askSiren_Cytherea
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Q: my friend is 16 and pregnant and shes my best friend, and shes thinking about abortion but like its her fault and the fathers, that she got pregnant what can i say to her to make her listen to other options like ive tried to bring it up but she keeps saying she wouldnt feel guilty and all this stuff
what should i do or say?
Best friend or not, this is NOT your decision to make. You need to back off and let your friend do what SHE feels is best for HER. She's sixteen, she can't afford in any way, shape, or form, to raise a child, especially in today's economy. Unless, of course, she's rich. In that case, by all means, try your hardest to convince her to have the kid and take care of it.
The most you can do is to ask her to really look into adoption. But then she has to be willing to go through the whole pregnancy, and the pains of childbirth. Pregnancy is difficult, though, even more so at the age of sixteen. It fucks with your body, your mind, your emotions, not even considering the possibility of complications from going through a pregnancy at such a young age. Not only that, but if she's ever had body issues (body dysmorphia, eating disorders, etc), they will be magnified by somewhere around a thousand.
Having a child means putting yourself second, no matter what. You have to be selfless to have a kid, whether you're going to raise it yourself or put it up for adoption. You have to eat right for the baby, you have to act right, you have to sleep right, etc...Not to mention the social issues she'd have were she to go through with this.
I personally think she's making the right decision here.
I understand the feelings behind the push for pro-life, but if the baby can't have a good life with its real mother, I'm pro-choice. It would be a different situation if the person in question were in her twenties with a job and a boyfriend and just decided "hey, I don't feel like having a kid right now."
Your friend is SIXTEEN. She has the rest of high school and college to go through. A baby would make everything so much more difficult than it already is.
As far as what to do or say, you're welcome to try to get your friend to see your side of things, but you also have to try to see her side of things. Put yourself in her shoes for real. If you still feel that you'd have it and give it up for adoption, then kudos on the bravery, but not all of us are like that, and you need to realize it.
So, in summary, you really have no say in this matter. This isn't your decision to make. The best thing you can do for your friend is to let her make the decision she feels is best. She needs your support right now, not your preaching. I'm sure she's getting enough of that from her family, if she's told them.
Help her, don't "help" her.
-Siren =)

[Edit] If I "dont even no", then you didn't include as much information as you needed to for us to analyze this question. She shouldn't be bragging about killing anything, you're right about that. But if she's bragging about killing the kid, then chances are she's aware of what she's doing.
I have done research and papers on abortion, not to mention looked into it for myself (just in case) and if anyone's not "educated by this topic enough," it's...well, not me. I'm graduating from college in may. I daresay I know quite a bit about human behavior and the way the brain works.
The keyword there is "MOST" women come out of it fucked up. Not ALL. Those who choose to have it done and can forget about it, after realizing that having a child at this point in their life would be NOT a blessing, but a mistake, are fine. In fact, I know two people who chose to have abortions very recently, and they're absolutely happy.
I stand by what I said the first time. You can help your friend by letting her do what she wants to do. Would you want someone pressuring you to kill your unborn baby when you wanted to give it up for adoption? Now flip it around...do you really think she wants someone pressuring her to give it up for adoption when she wants to abort it? Help her by being there for her. You can support her without agreeing with her.
Oh yeah, and a last note - if you're going to bash my education level, you might want to at least use the correct punctuation and grammar. If I had my red pen I could have a field day with your question and the "feedback" you gave me.

you dont even no, shes bragging about how she is pregnant and how she is going to kill her baby her parents said they would have her back and help her raise it and she knows that, and shes fucking bragging about killing it im not preaching to her, im trying to help her understand what shes really doing.. look into abortion yourself.. most women come out so fucked from it that if they just had there baby instead of killing it they would be a lot better off .. look into obviously your not educated about this topic enough.

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Siren_Cytherea
I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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