askBitsandPieces
advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I've been dating this guy for a month, and he's been really sweet - like he's just everything I'm looking for in a guy. Unfortunately, he's ALWAYS so busy with his fraternity, with college, & his job, that he never usually has time to see me. So, I only see him a like one/two days a week, and it's not that much because we live really close to each other. I've always been suspicious that he could have another girlfriend, and I've joked around, not thinking it could actually be the truth.

So, tonight we were on a date, and he was dropping me off at my house, and he was showing me a couple pictures of his cat on his phone and then all of a sudden he gets a call from someone called "Babe" with an area code of Austin, [we live in San Antonio.]

As soon as I saw it, I was like, OH BABE!? And he's like, "WHAT?" And I'm like, Ohh so you do have another girlfriend, and he's like, "ooh fuck this, you need to trust me."

Then finally when I got him to calm down he's like, "It's a guy, named Babe -- he's my friend."
& I'm like, oohhkay. I didn't believe it & I still don't. I called my best friend and she said he's probably playing me. Which makes me sorta sad.

Does it sound as if he's cheating, and if you think he is, how can I find out who this "BABE" person is?

Thank you. :]
You have only been with this guy a month, and how long have you been suspicious? This is pretty bad, if you have trust issues this early in. He has a pretty full life without you in it, but has still been making time for you. If it is not enough for you, then either ask for more time with him or break up. Keep being suspicious for no reason and it will drive him away, maybe into another girl's arms. Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy?

Unfortunately I found out yesterday that he was cheating, he ended up texting me and saying that his girlfriend found out about me & him and that it's over [between me&him]. Him & his girlfriend were together for four years. I don't care anymore.

bio
BitsandPieces
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

Info
Website:
E-mail:
Gender:
Female

Location:
California

Occupation:
Writer, Mentor

Age:
37

Member Since:
August 9, 2006

Answers:
1106

Last Update:
September 17, 2008

Visitors:
201906

Main Categories:





Favorite Columnists















layout by Adam Particka

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker