HCOloverr22's advice column | HCOloverr22's Advice About Love Life

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Q: ii really like this boy :(

ah, unrequited love sucks, but it's bound to happen to everyone at one point in their life. you know what i say? screw the guy! if he "loves" a girl more, then it's his loss! dwelling on a situation like that not only is unhealthy, but it only ends up with a deeper hurt, and you won't be able to focus on finding other guys that are gentlemen and won't treat you like this boy you like. as hard as this sounds, and i especially know it's hard, you're going to realize that you really are better off. i hope i helped, ask again if you need to.

Q: so yeah theres this guy who sort of has a girlfriend. they went out and broke up but are still talking. and like he met me not to long ago & he said hes fallen for me. & that the other girl he isnt into as much anymore. shes very obsessed with him and always wants to talk to him 24/7. that gets him mad, he wants his own space. they dont hangout much, she always makes excuses wich why she cant. & recently she said shes moving out in march and gettin her own apartment. she asked him to move in with him. hes like shocked. he told me he didnt want to. i mean she doesnt hangout with him a lot and what makes her think living with him will make things work? well shes totally jealous of me becuase she can obv see somethings going on. me and him are hanging out next fridayy. i live kind of far from him. but im moving soon and the good thing is its the town right next to him. he always tells my friends that im the most amazing person the world and we have amazing talks. he tells me he likes me more then the other girl. but im wondering if im just a rebound? & like i dont know im really confused.

this story changes like everyday so if your like really good at giving advice please leave your sn so i can talk to you daily on whats been happening.
THANKS A TON!

there are guys that do this all the time, they don't want to make critical decisions until someone does it for them. although you two aren't quite "serious" yet, if he talks to his friends and says you're amazing, i think you're getting there. if you want this relationship to really go anywhere, he needs to make up his mind about this girl he's still "talking" to. you don't deserve to be caught in the middle of this, and he should realize that. for your sake, i would suggest you tell him upfront that he either make up his mind about his ex, or you want to give your relationship some space because it's not fair for you. if you think this is the advice you're looking for then we can talk more, i love to do it haha. i'm sort of young though (17), so im not a guru with relationships, but i do know a thing or two.

my aim sn is annesavage09 (dont ask i know its weird hahaha its an inside joke) i dont get on every day, but every other day is more like it.

Q: K so me and my boyfriend have only been going out for 3 days and it is so hard to talk to him...i feel so nervouse!!! Please dont tell me " well if you gyes don't talk and feel weird around each other you really truly don't really like each other!" thats what i have been hearing from everyone!!! i really like him and he is way nice and i really want this to work out!! please help! how do i not be so shy around him?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how do i get the guts to talk to him?

whoa sorry it took me so long to write back haha. your situation is seemingly difficult, but it's actually quite simple. since you two are going out, you must have some kind of chemistry so that's a great blank canvas for getting to know each other. i'd suggest you find out something you two share in common, like a sport you watch or music you both like. you can either find out by conversation, his friends, or maybe his myspace/facebook. then see if there's a concert or a game you could go to. as for just talking to him, the hardest part is taking the first step. once you start talking to him, you'll see how easy it becomes. you already know he likes you- you're going out, so dont feel like you have to have his approval. good luck!

Q: I am in love with this boy. I am 14/f and dont say im too young to know what love is because i would do anything for him. There is no such thing as being too young to love. Well he is in almost all of my classes in school. We sit near each other in most of them. We always flirt and hang out and are close but no t best friends. Well whenever i look over at him, hes looking at me, and i smile and he smiles back and looks away quickly. Well we are always flirting and everyone always says just go out already and he gets embarrassed and looks down so i am pretty sure he likes me but almost positive he doesnt love me. His name is "CHRIS" btw

His close friend is "SAM" well i am close with him too. Everyone says he likes me because he acts different around me and is always flirting with me and whenever i flirt with the guy i love he gets mad and gives me dirty looks.

I want to tell the guy i love how i feel but i dont want to ruin my relationship with Sam. So i talked to sam about it online once. I said everyone said that you like me bc of the way you act around me. He was like well i dont and got mad and went away like GOD WHATS YOUR PROBLEM I DONT LIKE YOU, NOT EVERYTHINGS ABOUT YOU! and i called him and am like whats wrong? he said you dont care, go hang out with chris and hung up. I think he really likes me, and i dont want to hurt him, but i dont want chris to move on and not like me anymore. What do i do about sam? how can i talk to him when he gets mad at me? And what can i do to make him accept me and chris? and how should i tell chris?

Sorry its so long, and confusing, but thats just how my mind is right now. Thanks sooo much!!

sadly, if you were to become boyfriend/girlfriend with chris, sam would be obviously be really mad. of course, im sure if you two are close enough he'll come around, but he would need time, just like everyone else, to get over you. when and if you do go out with chris, i would just suggest you tell sam something upfront and leave him with it to think about it, like "i would be really sad if we were to stop being friends just because of chris. i'd like to keep our friendship, and i hope you do too."

Q: k so, i have been really good friends with this guy since the end of last school year and we have liked eachother on and off through out this time but we have never dated. but recently i told him that i like him. and he told me that he liked me too but didnt want a girlfriend and he told me he felt like a jerk for saying it but he said that he didnt want me to wait around for him because our friendship wont turn into a relationship. and, i mean i really like him. more than ive ever liked anyone and i feel that if we acctually gave eachother a chance we could have something really good and special. theres just times where hes kind of left out and i go over to him and sit with him. and he does the same for me. i don't get it though. if he likes me enough why wont he try us out. but, he said he liked me. but what i dont get is if you like someone enough you would date them. so is he lying or telling me the truth. and lately he hasnt been talking to me in school or on the computer like he usually does. and to tell you the truth, im crushed.i know its not that big of a deal. but, i just really feel as if we would be good for eachither; anytime we talked or hungout we got along really well and the conversation wasnt delayed or anything and hes just a really good person to talk to. he listens and helps me with anything i need.
oh, and sorry that this is soo long.

i don't really have a question but like, i need advice. what do i do how do i found out if hes lying and i just don't know. is there anything i can do to get him to change his mind? :p anything will help.

Okay there could be several things going on in his mind. One could be that he's scared of a relationship, I'm guessing you're in middle or high school, and boys are really unsure for quite awhile about girls in general and how they should act around them. He might be still too immature to want something more than a friendship. You're right, he could be lying about not wanting to be in a relationship because many people use that as an excuse so that they don't hurt your feelings.

I would say lie low, because he knows very well how you feel. Unrequited love sucks, but it happens to everyone. You never know, he could come around. Just be yourself because that's why he loves you as a friend!

Q: ok so im having this problem where my ex boyfriend who i went out with i dont know 8...9 moths idont know one or the other still that a longg time rite and well its been like a couple months when we broke up b.c we had weird feelings for eachother when we started 9th grade it just was no chemistry at all. it was awkward we had excuses to not hang out ne more but any way i was so heart broken then i thought hanging with other guys with out a realation ship would help but it didnt i ended up messed up you know so i stoped that. well now we are friends again we have been for like 3 years now. and he calls me i call him and we talk for an hour a couple hours i told him i still really liked him he says he doesnt but ik that i could never go out with him again idk why i just cant. but he says he doesnt like me and we are supposed to go to the movies this weekend and uk what on saturda or firday this week is supposed to be the one year annaversery that we started dating its like breaking my heart i didnt realize it after we said we would go now idk for sure ne more rite! i need serious help here does he like me? is he just a friend? should i say that no i cant go to the movies with you ? stop calling him? i mean i dont have really strong feelings ne more but there is a feeling there uk what i mean and im sure if i go to the movies with him this weekend ill just break down in tears its a sad story but i so need help here like rite away!!!!

WELL this is typical ex-boyfriend behaviour. Obviously you guys are good friends, but he doesn't realize that it's painful for you to just hang out with him after the break up, especially since you like him and he doesn't like you. It could plainly be physical, he could want to be friends with benefits, but I just think that he's completely unaware of the fact that you need space. I suggest you take a break, maybe you don't have to completely cut him out of your life, but definetly lay off the hour long phone calls and movie dates.

Q: So i want to get my boyfriend (13) something for christmas. Not to expensive ($20). any ideas? i've already ruled out video games, cologne, and clothes. i really appreciate it your help. We've been going out for about 3 monthes and he said he'll like what ever i get him but i dont want to get him something stupid =P
PS- i was thinking a movie. any good movies?

it really depends on his personality and his likes/dislikes. i would get a universal movie like spiderman 3 or something that you both like, and say something cute like 'we can watch it together!'

a movie isn't a very original choice, so if you were going for something more personal, i would either have a picture framed of you two and put a personal message in fabric paint around the edges, or give him a bag of his favorite candies and a little thing representing his favorite sports team. i hope i helped!

Q: im 15 and it seems like nothing i do is right anymore, i try to keep ontop of everything -- schoolwork, a social life, and all the time i just feel an empty space inside of me, and i feel almost like lonely? can anyone relate?

i think if i had a relationship, with a guy, where we can talk and just know eachother so well, and not necessarily a boyfriend, but preferably. the only thing is, im so bad as talking to people, i always over analyze every word that comes out of their mouth, and i always assume and they always mean more to me then i ever will to them.. and i dont feel atractive at all, i dont know what to do, and i really need some help right now, please!

Wow I was in this exact situation when I was 15. It's weird that I say that when I'm only 16, but many many things have changed in that time, and I assure they will for you too. When I was a freshman and 15, I was soo socially awkward and I felt extremely lonely. Of course, I took it to the extreme and developed an eating disorder because I wanted to get a boyfriend so bad and I thought that getting skinnier would achieve that. It didn't. It actually made me miserable and shut down to everyone. My low self-esteem ruined my freshman year because I couldn't open up to anyone. That's the one thing I regret, not just opening up to people and making friends. You probably hear all the time "Boys aren't everything," etc. But it's the truth, they aren't. Or at least, the ones that you feel like you have to work for, or not pretty enough for.

What I would suggest is just make FRIENDS with a ton of interesting/nice/cute guys, and don't hang out or talk to them expecting to become something more, and eventually, if its the right guy, the friendship WILL turn into something else all on its own.

Enjoy every moment with or without a guy at your side, and then you'll find happiness.

Q: I'm in an interesting situation with someone. We've been talking to each other for a month or so about being in a relationship, but not really. It is extremely confusing so try to follow along the best you can lol. I'm in love with this guy. I've told him so, he knows how I feel, the whole deal. He told me he feels the same, always calls saying he loves me & what not & basically made his feelings pretty clear, even though I innitiated the feelings first & started flirting with him first. Recently, he has been flirting back & calling me at all hours telling me he loves me & what not. Things have been going pretty well, but we haven't talked about a relationship exactly. Were going with the flow. The problem is, I would like a relationship except I live in CA & he lives in Washington. Obviously, that is quite a distance & we can't see each other that often, especially since were both going to school, but were both adults. Also, I'm afraid he may have feelings for somebody else, even though there isn't a specific girl I know of. Since he's a guy, I assume he probably does, maybe someone that must go to his school or is in his classes. He recently went to a party & "got naked but didn't do anything" with girls there & how it was all jokes. That was a huge NO in my book & I wanted to pull away, but didn't. He is not my boyfriend, so he basically has the freedom to do whatever he wants. I was a bit mad at first, but he was sweet talking me again & didn't have the power to stop it & fell for it. He always always says sweet things & I can't deny them. My feelings are a bit too strong to just pull away. Does anyone have any thoughts or opinions on this situation?? Should I continue with this & wait & see if a relationship can start?? Or do you think his feelings are unreal?? He always tells me he loves me, but some things he does may seem like he feels otherwise. thanks.

What I see from this is that he might find it easy to say he loves you and all that because you're so far away, it's almost like an easy thing on the side because he doesn't have to work at it as much as a close relationship. And since you aren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend, that leaves an even bigger leeway for him to do what he wants. If you intend on leaving the relationship at "going with the flow," you can't entitle yourself to get angry at most things he does. People get naked at college parties sometimes, it just happens. I think that you would have to trust him, depending on your history with honesty. If you're getting worried about his behaviour, I would definetly talk with him about your relationship, or lack thereof. It's important to not have blurry understandings of a relationship because you could both end up very confused and/or hurt. I hope I helped you & good luck!!

Q: There's this guy. He confuses me so bad! Like at a dance lastnight we were together the whole first part & then this girl is like a stalker & begged him to dance with her. & I took it as him liking her. Well today we had "yearbook signing" & we were together again & I didn't really have the courage to talk to him so he thought I was mad at him. We were talking and he told me that he didn't and stuff. Well he's always calling my name & notices if I don't talk to him. He's extremely cute & tomrrows the last day of school. I wish i could tell him but I don't think I can. Please help I can never tell waht to do. High rates for REAL answers.

Oh my gosh I was seriously in the same situation about a year ago. There was this realllly cute and funny guy that i always flirted with and could never tell if he liked me or not. and i was so shy, i never got the chance to tell him i liked him at my 8th grade graduation, plus i was so focused on contemplating if i should tell him i liked him, i gave him the cold shoulder in a way. later that night he asked out my best friend and i was pretty much broken-hearted. so you know what, you have nothing to lose. if you guys are such good friends, it wont jeapordize your friendship if he declines, but i highly doubt he will. go for it!! i hope i helped

Q: Well this kid i like isn;t in any of my classes so i like never get to see him during the day wchich is kind of depressing so my best friend and i kind of like "stalk" well his locker is righ across the hall from ours so we just kind of like go there when not needed and also when we have certain periods before lunch we can foloow him down to lunch I think maybe he notices especially wehn my friend is kind of loud and I'm not sure if he thinks I'm a crazy stlaker lunitic but its the only way i get to see him plus its become kind of like a really fun insider wiht my friend and i...should i continue "stalking" or what..?

i think if you follow the guy around, he'll think you're weird for not just coming up and talking to him. im not being mean, this has totally happened to me before. guys like girls who arent afraid to talk to them, unless they're hermits. i suggest (if you guys at least know each others names) you say hi in the hallways. does he play or go to any sports games? if so, go to them with your friend! that is so not stalking, and you and your guy will have a common background. he'll see that you're outgoing and fun, and guys love that. good luck girlie.

bio

Hii I'm Mel. I've been through a lot and I've been my own counseler way too many times, so I've basically dissected many situations. You could call me crazy, whatever, we all are. I kind of have a borderline insane interest in the idea of fashion and creativity, and also in the French Revolution. I LOVE music, I could give you the soundtrack of my life for a million dollars. Umm yeah that's it. BY THE WAY, I would very much like to have a line forming all the way outside the funeral home the day of my wake. :)
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Things I've experienced, therefore your benefits..: eating disorders, depression, suicide, heartache, sucky friends, sucky friend's boyfriends, deaths, marital affairs, divorce, icky confusing relationships, heart- wrenching relationships, fakes, bitches, and the ever-popular player! (Gotta love those.) OF COURSE the list goes on, silly!