I'm Victoria. I haven't been on this site in a while. If you have received advice from me before and liked it, please feel free to ask more questions.
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A father finds his son praying at night. 'God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta Grandpa.' The father finds this odd, but doesn't think too much of it. The next morning the grandfather dies. The father remembers the night before, but doesn't say anything. That night, the son prays, 'God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.' The father hopes that nothing happens to the grandmother. Sure enough, the next morning the grandmother dies. At this point the father gets really scared. That night, the son prays "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy". The father stays up all night long, frightened. Early in the morning he goes to the doctor to make sure everything is fine. When he comes home, his wife is waiting frantically in the driveway and yells "Honey, come quick! The milkman just dropped dead on the porch!"
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"Cowards die many times before their deaths: the valiant never taste death but once. Of all the wonders that I have yet heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear, seeing that Death,a necessary end, will come when it will come."
-Caesar Act II line 31-37
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" So our stories have made you sad, you tell me. Yes, this I can understand...but tears are not the right response. For every painful story there is one of beauty, one to learn from...You must never forget the art of enjoyment, otherwise the pain of survival will crush you."
-Gasper, a guerilla with the Guatemalan National Revolutionary union.
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E-mail: mephisto_queen@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Detroit
Occupation: Spiritual being
Age: 20
AIM: mephisto queen
Yahoo: blahgirl06
Member Since: February 26, 2004
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Hi, what I will address won't mainly be asking for advice, but for the input of the columnists on advicenators on a very controversial issue of morals against faith in the latter of sex.
I know that among some religions that premarital sex is sinful and highly prohibited without any exceptions, but what are your opinions?
I myself am a Catholic-Christan, and believed in the "sex until marriage" thing when I was together with my boyfriend. But as we got to know each other over the years, we got into intellectual conversations about this topic and if it's argument is valid and reasonable. I'm not saying that our relationship prompted a shift in mindset on this issue, but knowing him and being with him for so many years along with witnessing other married couples made me think about this a little more thoroughly.
I started to think about it as I grew older, and I began to feel differently. The divorce rate in the U.S. is at an amazingly high rate, and more couples are breaking it off even after saving the sex until marriage "policy". On some occasions I even think that these breakoffs are due to the quality of the sex. If the sex isn't good, usually lovers leave and commit infidelity. Unless the couple is really committed to one another, they will keep trying to make the sex work out.
The way I think about this scenario now is that I believe that it is acceptable to have sex before marriage, under certain circumstances. Because a couple must establish that intellectual intimate bond with commitment, devotion, loyalty, etc. Even then does that take years to accomplish, and the time spent shows respect to each other that both partners are willing to stick it out this long and wait for each other to take action that is of great importance. Also after all that is done, the relationship goes to the next level in the stage of sex. Having sex before marriage lets the couple know how how much they really love each other and how much they are willing to commit to each other. In a sense it tests us on how much we value sex and what factor it plays in our life. And if we don't pass the test in avoiding adultery, it was never meant to be with that person, so how can a couple get married if sex and passion got the best of them to steer them toward someone else?
To conclude, although you could say I'm going against my religion, it doesn't mean that I don't have faith. A lot of the "rules" that we have to abide by sometimes do seem unreasonable, in order to understand love and all the goodness that it brings, I really don't think marriage is enough to keep someone faithful.
In no ways am I encouraging premarital sex, especially on advicenators with teeny-boppers running around having sex with their semi-erect penises, but what I am saying is that before sex comes commitment, loyalty, devotion, understanding, civility, and vice versa. But I do believe that before marriage comes sex. Why because marriage is the highest level that a couple can go through to show their love toward one another for all of eternity, and how can you reach the highest level without sharing everything of yourself to your soulmate, including your most prized possession?
I apologize if I come off a little bias, but that isn't my intention at all. I'm not promoting anything, nor am I objectifying "sex before marriage." Those couples who are able to succeed through this lifestyle, I admire you, I really do. Especially in a society that is centered around sex nowadays. But I would like to know the opinions of others to better understand this controversial subject.
Thanks and sorry for the long read! I hope to hear a lot of responses! (link)
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Hmmm, you posed a very intelligent question, one of the best ones since I've been on this site. Let me start off by telling you when I think a couple should have sex. I people should have sex when both people respect each other and themselves, and there is some strong and deep feeling between the two of them. I don't believe in having sex with the first person you see, no matter how..."compelled" you may be. But, not having sex until you're married *sigh!* oh, boy! Its kinda like mind over matter, huh? I've never had relations of any sort, but I know that I'm going to have pre-marital sex. By the way, i'm not Christian, if you're wondering. It depends on the person. For example, I know that I'm either never going to get married or I'm going to get married a number of times, thats because of my personality, I'm not skanky or anything, but sometimes I grow weary of people, even those I love. True, this society does push sex on even the youngest of children, but people need to understand the difference between having sex and making love. Having sex is just, well having sex, but making love, there is emotion between the people involved, passion, something that many relationships nowadays lack. In todays society, if you're a virgin, you're equivalent to being a loser, which isn't true. But I feel that modern religions are well...outdated. I'm not looking to offend anyone, but please, hear me out. You have to look at when many of these Holy Books were written and also consider who wrote them. Mainly men, and in Biblical days, having a married a wife who was a virgin was a prize, I guess it showed it was virtuos. But many women who were not virgins were taken outside of the city and stoned to death...doesn't that sound primitive? In spite of some of the things I have said, I feel that sometimes virginity is pushed too hard in religion, I mean theres nothing wrong with chastity, but...I can't seem to find the words to explain to say what I mean... oh, tarter sauce! I hope you got something from my useless babbling.
MAd Love,
Victoria
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Rating: 5
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I couldn't agree with you more. I've never been in a position to question my faith, but yea this issue pretty much did it for me. It really does depend on the person and their own personal morals. I also agree with your "making love" statement compared to raw sex, it just isn't right...as for why, I can't really say either. As for your chastity comment, you are definitely right. There isn't anything wrong with it at all but yet there isn't anything wrong with premarital sex either, depending on the person's reason to act upon their actions. Thanks for your input, it was greatly appreciated :)
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