ShineyStarz's advice column

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Q: I am a Christian and I'm working on being a better one, but I'll be the first person to admit that I'm far from perfect. I have debilitating guilt and shame about my past and even the way I came to Christ, even though that sounds strange now that I'm writing it.

I feel like everyone else has really great, inspiring stories and I have kind of a cowardice one. Long story short, I wanted to come to God for years, but thought that I was too bad to do so. Like God wouldn't want someone like me. I didn't have the courage to find out if that was true or not until I was sick and thought I might be dying soon. When I found out that you can be forgiven for anything, I asked Jesus into my heart. (I'm fine now BTW).

Getting to my problem, my dad will not stop judging me, or my family for that matter. He judges us for missing church and any sins we commit. He'll imply or flat out say that we won't go to Heaven because of certain things that he himself does.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being hypocritical and judging him, but he's got problems as well. He talks hatefully to my mom, he does rotten thing to people, he uses filthy language, he lies, he takes our things that don't belong to him and these are the kinds of things he judges us for. He'll come home from church and act this way. I've never habitually done all of these things and I've repented, but when I drop the ball, he's all over me. I'm not saying that my dad's a terrible man or that he's not going to Heaven, but I don't feel that he's in a position to look down his nose at me.

The worst is when he judges me for missing church. I admit that I've been bad about that, but church isn't the only place where I worship God with other Christians. I've heard that you don't have to go to church as long as you worship somewhere. It's not in the Bible. It's not that I don't like church, it's just a long story of why I don't go every single Sunday.

He's confident about his own salvation and that of certain people close to him. He just judges his household. It bothers me that he thinks I might not go to Heaven when he and some of the people close to him are no better than I am. It just plain bothers me that he judges me at all.

One reason I think it bothers me is because it makes me feel like such a loser. It brings back the guilt and shame I mentioned earlier. It also makes me wonder if I'll ever be the Christian I need to be. If my own dad doesn't have confidence in me, how strong of a Christian can I be?

What do you think of this situation?

You definitely have a patriarchal family, which means that your dad thinks he's in charge. You are suffering from abuse, definitely the emotional and verbal kind.

Firstly, your dad is one of those Christians that believe that they are simply because they attend church. In the middle ages, church was for those who were uneducated and didn't know how to read, so they would go to church and have someone read and talk to them. Therefore it's about believing in Him and not on attendance. You shouldn't feel bad about not going to church constantly. Many people don't even go to church because there could be people like your dad IN church, and they would rather not deal with that.

As for his judging, the only one he should be worried about is being judged by GOD for his character. "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you."

I wish I knew your age. If you and your mom wishes to not be assertive to him, as he is quite aggressive it sounds like, my best advice is to attend counseling to let all those things out in a healthy way and not bottle it up - feelings like that can be toxic. Or at least keep my words that I am typing to heart and know that you shouldn't worry about your dad, worry about what God thinks of you, and it's definitely the opposite of what your dad thinks :)

Rating: 5

Thanks and I'm so sorry it took so long to get back to you. Thanks for your advice. It was great and I really appreciate it. Thank you and God Bless you. :)

bio

After a two year hiatus I am back! I've been on this site since 2006 and things have changed far more greatly since my bright days in my younger years. I've battled with anxiety and depression and I've gotten through it. My life is merely a survival story itself and now I simply want to help others, being grateful for everything I have and simply because I CAN.

Hello you can call me Hitomi^-^
Being a nurse is my passion so feel free to ask me anything and I will try my best

I'll answer every question personally given to me, if you're serious about it.

I am of faith but will not preach in my answers unless the person who is asking for advice is very obvious of being of faith.

Sometimes it is not about getting through the obstacle, but to stay positive within it. Sometimes you are placed somewhere dark so that you can shine to others even brighter!