never hung out after that but we'd still talk a little at school and on the internet. Thing is you can't joke with her or she causes a big scene about it and stays mad at you forever. Me and my sister would always laugh about how she types, because SHE CAN'T SPELL WORTH CRAP! she types all ghetto, so one night it was me, my sister, and her friend, we thought it would be funny if we mess with her a little so I IM her on message and I was being nice but I was typin the same way she was and I guess she figured out I was making fun of the way she typed and got all mad about it well later on that night I message her because I felt bad, I explained to her that I was Just kidding and that if I hurt her feelings i'm sorry. Well she replys back with something really rude so we got in ANOTHER arguement, she posted bullitens about me which ALL of her friends can see so I got her back and posted an embarressing video of her dancing.
we haven't talked much since then but I see her everyday at school. I don't talk about her, seriously I forgot she exsisted until today when my friend told me she was talking about me in her 4th period class. I mean this girl is ALWAYS talking about me ALWAYS judging me and i'm really starting to get tired of it. I want to confront her about it but I have nooo idea what to say.
I want to message her and set things straight, I don't want any drama, i'm more mature then to sink to her level and give her what she wants.
what should I say to her though? I don't want to be friends with her, I just don't want to be enemies either. you know?
(link)
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Dear On and off friendship,
I'll get right to it. It's too late. You've hurt her. You did not say what the original argument was about, so it's challenging to say if this on-and-off will ever end. However, I doubt it. The reason she still talks about you is because she is still hurt. People who are hurt will generally want to do something back to hurt the offender. She is trying to work through her hurt until it's out of her system.
I believe that you did not want to salvage the relationship when you teased her about her ghetto typing. You knew there was a possibility that she would become offended, but you didn't care. Therefore, just keep on not caring.
She needs to get over the hurt and over you. The best way for her to do that is to not have ANY contact with you. If you do not want to be her friend, leave her alone.
Many times a friend relationship will have huge, huge transgressions within itself. It's not easy, but those who want to save the friendship must learn forgiveness and acceptance. One day you will have a friend you really care about. They will hurt you and not care about making amends. You will be hurt by such callousness, and then you will become more understanding of this scenario. It's just the way of life.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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15/ f. I have a guy best friend, 15 as well. He is the best, he's there for me and he listens to me when I need someone to open up to. Lately, everyone has been saying we should go out, it started with just our friends telling us and now it's everybody. I just look at his actions as being friendly, I mean we were good friends for seven years now. I could be having a horrible day and I would text him and just tell me all my problems and he'd listen and help me out. When we're on the phone, he'll play songs on his guitar for me because he knows I love that (he's still to nervous to sing in front of me, though). He'll help me with my homework whenever I ask him to. I yell at him a lot because he's negative a lot, he says some positive things but he struggles with low self esteem and that kinda thing so whenever he's feeling like that, I'll tell him how great he is and everything. Now, the other day I was going through a lot of problems with my brother getting caught doing something illegal and I was going on and on and after it all I said "Sorry for dumping my horrible life on you" and he goes "horrible life! that's negative! i want to hear your problems, i want to help." I thought that was really sweet. Everyday, I bring him in a 6 pack of his favorite crackers. Lastly, I don't know if you know what the silly bandz are, they're rubber bands in shapes like flowers and hearts and giraffes, I told him I have them and he said "I'm not a big fan of things on my wrist and I brought them in the next day and he stole one from me, after he went on and on about how much he won't take one. Now, he wears it everyday. I can't bring up the topic of us going out because he's a nervous kid. I would be his first girlfriend as he would be my first boyfriend. Now, my title is because about two years ago, I told him I was kinda diggin him and he said he didn't feel the same. So, I was wondering, do you think he changed his mind? I have been pondering on us going out for a while because I could see us together but I don't want to ruin the amazing friendship we already have. What do you think? Any help is mucho appreciated! Thanks! (link)
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Dear Did he change is mind,
I know exactly the confusion and apprehension you feel. I have experience a very similar situation. However, let me let you in on a secret. A man WILL DO what he wants to do. You will never have to convince him. Therefore, I am not surprised at all when he said he did not feel the same. This is the reason he did not approach you about a romantic relationship. It's not that you are not a beautiful person. He may even be attracted to you. Just for some reason, he does not want to have a romantic relationship with you.
Trust me when I tell you that low self-esteem is serious and nothing you want to mess with. Believe it or not, a person with low self-esteem will feel unworthy of you. If you go against what they feel, they will hurt you. Not intentionally, It's just the way people who feel unworthy of good things operate.
Enjoy your friendship with him, because a friendship like that is difficult to find. However, take everything at face value and stop reading into the things he does. Keep your self-esteem high, and don't accept romance with anyone whose esteem is not equal to or greater than yours.
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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this group is an online spiritual group. We are a tight knit family, but for the past few months there's been a silent air of resentment. Everyone could feel it and tensions were growing between moderators and administrators.
Recently one of our bolder administrators, as in she is more of the project controller and the site being in her name) has been in a bout of depression. One of the members has attacked her (not wanting to but just a lack of consideration and of egging her around). I had a talk with this person because I was upset with him.
Im not a person in control, not a mod or admin because being 17 i am under the required age, but ive been in a fit of "this group and all these people are my family too and im not letting it fall to pieces dang-it". Two mods and an admin have left this site out of frustration and one mod has already started on another site and convincing others to join her, including the aforementioned bolder admin.
One of my better friends on the site, an admin, is deeply troubled by this, and she is trying hard to keep the family alive. The thing is that the owner (bolder admin) is a bit stubborn and easily upset, a bit dramatic.
Im lost in all this confusion for the second time in the families history. I'm not sure what to do...but once again I feel like I have to take some things myself. It seems i just cannot accept what is happening and im literally just joined advicenators because im so lost in this mess of secrets and betrayal.
What can I do? keep in mind this is a 17yr old talking with a group of 20-30 something yr old so there might be a feeling of youth=illegitimacy.
Any general advice as well works just as fine here. However, I'm not going to leave the family and im not giving up. (link)
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Dear Split up of groups/friends,
Your situation is extremely convoluted (involved), and I can tell that you could type much, much more detail if you had the time.
I will start by telling you this- their issue is NOT your issue. In other words, there are some 20, 30, 40 etc year olds who have not resolved the things that have happened to them as a child. When this happens, they behave like children regardless of their age. It is not your job to fix their problem!
What you can learn from this is to make sure that if there is anything you are personally struggling with in your own life-handle it now without delay. Otherwise, it will cause you to behave your shoe size and not your age much in the way your friends are behaving.
Also remember, online personas really get some people off. They may not be the personality they pretend to be online. They, like most people, want to be liked and present as very likable persons. However, when the going gets tough, they show their true colors and lack of ability to communicate. Unless you have met them personally, remember that online personas can be very make believe. In other words, you may expect more of them than they were ever truly capable of.
In conclusion, you have no obligation to anyone except to your children (if you have any) and yourself. Chat and post wherever you want and because it makes YOU happy. Do not allow ONLINE PERSONALITIES to make you feel guilty about what websites you frequent. Encourage them to resolve the beef where you can, but remember, if you make anyone else's problem your own, you will become Old Mother Hubbard before you reach 20!
Take care,
DeeplySetting
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