tasuki's advice column

My best friend, we can call her H, just told me she was bi, and now has a girlfriend. Now don't get me wrong, i have no problem with her being bi, it's just i'm soo weirded out, because 2 months ago, she was grossed out about people being Bi, and said she'd never be it. Now yesterday she was confused if she was bi or not, and today shes "sure" she is and she has a girlfriend.

I'm just so weirded out by it, and i don't know why.

Any ideas what could be my problem, it's kind of sad i don't even know what i'm feeling, maybe this situation was the same with someone else? if so, please help. Thanks.

Questioning one's sexuality is very confusing. When she was grossed out by it, she might have been disgusted by her own feelings, or that may have been her way of testing the water. She might have just said that to see how you reacted, so that she would know if she could come out to you. About changing her mind...well, it happens a lot. I've gone through several phases when I only liked women, and others when I've only liked men, which I'm certain confused my friends. I also go through phases where I want to have lots of children, but right now I just want to have cats. People change their minds, teenagers especially. We're trying out different roles to see what we want our life to be like when we're adults. And it doesn't take very long to change your mind. It could take a second. Your friend had an entire night to become "sure" about it.

And I bet this isn't the last time she changes her mind.

Now, about your problem. You don't actually have one. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do--it's a perfectly natural reaction. It's like you're in an amusement park, and your friend is pulling you by the wrist. The second you get to the ferris wheel, she turns and pulls you to the roller coaster. What you need to do is break away from her, and go sit on a bench or something. In other words, stop caring so much about her sexual orientation. Like I said, she's going to change her mind a lot. She's going to come up to you and say, "I don't like guys at all--I'm completely gay now!" You smile and nod and say, "That's nice." Because I guarantee that within a month, she's going to have a boyfriend. Just let her experiment, let her make her own mistakes, and don't concern yourself with what she does unless she's in danger. Her orientation is not your problem. She's still herself no matter what happens, focus on that. Just let it be, and the weirded out-ness will go away. I know it seems hard, but it isn't. Just take a deep breath, clear your mind, and accept. Do this as many times as you need to. Trust me, I've done it and it never fails.

Good luck!

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(Rating: 5) thank you.

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