Update...There are forces in society and from upbringing that have unseen workings in our lives and decisions and sometimes it takes years to begin to realize the roles that others play in directing what we think are our own life decisions. Just give yourself room to breathe and grow in this relationship, but more importantly in your own being. Your intentions are golden, but the reality of young love is that it is a fragile painting. Beautiful to look at in the moment, but unlikely to last as long as the wall that holds it up. No matter what happens, keep painting. You are the one who holds the brush, not a character in this painting. Keep painting...


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This is not about the physical act of sex as much as it is about your emotional state. I am glad you know that you need to be relaxed, but it could be more than that. Are you worried about the decision you made to marry so young? That is a ton of pressure...being a virgin, married young, etc. Are you in love...deeply and totally? Most people have sex before they are ready whether they are married or not and being married does not automatically make you ready for sex. If you have not consummated the marriage you can get it annulled if you have doubts. Marriage should not be forced or feel forced, but many times it is when you grow up in a conservative and religious environment that condemns sex outside of marriage and promotes early marrriage to lessen the risk of sex before marriage. It is one of the worst reasons to promote marriage to the young, because it will usually end badly for both partners. If you are determined to stay married and work this out, then give yourself time with the intimacy and sexual union to occur naturally. Nothing should be forced by him or you. You are a wife, but you are a very young woman who may not be ready for all that it means. Losing your virginity is a one time deal and it needs to be on your own terms and no one elses.

thanks.. you gave really great advice..but im not that young. im 21..and i do love him, and the marriage was not out of force.

i think this is mostly emotional too... mostly fear. hopefully everything will work out

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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