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My first boyfriend and I recently broke up. It's weird being single but I'm moving on. The problem is, there are absolutely no guys that I like. I'm in my senior year of highschool, have a job, lots of single friends and no guys have caught my eye! I know I should focus on me and be independent, but I'm used to being interested in many guys. How can I meet new guys and where? Should I even be looking for someone right now, or let someone find me?

Dear Not Even One Guy,

Keep in mind, it is important for a person to feel comfortable being on their own without having the distraction of a relationship. It is important to establish good friendships and you can gan a lot of wisdom by doing just that. You will have plenty of time in your life for getting serious in relationships, but it is important to enjoy the discovery of you. You are starting a new phase of your life...embrace everything that is has to offer you, that includes breathing room.

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Ok here is is my question: I went to prom with this guy and hes totally amazing and we've been hanging out for a while. Well at the afterprom i got really tired and he got a little tipsy. (id been hearing that he wanted to ask me out from friends) well while i was almost asleep he softly kissed me a few times. i was so amazed! but then he later on in the night he whispered to me that he loves me, and he said u may not believe me but i do. I didnt say anything back and he seemed a little disappointed and hurt- i didnt knw whether to believe him- but i love him too!. Anyway when i asked him about it the next day he like changed his answer and said that he doesnt knw what love is and that saying i love you is like saying i like you. But i really want to knw if he loves me or not, b.c ive been hurt before and i dont want to express my feelings without being sure. He really seems like he loves me, he kisses everyone of my fingers and then my hands, he sung "your beautiful to me" lol, he calls and texts me just to say hey, he holds my hand all the time! and when he asked me out he announced it to the room of friends of ours! What am i supposed to think? and what are some signs he loves you?

Is it Love?,

The bottom line on this issue that I think you should know is that you should never modify how you feel just because someone else does not reciprocate the same feelings, especially concerning Love. Love has many layers and it isn't possible for any of us to fully understand the entirety of the layers until we become much older or have experienced it all. If you feel like you need to say you love him, then do it. Honor yourself and your feelings by speaking your Truth. It doesn't matter about the past and the hurt from the past, enjoy the NOW. That is what life is about, maybe if you can embrace the real way you feel you can be honest and open about your relationship and it can flourish into something extremely beautiful. Only then will you experience the many layers of Love. If he said it to you, honor the fact on how he felt in the moment. If you do not feel the same, you can always say thank you. When someone offers you a voice of Love, you should always be thankful that they took the time to express themselves in a vulnerable way. Maybe if you look at it that way, you can be free with your emotions. Love is not dependent on someone else’s actions...it just IS.

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I was with my boyfriend for a few months and every day I found myself more and more in love with him.

Well, out of the blue, the other day he dumps me. He tells me that his feelings have changed. He tells me he has been feeling this way for a while. And yet I just don't understand why he's doing this. He goes on about how I'm an amazing girlfriend and an amazing person and that "It's not you it's me". He always said that he wanted a nice girl, one that would be there for him and care about him. Well, here I am right infront of him and he lets me go.

I gave him the world on a silver platter.. and this is what I get in return.


I need to know, from a guys point of view why he's doing this. Hell, girls you can answer it too.

Also, what can I do to make myself happier? I haven't been happy in a long long time... =/

Final Blow,

I know that something like this can really hurt. If you think it is possible, ask your X-boyfriend if you can speak with him so you can have some closure concerning your relationship. Understand that when you enter into this option, you must be willing to hear what he has to say with an open heart and acceptance of the decision and just listen. If you do, then he will be honest and let you know why he wanted to have the relationship end. Doing this will help you understand why, so you can walk away wiser and have proper closure.

All too often, people have a tendency to put their feelings of happiness on other people. If you find yourself becoming depressed because someone else does not want you, then this is a "red flag" for yourself. You first need to happy with yourself...and know that his decision...is more about him than you. I know that may be hard to comprehend at first...but his "issues" is what makes his decisions. And your "issues" is what makes yours. Truly, no wants to give their heart to someone if the recipient is not appreciative. Your heart is worth more than throwing it away to someone who does not even appreciate its value.

If your X does not want to engage in any conversation to help you further understand the ending of your relationship, then he has "issues" that are not worth your time. Any man that is serious about a good relationship will always honor another person by giving them reasons why the relationship has to end.

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today, the kid i like said he was moving. so i started crying like crazy. (he already knows i like him) but he was just kidding. now i made an idiot out of myself and his friends will tell him and they'll laugh at me. he probably did to because he knew that i would cry. what should i do?

Laughing stock,

Well you should never feel ashamed for caring or having feelings for someone. Honor the best part of who you are...Your Heart! Don't allow yourself to become jaded just because someone may be insensitive. This could have been a way for the boy to find out if you really liked him or not. Sometimes guys do things like this to get attention. If he makes an issue about it, you may look at it this way...if he is still thinking about it, then he may have liked the fact that you cared enough for him but his ego may not allow him to express how he really feels, which is very unfortunate...consider yourself more in touch with your feelings...where you were willing to express yourself the healthy way. If he chooses to make fun of someone who was honest and caring, then he is the fool.

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okay my boyfriend got out of this 9 month relationship ect.. and the break up was bad
he actaully hates the girl now
and like..i feel like hes not putting forth no effort in ours relationship like with him and his ex;s he was like perfect he called her ect.. got her things..

and with me he never calls
i always call him
and i get him things.
he got me a bear and hasnt gaven it to me yet i mean hello?

i feel like im putting forth more effort than him

how do i tell him?

No effort,

Well if you want this relationship to be fulfilling and happy for you, it is important to communicate your needs. You can express it by first finding out if there is something wrong or why he may not be feeling motivated to further the relationship. A lot of times women fear doing this is because of what their answer might be...but in reality do you really want to be with someone who doesn't care enough about your needs? No...there isn't a woman on this planet that wants a mediocre relationship...but sometimes we settle for it because we are afraid of speaking up. So speak your needs and then the ball is in his court...see if he wants to make a basket or just dribble.

More importantly you need to keep in mind is that he just got out of a long relationship and it ended badly...he may be wanting to take a break from the whole commitment thing and that is a big reason why men don't put effort in a relationship...how serious is he? When you communicate your needs you should make sure to find out...then you can decide if he is worth investing in, instead of being the "rebound".

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I got my first kiss from this guy the other day, and it was so weird. Are you supposed to kiss with your mouth open pretty wide? He like leaned it, got my upper lip, then got the skin between my nose and upper lip all wet. It was really gross and ackward, I haven't kissed much before, so I was wondering is that how your supposed to kiss? If not, please tell me how! ( And I already read the myjellybean.com thing so please don't link me to that! )

Kissing,

Actually, your expereince does sound a bit ackward. Sometimes the first kiss can be a bit ackward and it really depends on the style of the person. Not all kisses will be that messy and obnoxious. If you find that your partner is a little over the top for your style, pull back a bit and try to incorporate your style with the kiss. If the partner is not receptive, you may need to communicate what you like. There is no right or wrong way to kiss...it's all up to the individual. Remember kissing is just an expression of feelings...so everyone kisses a bit differently.

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I have been with my girlfriend for 8 months, I honestly do love her. Whenever I tell her I love you she says I know like it's not a big deal or something, now whenver I tell her I love you she says I think you love me for the wrong reason, it hurts me when she says things like that, not once has she told me she loves me back. Am I just wasting my time? What should i do to respond to her when she tells me I love her for the wrong reason?
Thanks

Responding to girlfriend,

Here's a few things to look at what is happening...1) she is not sure she loves you and is waiting until she knows for a fact. With that being said, when one person says "I love you" it can be a very uncomfortable situation if the other person is unsure if they can reciprocate the feeling. I suggest you respect this growing process. 2) She might have a jaded opinion of love and maybe this is a good time to communicate on a deeper level on what exactly she means when she says "you love me for the wrong reasons". If you do really love her...you should feel comfortable to be honest with her concerning this issue. Either way you will have a better understanding of her perspective.

I think only after you communicate, then you can fully answer your questions if you are wasting your time. When you communicate with her, respect and honor her opinions by listening without judging. Sometimes it is hard to not take it personally when you are involving your heart...but this might be about her issue. Your issue is if you want to invest your heart with her after you know all the facts.

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14/f...ive been going out with my boyfriend for about three weeks and his birthday is on the last day of school. One of my friends is throwing an end of school party on the last day of school (his bday). I can't bring him to the party because ALL my friends don't like him at all; they won't let me bring him basically. We've already talked about his birthday but I haven't had the courage to tell him that I would rather go to my friends party but I don't know how to tell him. What should I do?

How do I,

Ahhh...this is a great learning moment and an opportunity for you to discover who and what is important thing to do. Ask yourself this question...what's the right thing to do? You obviously know that ditching your boyfriend on his birthday wouldn't be nice. I think maybe this moment is allowing you to assess what is more important to you. Here's a few questions to ask yourself...do you care for your boyfriend despite how your friends feel? If yes...then you should put his feelings as a priority since it is his birthday a special day. Also think of this...how would you want to be treated, if the situation was reverse? The only other honorable option for you to do is be honest with your boyfriend about the situation...but I wouldn't recommend this option, unless you know he wouldn't be hurt from it.

Sometimes doing the "right" thing may not seem at the time the most fun...but I promise you...it is a growing moment and you will become much wiser because of it.

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Hello Sedona,

'm a 39 year old male. I'm having trouble showing respect to my mate, or more appropriately, she does not feel that I repsect her. This is totally not true. I respect many things about her; her wisdom, her parenting, her willingness to help people and share her heart, her love of new experiences, the list goes on. Anyway, what can I do to show her that I truly do respect her?

Thanks,
Respectfully Yours

Respectfully Yours,

What you are experiencing is not all that uncommon. In many relationships, the woman feels that she is either not appreciated or respected. Half of the problem may be due to your mate's perspective. Women often need reassurance. She might be going through a stressful or difficult time right now and she may need your support. If she is vocalizing to you that she doesn't feel respected...she might be feeling a little down and you could help her find out what is really bothering her by listening without judgment. This is the best way to earn a woman's trust. So the first thing to do is not take it personally. Secondly, ask yourself this...have you told her that you respect those qualities you listed in the question, lately? The key word is lately. There are a lot of gestures that you can do to communicate that you respect her...but it is up to you what you feel will best portray what your heart wants to say. Don't take the lazy way out, a woman can always tell when a man has put some thought in his gestures. Often times, guys wait till the last minute to finally tell or show their loved one how they really feel. If your woman is truly important to you, designate a day out of the month to do something special for her. This will win you lots of points and in turn she will be a happy woman. Bottom line: Treat her like a goddess and she love you like a god.

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ok well i am a 17 year old male, and of course my problem involves a girl. i have a major crush on this girl, i mean the whole nine yards. sweaty palms, loss of words, clumsiness, you name it (which is wierd because i NEVER have problems with girls). the cool thing is that i think she has a crush on me too. the thing is, my best friend (17/M) also likes this girl a lot, although she doesnt like him. i need to know what to do in this situation, because it is driving me insane. i will provide feedback. Thank you so much!

Love Triangle,

Well I think the key to success in this situation is honesty and respect. If you value your friendship...you'll be honest...and if he values your friendship...he'll respect your honesty. Sometimes you can only know your true friends when they are tested through situations like this.

Bottom line, it is up to the girl to choose who she wants to be with and that decision needs to be respected too.

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