Siren_Cytherea's advice column

askSiren_Cytherea

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Well I'll keep it short for once. We've done some foreplay, me and my boyfriend, mostly on him. At the time we started trying sex I hadn't let him try anything on me, and we had really troubles, well, getting it in. This could be because I was so nervous (I would not get completely undressed!) and also we'd done little except kiss before trying. We tried again after the first time, the same problem. And then again a third time, and whether it was the nerves of not being able to do it before and the pressure, I don't know. Either way we decided to wait for a bit more and of recent weeks we've started to move on, doing a bit of foreplay for me too! I was wondering, do you have any advice on what to do, or anyone who had this problem of 'not getting it in' too? Any advice? Do you think it's more likely to work fourth time lucky?! Any answers are VERY VERY welcome. Thanks!

Ah, the first time issues...I had problems too, it hurt me continuously for like, the first three or four times.
Lubrication is VERY important. If you're not wet enough, then he's not going in anywhere...lol.
Make sure you get enough foreplay.
Also, I don't want to lecture or preach, or anything, but really - if you're not comfortable enough with this guy to get completely undressed around him, then you should probably wait 'til you are to have sex with him.
Granted, I'm not sure if you're still that uncomfortable, or if it was just that first time, but you get the idea, I'm sure.
He needs to do whatever he can to relax you, and turn you into girl-putty if you're too tense. Tension causes MAJOR problems, and it can hurt him, too. (But don't WORRY about it, or you'll wind up even more tense! =P)
Anyway, you have every right to be a little scared, it does hurt, and that's totally normal, if your hymen isn't broken. So you're not weird, or abnormal. You're probably just nervous.
Good luck honey!
-Siren =)

P.S. To the columnist who posted first on this question, I'm not one to encourage bickering between advicenators, or between the people who ask questions on this site and the people who answer them, but shut the FUCK up. This is a site for advice. If you don't want to answer a question, don't. If you think a question is unnecessary, ignore it. If people can ask what song they should play for their boyfriend on their one-month "anniversary," then a girl can ask why she's having so much trouble getting a first time with her boyfriend.

Rating: 5

Thank you very much for your answer, it was awesome! Yesh, the times we tried were about 3 months ago now and we've become a lot more comfortable with each other now :) Thank you again! :D

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren