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Q: Me and my guy friend Mike have had a very rocky history. We've dated in the past, hooked up, fought, stopped speaking to each other, became friends again & so on and so forth. Anyway Mike is the most emotionally closed-off person in the world. He never opens up to ANYONE, not even his best friends. Just once I wished he would open up to me about something, anything really, but I knew it was not to be.
Well the other night he got some bad news and took it out on me. We got into a pretty bad fight [via texts] because he read something I wrote online that he assumed was about him [it was not at all]. After I informed him of his mistake, he believed me but still was picking a fight with me. As usual I was emotional and upset & he seemed to be uncaring. I figured if this is it and he doesn't want anything to do with me, I might as well let all my feelings out now. And I did. [I've let him know my feelings in the past, and he usually responds somewhat emotion-less or uncaring, and never says how he feels.] Well I guess something struck a nerve because he didn't respond for a while, and then when he did it shocked me. Basically he opened up to me and told me one of the deepest darkest things about himself. It was like he had finally done what I always wanted him to....yet now I was upset because it was so personal I didn't even know how to respond. Also it put into context why he's been acting he way he has and how it's not me that's been pushing too hard or anything, it's his own inner-battle. I finally came up with something to say but of course that was when my phone crapped out on me and hasn't been working right since. Then he texted me the next morning to explain why he had reacted so harshly originally and that he was sorry for taking his anger out on me. Again, I couldn't respond because of my eff-ed up phone.
Today I IM-ed him, just to let him know that I did recieve those messages and that I wasn't ignoring him. He said it was fine and then we just sorta conversated about random things like normal. But all I can do is wonder now...where does that leave us? I'm not by any means trying to push him into a relationship or anything like that, but for him to open up to me I must mean something to him, right? At least in terms of friendship, that's all. And how can I go about letting him know that I'll be there for him if he needs someone to talk to without seeming to over-bearing or without bringing up some bad memories of his? Or should I just act as if nothing was ever even said...?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance =)
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I would just tell him something like, "hey, I don't want to necessarily bring up the other night, but I know that stuff wasn't easy for you to tell me, and I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need me."
I've had experience with this kind of guy - he took all his frustration out on me, and I kept having to remind myself it wasn't me he was angry at, it was himself. He tried to push me towards perfection because he was imperfect, and it was just a really difficult relationship, but we became each others' confidantes, and were able to talk to each other about anything and everything. Though he wasn't really the type to say "hey, I'm here for you if you ever need me," he showed it through checking up on me, calling me if I had an iffy away message (something like "mleh", or "I need hugs,"), things like that.
You could go that route, too, if you don't want to take the direct approach. Pay attention to the way he acts, if something's iffy, check up on him. Be there even if he doesn't want to say he needs you. While no one can read minds, and we shouldn't be expected to, it can help to be aware of the underlying things that go on. Everyone reveals something sometime - you just want to make sure you pick up on it, if you want him to go to you for comfort.
Be his shoulder to cry on, so to speak.
If you choose to go the route of bringing it up directly, I wouldn't have a whole conversation about it because chances are he won't want to, but you can say your piece and leave the rest to him. You can't make him trust or rely on you, he'll have to learn on his own. And he will.
-Siren =)
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Thank you so much. That really does help =)
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bio
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I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.
I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.
I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.
Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.
***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***
If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.
I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.
Siren
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Info
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Website: Gender: Female Age: 26 AIM: Member Since: February 13, 2004 Answers: 1526 Last Update: April 26, 2014 Visitors: 107676
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