First, you're not being selfish. You're depressed, and afraid to be alone. It makes sense that it would be difficult for you to end your relationship when your boyfriend is your rock.

The question is whether or not the good outweighs the bad. No relationship is perfect, but relationships don't have to be painful, either.

Stalemates happen when couples stop listening to each other. You haven't mentioned anything in this post about his views on the matter, only that you two fight every time you talk on the phone. I can understand that you'd be afraid to deal with your problems on your own, and that you don't want to hurt him, but are either of you happy right now?

When one person isn't happy, a relationship doesn't work. In marriages, this problem usually results in couples' counseling. (In the future, please include your age for relationship questions. It changes things a little.)
If all you two do is fight, do you think he's happy? You two were such close friends - maybe he hasn't ended things with you because he doesn't want to leave you alone, but I think you two need to sit down and discuss this like the adults you seem to be (you type very well, I can only assume you're over fifteen). It's possible also that he's waiting for things to get better. Maybe he's convinced that you're both having trouble because you're depressed. Any psychological problem can take a major toll on a relationship.

I don't necessarily think it's obvious that split-up is in order, but maybe some form of counseling for the two of you is something to consider.

But first, you need to figure out what you want. If you could snap your fingers and have it work out exactly the way you wanted, what would happen? Would you be alone and happy? Would you be happy with him? I suggest you take the time that you aren't seeing each other to freewrite a little and see what conclusions you come to. The catch is you have to be completely honest with yourself. But the good thing is, the paper will never judge you. Don't worry about being selfish, about hurting anyone else, just worry about YOU.
But you also have to consider the fact that sometimes relationships just don't work, for any number of reasons. If it isn't meant to be, then it isn't meant to be. It's something you'll have to come to accept, and only you can help yourself do that.

But the reality is that depressed or not, you need to do what you need to do to help yourself. Staying in relationship hell when you're depressed certainly won't help you - or him, for that matter. Everyone is entitled to happiness. There's no reason to stay in a situation that forces you not to be. None.

So to answer your question "What should I do?" Before you do anything else, take some you time. Really consider all the possibilities. You said you were diagnosed with depression - you must have a psychiatrist or psychologist, SOMEONE you can talk to. Talk to him/her, if talking helps. If writing helps, do that. If drawing helps, do that. Do anything you need to figure out what it is that YOU want, boyfriend aside. Take a step back and figure out what steps you need to take to bring happiness back into your life.

You can always IM me if you want a nonjudgmental person to vent to, instead of a piece of paper (SirenCytherea on AIM). I'm on line all the time - just make sure you IM me more than once so I don't think you're spam.

If I don't hear from you, I wish you all the luck and love in the world.

Siren

Thank you very much, that was really helpful. Also, we're both about to turn 18.

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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