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21/f. He's 24/m. We've have been involved for four years. REALLY long story short, it's been a rough road for us. He used to be emotionally abusive, but he made a conscious decision to change. I agreed to let the past go, and forgive him. It was great for a long time, and despite his family hating me, we were happy.
Recently, I got a job in my field. Instead of being happy for me when I told him about the pay, he said, "That's it? You should turn it down."
Now when I try to tell him funny stories about work, he says "sweet" with no inflection, and changes the subject. He makes a point of letting me know I'm "not funny" when I try to joke around, or he thinks I'm serious when I'm not. He suddenly doesn't understand me anymore.
It's become increasingly obvious to me that he doesn't care. About anything, including himself. He's studying for the MCAT, and it's all he CLAIMS he ever does. I have absolutely no objection to him studying, and I'd be happy he was doing it if it was really what he wanted. Instead, he's doing it to appease his parents, and I hate him for it. He doesn't have the balls to stand up to them and say he doesn't want to do it. Of course, he doesn't know what he wants to do anyway.
I've lost respect for him, I'm becoming less attracted to him. He's starting to say little nasty things to me, and I just don't want to put up with it.
I think he just doesn't belong in my life anymore...but how do I tell him? In person, I know, but I have to get him to stop "studying" long enough for me to say something. How do I do THAT when I never see him?
Should I give him a chance to redeem himself? (link)
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Doesn't sound like he has changed that much, I hate to say it but people who have a history of verbal/physcial abuse don't always change and the chances are slim unless they seek professional help. The whole job thing sounds like he is not happy for you and doesn't wish you success. It is not right of him to be putting you down he is your boyfriend and he should be happy and supportive of you. I don't blame you for have little respect for this guy I would be the exact same way. It sounds like this guy needs to take a hike you deserve so much better. You have done something for you and all he can do is step all over it and shrug his shoulders. If you do not think he doesn't belong in your life anymore than you need to tell him and DON'T let him try the sympathy story. Here is an example you could use "I've given it a lot of thought lately, I am not happy in this relationship anymore you have said nasty things too me and you don't seem to be supportive and understanding I also feel you don't respect me in the way I should be respected I think we need to go our seperate ways therefore I no longer wish to be in a relationship with you" That is pretty straight foward and honest and he should get the point. I do NOT think you should give this guy another chance this is already his 2nd chance and he has made it pretty clear that he is not going to change his ways. If you stay with him and keep giving him chances you are only in the long run going to drain yourself out and become stress. You deserve better than that
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I also wanted to say, Anything is possible to overcome. I am also a victim of an abusive relationship only mine was both verbal and physical. I found it really helped me to use all the things that he said and did to me that upset, hurt or angered me. Whenever I had my doubts about leaving I made myself think of all the times I was crying and heart broken I dwelled on it too move forward and do what was best for me. In the long run, I'm free now and I'm happier than I have been in a really long time. Family and friends will be your support along the way.
Hugs
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Rating: 5
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Thanks. I definitely need some encouragement in this case...
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