|
|
To be able to establish context and to get more information I urge you to check my previouse question at http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=560267
That said.
I mustered the courage to go talk to him today. I seem to have implied wrongly that we talk on a frequent casual basis which is utterly untrue... (unfortunately!).
With some effort today (considering the scarce unusual free time i had on my hand) I managed to look a little more attractive and "easy" to the eye... a little grown up so to speak. For some reason the only eyes that seem to turn are the eyes I don't want looking. I even mustered the courage to come up with a reason to go ask for information at the info desk where he was today. Fortunately i only resorted partially the idiotic plan my friends gave me... I indeed had a research paper and went to ask for some references (which would have taken me more time to find on my own but not impossible) we talked for a few seconds... obviously my question was idiotic and obvious... but I didn't care... even though I sort of got the hint that I am not really attracting him that much... he checked me out but there was no signs of interests beyond that.... in a moment of rationality (devoid of any emotional bias -I promise!) I realized that he seems to be nice because i'm so transparent and in a way i boost his ego...? I don't know... I might be over analyzing but i find it so hard to ignore my head even though it's emotionally tormenting me!!
what way is there, for me to establish a conversation or create a situation without me having to initiate it? in other words: is it humanly possible for me to get him to come to me on his own? without any direct influence...
Today is the first time I talked to him in a long time (since last summer? which was when we were able to make small talk) and i wouldn't even consider it talking (since i could have been talking to anyone else in the same way)... I can't read him anymore... i know he knows me but it's like it went back to formalities again even though we both recognize this bridge has been crossed already. He tenses up when he sees me and I don't know if it's nerves or if he is cringing at the sight of me since i no longer give that ego boost...
arghhh what is wrong with me? I've never been this irrational, nor have I been this emotional, or giddy :(
advice! how to eliminate these feeling, block them or otherwise, or how do i make it work!? I can't focus on Hume anymore!!!!!!
1. You're insecure. Stop it. I can tell by the way you talk and describe yourself that you're attractive, intelligent, and interesting. You're a REAL catch... And the sooner you realize that about yourself, the easier this dating business is going to be.
2. You're a late-bloomer. That's okay. So you've never really had a boyfriend. Think of the people that have. It's very rare to meet a person that's still with their first love at 23. It's almost just as rare to meet a person at 23 that's in a healthy relationship with long-term potential. I know you feel like you're missing out... But really, you're not. You're just moving at your own pace. And as cliche and corny as it sounds... Life is not a race.
3. Don't waste your time fretting over a man that lacks the confidence, or is just too d*mn lazy, to ask you if he can (at the very least) buy you a cup of coffee. I know that's difficult. (Really, I do.) But if you're stressing over him, you may be too distracted to notice another man that is trying to grab your attention.
4. I believe you mentioned that you aren't very good at the whole flirting thing. Not important. I promise. Again, I will sound corny and cliche... But just be yourself. I've met A LOT of guys that responded to me... Just being me. I suck at flirting. (But I've learned that it takes little more than eye contact, a smile, and a few nice words to encourage a guy that is interested in you. And that's all flirting really is anyway.)
So... While I know it's easier said than done: chill. It doesn't matter what this guy thinks of you. Wake up tomorrow morning, look in the mirror, and say, 'It's fantastic to be me.' If you see him, be polite but don't go out of your way to make conversation. Let him chase you. No prodding. And if he doesn't chase you... Say, 'His loss' and give another guy the opportunity to be smitten by you.
Maybe the insight into his character was right. And if it is... Your complete lack of effort is going to drive him b*tsh*t. (Trust me. I have met this type of guy before. More than once.) Just proceed with caution... You have more important things to do than boost his ego.
[view]
(Rating: 5)
I do sound insecure! very very indeed! which is driving me nuts... it's a bit better today because i don't feel like i am lacking in the beauty department owing to the little touch ups i actually had put effort to put on... thankfully i am back to concentrating on my readings which, as lame and pathetic as it may sound, are a wayyyy better companion than anyone at this phase in my life! urghhhh
thanks for the help!
| |
