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i'm 22f still a virgin (yes i know but only because i live in a small place and i'm either related to the guys here or they don't like me in that way)
Anyways i'm been in an online relationship with this guy for almost 2 years now. We plan on meeting up to whenever both of us have enough money, just to see where things lead.
One of the things we well do is have sex of coruse. I'm not asking for tips or whatever, the thing is he thinks we'll have sex most of the time when we meet up and that's fine, i wouldn't mind that.
He said a few mins ago that couples who first start dating its nothing but sex for a while. I get that i really do. Thing is i rarely get in the mood, and plus when we do meet i don't want to always have sex all the time, maybe that'll change but highly dobtful on that. But he just doesn't understand that i don't to have sex all thetime, how can i tell him this without him thinking i'm being a prude about it?
Maybe i'll change my mind about it but who knows. (link)
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You need to open up and talk to him about what you're thinking and feeling. It might be difficult, it might start a fight, but not telling him can make the entire relationship go down the drain in a matter of minutes.
If he shows up at your door, expecting you to be all over him and ready to get it on and that doesn't happen the it's going to be a pretty bad situation. What he expects is not reasonable for a relationship like this.
Online relationships are different because you haven't actually been around the person yet. You don't know their little quirks just yet. You don't know a lot of things about the person until you're around them more. You can know a lot, you can know most things, but there are some things that cannot be conveyed in message and must be seen in person throughout the duration of a relationship.
There could be things you absolutely cannot stand about him--that he isn't even aware of so he can't even tell you about them. See what I'm saying?
While your relationship won't be just starting out when you two meet, you will be entering a new step in it--a step that most couples go through when they first get together. Before you jump in the sack with him you need to go through this. You need to spend time just spending time with him. Going out to eat, to the movies, bowling, and being able to see each other in action.
Sex needs to be put off for a little while until you two are more adjusted to each other in person. It doesn't mean you two won't have sex, or that you should put it off for a long period of time, but even a week is too short of a time, in my opinion. It's like being friends with someone and then deciding to date. You don't just hop into the sack. You give the relationship a little bit of time, even though you two know each other, and then see what happens in the bedroom.
You're not being a prude. You're being realistic. You're being mature. You're being in control of yourself. You're doing what is rational. You're doing what is right.
Just let him know.
- I really like you, and I think we have wonderful chemistry, but there is a topic that has come up a few times that's been on my mind. It's the whole sex aspect of "us." I think when you come visit me we shouldn't have sex right away, and it's not that I don't want to have sex with you, but I want our relationship to survive and I feel like jumping into that right away after meeting might end up damaging what we've built together. -
Couples who enter a relationship and immediately begin having sex usually don't last. Their relationship is hot as fire but burns out quickly because that's all their relationship becomes in the beginning. They haven't taken the time to build the real togetherness of what makes people compatible.
Just be open with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he gets upset that he isn't going to get laid right away then you might want to consider that you may be only a way to get laid to him. Talk to him, think things through, and figure out where things stand. It is DEFINITELY not unreasonable to say, "No sex right away, please!" and expect him to comply.
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