hegibson's advice column | hegibson's Advice About Love Life

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Q: i was talking to *him and i asked him who he like and he said 2 girls..my friend and someother girl..i wanted 2 cry..then i asked him " what would he say if i asked him out''..he said he dnt know..it depends on how he feel when i ask him..i was like ..ok, then i tld him to ask me out and he said "naw".i wAS LIKE OK..then i was like ttyl..

I know its very hurtful when a boy doesn't seem to like you the same way to like them. But remember you have so much to offer so many other boys that you will meet in life. Continue to be friends with him but make sure you remember that your heart is precious and you should never give up on love. Good Luck!

Q: okay so ive been with a lad on and off for a year and he is sucha nice person and always says and does nice things for me but he also is the biggest flirt ever. and all he does is flirt with other girls all the time. ive been on his facebook and ive seen the mails and i get told about it all the time and he even still flirts with my best friend who is his ex from 3 years ago but when i confront him about it he just gets really mad and tells me to "wise up" and stop being stupid and tells him that "if he does flirt, he doesnt even notice" but i know he is at it and i dunno what to do because my friends have told me im better off without him but i love him although i cant always be watching him anymore, someone help!

BEING SEEN BUT NOT HEARD! When someone is flirtatious they flirt without even knowing it. But if you are pointing it out to him then he needs to either MAN UP or STOP! If he values your relationship then he will value what you say. That's important to you and should be important to him. You are worth more then hows he's treating you.....so you have a choice to make. I think you are more valuable then you will even know!

Q: thank you very much! I can see your point. But please advice me more... we saw each other recently, and he did made clear to me that the reason why he was not seeing me for a year is that the police was involve and was looking evidence o his wife alligations towards him. He said was wrong timing and he had issues changing jobs etc. BUt why he want to keep me? And switch of his phone when I am with him the reason is that his boss will call him and he is in his lunch break? I dont understand that he wanted to connect with me y email only??? Why??? Does he not trust me???

LOVE YOURSELF! You are giving him power over you, your marriage, your self esteem. You must believe that you are worth more then being a email buddie! Live and let go! Trust in yourself and remember the vows you took before God about your husband. Let the other man go so you can live! This is not living! Is it? NO! You can stop, cry and then wipe your face off so you can live! LIVE!

Q: How can I tell him all what I wanted to say to him. I planned it for long time, that when I see him I'll say good bye! But with my surprise when I am in front of him, I can't say a word :-(. All i know is I love him and all my heart say is that dont let him go? :-((. And one time I did say that I wanted to read between the lines that he wont see me again, he replied saying '' YES'" he will see me again. And my fears now are if I do say tell him to stop seeing me. Yes he will definitely stop, how can I take that now? I've been way to long. and yet at the same time I want to stop with him for the sake of my marriage! I am so comfuse with my feelings right now :-((((

DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE! The answer is right in front of your eyes! Your Marriage! How would you feel if your husband had a LOVER on the side? Would you be hurt, upset or releived? Think about that! You can do anything you put your mind to! Lead with that! This other guy is completly in control! Take the control back! Remember, baby steps! I have faith in and you should have faith in you too! YOU ARE IN CONTROL!

Q: on my point of views yes I am his mistress, but on his side we're friends. But does friends do have sex together for 3-4 years??? I'm in tears reading your advice, in tears because it made me so stupid low self steam. In tears that some people out there who I dont know do care about me more than my lover. Thank you very much!

my heart is my enemies :-(. You see, I didn't even realize what he meant when he told me that, '' my hearts talk, his brain talk, compare'' So do you really think he love his wife and he will never leave her for me nor to anybody else???

Guess who is more important? YOU ARE! Remember when we were young and we could go out with a guy and like another guy and then fall in and out of love like nothing. Well, sometimes as adults we look for so many things in other people that we forget about ourselves. YOU are more important in this relationship then he is. You have to look at this as a lesson, not a problem. The lesson is that everyone doesn't get to the same point at the same time. WE have all been there. But, the thing about is you still can correct things. You really can. Don't stop having feelings about him just take a few steps back a little at a time. Then the seconds of missing him will turn into minutes, then hours, then days, then months, then years. And then they will be gone. You will still have your life and still have your smile. Don't think your alone in this, your not. He has to bare his part in this too. But take it slow and then you will see that YOU are truly the most important person out of it all. CHIN UP! This is DAY ONE!

Q: I know that I wort more than I am been treated with my lover. I take that words'' cheaters never win'' I know that I have a lovely husband who dies for me. And I understand that there must be missing inside marriage when you cheat. To be honest, I couldn't ask for more with my life now with my husband. It's only started when I met my lover and started to come in my life. You are right that for many years we've been seeing each other I should see some difference or sign that he does show me more. BUt you're right he probably love his wife, because when we have mayor problem he fight for his wife back and left me alone to deal my own problem too. Now that he is back and he told me is getteng better with his wife. He still want to keep intouch with me by mail and by mail only. When I didn't hesitate to give my number. and he can call when he wanted too only. I am questioning you this to get more courage from different people opinion to help me through. I would love to hear more opinion to see whats the answer of my question that never have any answer for many years :-(

If you love your husband then put everything your feeling into him. Take time to go away and spend time with him so that you can see that he's worth so much more. I remember when I was bored in a relationship I would start to look outside of my relationship and it made things so difficult for me. I was always the type of person that no one could keep my attention. Then I met my husband and we clicked. ALL the others I dated prior to him were just BOYFRIENDS and I never gave them my heart. But my husband was the one. He was one that let me be myself all the time and guess what? I have never been happier. I was always trying to adjust me for other people and that's why I would always look outside for that needed attention.

IF YOU LOVE HIM THEN MAKE IT A WE AGAIN! You seem like you really love him but you became bored. Get that spark back in your marriage so that you can get to the next part of your story. You control things now. The other man wants to complicate things. "ONLY CONTACT ME BY MAIL." That's a line you say to a mistress. Are you his mistress? Don't you think you deserve more then that? Change your number and write him a note and tell him that life just gave you a second chance and your taking the chance with your husband. Tell him to let you go and let you live. Now.....its up to you. You know you better then anyone else and you deserve the best! THE VERY BEST!

Q: i am in love with this girl who doesnt like me because i am a loser with no life.....she gave me the rejection number!

REJECTION NUMBER! Wow! That's a first for me! Rejection is going to happen a thousand times and its a good thing. If you don't get rejected then it won't leave room for you to meet the person you're suppose to be with. So.....she likes giving out the rejection number. Good for her. Trust me if she's giving it out then its a possibility that she must have gotten it from someone else. Just wait and see; you haven't seen the last of her. WATCH!

Q: I like this guy who lives in another state than I do and I go to boarding school. I don't know what to do!! I miss him!

LIKE IS THE KEY WORD! Well I'm quite sure that you have nothing to worry about since when you go away you still have: 1) Phone, 2) Internet, 3) Skype just to name a few. And while your away it will give you a chance to see if something develops from the LIKE! If not you haven't lost anything but time.

Q: 13/f
There's this guy I usually text everyday. We've become really good friends through band. He always made it seem like he liked me. Like, he would tell me that I'm cute and that he loves me and he held my hand and cuddled with me on the bus ride. He even said it was okay that everybody thought we were together. He's really sweet to me. Last week, I was really upset, and I ended up telling him a really big secret of mine. He helped me through my problems and even told me his secret so I knew I could trust him. But something seemed to change. He told me that he doesn't think I should like him. These past few days, he's barely acknowledged me. He sat with my best friend on the bus ride (for a long band trip) instead of me, and i caught them holding hands. He has a freaking girlfriend! (which is some random girl that goes to a different school) I'm so confused...I don't know what to do because I started liking him but now he's acting strange. How could I get over him?

AND WHY DO YOU WANT HIM AGAIN! This guy is at the age where you expect him to behave just like he's doing. Girl to girl to girl to girl. And guess what? It's okay, because remember you said it yourself; we are friends! So just be his friend for now and if for some reason he wants to sit next to you again and have you become the girl that everyone says he likes then tell him....someone is already sitting here. And when he says who? You simply reply, "Not You." This will show him that he's not going to continue to play games with you and he can stay in the FRIEND ZONE with you until he grows up!

Q: i have been with my boyfriend for a year now and its been a rollercoaster. sometimes were really good other times were really bad. well last week was a good week for us spent a lot of time together and really enjoyed our company. before he went to work this weekend he even told me "i feel closer to you than i ever have and i love you more than ever".. well he works the whole weekend i dont see him we hardly even talk. i didnt sweat it because i figured i would see him on monday. well monday came around and he went and hung out with his friends instead which didnt bother me because i knew he hadnt hung out with his friends. but then he starts acting cold towards me. and hes been acting cold towards me all week. last night we got in a fight and he really upset me. it seemed like he didnt even care and was treating me like complete crap. today we talk and he basically just wants to forget what happened and tells me he doesnt really enjoy doing the things he does with his friends with me. we never do anything together , he never takes me on dates, but he always goes out with his boys. its not fair i wish he could be more romantic and enjoy doing things with me. i dont know what to do.. i dont know if i should just break up with him even though i love him so much and things are good at times.. or stick together and find a way to make things work. any advice?

BREAK UP AND MAKE UP! That's your story with him. Even though you don't officially break up with him he behaves as if you do. Why are still with him? Love is always a so called OUT for woman to excuse the behavior of a man that doesn't respect them. YOU can be with anyone; why are you allowing yourself to be with someone that doesn't value you. STOP over explaining, and excepting his bad behavior to change over night. Let him go. He's not ready for the type of relationship you need and maybe letting him go will make him realize that he had the DIAMOND all along. That DIAMOND of course would be you.

Q: I am married woman, and have a lover who is also married.we've been seeing each other for 5 years now. my problem is he only see me when he wanted too. and when I do beg for him. He said we keep in touch, but I was always the one who made the first move. I always be the one to asked him when he will come to see me. he never let me know where he lives where he works and what is mobile number is! I wanted to stop my crazyness but my heart cant take it because I know I do love him.

CHEATERS NEVER WIN! I know you didn't want to hear that but it needs to be said. Do you know why people cheat? Its because they find things in another person that they love or even like. OH...I LOVE HER HAIR, OH....I LOVE HER LEGS.....OH I LOVE HER LAUGH......OH I LOVE HER SMILE......OH I LOVE HER BODY! We have to find that when you LOVE you have to love all the things about the person your with and if not.....you must be strong enough to LET THEM GO! If the person you are seeing for 5 years doesn't have the respect for you to leave his wife then guess what.....you are wasting your time. And if you have been in a relationship with HIM and your HUSBAND for 5 years then you don't respect HIM either. You have to STOP playing games and decide how you want the rest of your story to continue. YOU know you better then anyone else. Aren't you worth so much more. I think you can answer that question all by yourself!

Q: How do I show my Girl freind love if I got my D*ck chopped off for the war?

ROMANCE ISN'T ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE OR DON'T HAVE! When someone is in love with you; then you see them as the only one in the room. Intimacy is amazing but is truly NOT the only thing that bonds a relationship. The little things you do will make a woman feel more loved then you'll ever know. I'm sure a doctor can help your unfortunate situation; but maybe in the mean time you can see that LOVE is patient, kind, and list goes on and on. Even the we time and real LOVE will never disappear! GOOD LUCK!

Q: I need advice, this has been going on for a while and my heart seems to be torn between broken and apathetic.

To sum this up really quickly, I met a guy, he stepped into my life, intentions pretty clear, swept me away despite my initial resistance. After about a month of dating him, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was surprised, I felt very insecure about the whole affair in general, but I accepted. Soon after, my fears began to confirm themselves. He told me that I shouldn't expect too much from him. He said that he wasn't in the stage of his life where he'd be a good boyfriend. I took this as a sign not to allow myself to fall in love with him. And time passed, 6 months passed, we were together, I constantly suspected him, constantly afraid that he'd cheat or he'd leave me, because I thought he doesn't want a relationship. To say the least, I never really allowed myself to enjoy the relationship and thought about ending it many times.
Finally he went back to his home country for a summer vacation. He came back and told me he'd like to break up with me, because "he didn't see a future for our relationship". I tried asking what did he mean by "a future" because I honestly didn't want to break up. I had JUST began to enjoy myself, feeling a bit more secure, and then he wanted out. Before I could feel very hurt he told me that he needs me to stay with him, and that he values me as a person and wants to remain friends with me for the rest of his life. Suddenly, a great weight seemed to be lifted from both our shoulders and from X-couple we became best friends. I finally opened up to him, feeling as if I had nothing left to lose, so I could just be myself completely, and funnily enough he did the same. Our bond only strengthened and we became quite depended on each other, spending most of our time together, never really getting tired of conversations, which seem to flow like they never did when we were together. It's a mutual thing, because he told me that he has never been able to talk to another person the way he talks to me now. He's very closed, quite cold, calculative type of person - I can see that even his old good friends don't really know him, because he hides behind a wall. I am happy to have breached it and I believe I have found a real treasure behing it. So, he told me he's confused. Once or twice when we were drinking together we talked about "us" and he confessed things such as that "he'd marry me if he didn't know any better", "he really likes me, but he can't be with me, because he couldn't just focus on one, and he can't afford to hurt me, because he really cares about me", and also that "we have an understanding and he hopes I would never leave him, to the end". When he's not drunk he goes as far as saying that he "completely adores me" and that "he will take care of me always". He also admitted that he's very sexually attracted to me and we slept together a few random times since we broke up, but I decided that we must stop, unless we'd be getting back together.

I actually thought that it was fine. I was happy having him all to myself in a safe friendship relationship. He does take care of me, he is there for me, I feel safe with him, he truly values me. I didn't mind getting an occasional night with him when I permitted. It was all good, BUT...

He asked me if I was ok with him seeing other people. I said yes.
Maybe a month later he went back to his home country and coming back told me that he has this girl, who he kind of wants to get and that things might go towards a relationship with her.
He was neverous about it. It was obvious that he didn't want to hurt me. So I pretended to be happy for him. I even met the girl and tried being nice to her, not telling her that I'm the X. Someone else told her anyway and she got weird and awkward. He reassured her though, and she left soon, leaving him to me. They got in a long-distance relationship soon after. Now he visits her every 2-3 weeks and he is determined not to cheat on her (after having promised her a thousand times, as he told me). It's obvious he wants to, but he doesn't and I give him credit for that. He still cares for me the same way. We still spend time together but... I realised that I can't take the idea that there is someone else and that I can't share him.

I tried to get over the whole thing. He did say he's very confused still. He said I understand him, she doesn't. But what I began to think is that she has a BIG advantage and here it is - the thing is, I come from a country that is much poorer than the one he comes from, also he is a much higher class then me. She is the same as him - rich. I have NO WAY of competing with the type of money her parents give her, and the type of activities she can engage with him. He did say he kind of wants to take over some companies that her dad has... He is calculative and cold enough to put this as a priority. Unfortunately, I later pieced together that when he went back home the first time, he was visiting her at her villa for a few days. Then things came together. He had been there. Our relationship was kind of cold (in my opinion - not his, he never felt there was something wrong) at the time. So he decided he had no future with me, broke up, went back there and got her.

I think that's the way it is. I want to do something... But I can't bring myself to blow my cover now. I've been wondering if I should go and tell him that NOW I know that I love him. I don't want to blow the friendship. I can't tell if it would make any difference. I am afraid of going there and saying that he has to chose between her and me. I don't know how to put it anyway. I just want him to be with me, and I wonder if I can convince him that what we have is love, because I dont' think he believes in love.

That's about it. Any advice? Should I tell him? Should I forget about it?

FRIEND ZONE! That's where you're at. When you get into a Friend Zone with a man they will keep you there as long as you allow them to. Stop wondering and hoping about him if he's at a different point then you. YES! Love is so complicated and its so confusing. But maybe he doesn't value you as a WOMAN just as a FRIEND! Take this time in your life to make yourself not so available. Get to know other people and keep him in the FRIEND ZONE too. The person that may be waiting for you could be right in front of your eyes. Yet your can't see them because he's blocking the way. PUSH HIM aside and go out into the world and see what's suppose to happen next in your story. DON'T END IT NOW! It's just starting! Good Luck!

Q: okay my ex/the love of my life moved like a month ago and i started off very depressed but i kindda got over it due to the other guys and for the past few days i started havong dreams about him like one night i had a dream he moves back and and he is completly changed and forgets about me and is a major nam whore.and last night i had a dream he moved back and he was like obsessed with me and when i would talk to a guy he would hug me and make me feel speacil to make him leave. i dont kno what to do yea he is moving back NEXT YEAR no i dont have anyway to connect him. yea im madly in love and yesi do not know what to do i miss him like crazy but just thinking about him gets me depressed how can i get rid of it?? thxx

DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER! Wrong! The only reason you keep dreaming about him is because you are allowing him to occupy to much of your time. Enjoy life and if he is apart of your story then he will be back in your life. If not; its time to write a new book.

Q: Hey! On Saturday night i got with this guy, his name is Luke. After we kissed maybe half an hour later he hooked up with another girl, and so i hooked up with a guy he knows..just for fun. At the end of the night all our friends ended up going to someone's house for drinks and the whole night he was kissing me and stuff, and he asked me to go back to his house and i said no. (I dont just drop my knickers for anybody)

Luke is really attractive, he can get whoever he wants whenever he wants, and he knows it. He's known for sleeping around quite a bit.. So i want to try and get him to like me and see me more than just a toy he can use.. Already a bonus because he told his best friend that i'm beautiful. Does anybody know what kind of "mind games" i can play to make this happen? Like play hard to get or something? If it doesnt work out im not going to be upset, I just think we'd be good together and i want to see to what extent i can make it happen. Im going to a nightclub on Thursday with my girl friends and he will be there with his friends.

Thank you!

DROP HIM! You need to make yourself unavailable for a while. If you really like him, then let him chase you. And......why do you want to be with someone that sleeps around. Remember you said he thinks your beautiful. Then act like a PRIZE! Only the one tha is worthy should be with BEAUTY! Is he worthy of such a place in your life? I think you already know the answer to that question.

Q: What do I say to someone that I really love and just got together with how much I care and love him in a way that he will remember forever?

WAIT! You just met him! SLOW DOWN! If you love someone today then you will love them tomorrow. Please get to know them first. You may LOVE things about them and then their may be things you DON'T. Enjoy the chase!

Q: i'm going to be seeing a guy that i haven't seen in a while. i don't plan on having sex with him just bcs i don't know him well enough but i was wondering if there's any creative or hot that i could comp with

FREE ADVICE: If you don't know him all that well then the furthest thing from your mind should be being intimate with him. A trick is to wear underwear with holes, tears, just BUTT UGLY so that you won't even be tempted. In the mean time, relax and let him treat you like a QUEEN and see if he's worth having you. A QUEEN!

Q: Its this girl i met a month ago she said she had a real good time with me. She also told me when shes was around me everything was clearer. i told her she special to me and i really enjoy talking to her, she responded by saying the feelings mutual. When we talk our conversations usually last for an hour or more. But the problem is i haven't seen her sense the day we met, she blames her job should i leave her alone or keep pursuing her

The most patient people are successful! So in other words.....STOP! If you push to much then she will think you're desperate. Woman like men with confidence. Sit back and let her miss you like you're missing her. Don't even mention going out again and find something to do so that you won't appear to be sitting around waiting on her. Watch and see she will want to go out again!

Q: I am a simple 20 year old. I look like im in my late 20's and i have to ask, what are characteristics that women want in a man. I'm not talking about that confusing bullshit like charming, confident, gentle, strong, and all that crap. Everyone is different. I've traveled to 25 different countries and ive been alone since i was little. I've been to hell and back, and i just would like to find someone who isnt a heartless gold digger bitch, (pardon my french i mean no disrespect to anyone.) I'm culturally sound, I am wise and profound at times, I'm funny, im kind, and given we all have baggage so we all have problems no one is perfect. Why cant i find someone?

What do you look like? Woman like charming, caring, well rounded the list goes on and on but if she can't look at you then she will drop you and move on to the next guy. Make sure you look good. You have to work with what you've got. Find clothes that make you look and feel confident about yourself. Make sure you keep yourself well groomed, woman don't like guys that stink or don't take care of themselves. And you have to have confidence. If you don't even like you then nobody else will either. The main thing is if you don't like what you see in the mirror then makes adjustments so you will. Good luck!

Q: Ok so I this guy he's a year older than me and I've liked him over a year. I think about like everyday but the thing is we dont talk/text he switched schools last year so I rarely see him. But we had a small history we would talk hangout and text constAntly. I miss it so much. He was different for me then he is to other girls now. But I'm scared bc we never talk and I think I need to talk to him to get over him. But it could just make it more miserable.btw our "thing" fizzled out no reason why. AnywAys I like other people it's just he's on my mind. What can I do to get over him. And should I text him? Like for closure. Ugh I wish every night that he would text me I miss him and I can't get over it.

IF YOU TEXT HIM and he doesn't respond then you will be hurt! So why not just leave it be. If he hasn't contacted you then he's probably either has his mind on someone else or he's just to FOOLISH to realize what he had in you. Sometimes men (Young and Old) take to long to figure out what they want. So I would suggest you move on and if your path cross again just enjoy it! You are worth so much more!