I'm a happily married Wife of 18 years with 5 beautiful children. I have created with my Husband a Family life I never thought possible in this world of turmoil and confusion. Growing up through my teen years was more like an excersize in surviving, both emotionally and mentally. The first years of my adulthood I spent re-evaluating all that I had lived through, and then rebuilding myself into a person I liked and wanted to be. The realization that changed my life forever was when I came to understand; I was not who or what others said I was, or wanted me to be. I didn't have to repeat my parents mistakes, when there was so many of my own I could make. I realized I alone was responsible for my choices, and for letting others treat me badly. I was no longer a child, and could demand and expect to be treated well. By freezing out those who didn't understand that for me things had changed!! I was still young, so I didn't alway's know what to do, but I sure knew what NOT to do! Which that alone is sometimes half the battle!!
Gender: Female
Location: CA
Occupation: Domestic Engineer
Age: 39
Member Since: September 22, 2005
Answers: 31
Last Update: June 8, 2008
Visitors: 5717
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I dont know how to break up with this guy! My friend dared me to date him, but it got out of hand... and i dont know what to do!
Should i tell him it was just a dare?
HELP!!!!!!
HELP!!!!!! he is driving me nuts and i dont know what to do about it
I dont want to hurt him
but i dont really like him...at all.in fact i hate him! i dont no how to break up!
i am leaving on may 20 so should i just stick it out until i leave?
once agian, HELP!!!! (link)
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No you shouldn't tell him it was a dare that would be mean. You shouldn't stay with him till
May 20th either. Just tell him you really don't feel a connection with him and it's not working out for you. If you want you can tell him you hope that you can still be friends but if he doesn't want that then your sorry. Sometimes the best way to do something difficult is just to do it. Take Care and Good Luck
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i was the girl with the boyfriend who has pictures of his ex girlfriends and has cheated on me.
i still think about the cheating today and i dont even hang out with my friends because im afraid that if i leave this boy alone that he will cheat again and i will be SOL. i dont want to be hurt again and if he cheats on me again i will have to leave him... i truly do love him. your telling me that your boyfriend cheated on you and you believed that it wouldnt happen again and then it did 4 years later? because if thats true then everything i believed in isnt true. i thought that if i could make this kid love me and be with me for years then there is no way that he could cheat on me again. i love this boy so much and we have been together for years. i dont know what to do. secretly i want him to screw up and cheat so that i have a reason to break it off.. (link)
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No, what I meant is I was with him for 4 years altogether. I had actually already been with him for 1 and a half years when I found out he had cheated on me the first time. It seemed like I had been with him for so long and I loved him so much and I believed he loved me too. (Which I still believe he did) So I gave him another chance and convinced myself to trust him again. It was probably about 8-9 months before he did it again. Then the whole scene happened again and again I forgave him. The next time he cheated on me was after I wound up pregnant.
I dont know your guy so there's no way I can say for sure. Just from my experience and observations over the years lead me to believe there are two types of guys in this world. The kind who cheat, and the kind who don't. I don't think guys cheat because they don't love the girl their with. I think they cheat because it's a charachter flaw that is just in them. Cause even still I believe he loved me completely it's just that his love wasn't the kind I could live with. There are some women that can deal with sharing their man or looking past his cheating I'm not one of those women.
As for you not even leaving him alone with other girls because you can't trust him. That say's alot. If you don't trust him how can you build a life with him?? I think deep down you know the answer to your dilema better than you want to admit. Write back if you need any more advice. Take Care and Good Luck.
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ive been going out with this amazing girl for 4 days but the problem is i dont think she knows i love her /i dont think she loves me,can sum1 tell me a way to tell her i love her,by the way im 12 years old and we hav kissed twice like just a little pek though. (link)
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First of all, unlike the others on here who have replied, I think its perfectly fine for you to have questions concerning your emotions. Regardless of your age I'm Happy to share my advice with you. You can go to my column and ask whatever you need to anytime and I'll tell you what I think. O.K.?
So now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about this girl. Apparently, the first Love of your life right?? Well at least I know that's how it feels to you right now. What your actually feeling right now is brought on by what we call chemistry. And yes, it just might be the beginings of what Love is made of. The truth is, even as intense as your feelings are for her, there is sooooo much more to the dynamics of True Love.
Love doesn't just happen. Love is something that is built and tested over time. Thats why people are telling you it can't be Love, because Love takes time to develop. It builds stronger day by day, and week by week, year by year.
However, what your feeling is real too, it's just not as intense. It's called infatuation and it's some powerful stuff. In fact it's easy to mistake it, because truthfully every Romantic Love does start with infatuation. But as time goes on, the infatuation wears off and the attraction either kinda dies off or starts becoming more of a deep caring, that over time can become Love. However you have to realize at your age the chances of this being one of those longtime lasting Loves is not really in your favor. Not that it hasn't happened but very few people are lucky enough to find their life-mate at 12 years old.
With that said, it doesn't take away the fact your feelings are genuine and strong. In fact they are probably some of the strongest feelings you have ever felt for a girl. Believe it or not though Real Love is 10 times or more stronger and intense.
With all that in mind I know you still want to find a way to express how much you really like her. However you did say you don't think she feels as strongly, so you have to be careful. You dont want to freak her out or anything. Which brings me directly to your friends advice. He is wrong!!! You should not do that!! Especially at school because then she may have friends who start teasing her or something and that could ruin everything. Besides a kiss is something you shouldn't plan. It should only happen when it feels right, not when you planned for it. That would make it awkward. If you are going to show her any type of affection maybe you could reach out and hold her hand as your standing next to her. Something simple and sweet like that. Just be yourself. Clearly she must have saw something she liked because she's been going out with you for 4 days. Don't mess it up by pushing your rush of emotions on her and scaring her off. There's nothing wrong with giving her gifts just because you were thinking of her. If nothing else you can give her flowers. Stick with the small stuff and let time create it's magic. One thing I want you to remember is if this doesn't last then at least now you have a small taste of how good Love makes a person feel. Someday when true Love finds you, you will see I am right about the difference. For now enjoy the moment, infatuation is nothing to pass up on. Take CAre, Be Yourself, and just relax. Good Luck. Oh and don't take advice from that friend. lol
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say someone was pregnant and they were going to get an abortion.. should you tell the babies father?.. you were never going out with him but he lead you on and you got pregnant and now he had a girlfriend and its not you... should you still tell him your pregnant or just leave it alone so you wont cause drama..? (link)
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Well if someone is pregnant, and they have already made up their mind to get an abortion then what would be the point of telling the Father?? However, if that someone is not really sure of what they want to do, and would like to know how the Father would feel about impending parenthood, then the only way to know is to tell him.
As for the girlfriend and the drama, yes that is a definite possibility. However, if you have any inkling that part of you might want this child, don't do anything till your sure.You have to put yourself and this child first regardless of what impact it may have on him and his girlfriend. They are secondary in this and you dont owe either one of them anything. He knew as well as you did when you were together what could happen. Clearly he takes sleeping around lightly as he has moved on so quickly. Therefore in my opinion he forfeits the right to being part of the decision you are making, unless you want to include him.
I like others who have answered previously have some personal beliefs on the subject of abortion. Unlike some of the others I will refrain from sharing my belief's because it doesn't sound like your asking what you should do, but instead only if you should tell him. The best advice I can give you is be true to yourself. Make the choice you can live with and forget about him. You owe him nothing. Take your time and really figure out what you want for your life, because whatever you decide here is final. There is no taking it back either way. My hope is that whatever decision you make leads you to happiness and peace in your life. Don't let outsiders take that from you, and without a doubt the guy and his girlfriend are outsiders unless you decide to allow them in. Take Care and Good Luck.
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my boyfriend has had 3 other girlfriends besides me and has slept with 6 other girls. this boy is my first serious boyfriend and the first and only person i have ever slept with. now, i know i cant do anything about all the people he has been with but the other day i was in his room looking through some pictures that he had in a basket and i found many many pictures of all his old girlfriends. there were ones from his prom and when he was very young and even sexual pictures with his first girlfriend. it really hurt me that he still had these and i that i saw them. i dont like thinking that he has been with other people the same way he has been with me. it hurts a lot.
he also slept with another girl while we were dating and it just really hurts whenever i have to be reminded of things like that. i just wanted to know how to get passed all these other girls. (link)
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First of all the girls in his past you have to realize are just that. In his past. You shouldn't expect him to throw away things including pictures to make you more comfortable. If him not being a virgin before you is an issue, you should have not gotten involved with him to begin with.
Another thing you need to consider is that making a big deal out of those things you found, just makes you look insecure to him. Which is the last thing you want to do with a guy period, but especially with a guy like him. Instead, you should ask him who's who in the pics and why they didn't work out? Why not ask what it was that attracted him to them and what drove them apart. I know this may sound weird but it does 2 things for you. 1. It may give you insight on what he is all about. By hearing about his past relationships you can figure out some pretty important things about him. For example: what does he consider a deal breaker? and other things... # 2. You show yourself to be confident in yourself by not being intimidated or whiny about his past. Instead You are strong and mature enough to see it, acknowledge it, and then treat it exactly like what it is and let it go. It's the past for a reason. Accept that knowledge and stop letting jealous feelings get the best of you. Doing that will just sabotage any chance you have of being happy with him.
However, then we come to the real problem here. Which is not his past, but the past you share with him. That is what I believe is really bothering you, because unlike the girls in his past, this girl is a symbol of his direct betrayel of you, and the relationship you have with him. Some people say you can forgive and forget. Some people say you can get past an affair. While others say once a cheating dog always a cheating dog!! It's up to you to decide which category you want to be in.
Speaking from personal experience though I will tell you that most men who cheat once have already shown you who they really are. When a guy or a person SHOWS you who they are, you should believe their actions not their words!! I spent four years of my life trying to believe it would never happen again. But it did. Then I would use Love as an excuse for staying. When I was in tears and broken-hearted people would ask 'why are you still with him?' Inevitably I would answer because "I Love Him"
What I didn't get back then but understand now is simple. Not all Loves are created equal. Some Loves are toxic and cause you doubt,and eventually pain. The thing you need to realize is good strong Love can, and does exist. You just have to be strong enough to not settle for less!Love should make you feel safe and secure. Love should give you strength and self confidence. Most importantly, when you've found good Love, you should find yourself smiling and laughing more days than you cry.
Ask yourself, does being with this guy make you feel stronger, more confident, and wanted? Or does being with him make you feel worried, stressed, and not quite good enough? If it's good Love I have now told you how to recognize it. So be truthful to yourself and do whats right for you, even if it's hard. Trust me staying in a bad Love is one of the lonliest places in the world. Demand better for yourself from those in your life, and you just might get it. Take care and Good Luck.
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im obsessed with my boyfriend v weve been going out for almost 3 years and were only in hs. weve done everything but sex and i am in love. ive tried to picture myself with someone else and i just cant. lately he has been pulling away and idk what to do because im obsessed what do i do to make him obsessed with me again and dont say talk to him because i would be right now but ive tried and he says nothing is wrong. just tell me what to do ill do anything (link)
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It seems to me you've made the classic mistake of making yourself too available to him. You see, when it comes to relationships girls and guys think and respond differently. A girl has the tendency to build her life around the guy she's with. Guy's tend to see the girl there with, as part of their life, but not their whole life! The two of you have been together a long time and he may be starting to feel a bit closed in.
My best advice to you would be to take a cue from him and pull back a little as well. Do some things on your own or with friends. If you've let all your friends fall by the wayside, its time to make some new connections. I'm not saying get another boyfriend or anything like that. I'm just saying don't be so available to him all the time. Make him have to wonder every now and then, where you might be and what you are doing. When he wants you to go somewhere with him, next time be busy and not able to go with him. Tell him your sorry but you just have other things going on right now. Join a club, or some type of sport team, take up bowling, go miniature golfing, something, anything, just go get yourself busy!! Make him see you as not so easily available to him. That way if he is still wanting to be with you, he has to pursue you a little bit, ya know??
The thing with men is that deep down they are still hunter's, and no hunter wants the easy catch. For men, it's not so much the prize they want, it's more about the thrill of the chase. He doesn't have to chase you, persue you, or please you!! Your there anyway. Whenever he gets around to wanting to be with you, he knows you'll be waiting. So what's the point, and where's the excitement a challenge would bring?? What you have set your self up to be is his plaything he can set up on the shelf and take down and dust you off to play with as he chooses. When he chooses.
If you really want him to be interested in you again, become interesting by creating parts of your life that doesn't depend on him being part of. I have been married 18 years now and I still tell my Husband 'I don't need you and I never will. I can get by just fine on my own, but I do want you.' He is and always has been aware that I am not the type of woman that will sit and wait on some shelf. I've never been the needy type. Even when I really wanted to be clingy, I wouldn't. It's like announcing your absolute dependence on their giving you attention. It is one of the biggest mistakes a girl can make in a relationship. For him it's the thrill of the chase. For you, the challenge is to make him understand it's not so much about getting the prize, as it is about keeping the prize!!!
One last thing you need to understand is in Love, you have to hold on loosely, but don't let go. Hold on too tightly and your going to lose control.
By the way I speak from experience. Before my Husband there was a guy I was with for 4 years when I was young. He was the one who taught me the danger in being too available. I knew with every part of who I was, that I would be with him forever. Unfortunately, one of those times I was sitting waiting on that shelf he left me on, he began to find other girls who were more exciting. They offered him a challenge and the excitement of not being a sure thing. Of course in the end he was sorry, he loved me, he didn't know why he did it, and I believed him and forgave him the first few times.I even still allowed myself to be put up on a shelf waiting for him again. Sure enough, each time he eventually came across someone else that enticed him, and he would do what guys do! He just had to take a chance and go for the excitement!!
I will never forget the last time I saw him and he was finally understanding we were over. It was almost a look of shock that I had found the strength to live without waiting on him. When I met the next man I dated I made sure to not make the same mistake. We have now been married 18 years and have 5 kids. Even after all these years, if I start to sense he is taking me for granted, I find a way to become unpredictable and keep him guessing. Take Care and Good Luck.
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We only dated for like a month and a half.
But I was completely in love with him, we told each other we loved each other and stuff & he broke up with me two fridays ago, really unexpected.
He wont even talk to me.
Im so upset, all I do is think about him.
I want him back so bad.. but like I said, he wont talk to me.
What can I do? (link)
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True Love is something that takes time to build. Love doesn't just happen it is created and built by two people over time and trials of life. What you are feeling, which is just as real, is a strong infatuation powered by chemistry. Clearly your ex has gotten past it and is moving on. The worst thing you can do is go begging after him to talk to you about it. Take it for what it is, learn from it, pull yourself together, live well and force yourself to start smiling even if you dont really mean it yet. I once was told good advice by a guy I knew regarding a guy I liked who had stood me up. I wanted to talk to the guy and find out what was up? Why he didn't show? My guy friend told me "His actions already told you all you need to know. If you go around now asking for more he will see you as some annoying little puppy dog and will just wind up kicking you again. Why put yourself through that?" He was right and whats more is he gave me a rare look into the way a guy thinks.
In the future do yourself a favor. Don't be so quick to tell someone you Love them, and beware men that throw the word Love around so easily. To that kind of guy, Love is not an emotion but instead, it is a tool they use to get what they want at the time. There was a two little poem's I learned back when I was in school that you should know. Here they are:
Love starts with a smile,
grows with a kiss,
and ends with a tear.
Next one:
Your heart is not a plaything,
Your heart is not a toy,
but if you want it broken,
just give it to a boy
Simple but true. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. Guard your heart till someone proves themself worthy of it. Take care and Good Luck.
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I guess the answer is quite obvious but as always, fool in like always think up of excuses only until the truth is blatantly staring at you in your face.
so, anyhow
there's this guy that I recently met at the wakeboarding group.
Our group meets up once a forthnight to wakeboard.
Previously he asked me if I wanted to go wakeboard with him, but because someone interrupted the conversation, it kinda stopped there.
So when our group met up again 2 days ago, I casually asked him 'so , when do you want to go wakeboarding'. His reply was 'Anytime, just give me a call.' so of course I whipped out my mobile all ready to exchange numbers. But he doesn't take his out and instead give me his number. And NEVER asked me back for mine.
So please hit me in the face and wake me up guys and gals. Does this simply mean that he's just not that into me, or not into me at all?
I kinda thought that getting a person's number is imperative if you like him/her.
confused. boo.
(link)
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I would say go ahead and call him. At least once. Maybe he just wants to know you are interested enough to call him. Guy's are sometimes a little cautious cause they are scared of getting brutally shot down. Maybe he just was taken off guard and forgot to get your number? He may have been kicking himself all the way home because he spaced and didn't get your number. You don't know, and you wont know till you call. If you make the call and he puts you off or something, then you can kinda figure he's not that into you. At this point however, give it the benefit of the doubt and make that call. Hope it all works out in whatever way finds yopu happiness. Good Luck and Take care.
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So the other night I got home from a concert and my boyfriend said he "knows for a fact" that I am cheating on him. I work late hours (til between 12am and 3:30am) and go out with friends maybe once a week, and sometimes grab a beer if I get off work early. I have no desire to cheat on him...but no matter what I say he does not believe me, I told him I love him and have no interest, check my timecard for work, etc. Still he thinks I am lying. I really just like to go out and have a good time with friends once in a while. Its gotten to the point where he makes sure I wear plain cotton underwear to work. How can I convince him to allow me to keep hanging out with my friends at night and that i am not cheating? he doesnt drink or like going out so I cannot invite him with, plus he works during the day so when i go out he is just sleeping anyway. I feel like I have said everything to him I possibly could. (link)
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Instead of wondering what else you could say to him, you should be wondering whats really going on with him?? In my experience guy's who start accusing their woman of cheating is actually the one doing the cheating!! If he keeps you busy convincing him you are true to him then you wont be looking at what he may be doing. I advise you to start taking a closer look at what he is doing and with who. If you know him well and can read him pretty good, try turning the tables on him. Next time he accuses you tell him that you think the only reason he's accusing you is because he is cheating on you. Watch his face when you accuse him because you might just see the truth there before he has a chance to mask it. Take care and Good Luck.
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I really like guy number 1 but he's really quiet, in person but we have a ton in common and I think he's really amazing just super shy so he makes me shy. Guy number 2 is a very nice guy who I've gone out with before and I've known him since I was 6 and he has a girlfriend now. I still might have feelings for guy number 2 because I find myself thinking about him a lot, but I try really hard not too. And guy number 1 is amazing. But I don't know if it'll work out because we never talk. What should I do? Forget both of them? Or forget like, everything? I'm just really confused is all. (link)
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Actually the answer to your problem is much simpler than your making it. Guy # 1 is your top pick. You just need to find a way to break the ice and let go a little. Guy # 2 is clearly in your past for a reason. If things didn't work then, what would possibly make you think it could work with him now if he has a girlfriend??? You might say, well he will drop girlfriend for you. If he does that however, it makes him a dog and it's just a matter of time before he dumps you when the next best thing comes along. Be smart don't backtrack in life. Try doing something together with guy # 1 that neither one of you have done before. Maybe bowling, minature golfing, or rock climbing. I don't know. That's the part you should bring up and talk with him about. Tell him you feel like doing something new just for the fun of it. Have some ideas of what you'd like to try and see if you can get him to suggest anything. If you can get him in an enviroment where you are both out of your element, You have to interact to figure it out. Soon you both will be talking and laughing about your attempt to get thru it and the shyness will fade. The ice will break if there is chemistry between you. If not move on. Men are like busses if you miss one another will be coming along soon. lol Whatever you do, don't go back to what didn't work before and wont work this time either! Have fun and break that boy out of his shell. lol
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40/M
I've known this woman for many years. In fact, I am and always have been very much in love with her, but since she was happily married I have always kept my stronger feelings to myself.
I say "WAS happily married" because about six months ago, her husband died after a long illness. I have comforted her as a friend, but so far that is all I have done. I want very much to tell her of my deeper feelings, but I'm not sure when it would be appropriate.
Let me stress that I'm not thrilled that her husband died - he was a good person who made her very happy. It's just that I also want to make her very happy, and though it happened in a tragic way the fact is that she's available now (I know that sounds really awful put that bluntly, but it's the truth). I have to admit that it's getting very, very hard to keep a lid on my feelings - especially since when she IS ready to start looking for a new relationship, I want to be sure she looks at me first!
My questions:
How long should I wait?
Would it be appropriate for me to tell her NOW how I feel, but also that I am willing to wait for as long as it takes for her to be ready? (link)
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I think life is too short and waits for no man. Somebody has to help her turn the page and keep living. If you love her like you say you do, then your the perfect one to help her find reasons to smile again. However, don't make it weird with words. Approach her as the loving friend you are and want to be.
Ask her to go places with you because you could really use the company. 'You hate to eat alone but you really have a craving for a certain deli. Please dont make a hungry man go alone or do without'. lol Surprise her with little things you know she likes and tell her when you saw it you thought of her. Actions are so much better than words.
The problem with certain words in this situation is that once faced with the actual word "Date", "Love", or "Moving on" the natural reaction is going to be of a sense of guilt or confusion. Possibly even a feeling of "No, it's too soon!" By simply not saying the words and instead going ahead and living them, you will be giving her someone she can depend on and trust without having to feel guilty. When the time comes that she is ready to take that next step you will be in the right place cause she hasn't felt the need to push you away.
Woo her without telling her you are. It's worth a shot and seems to make a whole lot more sense to me than wasting more time. Like I said before 'Time waits for no one' and today is all we have. Tommorrow isn't guaranteed. Make the most of what you already have with her and build upon it every oppurtunity you can find. Just avoid letting 'words' make the situation awkward. Be her friend and walk with her from there. Good Luck
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well there is this really hot guy and he likes me but he has a gf since last december and i dont know wut to do cuz i really like him and i want to break them up or shouldnt I????????????? HELP!! (link)
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If you can break them up and wind up with him you will find out he is no real prize. One of the things you will learn in life is how you get a man is how you will lose that man. If he can be stolen away from her, he can be stolen from you!!!If he really likes you, as you say he does, and he is a man worth wasting your time on, he will be man enough to dump her so that he can be with you.If he doesnt do that, then it means 1 of 2 things. Either he doesnt like you enough for you to waste your time on him, or he just isn't a good guy for you. He's more interested in playing you both than choosing. Your heart is not a plaything, your heart is not a toy, but if you want it broken just give it to a boy!! Careful who you give it to girl.
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