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Is it too late to tell him that I love him?
I need advice, this has been going on for a while and my heart seems to be torn between broken and apathetic.
To sum this up really quickly, I met a guy, he stepped into my life, intentions pretty clear, swept me away despite my initial resistance. After about a month of dating him, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was surprised, I felt very insecure about the whole affair in general, but I accepted. Soon after, my fears began to confirm themselves. He told me that I shouldn't expect too much from him. He said that he wasn't in the stage of his life where he'd be a good boyfriend. I took this as a sign not to allow myself to fall in love with him. And time passed, 6 months passed, we were together, I constantly suspected him, constantly afraid that he'd cheat or he'd leave me, because I thought he doesn't want a relationship. To say the least, I never really allowed myself to enjoy the relationship and thought about ending it many times.
Finally he went back to his home country for a summer vacation. He came back and told me he'd like to break up with me, because "he didn't see a future for our relationship". I tried asking what did he mean by "a future" because I honestly didn't want to break up. I had JUST began to enjoy myself, feeling a bit more secure, and then he wanted out. Before I could feel very hurt he told me that he needs me to stay with him, and that he values me as a person and wants to remain friends with me for the rest of his life. Suddenly, a great weight seemed to be lifted from both our shoulders and from X-couple we became best friends. I finally opened up to him, feeling as if I had nothing left to lose, so I could just be myself completely, and funnily enough he did the same. Our bond only strengthened and we became quite depended on each other, spending most of our time together, never really getting tired of conversations, which seem to flow like they never did when we were together. It's a mutual thing, because he told me that he has never been able to talk to another person the way he talks to me now. He's very closed, quite cold, calculative type of person - I can see that even his old good friends don't really know him, because he hides behind a wall. I am happy to have breached it and I believe I have found a real treasure behing it. So, he told me he's confused. Once or twice when we were drinking together we talked about "us" and he confessed things such as that "he'd marry me if he didn't know any better", "he really likes me, but he can't be with me, because he couldn't just focus on one, and he can't afford to hurt me, because he really cares about me", and also that "we have an understanding and he hopes I would never leave him, to the end". When he's not drunk he goes as far as saying that he "completely adores me" and that "he will take care of me always". He also admitted that he's very sexually attracted to me and we slept together a few random times since we broke up, but I decided that we must stop, unless we'd be getting back together.
I actually thought that it was fine. I was happy having him all to myself in a safe friendship relationship. He does take care of me, he is there for me, I feel safe with him, he truly values me. I didn't mind getting an occasional night with him when I permitted. It was all good, BUT...
He asked me if I was ok with him seeing other people. I said yes.
Maybe a month later he went back to his home country and coming back told me that he has this girl, who he kind of wants to get and that things might go towards a relationship with her.
He was neverous about it. It was obvious that he didn't want to hurt me. So I pretended to be happy for him. I even met the girl and tried being nice to her, not telling her that I'm the X. Someone else told her anyway and she got weird and awkward. He reassured her though, and she left soon, leaving him to me. They got in a long-distance relationship soon after. Now he visits her every 2-3 weeks and he is determined not to cheat on her (after having promised her a thousand times, as he told me). It's obvious he wants to, but he doesn't and I give him credit for that. He still cares for me the same way. We still spend time together but... I realised that I can't take the idea that there is someone else and that I can't share him.
I tried to get over the whole thing. He did say he's very confused still. He said I understand him, she doesn't. But what I began to think is that she has a BIG advantage and here it is - the thing is, I come from a country that is much poorer than the one he comes from, also he is a much higher class then me. She is the same as him - rich. I have NO WAY of competing with the type of money her parents give her, and the type of activities she can engage with him. He did say he kind of wants to take over some companies that her dad has... He is calculative and cold enough to put this as a priority. Unfortunately, I later pieced together that when he went back home the first time, he was visiting her at her villa for a few days. Then things came together. He had been there. Our relationship was kind of cold (in my opinion - not his, he never felt there was something wrong) at the time. So he decided he had no future with me, broke up, went back there and got her.
I think that's the way it is. I want to do something... But I can't bring myself to blow my cover now. I've been wondering if I should go and tell him that NOW I know that I love him. I don't want to blow the friendship. I can't tell if it would make any difference. I am afraid of going there and saying that he has to chose between her and me. I don't know how to put it anyway. I just want him to be with me, and I wonder if I can convince him that what we have is love, because I dont' think he believes in love.
That's about it. Any advice? Should I tell him? Should I forget about it?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It's never too late.
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FRIEND ZONE! That's where you're at. When you get into a Friend Zone with a man they will keep you there as long as you allow them to. Stop wondering and hoping about him if he's at a different point then you. YES! Love is so complicated and its so confusing. But maybe he doesn't value you as a WOMAN just as a FRIEND! Take this time in your life to make yourself not so available. Get to know other people and keep him in the FRIEND ZONE too. The person that may be waiting for you could be right in front of your eyes. Yet your can't see them because he's blocking the way. PUSH HIM aside and go out into the world and see what's suppose to happen next in your story. DON'T END IT NOW! It's just starting! Good Luck!
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