E-mail:
keensudhir@gmail.comGender:
MaleLocation:
Houston, TXMember Since:
April 4, 2016Answers:
30Last Update:
May 9, 2016Visitors:
3897Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
Razhie
Main Categories:
Love Life
Spirituality
Abusive Relationships
View All
about
I have experienced life, long enough to come to a realization that there is no way out but to "Be Your Self!", to honor and celebrate who you are! We all are unique and important pieces of the big puzzle, the "game of life" and the Universe itself. The world would have been incomplete without each of us! I am grateful to advicenators.com for giving me this platform to motivate and empower others.
"Life is an expression of who you are than suppression; allow yourself to paint your canvas..." ~ Me
"You cannot teach people anything. You can only help them discover it within themselves" ~ Galileo
Much love and blessings ))
advice
Men, would you prefer a virgin female or a non-virgin female and why?
I would prefer female whom I love and passionate about )) You will adore everything about her if you love her, virgin or non-virgin. I love someone who has dark circles, stretch marks on her belly from post-pregnancy and of course non-virgin. I can give away the most beautiful virgin woman on this earth for her. Why? Because one she is my BEST FRIEND secondly I am very PASSIONATE about her at all levels. I can share anything and everything with her without fearing that she would judge me and same goes for her. Hugging and kissing each other is not any less pleasurable than having sex. That is not to say that we are not physically attracted to each other. Physical and emotional chemistry comes first. But whether she is virgin or not is the last thing I would ever think about ))
What I'm trying to get to is that your question is irrelevant. You are approaching love from a wrong perspective. At the same time I am not at all trying to judge you with your question. As youngsters this question crosses our mind often, especially when you find someone who is a beautiful person from within and you are attracted to them and you wonder, but she is not virgin? The question is not coming from your heart. It is coming from the conditioned mind which has been hearing and taught that a being a virgin is noble thing and a criteria for love))
Good luck! ))
I am a red head with blue eyes and was wondering why us gingers are turn offs for guys? All of my friends tell me I am pretty but guys seem to think different. Why???
If someone asks them why, they none of them would have a real answer )) Even they don't know why they react/behave the way they do..hehe. If they don't have an answer, why are you so concerned and focusing so much on it. Perhaps they got that from somewhere else and they in turn picked it from somewhere else. Don't bother yourself so much over it dear! I am guessing you are in high school
Of course you are pretty and your friends are absolutely right. Perhaps you are too beautiful and making those guys conscious, are you? ;)
Relax and chill out sweetie. Just be who you are and believe in yourself. If you are wondering about not having a guy friend, you will have sooner or later but before that you gotto stop focusing on them. Instead don't think and bother so much. May be you need to strike a conversation with the one of them and let them know who you are beyond the read head and blue eyes.
Good luck ))
I dated a guy for two months. He's 27 and I'm 24. He was really sweet but seemed to think I was a 'goddess' and said he could imagine dating with the intent of marriage. I broke up with him because of the pressure- this is my first relationship and he seems ready for things I'm not ready for. Also I'm in a late bloomer so I'm in college and I have no idea where I'll be in 1 year. It was my birthday and he sent told me he wishes me the best and sent me a long love poem. He also said he knows I made the right decision for myself by breaking up. Is it normal to feel like I want him back even though breaking up seemed healthier? Should I ever contact him again?
You did not mention how long it has been since you broke up with him. You had to part from him due to the presssure that he wanted to date with the intent of marriage. It seems like you were fine until he sent you wishes and a long poem on your birthday, is it? I understand your dilemma )) Are you saying that you are now ok to date him with the intent of marriage?
No doubts he must be a very sweet guy. But my rule of thumb is whenever in doubt stop and introspect without judging. If you really had the intense feelings for this guy, you wouldn't have been asking this question. He is a nice guy and deserves a thank you from heart with lot of best wishes. I am not trying to discourage you, however based on what you described, you seem to be touched with his gesture of remembering your birthday and the poem.
Yes, it is absolutely normal to feel what you are feeling. We all go through these feelings at some point in our life. However experience says that this is not the last time you would have these feelings. You are still young and may find someone who is more of your match in terms of the timings of your college and other things. I would not have given you this suggestion if it was a long terms relationship where you both have seen the good and not so good in each other and yet want to be together ))
Do me a favor and ask yourself a question. Would you be more happy and at peace if you come across someone who is willing to spend time knowing each other and at the same time loving and caring? Would you rather be with someone who would be close to you after your college? Do you really think you would have had this feeling and doubt had he not sent you the poem? If your heart crys out loadly with 'yes', then you can think about contacting. In that case you can open up to him and tell him that you respect his maturity and visuon to date with the intention of marriage. However you are not ready for it yet and would like to give ourselves some time. And I am sure based you your description about the guy, he would understand your point of view. But you need to be open about how you feel and how you want to proceed. If there is even slightest of hesitation, let it go for now!
Again this is not to say that he is not a nice man to marry. All I am saying is that you already know that you did not want to rush into marriage. And when in doubt, I would always wait or let it go. If he has to be in your life, he will be no matter where you are.
I know it's not easy to take an answer like this with the matters of heart, but I am saying all this from experience. And I don't know why, but just got a intuitive feeling that he is not exactly compatible to your personality. I may be wrong so forgive me for that ))
Good luck and happy loving
So im 19/f and I started masterbating 2 years ago. Before then I had never been into anything sexual at all but one day I just started doing it and i havent stopped. Despite my many attempts to stop. Now its become a habit that I have to do almost everyday. I just get the slightest feeling and then I have to do it. Not only that but I imagine weird ass shit when I do it that I would never condone in real life. Like I just have this feeling come over me that it doesnt matter what I think of cause it turns me on, but after im done masterbating its like ew no what is wrong with me and I have to stop. But i never do. I picture my bf with different girls, and with family members. And idk why it turns me on so much. Is there a reason for this? Is this normal? How do I stop fantasizing about these kinds of things so much? How do I control my sensations and thoughts? I heard that keeping yourself busy works and ive done that before but its hard to because Im by myself with a lot of time on my hands the majority of the time. So how do I control it and have more purer nicee fantasies? Thanks!
I am not at all surprised with what you described. Yes what you are fantasizing is disturbing, but that is what sexual energy can do to you. It can take over your body and consciousness and ability to think sane. No wonder people can go to any extent to seek and experience sexual pleasures.
It's not masterbating or sex that is bad or wrong, it's the motivation behind those things that can have adverse effects on your psyche and body. And trust me, you are not the only one who has these issues. It's just that you decided to address it and came out open asking this question ))
It's going to be hard to help resolving this issue with a one time answer. You need someone who understands your situation, or someone who can relate to it and be able to work with you over multiple sessions, asking questions, understanding your state of mind and then be able to guide you. I know all this perhaps does not make sense to you ))
Anyway, I can think of 2 reasons (there could be more) this could be happening.
1. You have made masturbation as an addiction and if not all, most addictions are the result of wanting to escape from an psychological/emotional problem, which could be known or unknown. In most of the cases it's the later. So, what is yours? I know it's not an easy question. Had you known, you would have tried to deal with it. So, let me give you some hints giving you some questions you need to ask yourself. Don't think before you answer these questions. They have to come from deep within your heart and soul ))
Do you really love your bf ?
Does he make you feel complete and full emotionally (not just physically) ?
Are you with him just because he is a nice person?
Do you really feel passionate about him? Being passionate about someone is not always physical. We are all different and have different needs and attraction traits. And all this is very normal.
Do you love someone else but still wanting to stay in the current relationship just because he is a nice person and you don't want to hurt him?
Do you have any other emotional stress from family etc.? At least it did not seem like that is the case
If any of the above is true, you need to face it, deal with it and be open about it with your bf, regardless of how he feels. Love is not your dressing accessory that you need to be wearing to look good. The day you will be completely satisfied (emotionally and physically) with your love, your addiction will automatically disappear. When two people love each other unconditionally (without fear and judgment) they complete each other at all levels. I bet you have not shared this with your bf. When you are truly in love with someone, there should not be anything you cannot share with them. Anyway, I leave that up to you to think and introspect.
2. There is a likelihood that you fall in one of the categories - polyamory, polygamy. You may want to read about it and explore.
I know my answer sounds inadequate and perhaps not convincing. I hope my other fellow advisors may give their perspective about the issue and advice.
I would also suggest you reading on sexual energy and how to guide it through the right channels across your body. As I said before, no answer is going to be a complete answer for you. You need someone who can work along with you for weeks/months
Good luck!
Good luck!
I want to love from where we get it ?
hey there,
You have not specified your age or gender. Love is not something to be searched, neither does it come from anywhere. Ask yourself this question "why do I want to love?". Love is the most beautiful thing in this world and rules everything else. However, one does not find love by looking for it. First, learn to love yourself for who you are. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. And when you feel complete in yourself, you will come across the right one for you sooner than later.
I know perhaps all this did not make any sense to you )) Be patient and stop looking for love... instead let it happen. Better be the right kind of love than getting it early but wrong.
Good luck!
Hi, how do you know if your good friend likes you or interested in you but also he's flirty and teasing frequently however can be moody as well. I reckon he likes me but then he does this harmless jokes with others too so it's hard to know whether he's flirting or joking. All answers are appreciated. Thank you all.
Hey there ))
Why do you want to assume anything until he comes and confesses his feelings for you? Relax and enjoy the good friendship for now )) If he is joking around and flirting with all other girls, perhaps other girls feel the same like you. Take it easy and let it happen when it has to happen.
Good luck!
i know being an india girl i must follow some rules and regulation to be a "good girl".but comeon its 21st century and i am an educated urban dudette..still my conscience and family background root my mind into a deeper cocoon of ethics and morality..i think i am balanced in both ways..problem is with my boyfriend. he is in a foreign country,pursuing PhD, where "free mixing" is cool. but he still behaves like a typical indian old school guy..to him talking about sex is also illegitimate, or should i put it like this, he is too shy even if i use the word "kiss".. i like to fantacize him but he is too far both physically n mentally from this idea..though we are going to get married next year..ours is a long distance relationship,commenced only half a year, i admit its too early to talk of sex n all, n when its like we haven't met yet face to face..relationship is digital but the bond we two share is not virtual..i am a human being and sometimes its my body needs to feel the warmth of another human being, if not by physical touch but at least with the notion of it..so i start talking and he feels shy and assures me of his urges n stamina n he changes the topic of discussion.. n i feel so embarassed.i wonder if he is not normal or too generous for me.or is he impotent!! what should i do to unveil the mistry of his parahumane behaviour?provided he won't give it a chance before the nupital knot takes place.
Hi there ))
I am not going to comment more about your boyfriend's attitude towards being open minded on being physical over phone. All I can tell you is that, every individual is different.
I am afraid, your decision to get married based on a 6 months virtual relationship, scares me! I am not at all saying that you both are not meant for each other, no, not at all! We all are different and we all have our own priorities, likes and dislikes. Most relationships and marriages break because the topmost 1,2 or 3 needs we value the most in a relationship are not fulfilled or missing. You need to give yourself and him some time to know each other more, face to face. Go out together, feel the feeling being with each other. According to me physical compatibility is one of the most important things in any relationship. If 2-3 most important needs of the partners in relationship are satisfied, it's easy to ignore the remaining not so important needs. But in order for you both to know that, you have to first meet and spend some time as if you were together.
Anyway, I kind of got charged up with I read your question and thought I wanted to comment on this. Feel free to contact me, if you need more clarification or if you have doubts at my email address.
Much love .. hugs ))
So my boyfriend and I are in college, he is 22 and I am 20 but we are a only a grade apart. He has to do a fifth year of college due to being in the ROTC program, so we will both be at school next year. We have been "officially" dating for a little over three months but have been essentially dating for six and trying to keep it on the down low because of some other issues. Anyway, before we started dating he brought up the fact that he would probably be deployed at some point in the next five years. Even though he will be in the army reserves, there is a very high change that they will need officers and the he will serve at least one if not two deployments. He told me that I am the first girl he has ever seen a future with (he has mentioned marriage and children) and wanted to talk this over with me before we started getting more serious. He told me I didn't need to give him an answer yet but that it is definitely something I need to be thinking about. It's sort of been skirting around in the back of my head because I know we are still a very young relationship. In theory, yes, I would never leave the man I love because of his service. It's not like he would be going overseas to vacation. He would be putting his life on the line to protect people and I find that incredibly noble and respectable and would 100% support the man that I loved were this the case. I suppose my only reservation is that our relationship would not be strong enough or that I wouldn't see enough of a future with him when the time comes. I'm only 20. and while I do see a future with him right now, I'm not naive and I know I still have a lot of growing up to do. I just don't want to say I will be there right now and then say "oops never mind!" should the time come. I guess I just really don't know how to approach the whole topic. I know he deserves an answer and some sort of security because he doesn't want to invest time in someone that will just leave him down the road for something he has no control over. A lot of my friends romanticize the whole thing, "tell him your heart will be here waiting!" but, come on. It flatters me that he wants to look so far into the future but I'm still trying to figure out what that means and he and I are still trying to figure out our feelings for each other. I don't have any friends or family in the service or married/dating someone in the service and that kind of input/perspective would be incredibly helpful!
Hey there ))
Everyone of is different and unique and each of us has his/her perspectives about life and how they want to live it! You cannot deem one perspective being good/right and the other being bad/wrong. Given the fact that you have been dating for just over five months, I completely agree and understand your struggle to commit to anything just yet. In fact I respect the fact that you are being honest about how much and what you feel towards your friend. You are absolutely right in thinking and questioning these things.
Coming to your concern, it's unfortunate that he may be deployed to some station in coming years and you both may not get enough time together to know and see the relationship growing. At the same time, I am guessing that the guy is a little serious types and perhaps does not believe in giving enough time to know each other. There is one kind of love where you meet a partner and you just know that you both are meant for each other. There is that strong chemistry at mental and physical level which is very obvious and magical. I don't see that is the case in your situation. The fact that you posted this question speaks a lot.
So, here is how I would think about it. You both are in the age where love/romantic feelings are at it's peak and so are the chemicals rushing all over the place. I know you respect the guy for whatever he is. But respecting his values and views does not mean that you disrespect your feelings. You are not someone who would let a guy go just like that only because he is going to be away for a while serving his country or whatever. Today you are worried and concerned about how he might feel if you tell him that this is not going to work out (for whatever reason). But that fear is only because you don't want to see him being hurt. It's like you saying 'OMG, here is this guy, wanting to spend rest of his life with me and I am thinking all this, just because he is going to be away from me for few years'. Well, that is not the only thing though )) You have to take a more bold and mature stand for the good of everyone concerned i.e. you and him. I would suggest you to let it go! It's better to hurt him now (as it is you guys have been dating for only 3-4 months, which is nothing) rather than later. If you don't speak up NOW, he will be under assumption that you are for it and you will keep wondering what is all this going on. In short, your relationship with him will be stuck and kind of a mess. You have to owner yourself and him. By not being honest to him now, in a way you are betraying him. Sure, he may be devastated, mad at you, feel terrible and many more things. But that is absolutely OK. And you don't need to explain him more than needed, just to make him feel good about it. You both are very young and there is whole youth and life in front of you. Trust me, what you call love or love feelings will come again for some other person. And I am saying this for you and for your friend. You have to trust your feelings, your heart, your soul and moreover honor him and yourself. Be honest to the core and just tell him how you feel. Don't try to sugar-coat your sentences and confuse him more about it. Be polite, be gentle, be compassionate at the same time be absolutely clear. He would respect you more as a person if you tell him the truth about what you feel. You both may end up being good friends for life. You and him, both will find your new partners very soon after your let this go. Imagine how beautiful it would be, when you both communicate 5 years from now, when you both are happy with your life, laughing over the emotions and mess that you would have had to go through, had you not confessed.
I think I went little haywire about the whole topic. So I would recommend to let it go and be honest at the core. And you either love someone or you don't! There is no in between )) I can tell you honestly that you don't love him, the way you would want to love someone. And you are not answerable to anyone, neither to him nor your common friends )) You are only answerable to yourself. The matter of fact is that, you would be betraying him and yourself if you don't open up and express yourself to him. So don't give it too much thought. The more you think about it, the more your ego mind would put you in fear of rejection. Just find a quiet place to sit for an hour, everyday for 2-3 days. Just sit, relax, breath and ask your heart - Do I really want to continue this? I bet the answer would be NO! Once you are sure about that, stop thinking about it or asking anyone. Just call him and talk to him.
On the flip side, if you both are meant to be together, you would end up being together no matter what. So don't worry about it. Spiritually speaking, this is a learning for you and your friend, to be yourself! ))
Let me know how it went...
Much love and light hugs ))