Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84157
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So i've been strugglin drug use i was a big crack head but i havent smoked in 24 days. Well the reason i was doing that stuff was b/c my dad is kinda a asshole. well i told my friend and she was concerned and i promised her i wouldnt smoke her anymore. Anyway lately i've been gettin pain killas mostly OCs from my bf Dwight and my friend got mad at me 4 doin em and bein round dwight. The thing is tho i need the meds b/c i'm in so much pain from all the shit my dad does. And i dont c the big deal b/c its not like i'm usin crack again or nethin? Am i wrong for usin the meds?
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Hi Honey, I am glad that you wrote and asked me for advice.
I know that you think that the pain killer meds are not as bad as crack. That is a "rationalization". What drug counselors call "stinkin' thinkin'" The addict is convinced that taking lesser drugs like prescription medications are an improvement over hard core drugs like crack. The fact is that some people have gotten into plenty of trouble, just taking prescription meds, or just smoking pot, and never graduate to hard core drugs, but in fact they are still illegal, they can still ruin your life, and they are still addictive. The only path to a successful life for those of us who have been abused by those we trust, (like your father) is to not touch drugs or alcohol at all. The emotional pain from breaking that sacred trust makes us more likely to use drugs or alcohol to dull the emotional pain. But when you wake up, the pain is still there. It will always be there. The drugs won't make it go away. The problem is that only when you deal with the rejection and the violation from this loved one,(your father) will you be able to live a normal life. The panel at the right tells me that you are 18. If that is true, that means you are a legal adult. That means you can break away from your father and whatever he did to you, and live your own life. Will it be a struggle? YES! Will it be hard? YES! Will it be worth it? YES, YES you are worth it! However, all that shit that your dad did to you makes you think that you are not. You cannot help that your dad is a looser and didn't deserve to have children. Especially a child as wonderful as yourself. He has his own path and his own demons, and most likely he won't be forgiven. You are young and can make changes. It has been done before. No matter how bad your life is, there are those who had it worse, and made the best of it. If you can get through this pain and hard work, you can become the kind of person who helps young people like you who have lost their way. It is terrible when childen are born whose parents are not prepared to raise them......financially, and emotionally and with lots of love and patience. But the world is full of kids like that. Like yourself. Stand up and do the right thing. You know what that is. Be the kind of person that you wish your dad could be. (And maybe your mom too.) Don't make their legacy, your legacy. Probably you won't think that this is as much fun as getting high. The FACT is that it is much better to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see. And honey, jail or detention is no fun at all. You WILL decide to take the correct path some day. But it will be much easier now, than 30 years from now. Continue this way for the next 30 years, and you can add, lack of education, jail time, legal bills, poor health, a couple of kids,failed marriages, and a criminal record that will prevent you from getting a job that pays well enough for you to live an almost normal life. START NOW and you have a chance. You are young and strong and smart....no matter what anyone else tells you.
Please stop using drugs, please take advantage of the programs that are out there for kids like you to get their lives in order. You can be happy, and you do have value. You can believe in yourself, and make a difference. I hope you take my advice.
Good luck to you and you will be in my prayers.
Michele
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I have an irregular, random period. Sometimes it lasts two and a half weeks with a light flow, or six days and extremely heavy, sometimes with extreme cramps and upset stomachs. Sometimes its once a month, sometimes its once every two or three weeks. Sometimes I skip a month.
I talked to my doctor about it, and she said I might have to be put on a hormone. Does she mean birth control? Is birth control safe? Like it doesn't mess up your ability to have babies in the future, for example? (link)
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She is right,you have dysmennoreah,(sp?) and yes they do put you on the pill to help with that.
But you will feel much better after and it will regulate your periods so you can have some kind of life, I mean be able to plan things because you'll know when you are going to get your period.
No it won't interfere with having babies later in life. I was on it for 12 years, and later went on to have two healthy baby boys. And they have improved the birth control pill so much since when I was on them. But you absolutely should not smoke if you are on the pill. That can cause problems.
Michele
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I found a lump in my breast, and my pediatrician confirmed it to be a cyst. I was referred to a specialist doctor for tests to make sure it's nothing bad. I've never been to a breast doctor before, and I was just wondering what kind of tests they will be doing. I'm guessing a mammogram and palpation. Anything else? Maybe blood tests?
I'm not worried about showing my boobs to doctors, I'm just a little apprehensive about the "testing" they will be doing on me. No need to comfort me, and yes I do know that breast cancer is rare in teens.
Thank you.
I'm 16 by the way. (link)
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Well I cannot be sure, but sometimes they want to do a needle biopsy of the cyst.That is not fun. But most likely not. Some cysts are just filled with fluid and can be aspirated. Caffine can cause cysts, do you drink a lot of caffine? I had cysts from too much caffine once, a lot of them. I stopped drinking it and they went away.
If you do, let him know, and then maybe you can take the easy approach by cutting back on caffine and seeing if the cyst goes down or away completely.
Good luck to you
Michele
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I am looking for a cheap online company that sells arm warmers, those gloves that are fingerless that your thumb goes through, my teen is getting in the trend, no amazon or ebay please.and those leg things that come past your knees with the designs. im so far out of the trends, i cant even speak the language. HELP BRIE (link)
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Yes, yes, yes, I love those things, and I get there here. They are having a 10% off sale right now. They are called wristies.
go to www.wristies.com
I love them
Michele
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my best friend is a guy and this guy is amazing. he knows when to be funny and when to be serious, he knows when to give you the advice you want to hear and the advice you need to hear and most of all he knows how to treat a woman...and he's got money and a smokin' body but that truly doesn't matter to me. he'll pick on me but then he holds my hand and says "i love you, im just joking" one day i was at his house and it was just me and him and i was going to tell him i liked him but just before i said it he told me he liked this other girl so i never told him i liked him. after a month of him and this girl fighting they're finally going out and of course he asked her in a way that is normally only in the movies. so now he has a girlfriend and they're so cute together i would hate to break them up, but they do fight. anyway, the other day me and this guy were at a soccer game. we were sitting on the bleachers, him on a bench lower than me. a girl was sitting next to me but she got up and left and he came and sat so close to me that our bodies were pressed together and there was at least 4 feet of space where he could have sat. of course i loved this and at first i moved over about an inch because people were looking at us weird because they know he has a girlfriend. he moved closer to me again. 5 minutes later i had to leave so he gave me a hug and said goodbye. i have back to back classes with him so i see him a lot during my school day. i really really like him and my mom absolutely adores him. i know i can't get over him. i've already tried about 3 times and everytime i try to get over him i just like him more. i don't know what to do! sorry it was long, i felt like i had to tell the WHOLE story. please please help me (link)
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HOney, it sounds to me like he really really likes you, and maybe he is not sure about how you feel. I say go for it. Just let him know that you would be interested when and if he is ever single again. And be sure to be clear about that. He may just be looking for one-night-stands, or friends with benefits, and I don't think that is what you want. I get the impression that you would like to be in a committed long term relationship. So be sure to find out if that is what he wants. Once you do let him know, you should wait until he is completely broken it off with the other girl, not just in the middle of a fight with her. I know you want love, but respect is very important too. So hold out for love and respect, and he will think more of you for it. If that is NOT what he is interested it, then keep he at arms lenght, love him if you must, but don't get involved. He will only hurt you, and believe me that can be much worse than what you are going through now. Good luck to you.
Michele
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if you have bulimia, doesn't it take awhile to see blood in the vomit? i'm sorry if this is gros but i need to know..
i've only been bulimic for almost a year and i saw blood in mine. (link)
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Everyone's body is different. If you are bulemic, then you are not getting enough nutrients, as most of your food ends up in the toilet. Your veins are arteries are becoming weak and permeable. Do you know that the veins and arteries in the throat are the most permeable and can bleed. So if you throw up often, and don't get enough nutrients into your body, you will get sick fast. There is NO SET time frame on how fast a person's body will deteriorate if they continue down a path of eating disorders, all that you can sure of is that your body will deteriorate. You will get very sick, and possibly die. I don't know how bad your bulemia is, but if you are not keeping anything down, that most important, you are not getting enough potassium, and no potassium in your body can cause death immediately. POtassium is found mostly in bananas, oranges potatoes, mushrooms and drinks like gatorade.
Please take better care of yourself
Michele
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I have two problems and have tried talking to friends about it but they don't recognise it as a problem and simply laugh it off.
I have a very petite girlfriend and our relationship has recently become sexual. I am, how to put this tactfully? 'Well endowed' and penetrative sex for her is too painful, even with lots of stimulation and foreplay or lubrication. It doesn't seem to be a condition with her because she has not had this problem with previous boyfriends.
We have tried oral and manual stimulation as a way to get around this but I also cum a great deal when I orgasm and she finds this difficult, messy and 'disgusting' to cope with, her upbringing is a rather strict and traditional Indian family background and she feels unable to do such things without feeling guilty, or to cope with the results when she does.
Everything else in the relationship is wonderful but I am getting more and more sexually frustrated as we can't really get beyond kissing and cuddling without it causing problems.
Nobody takes this problem seriously and I'm literally crying myself to sleep many nights with frustration and can't think of any solutions, and don't want to break up with her over something like this. Please help! (link)
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Hello,
I think you guys have written before, and even if you have not, I implore you. YOu must go see a sex therapist for this problem. You realize that a woman's vagina can accomodate giving birth. You may be well endowed, but could you be larger than the head of a 7 lb baby? Your statements about her upbringing are a clue to the problem. A sex therapist will speak very frankly to both of you, and even to you individually, about the problems. They are NOT unsurmountable. And you are not alone. Other couples have had the same problems. I don't know where you live, and I do know that there are not sex therapist located everywhere, but most bit cities have them and they do a wonderful job. They are very sensitive to peoples feelings and needs. They will understand the dilema that both you and your lover is facing. REally if you don't want to break up, and you say that you don't, you must seek out advise from experts who have a PROVEN track record in this area. I wish you both luck in the future.
Michele
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that article was in the NYtimes yesterday and what is it really talking about? (link)
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This letter is referring to events that happened in the past. In 2003 to be exact. Author Draper just published a book about Pres. BUsh called "Dead Certain" In the book he quotes Bush as not ordering, or being aware that the Iraqi Army was to be disbanned. He says he was as surprised as anyone else about the Iraqi Army being disbanned, and that he did not instruct his appointee in Bagdad, L. Paul Bremmer, to disband the army. And this is due to the fact that disbanding the Iraqi army turned out to be one of the worst things that we could have done.
So now the book is out and it makes L Paul Bremmer look like he acted on his own. So L Paul Bremmer wants the US citizens and the world to know that he disbaned the Iraqi army on orders by and with direct knowledge of President Bush.
This is an attempt by Bush and even Bremmer to lay blame on each other for this really stupid move on the part of the US in Iraq in 2003. Just one of many stupid moves on the part of the US.
ONe of the reasons that disbanding the army was so bad is because it put a lot of men out of work. Men who had experience in fighting and knowledge of weapon caches and knowledge of the streets. Now these men had no way to support their own families, they got mad and joined the opposition, and now fight AGAINST the US army
Some have come around but not everyone and it is really too late.
Michele
HOpe this answers your question
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Are there any home remedies to make spider veins disappear or appear less visible?
i have a ton, and can't afford to do a medical procedure. (link)
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Vitamin K is supposed to work. They do make creams with Vitamin K just for this purpose. You can find them at health food stores. They are not too expensive. But you have to use them continually for a long time before you see results. You will not see results over night. I cannot vouch for this myself. I have not tried it. But I cannot vouch for the ones that claim to get rid of spider veins but cost so much more. Who knows if any of them really work.
Michele
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okay, so all my middle school year i've been left out of every group i joined. i really want to find group,but still be friends with everyone. i also want to be more outgoing,funny,fun,and talkative. i'm just so botteled up and quiet, how can i be all of these things? how do i shed my shell and get to know people? and find people who bring out the best and care for me? please help!!!
thanks so much (link)
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Well I think you mean volunteer for a group, right? Then I would try the school newspaper. That group gets around, I mean they have too. Because they have to have news to write about. And guess what, you get to go to every event, because you have to write a story. Or get a photo, or just publish the newspaper. It is a great experience and will help you to gain more confidence. You'll learn real fast to be outgoing and funny. The language clubs are also a good choice, and the debate team, if they have one.
Sports groups are great, but hey what if you don't pass the test. I don't think there are any tests for the school newspaper, they just need volunteers. Then there is the prom committee, you can volunteer for that when that starts up. Later on, there is graduation, senior night, year book committee. But I am getting way ahead of myself.
Hope you find something that you like in my list.
Good luck to you
Michele
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what age should i give my baby meats and other foods my sons 1 year old and i dont want to give something to him that will harm him at this age please someone answer (link)
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Well the thing you should be worried about at this age is choking. Does he have teeth yet. Maybe just the front ones coming in. But that is for biting, not for chewing. YOu can try the strained meats in the baby food jar. Or you can cut things soooo small that he couldn't possible choke on them. He does need the protein and vitamins and iron that meat and chicken provide, that is why baby food company's make strained meats. If you think he would enjoy real chicken or meat you must cut it up very very small. YOu might try a macaroni dish with tomato sauce and some chopped meat cooked into it. Because plain meat kinda doesn't have much flavor. I can remember giving my son turkey hot dogs but I cut it up into very very very small pieces. About the size of a rice krispy. He kinda of picked it up with his fingers, but for the most part the hot dog pieces stuck to his fingers, but he managed to get them into his mouth and he liked them. Have you tried cherrios yet. Those are easy to swallow. They contain protein and are made with whole grain today. It is fun to watch them eat them. Even chicken, if you can get it cut up small enough, they can eat it. Nothing larger than a rice krispy or cherrio.
You should try just one new food a week, so you can watch for allergic reactions.
Hey thanks for the memory, it's been 20 years!
It was nerve wracking being a new mom. You'll be fine. Good luck to you.
Michele
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what does it mean when your period is brown? (link)
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It is nothing to worry about. It is just old blood. This is not uncommon during the last two days of your period. Blood if left out in the air, say on a napkin from a bloody nose, would eventually turn brown. The blood died before it came out. If it is brown every month, month after month, then I would mention it to your doctor.
Michele
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Okay. I was on the phone with my friend Eric.. we were having a wickedd fun the conversation when I started hearing like yelling and screaming in the background. I was like ERIC are you okay?? What's going on?? And before he answered the phone went dead. I know it did because it said that. Wel sorta I know though. Well I tried calling back and everything but it said it was disconnected.. and err. Well I talked to him on AIM. He seemed like wicked sad. I dont know how I could tell I just did. I asked why his phone didnt work and he said they didnt pay the bill. Well I went over his house and noticed the phone was thrown across the room. I asked him about it but he didn't say anything. Then I noticed his Mom was still in bed and it was like 3 in the afternoon. And that beer bottles were everywhere. I asked him whats wrong whats going on and he started crying. Like I dont know.. flat out crying..So I listened to him and his parents are fighting a lot lately and his dads drinking a lot. I was really worried about him so my parents being there awsome cool and understanding selves let him like move in with us, and his parents want him back. I wont let him back what if he gets hurt! I love him..(were just friends) and i wont bare to see him go through that. So now my parents are fighting for i think custacy of him but I have the feeling he wants to go bac, for his mothers sake.
What Do I Do?
(link)
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YOu have to let this play out honey. I am glad that your parents are involved. It is in the hands of the adults now, and well, while we can't always count on them to do the right thing, (and here I am referring to his parents), we can always hope. Your parents may not be so lucky to get custody of Eric, because the courts often take the side of the blood relatives. ANd I am not surprised that Eric wants to go back. Here is what I am thinking happened. Eric ran up his cell phone bill and his father had a fit. His father obviously drinks too much. (maybe both parents do, you know better than I do.) Parents who drink too much don't often have money to pay the bills, and they never can face the fact that their drinking costs money too, and may even be preventing one or both parents from working a good job and making enough money. But they also don't want to face the fact that if they stopped drinking everything would be so much better. I definitly think that the argument was about the phone, because it was lying on the floor. But it is the parent who is drinking too much who is at fault. I am sure that your parents know the whole story and that is why they want to help. The best thing you can do honey is be there for your friend. He may be very concerned about his mother. He may feel that is dad will be harder on his mother if he is not around. It is NOT his responsiblity, but he can't help but feel like he should help. You would want to do all that you could to help them.
I know it's hard, but be patient and see how this plays out. And just be there for your friend. Sometimes just your company can be all that he needs...so he knows that he is not alone.
It really is a big burden that his parents are placing on him. And it should not be like that.
Good luck to you and your friend
Michele
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I grew up in SouthWest Ohio and I definatley talk/express myself like a true Ohioan with all the "please?, queer, sucker, gymshoes, pop", etc. One problem... I live in New Jersey now. I moved in Jan 07. People here are mean/self-centered/rude and just not friendly & take themselves wayyy too seriously.. I'm a very outgoing and friendly person but I feel like I can't talk to people here because they'll either look at me like "excuse me, do I know you?" or make fun of the way I talk. I like to joke around and have fun [without making fun of other people] and I can't seem to find anyone cool like that. I've tried being quiet and wearing what everyone else wears but it's boring.
I'm a great friend to have but people only want shallow friendships where they don't really give a damn about what happens to their friends as long as as they are still happy.
Any idea on how to get through this? I'd really like to be my friendly self again...
PS, I'm 16/female, incomming Junior. (link)
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Hi honey,
I understand how you feel. I have always known that people are definitly more friendly down south, and we up here in the north think we are above everyone else. And guess what, we're not. But if we don't face that fact, we assume we have gotten away with it. Don't despair. There are some real people, you will find them. It just takes time. Find some volunteer work that you could be happy doing, and you will meet some real people. Work with kids, mostly kids are normal. Though they are starting with that "I'm better than you attitude" younger and younger. I didn't raise my boys that way, and I can't be he only one.
I see in you a person who loves themselves. This period you are going through will be short. Because you are young and you are surrounded by young people. And young people take themselves too seriously. Don't loose yourself or become like them. You are the better person and will get through life relatively unscathed. You just have to make it to adulthood where you will meet a better class of people. And people will gravitate towards you because happyness and confidence is attractive. Good luck to you dear
Michele
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a month or two ago i asked people what their opinions were on my situation. it was whether i should keep hanging out with dave, the guy i am with. since it is illegal for us to see eachother, we arent really going out, but we like eachother. he lives in boston and i am 5 minutes away so i go there everyday to hangout/sleepover. he is moving back home tomorrow, an hour and a half away from me. i dont know what i am going to do. we want to still talk but we havent really figured anything dominant out. he says he would let me stay at his house (his familys home) on weekends but he doesnt know how is mom would feel about me being 17. im just kind of heart broken and its sad to say, but i wish i never had met him now because i dont know what im going to do when he leaves. any suggestions? thanks =( (link)
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HOney, I know it is going to be hard, but you can't base falling in love on whether or not it is going to be easy. Sometimes it is not, but it is always worth it. You don't say how old he is, but I am guessing he is much older, and you may be right his parents won't like you. But soon you will be 18. And then maybe his parents will be more accepting. I can say soon, because I am old and I look at time passing much differently than a young person does. Your 18th birthday may seem so far away.
Yes it is hard to be away from the people we love, but if we didn't love them, then we wouldn't miss them. It all goes together. He may know be able to anticipate how hard it is going to be for him. He may not know until you are not around, how much he is going to miss you. I thing you two should agree to keep the lines of communication going. It is so easy today with computers and free minutes on cell phones. Agree to stay in touch with each other and see how things go. If you miss him, tell him, and see what he says. He'll probably say he misses you too, and when he does, say when can I see you. Once he is back home, he'll be telling him mom about you, and he'll feel her out to see if she will be OK with you visiting. Maybe not right away.
Once he has moved, you both may find the relationship too difficult to maintain on a long distance basis, and if so, then you will both look to get involved with other people. But just give it some time and let it happen naturally. You don't have to have all the answers today.
So agree to stay in touch, and agree to try and get together when it is right and convenient for both of you. And see what happens.
Good luck to you dear. And don't say that you wish you never met someone that you have fallen in love with. It is much worse to have never been in love at all.
Michele
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hey i was just wondering how you got your picture small enough to upload. i can put pictures off the internet on but all the pictures i scanned onto my computer from real photos are to big. if you could help that would be great. thank you. (link)
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you need software that allows you to edit pictures. Do you have a digital camera, that probably came with software that you can load into your computer. Microsoft, assmuning you have a PC has a program that should help you edit pictures. IF you find it use it to open your picture, then choose edit. you can 'crop'it or 'resize' it.
I know this sight only takes really small pictures, like 200 X 200 pixels.
good luck.
Michele
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I dont have any guitar polish, and no money, so is there anything else that i can use to clean my guitar with? Things like ordinary household supplies that i would probably have. Thanks! (link)
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Do you have any murphy's oil soap. That is gentle. Use a damp cloth, not a wet one. Polish after with a dry soft towel.
Michele
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13/f. I KNOW I have pinworms i don't think anymore and it hurts so bad, I also think they are going into my vajayjay [im sorry this is gross i know, sorry], and its hurts soo bad that i rather just not sleep at all. I want to tell my mom I have them I just don't know how I know I shouldn't be scared, but please just help me please. (link)
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Honey that is really awful and you must be very uncomfortable, but I don't see how you can avoid telling your mom. Because the treatment to get rid of the pinworms has to be prescribed by a doctor. Look here.
Usually, a dose of mebendazole (Vermox) or pyrantel pamoate (Antiminth, Combantrin) is given, followed by a second dose two weeks later. These medicines are very effective in killing worms.
Plus it could spread throughout your whole family.So I think you should tell her and get to the doctor as soon as possible.
Don't worry, they are not fatal, just uncomfortable, and they are very common.
Michele
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on june 6th 2006 it was supposed to be a very unlucky day and on july 7th 2007 it was suposed to be lucky
what will august 8th 2008 mean (888) and what will september 9th 2009 mean (999)
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what is unique about the dates is that they will never happen again for all eternity. Many people thought that 07/07/07 was a very lucky day. It was a saturday and many people got married on that day. All over the world.
Michele
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this guy rekons ive been making stuff up about him and he is going to get me smashed/bashed.
my parents and friends say dont worry about it and that nobody will touch me.
do people just say stuff to scare you? (link)
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No I don't think so. I think your parents should ask you more questions to try to determine if this person could actually hurt you. YOu never can tell today. People are so much more violent. Has he ever hurt anyone else? Can you avoid him? Stay out of his way? Find the person who was really making stuff up about him, and let him know who it was?
I would be very careful if I were you, to avoid this guy and try and get a message to him through someone else that it wasn't you saying all that stuff.
Michele
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