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Q: I have been with this guy for five yrs now and we have a son who will be three soon.There are many things about him that have just changed in the past four years and I'm only with him now for our son.I know I love him because he is my sons father and for the time we have been together but I'm just not in love with him. he has disappointed me so much.All the promises he made...he didn't accomplish not even one. He doesn't give me enough attention or time and he's just all about himself and not even since he has no car now and a sucky job so he isn't doing anything for himself anyways the list goes on and on....i have tried leaving him plenty of times but he just won't accept it even before I got pregnant and now it doesn't feel right trying to leave the father of my son. it doesn't feel right trying to look at anyone other than him for comfort but what should I do if I'm not happy by his side anymore? should I just keep sucking it up for my sons sake or try to move on and try to find love and happiness?? would that be selfish on my part? this is something that just kills me. I'm so confused and have mixed emotions because I also feel like it would be hard starting another relatinship now that I have a son, many guys don't want anuthing serious with women that already have children. and I want to get married and not have to date around...I'm 23 he is 26.please I would love to get some different opinions and just weigh out my pros and cons to conclude this dilema. thamks to all who respond.
Update***
You can still maintain some individualism and keep the faith you prefer. I don't recommend that you convert to please him. Your son needs you to be yourself and a strong role model just as much as he needs an intact family. You have sacrificed a lot to make this work...just don't sacrifice your beliefs...you need to have you still.


You are both pretty young, but the youngest and most innocent here is obviously your son. Being a parent means always doing what is best for your child. Unless you are in a dangerous situation it is best to stick it out. Feelings about being in love or out of love are really irrelevant. Feelings do come and go in most every long-term relationship. You can move beyond this and develop a deeper more meaningful connection with your uh...not spouse, right? ...with your baby-daddy? Why aren't you two married? I think you both should make a commitment to your son and provide a secure and whole family structure. Ask your "guy" to make this a priority with you. Prove your love for your son with actions, not just words. You are both young, but can choose to grow up together and take real responsibility for the life you created by getting married and making your family a daily priority.

thanx for the insight , we aren't married yet because we were going thru a lot of problems and also he is muslim and I am catholic, I'm not very religious but he just wants everything his way. he wants me to convert to islam which I would think about doing maybe but I'm not sure I should marry him just yet. although my son is my life so I think I will probably do everything to give him a good family and home...

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BitsandPieces
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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