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Q: This will be long, but I feel I need to give all the info for a good answer, will appreciate as many answers as possible, please and thank you. So, I am thinking of leaving the father of my child. He has not hit me in about 6 months. Before that though, I have had my head slammed into walls, hit in the back of the head with a fist, punched, thrown down, he held a knife to my throat and said he would kill me...been pushed and dragged in the woods, he said he could kill me if he wanted and cover it up because he had before, and also strangled two times, once while I was laying down breastfeeding my child. Now, the only evidence I have of this is that one of my friends saw bruises all over my body and another friend was there when I got thrown down while holding my baby. I never called the police because any time i threatened, phones have been broken and his family was very angry when my dad found out i was being abused and called the cops. his parents still do not believe their son is capable of harm and think I am full of shit. my family lives 2000 miles away. He also has broken almost everything I own that means something to me, including pictures of my dead pet and pictures of my best friend and I that are 10 years old. So my question is, without real proof, can I obtain custody of my child...and also, his family is wealthy and will buy the best lawyer around, and be there to support him, and my family is far away and i would have to settle with a public defender. I do not want my baby to never see his father, I know deep down that his dad loves him and it wouldnt be right to take him away. I just want to be the one in control so I can look out for the safety of my child. also, does it matter that he is supposedly "recovered abuser" since he has not hurt me in 6 months? I am very confused. he is also mentally abusive using words like "cunt" "stupid idiot" and "your the stupidest person I have ever met". He does not consider that abuse though. So any input on the outlook of my case if i decide to pursue it would be very helpful, and is there anything i can do about all my belongings that he has smashed and ruined? (one such item was worth $250) thanks very much
Excellent advice already, so I just want to add my support to you personally. Whether or not the abuser considers himself recovered or think his words are okay is irrelevant. He is at best mentally ill, and at worst, an evil bastard who will eventually kill you, your child or both. Abuse of this kind is to be taken very seriously. Go to the police today, immediately. If a stranger on the street did these things to you, you would know how much danger you are in, but you have been fooled into thinking that this psycho guy has love for you as well as hate. He only loves his power over you and not you. I know you are confused...that is perfectly understandable. When you seek help and get away from him, things will become more clear over time and you will wonder why you put up with his abuse for so long. For now don't worry about the financial losses. What he is taking and destroying is you, and your child's chance at a secure and happy life. You and your child are worth far more than the items you have lost already. Get out with your life! Contact the police and women's shelter right away. Tomorrow you may not get the chance. You are in real danger...like a frog in a pot of boiling water who does not hop out and save himself, because the heat was turned up slowly over time...you don't realize how bad things are until it is too late. Get out of that pot! God bless you and please find the strength to do this for you and your innocent precious child. Don't worry about the details, have faith that they will work out. You have my prayers and support. Keep in touch.

thank you

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BitsandPieces
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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