Hey everyone, I have been giving advice on this site since I was 16 and have always been honest with the askee. I just feel that there is no point in lying as I would hate to be lied too and thats why I always tell it like it is. I also feel that when people lie - it causes more hurt than good. Anyone after honest advice - feel free to send me a question!!
Also if you EVER need additional advice just send me an email and I will get back to you :)
Dxxxxxxx
Website: debateists space E-mail: debateist@outlook.com Gender: Female Location: Glasgow Occupation: Writer Age: 24 Member Since: December 20, 2006 Answers: 142 Last Update: May 7, 2014 Visitors: 11736
Main Categories: Families Love Life Friendship View All
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I dont know what to say ,i want to know whats the purpose of my life,like what am i made to do.ive been cheated on ,ive been bullied .i doubt any one would answer so just hear me out,i dont know what to do,how do i find my purpose ,and i also need to make new friends!! (link)
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How to find your purpose, admittedly this is a toughie, From personal experience this is something you learn as you go. Usually found out by looking at what makes you tick, what are your interests and what would you like to change about the world that you are in today? what do you want to be part of? For me I have just recently found what I believe to be my purpose and I am 24, but when I look back I realise this was always what I wanted I just didnt realise. Sometimes a purpose can be realised through personal experiences. From what you have said you have had a tough time of it so perhaps your purpose is staring in the face of the hardships you have went through.
Ask yourself - where do I want to be in 10 years? what do I want to do? - dont hold back on the answer - no matter how insane it may seem or far-fetched I highly doubt half the world leaders or celebs knew instantly they would get their dream.
Where making new friends is concerned - I made mines through college and university, pen friends is another good idea, joining an activity group aswell - its good for meeting new people and also for gaining confidence (incase you need some :) ).
I hope I have helped - Good luck, let me know how you get on and if you need help you can message me.
Yours
Dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I was friends with this guy last year, but he got into drinking and stuff, which I don't do, so I stopped talking to him. Then, one of my closest friends started dating him, and naturally, we started talking again. He had stopped drinking and doing bad stuff. We became good friends and I told him a lot about myself, especially about my family problems. He would always text me and one day, he asked me to hang out at his house. We hung out before, without his girlfriend before, so I didn't think it was a big deal. I even talked to her about it, and she was fine with it. That night when we hung out, he kept trying to hook up with me. He was flirting and tickling me and I kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. He was kissing my neck and stuff, and everytime I mentioned his girlfriend, he said he'd just kiss me more. He also told me how his girlfriend was only a "2 out of 3" because she hasn't given him a blow job. He kept touching my butt and my chest and pretty much everywhere else. I knew it was wrong, but he wouldn't stop. Honestly, it was the first time in a while that I felt wanted, and when he tried to hook up, I did for a second. I pulled away and said it was wrong, but he kept kissing and touching me. I still don't get why I did it, but he just kept pressuring me. Afterwards, he acted as if it wasn't a big deal even though he cheated on his girlfriend, also my friend. He told me not to say anything, butI told her a week later because I was too scared to tell her right away. She was really upse, but she seemed more mad at him than me. Her sister pretty much hates me now. The guy hates me too, but I don't care because I hate him too. However, his girlfriend and him are on a "break" and she's forgiving him. I don't understand why because he doesn't truly love her. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt her again. I just don't get why I'm not being forgiven too when it was both of us. Also, I think it's more of his fault than mine. They were some of my closest friends and now I'm depressed, lonely, and don't have anyone. (link)
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Hey chic, this is a really sh*ty situation uve bn put in, youre right he shouldnt have tried it on with you!! He was so in the wrong for this and yes as you know you shouldnt have kissed him back even for a second but you felt wanted and stopped to begin with when you realised how wrong it was, But you also shouldnt have slept with him, you were the one that told her and he was the one that was a coward so you shouldnt be the only one thats punished for this!! What you should do is try and get her alone and talk to her explain how sorry you are and ask her why she can forgive him but not you!! If she doesnt answer and still treats you the same explain that whilst your sorry and you realise why shes angry you,you do worry that he may cheat again!!
I know that this advice may seem rubbish and probably not what you want to hear but you may need to join a group or find new friends at least until she realises what an idiot he is or that she needs you more than him. Try speaking with her but before you do you need to come to terms with the fact that she may still not yet forgive you but she will one day!!
Hope I helped and I really hope that you two can work it out!!
Good Luck!!
Dxxxxxxxxxx
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My friend went to jail , but there is a injuction thats saying I cant talk to him till im 18 cause hes overage . Do I have to wait till im 18 inorder to write him a letter or anything ? (link)
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Hey there,
The letter writing shouldnt be a problem I mean peoples parents get put in jail and they write to them.
Also as long as you dont write anything about sex etc then it should b okay to write to him!! Sometimes teh letters do get read if they think that there may b drugs in them etc!!
I am taking from the fact that u cant visit that u dont hav an adult that will go with you?
But hey keep the faith and write to him and just count the days till you can see him again!!
Dxxxxxx
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everytime i have a problem my friend A always asks me whats wrong and stuff but i always avoid her when i have a problem since i dont really wanna talk about it and she says"you always do this but its okay, i wont give up on you" what is she trying to say?
(link)
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Hey there
All A is saying is that they wont stop asking you, and that they will b there when your ready to talk. So like if you ever need to talk about anything then they will be there no matter what!!
A is defo a keeper!!
DXXXXXXX
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Hello,
My friend and I have been friends since FOREVER!, but she is always constantly taking the guys that i like and every time i try telling her she gets mad and i don't want her to get mad at me and hate me. I mean we have been friends for so long! Also we have had trouble with other friends, for instance if i am friends with someone that she is not friends with and i hang out with them instead of her she will get upset...how can i tell her about the guys and other friends?
Thank You,
Cassie (link)
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Honey, I am gonna say it straight and that is well she isnt much of a friend if she is going with guys that she knows you like. As for the friends situation, I had a friend like that and I ended up confronting her and all went well after that.So what you need to do is confront her on both counts by sitting her down and having a good talk. If she goes off angry then let her, you are not the one acting like a jealous wife she is and therefore she's the one that will be back with her tail firmly between her legs so to speak. Yes you may feel bad if she does go off on one but at the end of the day she is the one acting more like a child than a friend and you are the one acting like an adult. So be strong and all will work out in the end!!
Good luck and hope I helped.
Luv Dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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17/f/australia.
I'm turning 18 in just under a month and my mum suggested that I rent out an apartment and have a few people over for a party.
I know its a bit lame but i have traditional values like wanting to spend my 18th birthday with my family but i cant have it the day before coz another girl at school is having her birthday party and i can't have it the day after because everyone is going away to camp. I guess it doesn't really matter that much but the main problem is i am worried that it will be a flop.
I mean, what are we actually going to do, just sit around? I will probably only invite 10 people and only about 4 will be staying the night. I've only just moved to a new school so i am still a bit awkward around people. :S
I'm really worried, what shound i do? (link)
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Hey there I totally understand the whole wanting to spend ur bday with your fam and I also understand the party thing but why dont you even try an alternative like inviting the ten people out for dinner at a nice restaurant or spending it with just a couple of your close friends and going to the cinema and dinner. U cud do your bday thing the wkend after your bday and spend your bday with your fam.
Sorry if I wasnt much help.
Hope your bday rox either way.
good luk
dxxxxxxxxxxxx
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what if you ask someone out and he said something mean back would you still go for it. (link)
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no if they said something mean they dont deserve you so NO is what my answer is !!
sorry if i was cheeky!!
good luk!!
hope i helped and i hope things get better!!
dxxxxxxxx
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My two best friends are fighting and i'm in the middle of it. They want me to choose sides. What should I do? (link)
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hey there okay ive bn in this situation b4 and what i suggest you do is sit them both down and tell them if they dnt sort it out then nt only will they lose each others friendships but yours also and freeze them out for a few days if they persist and show them how it feels to b without u!!
this may seem silly but trust me it works!!
good luk!!
hope i helped!!
dxxxxxxxxx
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I have trouble talking to one of my best friends. I am f/15 and my friend is m/17. We do talk a lot and we get into deep conversations, but it's hard for me to talk to him. Like, when he tells me how he's sad or hurt I don't know what to say back to him. I also have trouble with just regular conversations. I don't know what to say to him. I feel like he already knows everything. He makes me nervous. I like him as more then a friend and he has a girlfriend(who is a b****). She treats him and me like crap and he just can't see it because he thinks he loves her. :( But anyway, he says I need to be more laid back and just talk to him and have fun, but it's just hard for me. Give me any advice you can. Thanks :) (link)
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I have had this prob before also, when hes talkin about bein sad or hurt then just listen and then just reasure him that no matter what he can talk to you and you could also at this point maybe share some of your hurt feelings you no then you may feel a lil more comfy around him. Try and when your talkin to him forget that you like him as more than a gd friend a no this is hard but you may feel a lil more at ease.
try speakin to him like you would a gf .
In the situation of his gf dont worry hell soon have enough of her and the way she treats him and although you will hav to grin and bare it just now in the end u will b there for him and if he confides in you then he prob already nos that.
Good Luk and I hope all is well with your situation soon.
I hope I helped.
dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I'm a 19 female. I just got married 2 months ago and recently my husband and I rented an apartment. I love it here and things are going great..except for one thing. I invited a friend of mine to come live with us because he is leaving for a year in Iraq so I wanted another person in the house. Me and my husband smoke...alot. Two days ago she turned to me and told me she didn't want me or cook to smoke in the house anymore. I told her I would talk to him and discuss it with him. It's getting cold and it's my house I don't want to go outside. He told me to compromise with her and tell her we'll only smoke in the bedroom with the window open. I told her this and she said that she didn't want us to do that either because it goes into her room and she gets sick. We are trying to compromise but she wants it her way or she said she was gonna leave. It would be fine except that I have seen her smoke before and been around people that smoke. I am too the point that I want her gone. I can't stand being in the same room as her. Please someone help me so I don't kill my roommate... (link)
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In my honest opinion I think that you need to explain to her that shes your friend and that you love her however your room is your space as is hers hers therefor you have to explain this to her and also explain that although you love her as a friend you love your husband and need him and as this is your year with him before he moves to Iraq you want it to happy as you will be parted from him for a long period of time. This must be heartbreaking enough for you and you must tell her that you need her services as a friend now more than ever and ask her to understand. If she doesnt let her move out and then a week or so before your husband goes ask her or someone else to move in unless of course you need the financial help!!
hope I have helped and that you find a compromise for you and your friend.
good luk.
dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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15/f
my best friend, claims she hates this one girl. and this girl always calls her and wants to hangout with her. and i'm fine with that. its just. whenever i make new friends, i always include my old friends. yano? and she doesnt. she never does. and actually, i know this girl. quite well actually. i've known her for the past 4 years. so why doesnt she include me? i always include her with my other friends. i mean i'd understand, if me and her were just friends. but this is my best friend im talking about. so why doesnt she EVER include me?? i'm not a mean person. i just don't understand. (link)
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okay I no exactly where you are comming from here cause my bf is the exact same and what I did was I spoke to her about it !! I no this is nerve racking but I did and you no she wasnt angry or confrontational she listened and in the end we came out even better friends than before, I still havent met the said person but thats gd cause now the person is treatin ma bf like dirt and I am not best pleased any way. How to do this is to sit her down and just explain that you would like to meet with her and her new friend however it may be that she doesnt want to lose you to this new friend and that is why she is keepin her from u so tread and choose your words carefully!!
soz if am not much help
write bac and tell me how it went
hope I helped!!
dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I am a really nice person and everyone who meets me agrees. i am good at making friends but i have a hard time keeping them because i'm so shy/quiet and like to keep to myself (one time a classmate even called me antisocial). i dont know if its just me or the other person. for example, i was at this camp a month ago and met this guy that i really liked and confessed my feelings for him- but i knew nothing was gonna happen so i made almost no attempt to contact him until recently. when i did talk to him, it wasnt as big a deal i thought it would be. but sometimes i feel socially awkward. any tips of abating shyness/awkwardness when talking to ppl? its like i have anxiety/doubt that ppl wont like me anymore if they really get to know me so i dont open up. as a result, i hav no real "best friend", seldom get invited to go out to a movie or do something (partly because my parents are strict and partly because no one invites me) (link)
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Honey I am also shy so trust me you are not alone. Its good that you could be honest with that guy about how you feel this is sumthin I could never do.
The way I get over it when I can is I force myself to talk to people wether I am scared or not.
You dont have to totally open up all you have to do is speak to your gfs about your fave bands and films and about how hot he is from that band if you get where im cumin from.
You dont gotta tell them who you like like straight away I mean I didnt tell my bf this until Id known her over a year.
Trust is prob the issue more than shyness and that needs to be earned and over time you will learn to trust people more and then you will open up more.
On the invite situation you should try maybe getting together a small group of friends and going to the flicks. Even if you tell your parents they can pick a curfew and even pick you up and they should come around to the idea.
Soz it was so long but I hope I helped and I hope you make the kind of friends you can trust.
good luck
luv dxxxxxxxxx
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heyy everyone! firstly, im 13, female, from Australia.
well, i have a HUGE crush on a guy in my court! and i mean HUGE! but not big enough to be obsesed. we are already friends. i dont talk to him much, but i did not that long ago. i was so sad when my friend told me he was moving schools. and then i was even MORE sad when i heard he was moving HOUSES!!! noooo! i am so sad, i dont want him to leave, because i will never see him again. I am a shy girl and i have never had a boyfriend, or even Kissed a guy ([ i know so embarassing :( ...) so i am way to embarassed to even talk to him that much. I was just going to ask everyone for advice if i should ask for him new phone number or house adress or both. because i really dont want to lo
se contact with him, because he is such a great guy. Also i cant tell if he was flirting or not. But the other day when we were talking and he was kicking the footy with his mate, he tried doing this trick with the footy that was hard, and he stuffed it up big time, (but i didnt care coz he is the best anywayz) and i saw him blush a little. i cant tell if he was flirting, because NO ONE has EVER flirted with me, or asked me out EVER!! sooo anyway, please answer my question if i should ask for his new number. or adress. or both.
SORRY THIS WAS SOOO LONG!!! and THANX for the advice!
-natalieeee (link)
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Even if you dont tell him how you feel he knows that you are friends so he wont mind if you ask him for both his numba and adress. Plus this way maybe a few months (or hopefully not but years) down the line he may ask you out or you may find the courage to ask him which I know is so embarrassing. Either way you can still keep in contact with him without him knowing how you feel for now (anyway).
Hope I helped and good luk for the future in all aspects and I hope that one day the shyness disappears as I know how it feels to be in your situation.
dxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I have bff's and were super close and we don't like to even talk to people outside of our group (when u give advice I don't need "Grow up who does groups any more") but everyone's seat was changed in our one class and I sit next to one gurl:she okay to me were okay friends one other gurl:we HATE each other I tried being friends but she said no so now I act like a b**** to her one other other gurl: she's friends with the gurl who hates me so now she doesnt like me I just want some peace in my one class so I can just do my work.
With Love,
Massie (link)
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hey im at college and if people dont do groups then id love to no where lol the only advice i can give you is to ignore it i had this problem with litrally my whole class in high school and after the class was over the good thing i could always fall back on was that i could meet up with my friends. Ignoring them will be hard at first but in time youll get used to it you may have to talk obv if you are doing groups but at least after that you can go on ignoring her.
hope i helped and good luk with everything.
yours dxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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My very best friend has been acting sorta mean like different since we first met. She acts like since she is older than me by a few months she can boss me around! I mean she still is nice to me but at times she can really get to my nerves. We never really fought but do get mad at each other. When she around other people she treats me like I'm not there and I'm invisable. I don't know if she means to do this but it bothers me. And when I want to sit by one of my friends she no I want to sit by her! And she always gets her way! She is real spoiled too but thats not really the problem. What should I do? (link)
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I had this problem before aswell and I dealt with it by calling her on it. If you dont feel you can do this face to face incase she gets angry then do it by phone but never ever do it by text. But you have to talk it out otherwise she wont realise what she is doing wrong.
Good luk, hope things work out for you!
dxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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To start 17/m,
I have a SERIOUS problem that is going to destroy me if I don't do something quick. For those of you that are familiar with the wheel of fortune e.i. "What goes around comes around" my entire life is on the verge of falling apart. I have just realized that I'm slowly turning into the monster I always said I would never become. Nothing but sarcasm spews from my mouth, I say horribly mean things to all my friends and loved ones. I told myself last year "I'm never gonna be like my brother because I'm shy, overweight and ugly." My brother would also tease me about that. Now its the opposite. I don't know what to do. I have this feeling that my entire life is going to circle the drain here very soon. So any advice can and will help, thank you. (link)
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Please dont take this wrongly Maybe the reason why you are being nasty to the people you care about is because you are insecure about how you look and are just sick of being picked on by people. You should also try and tell one of your close friends about how you feel and perhaps they will understand. In fact I am sure they will.
Btw what you see in the mirror isnt exactly what other people will see!!!!!
Good luck I hope I helped.
dxxxxxxxxxxxx
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