So, like, I'm this guy. And like, I do stuff...
Chemist, musician, artist, programmer, coach, husband, dad, uncle, etc.
So yeah.
Advice-wise? There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Website: Not My Site!
E-mail: sporkopolis2001@yahoo.com
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I recently started dating a guy with a very very close family. I am 22, he is 24, and still living with his parents while he saves up to buy a house. The problem is that I'm starting to see signs of his parents making too many decisions for his life.
First of all, he is christian, and quite religious. Me and him have made the decision to wait to have sex, at least for now. I think this is a personal decision that is between me and him.
He stays at my house sometimes, and has already slept in the same bed at me while staying at my mothers house, at my house, and at my sisters house. There is not a problem with this because we are both adults, and are very capable of making out own decisions.
But, recently he told me that he doesn't think he should stay at my house anymore because his parents are already getting suspicious. He has already told him that we're not having sex, but, apparently, they don't believe him, and are trying to stop anything from happening.
Another thing is that I'm planning a trip to Florida, and he really wants to go. He is allowed two weeks vacation from work, and would only need one week. The problem is that he works for his father. I would not see a problem if his father told him "I don't think I can give you the time off, because I need your help here" But, instead, he said "I don't think you should go because you need to save your money"
This guy is 24 and is capable of making his own decisions on where he sleeps at night and what he spends his own money on.
I'm wondering how I could make this clear to him, that it bothers me, without making it uncomfortable. I do not want to make things uncomfortable for me and his parents, him and his paretns, or me and him. Any advice would be much appreciated. (link)
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ok, yeah... ouch... he's 24... it is well past the time to be cutting himself loose and live his own life.
Admittedly, being not very intimate with the actual situation, I can only run on things I've seen happen with others - and that has been everything from the adult child continuing to submit to every whim of their parents to the person pulling a 180 and totally alientating their parents, causing large-scale family drama. Obviously, neither of those extremes are desirable.
I mean, you're in a relationship with him, so only you know how and what you're able to discuss with him... but I would hope that, even though this is a touchy subject, you are able to point out your observations and push back. I mean, it is your relationship and HIS relationship... not his parents'... you're allowed to be "selfish" in this regard - you are trying to deepen your bond with him it would seem, and I do not blame you for being uncomfortable. Speak out and make your position clear.
He's got to live his own life, and he's got to make his own decisions, especially regarding your relationship.
You've got the insight on him, you've got the read, so I can't give you anything more specific other than to say that I feel you really need to push back... maybe not hard at first, but you need to make your position known and understood by him.
Good luck.
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