askSiren_Cytherea
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Q: im 17 years old and 5 weeks pregnant.

my boyfriends family wants me to get an abortion.
my family doesnt want me to get an abortion.
i don't want an abortion.
my boyfriends family are saying if i keep the baby then he has to move out and there disowning him.
i feel guilty.
i dont know what to do.
adoption ISNT an option.
hes scared and doesnt think were ready, i don't either but happened.
he's worried hes going to have to sell everything and not have a life or go to any parties anymore.
How do i convince him that he can still have a life? and how do i convince him that abortion isnt the right option? how can i make him see that there is a life, part of him inside me and we shouldn't kill it just because we made a mistake?
I'm pro-choice, and I definitely condone abortion. You need to hear the other side of this argument. The red flag here is that you're already saying that you made a mistake.

You're seventeen - you're a baby yourself, and your boyfriend - this "kid," as Jack said below me - is still thinking about partying. Do you really think he's ready to be a father? Do you really want to bring a child into an environment where it isn't wanted? Where it's considered a mistake?

Your boyfriend is acting more mature about this than you are. Rate me down if you like, but that's the case. Children cost fantastic sums of money. You haven't even finished high school yet, I don't think. How can you possibly think of affording a child right now? Your parents seem like the type of people to help you out and that's great, but do you realize how MUCH they'd have to? To be a good mother, you'll have to sacrifice school, all your money, most of your time, your sleep, your PARENTS' sleep...this is just not a good decision by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not sure you've really considered everything that goes into this.

I'm not telling you to kill your spawn if you're absolutely against abortion - I'm only saying that you might need to consider adoption as a possibility. It's the best compromise in this situation. Your boyfriend has made it more than clear that he is not ready for this. Because he isn't ready, you aren't ready as a couple. It may have his DNA, but it doesn't make him a father, and you really don't want to be a single mother. You don't want to force your parents to take care of something that should be YOUR responsibility.

If your boyfriend's parents would really disown him because of this, then you need to consider his situation. You're ready to be a parent when you're ready to put your child's needs and your partner/husband/boyfriend's needs above your needs. Until you can really consider other people and compromise, you aren't ready to be a parent.

The first thing you need to do was already suggested - you need to sit everyone down and have an adult discussion about this. This is an adult dilemma and should be treated as such. Ground rules need to be set, and everyone needs to have a turn to speak. Go around the circle, no one can interrupt one another or respond until everyone has had a chance to talk. Then ALL of you can figure out what the best decision would be.

It should be your decision ultimately, but you know what - you're a minor. You're still a kid. Your parents SHOULD still have a say in this. Because your boyfriend is also still a kid (unless he's not, but you didn't specify that), HIS parents should also still have a say in this. You need to let them talk, and you need to listen to both sides of the argument.

Please, for the sake of your relationship, the life growing inside you, and the other people involved because you're so young, be open minded. Consider ALL the possibilities before you rule ANY out. Consider ALL the people involved in this situation before you make any decisions. Please.

Siren

[Edit]: I'm sorry you don't want to hear the other side of the argument and resort to hostility when someone disagrees with you. I'm not the one who needs to grow up here. Consider the mental, physical, and emotional well-being of your baby in your decision.

i stopped reading your answer after you said im being more immature than my boyfriend, first of all you dont even no the situation so you have no right to say, you dont know what hes doing or saying to me so screw off, you obviously dont know what this is like.. and when you do one day maybe youll grow up

bio
Siren_Cytherea
I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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