So, like, I'm this guy. And like, I do stuff...
Chemist, musician, artist, programmer, coach, husband, dad, uncle, etc.
So yeah.
Advice-wise? There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Website: Not My Site!
E-mail: sporkopolis2001@yahoo.com
Gender: Male
Occupation: Chemist
Age: 32
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My boyfriend an I have made plans for the future. I never ask for advice, I rather give it.. but I find myself at a loss of words when him and I tackle a few subjects. Our relationship is amazing, everything is going right, and is headed in a positive direction. However, for quite some time now.. I've believed strongly in a few select topics. And he refuses to be open-minded about these things. He relies on the excuse, "It's how I was brought up." I'm sorry if it's being unsympathetic, but I just don't see that as an excuse. He's an adult, he can make up his own mind. Everytime we talk about these things, it starts a debate, which neither of us can seem to win. If there would be one thing that would end our relationship, it would be this. He denies that he's closed-minded and it's a pointless argument everytime to him, but he refuses to change and I refuse to be okay with this. Any advice? (link)
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Ahh... the joys of two strong-willed people in love... ;)
Next time he says, "It's how I was brought up", counter him with, "so, you're just going to blindly continue to live your life based on that?" or "so what?"... both drive home the message a bit.
However, you must also realize that changing him isn't always the best option - in fact, trying to force change on someone could be disasterous. You also used the magic word: debate. Don't debate things with him... discuss things... that way it isn't a competition and perhaps the both of you will be better able to talk about these things without feeling like someone will win while the other loses. Point out to him that for two people to have an on-going relationship, they have to be able to trust each other, and if he's unable to trust you to be able to talk to you about these issues in a level-headed manner... well, then he's really disrespecting the whole relationship.
That said, you should not be demanding change - don't force him to change, because that will only bring out resentment from him. And nothing will kill a relationship faster than two people starting to resent each other.
So what am I saying? The two of you must talk this out a bit more and come to some level of compromise - don't avoid the topics that cause this, but find a way to work through it. My wife and I still but-heads on a few topics, but the thing is, we've learned to try to understand each other's points of view over the years, so while we don't always have to agree, we can at least understand why we believe what we believe and we don't allow it to get in the way of anything else.
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Rating: 5
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I appreciate the advice, thanks for handling it like it wasn't a stupid question.
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