tasuki's advice column

Hey... ok, this question is crazy so don't say I didn't warn you.

I think I'm looking for opinions more than advice... and I want to hear what you all think!!

Ok, I am a 20 year old female and I am about to start my third year of college. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about 3 years. We actually went out for 2 years, then broke up for 8 months because I didn't want a relationship, and have now been back together for a few months. He is deffinitely the love of my life, and we intend on getting married in the future.

Why in the future and not now? Well, he recently joined the army and will be in it for the next 4 years. He is now stationed across the country and is going to Iraq for a year soon. He visits as much as he can, and we have no problems making the relationship work. We always talk about getting married in 4 years, because that is when he will get out of the army and I will be finishing up college.

So what is my question about? Well, we got to talking the other day, and the idea of us getting married NOW came up. The reason this even came up is because if we do it now, he will get payed twice as much for being married and in the military. Not only that, but I will also be able to get on his health insurance plan provided by the army. And lastly, the army would pay for my last four years of college... and because I am not eligible for financial aid, that would save us about 150,000 dollars in loans (after interest) once I am graduated.

If we get married now, there would be no ceremony since it's too last minute... he leaves for Iraq in 2 months. We would just sign the papers and be legally married. In your opinion, is this a mistake? Is it selfish or in bad taste? We both intend on getting married to each other, and we both love one another and have faith in the relationship. If we get married now, we intend on having a big ceremony in a year or two. What do you think? I mean if we are getting married anyway and love each other, shouldn't we just do it now and make our lives in the future easier?

All opinions are welcomed and appreciated! Thanks! :)

I can't say for sure if it's a mistake or not because I'm not the one getting married--this is entirely your choice, and you have to follow your instinct on it. You don't know for sure that it will make your lives easier in the future (note: once you're married, that becomes "life". Cool, huh?) because really, you don't know what will happen. But if it were me in this situation, I would seize the day and get married now! It seems like you're ready. It is selfish--that's the point of getting married! You're not doing it for your mother or a group of homeless orphans, you're doing it because you love each other! But I don't think it's in bad taste, a lot of couples do this when one of them is going into the military. The main reason, I'm sorry to say, is because you really don't know what will happen. In Iraq, I mean. But even if it was in bad taste, it's not anybody's business but yours and his.

Hope it works out for you,
Lea

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(Rating: 5) thank you so much! you made some really good points! :)

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