"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
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So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
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I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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I have a question about my friend Morgan who i am having an issue with. so a few weekends ago she came home from college, and she always wants me to come over, whenever we hangout, and always end up fighting because she's rude to me and she always wants everything her way. I have a few other friends but their busy most of the time, or we'll hangout like every once in a while. so she's the only one i hangout with. last weekend she wanted to hangout, but i was going out to eat with my dad. so she wanted me to come over after wards. when i was done eating i called her and our friend Elizabeth was with her, and they weren't home, and Morgan said she'd come over and pick me up, and when i asked her when she said oh i don't know, because she does everything on her own time. then when she finally came to pick me up, and in the car we were exchanging stories. Morgan has changed a lot and since she's become Christian so that's all she talks about, and when i was telling my story about something else they were both just uh huhing and smiled at each other like they don't care what i have to say. i spent the night and the next day i hung out with them and Morgan drove me to two places. then she wants me to drive her ass around town and when we get to my house we were going to have dinner but she changes her mind because the pastor called and his family wanted to have dinner with them. so i have to drive their sorry asses all the way back to my friend's house., and i am in a rush and their sitting their criticizing my driving. i know i shouldn't have been speeding, but Elizabeth kept opening the door of my car while i was driving and then on facebook, yesterday Morgan was posting stuff on Elizabeth's wall like oh i can't wait to hangout but not facing my fears with Nikita. (me) and other stuff like i can't wait to see you Friday as long as Nikita Seth isn't driving, and this is after i drove her and Elizabeth everywhere and she talks crap on facebook, i know it's not end of the world but she's really unappreciative. She thinks everything is about her and then she sits there and says oh i am Jesus lover and i am christian even though she's rude to me and makes it public on facebook about how awful my driving is like twice. And then tells me i need Jesus in my life. Maybe i am making a big deal out of it, but i think it's hypocritical of her to say anything, and she sits ther on facebook and says oh i
can't wait to see you, i mean would you call her a fake friend? sorry if this is long but i need help ASAP. (link)
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Sometimes people grow out of friendships.
You've been going on and on (and ON!) about your "friends" for months now. First it was so-and-so became a Christian, which, apparently, is something you just cannot handle. Then, it's so-and-so wants to hang out with her Christian friends more than you. Then it's so-and-so doesn't give you much attention and is always wanting to watch her favorite movies with you. I mean, wow. I can't even grasp why you don't see what I see.
Please, dump them off and be done with it!
Do you know how bad this looks:
"...their sitting their criticizing my driving. i know i shouldn't have been speeding..."
You were RISKING their LIVES! And you think it is "selfish" of them to be talking to you about doing something that is ILLEGAL? I don't care if Suzy's left leg was sticking out of the window. You're the driver. You have the responsibility to drive rationally and to say, "Hey, Suzy, get your damn leg back in the car!" YOUR responsibility. I hate to break it to you but if a cop pulled you over...YOU are the one that gets the ticket, even if it's one of your passengers who is opening doors. The cop would say it was YOUR responsibility to tell your passengers to behave. Seriously. YOU.
Imagine this:
A cop pulls you over for speeding.
You explain that, yeah, you realize you were speeding and then say, "Well, Elizabeth kept opening the door!"
What do you think the cop is going to do? Is he going to say, "OH! I understand. Okay, well, I'll pretend you weren't speeding then because of stupid Elizabeth!" No. We're grown-ups here.
He's going to say, "Ma'am, you are the responsible driver in this situation. If your passenger was causing a distraction then it's your responsibility to take care of that situation for the safety of yourself and the other passengers in this vehicle." Think about it.
"...i did stop hanging out with her for a while, but i felt lonely that night."
Don't you think that sounds INCREDIBLY selfish and, well, self-centered? "I don't want to be friends with her but without her around I get really lonely and I'm the princess so I should never feel lonely!"
You are making a HUGE deal out of this. It is beyond time to let this go. If you don't like them, stop being friends with them. Seriously. There isn't ANYTHING else we can recommend at this point. NOTHING! I once recommended you talk with your friend about it and, if I recall correctly, you made it extremely clear that she was too selfish to listen to you.
So, you don't want them to be your friends?
Walk away from it. Get through the loneliness and find new friends.
We're not here to listen to your bitch, whine, and complain about a friend and then not really be seeking advice. I know I've told you at least once that if you don't like them don't be friends. You've heard it before. What else do you want us to say? We're Advicenators. Not people you come to when you want to talk shit about other people. We're here to give ADVICE.
Advice?
Stop being friends with people you don't want to be friends with! Problem solved! There is NO other advice to be given. You have made it extremely clear multiple times, for MONTHS, that you extremely dislike these people, feel like they're mistreating you, feel like they are below you, and feel like they aren't worthy of your friendship. Okay then. End the friendship(s), and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. It's your life!
I understand that it's hard to say goodbye to friendships. Trust me, I get that. I get what it's like to be unhappy with someone you feel should be a true friend to you. Trust me, I get that. I understand how difficult it is to make new friends when you have to let friendships go.
However, it's a part of being a grown up. Sometimes people go different ways and a friendship is no longer in the realm of possibility. Sometimes you just have to say, "Hey, we're completely different people. Let's move on. This friendship isn't working." It's the adult-thing to do. And, given the information from previous questions you've asked, as well as this one, it's time to grow up.
And, yeah, it isn't going to be fun or easy. Yeah, you're going to feel lonely sometimes. It's got to be done now. You're miserable. Chances are, both of these "friends" are pretty unhappy with you too, which may be why they're talking to each other about things they dislike about you (hey, you've got to realize you're doing it right here, right now, with us). It happens. It isn't fun, but it happens.
So, they're not giving you the respect you feel you deserve. You're unhappy. They're, obviously, unhappy. Why remain in this cycle? The only reasons a person would stay like this is:
1. For the drama (to be able to complain about the people later)
2. Because you're desperate (hey, everyone gets lonely)
Either way, it's not a healthy situation. You're hurting yourself here. You're over-evaluating every tiny details sometimes because the big picture is causing you a great deal of dissatisfaction. Please, please, please, just move on with life without them.
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