I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
Gender: Male
Member Since: December 31, 2006
Answers: 3591
Last Update: August 30, 2022
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I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder a couple months ago. I'm on an antidepressant and things were going wonderful and I was finally happy up until a month ago. I started going back to how I used to be (drinking, etc.). I also have ADD so I'm very restless/impulsive all the time and that's what the result is I guess. I don't want to slip back into my old ways. I'm trying so hard not to. It's just everyone my age makes it so difficult. I really need to focus on school and just getting myself better again. It's just that everytime I do I start slipping again. Help? How can I stick with this for once? (link)
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The problem is that you have THREE SEPARATE problems rather than just the one you're currently getting treatment for.
It seems like the medication and psychiatric intervention for depression is working as hoped and will if you ditch the drinking. You NEED to be HONEST with yourself and call the doctor who treats your depression and tell him/her that your drinking is out of control. It's no wonder you're having trouble.
Pills of any kind and especially anti-depressants and drinking alcohol period let alone in excess is a bad idea. They interact and depending on the situation can be a deadly cocktail.
You need to tell your family about your drinking and get treatment for that. This is a separate problem on its own to be treated apart from depression. If your family doesn't know how to help you have them call Al-Anon who will have answers on how to help your situation.
ADD/HD is another problem that can collide with being depressed and treatment for that. Your psychiatrist needs to know what is happening here and actually get you on medication that combats it and your depression. Both need treated by the same person.
School and life will start to get better gradually. If your friends drink in excess at parties or use substances while hanging out tell them you're in treatment and can't drink etc. etc. and won't be attending.
Either do that or have a designated sober friend to keep you out of trouble. It's hard but if you want to be well you need to be brutal. That's how you regain control and move forward in school or life.
You have to stay 100% clear of the things causing you trouble and worry about their feelings and perception of you later. It's better to have nobody to hang with and free of depression, booze or drugs than to get into trouble.
If medication isn't working tell your doctor and let them adjust it so that it does but never stop taking pills on your own as it will be ten times worse a situation.
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the outer layer of my lips (down there) are kinda tanish color, but the rest is really pink. is that normal for it to be tanish? and they kinda hang a lil is that normal too?
u heard if you had sex alot, they get like that color... is that true? cuz i have been with the same guy for almost 3 years.
thanks (link)
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No two vulvas nor penises look exactly alike. The colors and pigment of the labia (outer and inner) are often very different in color and texture. What you describe is indeed normal and nothing to be concerned over.
Nothing is sexually nor anatomically wrong here. You can masturbate to your heart's content and nothing will happen to your genitals. No matter how often you do that or with whom you have sex nor how frequent it can't change the color of your labia or appearance of your vulva at all. You're 100% fine physically so don't sweat it.
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You can have more than one best friend can't you? (link)
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Yes, of course. It's never limited to one. In fact you can have best-friends many times over. As long as those friends rank higher than casual friends who drift in and out of your experience. Best-friends are anybody you can trust with anything and are always there for you and a constant presence in your life.
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I am a naturally extremely passive person. I let people walk all over me and rarely stick up for myself. Having to say excuse me to someone even makes me nervous. I have no problem asserting myself to my friends. How can I be assertive? I don't really want to be aggressive either, which I can be towards my parents and a particular teacher. Furthermore, the thought of even asserting myself makes tears well up in my eyes a bit, so any advice on not bursting into tears when defending myself would be useful too! (link)
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NEW INFO: I've had mental health issues myself and have seen people with the problem you have over and over.
You may not think you need to see a professional but it's the only way to handle this crippling problem. It's worth doing because neither you or anyone else has handled it for you. It's a big problem if you're afraid of people this much. it's not normal.
Most people with this kind of issue don't think it's BIG enough to warrant professional intervention but It IS. You can't function correctly and they've got the answers you want. It will change your life. right now let's face it you're scared of your own shadow. Is that normal? Then let's at least see a professional ONCE and discover how they can heal this with you. Nothing to lose.
ORIGINAL:
When you were little you must have spoken up for yourself to have your voice heard only to be chastised by an adult.
The way they reacted must have been traumatic enough to make you afraid to be assertive ever again because you were too young to know different.
Your problem is psychological in nature and a mental block that you cannot get pasted easily. It would be to your benefit to see a psychologist or even psychiatrist (no shame in either) to find out what causes this in you and steps to overcome it.
The fact that being assertive or afraid to say "excuse me" to people is not normal behavior and signs of a problem that is affecting your mental well-being and has been far too long.
You need to see a professional to really deal with this and reach out to adults you trust for support. If you can't defend yourself in normal everyday situations without bursting into tears something's really wrong and they can diagnose it and tackle fears. You owe it to yourself to get helped.
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so my friend fingered me a while ago. it felt good and everything, but it was the first time. 2 nights ago he asked me how it felt and i told him it felt good and he asked how did it feel good. I can't really explain how it felt good. i told him i'd give him an answer, i just don't know how to explain it, any help? (link)
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I think he wants to know two things in particular. First, he's really asking how you enjoyed it to validate that he did well. It's an ego thing. Secondly, he's interested in knowing whether you experienced any sensations at all. His question is meant to meant to make him feel secure.
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Well this is kind of embarrassing to ask but, can you get loose from masturbating? (link)
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You can masturbate to your heart's content and it will not and cannot affect size, shape, texture, appearance of your vulva and vagina nor looseness nor tightness. You're fine no matter whether you continue doing this or don't in the future. It can't hurt or affect you or even change your private parts in any way, shape form.
It's pretty much universal with teens of either sex at your age. nothing to be embarrassed about it's normal and healthy provided it's not consuming your entire life where it becomes all you do and friends and life take a back seat.
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Well, I'm shy.I really want to get out of being shy! I've been this way for as long as i can remember. Now I'm not like, shy shy, like one of those people who hides in a corner and doesnt talk to anyone, but I'm the kind of shy that keeps me from being overactive. I'm hyper and honestly, perverted, at times. I like being hyper but it only lasts for a little while then I go straight back into my shell. I also want to be less shy with my boyfriend and be able to actually have fun with him..any tips? (link)
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What you need to do is be who you are around everyone else. Be the goofy perverted kid that you know you are and don't give two shits about what others think. that's what they're doing right and you aren't for starters.
Your outgoing classmates probably fear being judged so much that they could care less about what you do or say. Be who you want to be and let the chips fall where they may. Don't be wild and crazy all the time but be serious, reserved etc. when called for.
This is the only way to handle it to stop being fearful of how others may think and just be you otherwise you'll forever be miserable. If I were you I would sign up for student council, clubs and above all take drama.
It will teach you to be more open and clicking with others more. You can't be shy in drama class. As far as your boyfriend goes he already likes who you are. If you trust him no matter what just be spontaneous and aggressive as you need to be without thinking about it. That's the only way to lick your problem.
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how do you get someone to forgive you. Ok so this guy likes me and I haven't texted him in about one month because I got my phone taken away. so on thanksgiving he texted me saying happy thanksgivig and I texted him back because I had jus gotten my phone the night before. So then I texted him and he won't text back. He probably thinks I am a liar but I'm not. What's even worse is that I promise him that when I got my phone back I would text him by I didn't. :( how can I get him to forgive me? Please help me (link)
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There really isn't an issue that needs forgiveness. Thanksgiving was only 1-2 days ago and people also take Saturday/Sun/Monday off. He's probably with family and not in the least bit concerned with "why's she texting me now rather than before?"
Nobody thinks like that and he isn't. He will get back to you at school--just watch. However, if you kept texting him over and over during Thanksgiving that will piss him off and be the only reason he doesn't get back to you.
It makes you look immature and clingy. Not only that but he may have to pay for all incoming texts.
Let him know about your phone situation when you see him. I'm sure all is okay. It's probably a situation of being away with family and not having time for anything else.
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I feel like my so called "best friend" doesnt care about me. I realyl don't feel like anyone does really, and that sounds so stupid. I mean if i'm upset or something and just have my hands over my face, no one asks me if i'm okay or anything. I just don't understand what i'm doing wrong. I try to be the best friend that I can be and end up failing miserably. Just like with everything else. I try being the best sister, daughter, anything and I fail. What am I doing wrong? (link)
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Stop trying to be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. You'll make yourself downright sick with ulcers if you continue living like that. Just relax, don't take things too seriously and live in the moment.
You're worried about "what if" rather than "what is" Nobody has come up to you and said you're a shitty friend, terrible daughter, sister etc. have they? They won't either. what's driving them away is this fearful behavior. They can sense you're emotionally tied up in knots and don't know how to handle that.
Your friend may not have known how to respond to your face in hands it happens. She may have felt you could deal with it. She can't be there to hold your hand but if you asked for help I'm sure she'd give it. there's NO problem with any of these people in your life that I can see based on facts presented.
You might not like this but you're too wound up inside and fearful of people hating you etc. etc. and it's not normal behavior. Forget therapy or guidance counselors who know zilch and see a medical professional about obsessive fear and worry about being a failure and people not liking you. You've got to kick this before it becomes even bigger.
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I have been having the strangest itchy place on my hand. I really don't know what to do about it or what it is so I thought I would ask and see if it is something that has happened to anyone else? Does anyone know what it MIGHT be?
Thank you for any advice! (link)
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You should consult a dermatologist. They deal with skin conditions exclusively. They can tell you what it is and give a prescription cream to keep it in check.
The person below sounds right in her thinking but do get it checked to be sure and certainly before buying over the counter remedies you may not require.
Also is there anything new such as gloves, soap, body wash or fabric rubbing up on your palms? It could be an allergy too.
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I am being drug tested on tuesday (at a lab). I smoked (marijuana) 8 days ago from today. I weigh about 120 and i'm 5'3". I have also not been eating as much because i am taking a new ADD medication (im not sure if that makes any difference). I used to be a frequent user but over the past few months i didn't smoke as often, only 1 to 2 times per week. Also when i did smoke 8 days ago i only smoked one gram. i recently have been drinking excessive amounts of cranberry juice and peeing as much as possible. I also went out and bought QCarbo (a detox drink) that i plan on taking a few hours before the test. I took a home test today to check my own levels (i used readicup) and i tested negative for everything but theres a faint pink line next to THC. i looked it up online and most sites say that it still counts as a negative result so i shouldn't worry. Does anybody have personal experiences that could help me out. Im VERY worried because i really need this job. If you're going to lecture me don't waste your time answerring this question. Smoking is part of my lifestyle i just need to know how to pass this drug test. (link)
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Sooner or later your lifestyle is going to reach out and bite you in the ass. I'm not lecturing you but rather being blunt. You may escape firing now and get a "negative" on your next drug test but one day you won't.
One day you'll be given the same test supposedly at random and get caught. Have you thought about that and the consequences? Employers may state that tests are random of prospective employees or current. That's not entirely true.
In the event they want to hire you they've probably been put off by something. If in current employ they may see sudden poor performance or strange behavior as cause to test you repeatedly let alone at all.
Is the gram you smoked 8 days ago worth losing your livelihood and reputation? You can bet if let go for drugs that every prospective employer can and will find out about this by checking into your background. It doesn't sound worth it.
There's no known way to beat a drug test. Like the previous poster said you're pretty much screwed and at the mercy of whatever that test reads out.
Maybe this will give you pause about whether your lifestyle can really screw you royally no matter when and how little you indulge(d). There's no benefit to smoking pot here.
Believe me it's not wasting my time by addressing this. You may not get it but someone else needing the same answer will. It's time for you to wake up. This habit's not working for you. Look at what it's making you resort to with your body in perhaps a futile attempt not to get caught and be fired.
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Just like the subject says I guess. How are they different or are they? (link)
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They're the same thing but different slang.
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One day, my CD drive on my laptop just stopped reading CDs and DVDs. It still present on my computer, Device Manager states that it's working properly...but alas, I'll insert a cd and nothing will happen, it seems as if it is reading for a moment, but then nothing.
Any advice? This laptop is fairly new, and never had problems with the drive.
Oh, and the lens was definitely not damaged. (link)
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You mention that this laptop is fairly new. It could be that yours just happened to come with a faulty drive. This exact same problem as you described happened to me on a new MAC.
The drive wouldn't read or play CD's or DVD's and after a while made loud grinding noises. I had an extended warranty so they replaced it with a new DVD/CD drive.
You should take yours in to be repaired or find out where to go if under warranty. All you're likely to pay is the cost of the new drive to be put in if not under warranty. That's what happened for me.
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so im a female an i was wondering what are some good things to use to masterbate that will al so make me cum/squirt ?
thanks (link)
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We can't and don't give this kind of how-to information out for various reasons. If you search the Internet you're bound to stumble across what you seek but not here.
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I am a slut. There is no denying it really. I am 18 years old and I have slept with five guys! The subject came up at a friend's party and out of 17 girls I had slept with the most guys. I just burst into tears and cried!
I used to believe the "everybody is doing it" thing but now I found out that all the girls around me were SAYING they did things to seem cool and I went and did them so I didn't feel left out or like I was missing out on something good. So now I am a slut to everyone I know. I so wish I hadn't been the first one to answer how many I had slept with.
So now I feel like no guy will ever want me again. No good guy that is. I mean I would never date a guy who slept with more women than anyone else he knew so why should a guy look past what I have done?
Has anyone else 18 or yournger actually had sex with 5 or more guys? Am I the only one? :'(
Help! (link)
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You're really writing us males off by saying "no good guy" would ever like you again. That's BS and you shouldn't believe it. Not every person knows about your past. New partners may have had previous sexual partners too. Guys aren't out to judge and will fall for you or not based on personality.
Having had 5 sexual partners at age 18 or higher does not a slut make. You thought you cared for them and them for you. The only mistake you made was that you did it to feel loved and be accepted by others by doing it.
You've since grown up and realized the mistake and will only have sex when its right. If anything you were emotionally needy or trying to fill a void in your life by doing it for the wrong reasons. You may need counseling to deal with what transpired and to move forward with relationships that are healthy.
You also learned a hard lesson to keep personal info to yourself no matter how much people prod. Put them in their place with "I never kiss and tell" or "this is inappropriate" or "that's really not your business" and leave it at that.
They might say things at school but will be over this really fast and on to the next thing if you don't acknowledge it. So, to recap you aren't a slut, have learned some hard lessons and will move on from them. Guys will still like you as long as you like your own self.
If you kept having sex without reason with tons of guys more than 15, 20 etc. etc. than that's being promiscuous and cause for alarm. As long as it's a miniscule number such as 5 and you don't keep having sex for all the wrong reasons you're fine. But yes you're using sex to fill a void or deal with emotional baggage. You should talk to a professional and learn how to get into healthy relationships and be weary of bad choices.
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22/F
I've struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, and thought I was over all of it. Went back to school, things were going well. I'm not on medication or seeing anyone right now, since my psychiatrist dumped me due to being overloaded, and my medication was zombifying me.
I got swine flu and was away from school sick for a week, plus I didn't really recover until another week after that. I've been slipping behind in schoolwork, which is depressing me, which is making me slip more.
Basically, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm behind in everything; I have 3 labs and an assignment overdue in one class, another 2 in another class, an essay in another class.
I feel like my life is falling apart all over again, even after I tried so hard to get this second chance. I'm worried that I'm always going to be a depressed failure in life.
How do I pull out of this cycle and pass university? I'm even scared to go to class now, because my professors are judging me. (link)
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You were on the wrong type of medication and with the wrong doctor. I'll be blunt you do have a mental illness--depression and there's no BS diagnoses there.
I don't understand that even if he had too many clients why he wouldn't hand you to a colleague. Are you sure it went down like that? Very strange as no psychiatrist I know of outright ditches a client.
Your BIG problem is that you stopped taking medication of any kind. A lot of people think "hey I'm fine" when in fact the medication is the very thing keeping them together. Going off of it completely on your own leads to being overwhelmed and unable to function. It will only get worse.
Yes, some of the medication made you feel zombie like but it's clear some of it was helping you. It's your responsibility to write down how it's affecting you at school, work, life and make sure the doctor adjusts your levels accordingly.
What you need to do is make an appointment with those professors and more importantly the person in charge of your program and tell them that you have a mental illness, medication is making you zombie like and you can't function.
Ask them if they'll put an INCOMPLETE rather than an F next to your name and allow you to resume study when you are well. They have to do that.
You aren't a failure in life you're just clinically depressed. You will feel better once you have the right medication levels and ill function.
It's a recovery process that comes in chunks and setbacks much like addiction. You have to find the right doctor, the right medication through trial and error and eventually it all clicks. If you go off meds on your own no matter how you feel you're back at 0 and in the state you are now.
This leads me to my next point. I won't sugarcoat this as i've been there before. Do yourself a HUGE favor and go to an Emergency Room and explain you feel like a zombie, can't function, went off meds and have NO psychiatrist treating you.
Allow them to find you the right doctor and right medication so you can eventually function normally. You owe it to yourself to do that and allow yourself time to be hospitalized until they can fix it which is usually a few weeks. Tell your program coordinator that you're leaving the program temporarily to do this. They'll make things so you can return without penalty.
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Hey, so I want to try out for an a cappella group at my school. I really want to be in an a cappella group, but they're extremely competitive. So, I'd like to pick a good song for my audition. Does anyone have any recommendations of songs that would be really good for an audition? A song that would "wow" the people judging the auditions?... lol
Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks! (link)
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Try "lifting" the following songs arranged for a-cappella groups. You can't go wrong The Nylons are the most famous a-cappella group in the world.
The first is a Bruce Springsteen cover of "FIRE"
http://www.youtube.com/user/eklevnis#p/f/6/pEevgER9SZg
The second selection "WILDFIRE" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V28WQa0yXPc
is one where you can rock out but also show that you have the chops for falsetto. It's a complicated arrangement that looks easy but isn't. If you can
nail it do it.
The next selection is an a-cappella standard "KISS HIM GOODBYE" that everyone does.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1UYRXbFW4w&feature=related
For this one take the lyrics and arrange it as though you were a baritone singer who can also do bass and vocal percussion.
Doing these numbers shows off your range. if you add your own take on the arrangements it shows them you have that ability too which is often more important than just being another vocalist or group singing a standard the exact same way it was written. Being fresh is vital with cover tunes.
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whenever i masterbate, i stimulate the clitoris until climax. my boyfriend and i have had sex a lot but we're always interrupted after at least 15 minutes or so. so obviously, neither of us have orgasmed.
i was just wondering, what does a VAGINAL orgasm feel like? and what usually happens? will i pee, because i know that would be a major turn off, but sometimes when we would be doing it for a little while, i'll already feel my bladder about to explode and i really don't want to pee all over him during in an intimate moment O.O (link)
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Most women cannot climax from intercourse alone. many require a combination of stimulation. If you're unable to don't fret. There is NOTHING anatomically wrong with you at all.
Feeling rushed all the time can't help either. Is there any way be it through a lock or something else to ensure privacy? Although not a female myself, orgasm usually consists of pleasurable sensations, ripples, pulsing, throbing in that area and the contraction and release of pubic muscles.
I find it interesting that you mentioned feelig as though your bladder was constantly full and that you had to urinate. This can also be a sign of impending G-Spot orgasm.
Women often feel pressure in that area and an uncomfortable feeling like they have to push down or urinate. When they do they often release a ton of G-Spot fluid (up to a milk bag 1 liter). That could be what you are experiencing. You should always go to the bathroom before engaging in sex.
Even if you did urinate which is unlikely just laugh it off. It's no big deal and I'm sure your partner would be understanding. If he's not than he shouldn't be doing this with anyone let alone you. If you get the feeling like your bladder will explode tell him to stop and then see if you need to use the bathroom or not. If not, than what I said above likely holds true.
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So I'm in Drama 1 in my high school, and we have our first play coming up.
We're doing Snow White, and we just received our roles yesterday.
I'm really excited because I got a major role.
But I need some memorization tips..seeing as there are a lot of lines to remember.
Any tips would be great, thanks.
(link)
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Instead of looking at it as a huge daunting script start taking it apart in paragraphs. Learn a paragraph at a time and keep moving on to the next one after you remember the first one.
Also associate the actions you'll be doing along with the words you are saying or what a certain character says or does to trigger this response from yours before you are to say them.
Know the other actors lines and exactly what they'll say before you do yours. That will trigger your memory and have you off book faster than anyone else. if you can remember what they are doing in relationship to you at all times you can't screw up. Even if you did you can fake your way out that way.
Do it scene by scene piece by piece until you have it all down. Ask your drama teacher for some pointers as I'm sure this is a common concern. If you do it one paragraph or small scene at a time it makes it easier.
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So I was in my room last night and my mom just walked in to bring some towels in and there I was on my bed. :(
She didn't mean anything bad to happen she didn't even think I was there cause I snuck in to do it before I told her I was home. Stupid me!
Anyway, now she is looking at me differently.
What do I do about this?
Has this even happened to anyone else?
I feel terrible! :( (link)
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Why feel terrible? What you were doing is normal and pretty much universal with people your age and society in general. Those who don't usually have cultural reasons or religious ones or just don't like it.
Your mother didn't knock nor did you lock your room so you both are at fault for what transpired. Having said that every parent knows that at some point their teen or pre-teen will regularly engage in this activity.
That said it's still hard for them to talk about it to their kids or deal with it if they witness it by walking in on someone.
You never mentioned if you were male or female. It would help to say which as it would be easier for a mother to approach a female than a male about it. Odds are she will say nothing and it won't unless you approach her with the subject. She's as equally embarrassed as you are hence why she's acting differently.
For now say nothing more about it unless it comes up and be careful about your privacy from here on out so it doesn't happen with others or again with her. If she wants someone to talk to you if you're a male she'll get your father to but it would seem she just wants it to be a non-discussed issue.
This happens to a lot of people so you certainly aren't the only person to deal with it. 99.99% of the time parents will only speak about it if you are the same sex or if you aren't will have their spouse of the opposite sex address it.
Trust me, they're probably very aware that you're doing it already or know like most teens have. It's no big deal unless you blow this up into one. It's likely a non-issue with either parent unless you bring it up which you really don't need to do. I'd relax about it.
This stuff happens. The more unfazed the better chance she'll forget it. The other thing is that parents would rather teens do this than have sex or get pregnant anyways. She may even be apt to tell you or your father might that they were once in your position. It's no big deal.
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