stargirl51's advice column

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Q: I'm 16 and i'm really unhappy with my weight. I'm pretty short which makes me look even bigger. [i'm about 5'1 and 160 pounds] does anyone know a healthy, fast way to lose weight? i want to lose at least 15 pounds.

I see so many of these weight questions on here. And my answer is usually the same:

There IS NO HEALTHY WAY to lose weight FAST.

A healthy diet and daily exercise will help you lose weight OVER TIME.

The idea is to have a healthy lifestyle...losing weight is just a bonus. And when you look in the mirror and like yourself, it doesn't matter if you're a size 3 or a size 13: You like yourself. That's what matters.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: so i'm on a birth control shot that you're supposed to get every 11 weeks and i usually don't get my period when im on it but the last few times ive gotten it ive gotten my period way before the 11 weeks is up. So i guess i have two questions. Is the birth control still working even though i get my period? and Should i get the shot more frequently if i'm getting my period when i'm on it?

When you start a birth control regimen, you'll experience bleeding/spotting for the first few cycles because your body is getting used to the hormones that are being inputted into your system.
I don't think more shots is the answer to this. But then again, call me old fashioned, but I prefer the pill over the shot.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: 17/f
I have been with my boyfriend about two years, and he's always been kind of a liar. we've been through a million fights about him lying (but they were never really huge lies worth leaving him over)and things always got better. Lately I thought we were doing really well, until I started going out of town to see my grandma and such. Everytime I left for the weekend, he did something shady then lied about it. Again, they weren't really huge lies, just annoying.

Lately I think he's hiding things from me, and I just want him to tell me so I can deal with it. I have no evidence or anything (that's the problem), so he just keeps on denying, but it's bothering the hell out of me. I'm just starting to realize how sneaky he is, and I REALLY feel like there's more going on than he's telling me. But I have no way of finding out, he hides EVERYTHING.

What should I do? What should I say???

p.s. I love him so much, an yes despite everything i do believe he loves me (he says he lies bc he doesn't want me to get mad, but i don't really understand that bc i NEVER get mad when he tells me the truth). I just want to know so we can work it out. I feel like I can't handle this lack of trust and if he doesn't tell me I'll leave him for good. I tried telling him that flat out and he just denied there was anything... it's really frustrating.

why are you still with him?

Think about it. Do you love him because you think he's the only one available to you? Because he's not. There's honest guys out there who wouldn't lie to you or hide things from you.

There is absolutely no way this can be worked out. Anything you attempt, he'll lie about.

Just leave.

Leave and don't look back. No matter how much you love him. Just leave and don't look back. At first, it'll feel like you really want to get back together with him but in reality, you don't.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Okay, so my boyfriend's birthday is soon and he is turning fifteen. What do you get a Red Sox baseball loving guy for his fifteenth birthday? I'm in a rut!
I've already gotten him a picture frame that I decorated with a picture of us in it, I've baked for him a lot, and I don't just want to get him some gift card or money, you know?
And I also don't wanna get him something uber-expensive, I need to live too haha. The most I wanna spend is about 50$.
Help!

Thanks.

Why not red sox tickets? Or a jersey? Something sports related could be really nice and if you both can partake in it, it'll make it all the more special for him.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Okay, so I'm probably going to sound like a complete freak here, so this probably should be in the category 'Random weirdos' but anyways, lately I've been finding myself breathing funny, like I'll think about breathing and then after that, I have to keep concentrating on breathing or else I'll start to psych myself out and think I'm going to lose my breath. I don't think I have asthma, I've never been diagnosed with it and I don't know if it has anything to do with my tonsils because sometimes they feel like they're getting in the way but I don't know. I just hate feeling like I might stop breathing at any second. Should I seek medical attention?
Help me please!!

Thanks!

It could also be anxiety? or possibly a panic attack?

Those are more psychological causes rather than the physiological causes like asthma.

You'll need to talk to your health care professional about it and possibly set up for a screening with a therapist.
cheers,
stargirl

Q: 16/f

ok. so there is this guy named jeffrey and he and i have been on and off liking each other for over two years. we would talk, become really good friends and usually ending up making out or something then we would just stop talking and eventually he would call me again and the process would repeat. so we stated talking again in march and in may he ended up taking my virginity. he knew i was a virgin and he was reallly sweet about it. well he just graduated and he drinks all the time and does some drugs. and we arnt talking. i hevnt talked to him in a month or so and im really upset because i feel used. i know he didnt use me because he is too sweet and i know he cares about me but im still so hurt and depressed. what should i do?

Try to get some important figures in Jeffrey's life together for an intervention.

Or if he insists on his new lifestyle, let him go. No good things are going to happen if you stay around a self destructive person. You're only going to end up feeling more used.

So try to help him out of his habits. And if that doesn't work, then just leave him.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Okay, since school ended i've gained about 10 pounds, but I don't look any different from when school ended. When I ask my family and friends if they think I gained weight, they say "no."

I've tryed exerizing to get rid of the extra weight, but somehow I've gained more, but non of it is showing.

My friends are saying I'm overreacting and that they've all noticed I've gotten stronger since the summer began and that it's just muscel weight, but I don't know.

Do you think there right?

Muscle weighs more than fat.

So it's most likely the muscle weight you're seeing on the scale.

Don't fret! if it doesn't show, no one has to know!

cheers,
stargirl

Q: hi. im a guy and i have been going out with this girl. now i would realy like to start moving in this relationship but we havent had our first kiss. i dont know whens the right time and what to expect and i dont know what shuld i do like what if i do something wrong. hope you can understand. i need of lots of good advice. thanks.

Relax about it. She's probably as nervous as you are.

And you'll feel it when the time is right. You could look into each other's eyes and find yourself getting lost and moving closer and closer.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: ok i having a hard time getting over a humiliating moment. cause i dont know i got angry at this girl and i you know flipped her off. you know the cuss word. and i am so humiliated that so many people could have saw that. i got mad cause i felt like she was being so rude to me while i was crossing the street.

Sometimes our tempers get the better of us.

That moment already passed. The best thing to do is just to move on with life.

If you find it happening quite often, you could go to an anger management program.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I've not been drinking pop for about two months now...I'll drink one ever so often...I drink plenty of water, but my urine is dark yellow..so yellow it could be fooled for orange..
I have sex..if it may relate to that.
Idk.
Please help me, and tell me why my urine is soooo orange looking

It could be a urinary infection.

Try a regimen of cranberry juice. (That's cranberry JUICE. Not cocktail.) An 8oz glass every morning. That should help clear out your urinary tract.

If that doesn't help, see your health care professional about it.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I usually have my periods on the last week of every month usually starting between the 24th and the 27th. Last month (July) it was really late and it started on the 8th. I had a normal period with my normal flow. I started my birth control that sunday after that period. Oddly it's the end of July and I started a period on the 24th. Only It seems to be just spotting but its the 28th and its still goin on so I'm assuming its my period. Its not like my normal flows. It's emtremely light like it is at the end of my periods. What I think is I'm on my period again but its light because of the birth control. But if anyone has anything else or has any experience with this weird situation please let me know.

It's your body readjusting to the hormones that you're putting in.

It'll all even out after a few months.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: I'm 17 female. Ok so for the past 2 weeks everwhere i go i have been really hot. I can be in a room that is 50 degrees and im still not cooled off. I move around too much and i start sweating like crazy.... I used to never be like this.... It used to take alot for me to get hot like this....

Yikes. Sounds like you need to get to the emergency room and stat.

You're much too young for hot flashes.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Now,
I understand that every woman is different when it comes to how long sex hurts but, on average how long does it usually last for girls who are having "sex" for their first time?

Also,
I would like to know.
How long does sex last for on your first time?
Just a rough estimate!

Thanks,
please answer back when possiable.

First:
It could last a few days on average.

Second:
Depends on both partners. If you want to draw it out, it could last a long time. If you are crunched on time, it could last...not that long. There's no real rough estimate because you'll always have all sorts of outliers that throw the average off.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: my cousin is really popular. im a guy and she is a girl. we go to different schools and i feel like such a loser. she is very pretty and has a boyfriend. i just feel like she never wants to hang out with my becasue i am her loser cousin. what do i do to hang out with my family?!

As a person who hangs out with her family a lot, I do feel your pain when things like this happen.

But when it does, you need to let go. Just remind your cousin that you like hanging out with her and while you're glad that things are going great with her, that you miss hanging out with your cousin.

You should also reach out to the various communities you're involved in for different friends outside of the family (i.e. church/temple/synagogue/school/local YMCA/etc) You'll be surprised at how popular you can become.

Or join a martial arts. It's a real confidence booster for guys and you make friends because you're all being tortured by your sensei. haha.

cheers and good luck,
stargirl

Q: hi am a 13 year old guy and ve like only made out wit a girl 1 befor and dont want to ambares my self if im bad or anything wit my g/f now whos had expierence. u have any tips or anything thanks

Hey, you're 13. Relax. You'll gain experience as life goes on (and boy, you have a long life ahead of you). Let your girlfriend know you're inexperienced and ask if she's willing to teach you.

For some girls, that's a turn on.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: What if friendship turns into a little more than love? I know this guy and of course I'm a girl and he always trys to hang out with me but I don't know if it's just a friendship thing or maybe he really really likes me. Maybe love. I don't know what to think. Please help me. I need advice!

You should ask him directly.

yeah, you could ask a friend to do it but then you end up with all sorts of "He said, she said" nonsense that you really don't need. Plus...answers can be manipulated when middle persons are involved.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: is it true if your boobs itch that means theyre growing?

No, it just means they're itchy. And if your boobs got a little bigger, that might be an allergic reaction to something.

Growing is when you feel a weight or swollen feeling. Or you might not even notice it at all.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: my mom and my boyfriend think that i dont care and im just trying to balance my boyfriend and my family and my friends and everything. And now my mom says i cant even sign up for dance unless i get high honors on the first quarter in all my classes.i know im not going to cause she moved me up from the academic classes i was recomended for to all honors classes.and even if i do make it i cant do competition starting in november when she'll let me sign up
i dont know what to do, advice anyone?

Take a year off of competition. Dance can be life but at the same time, academics is more important.

It's that college degree that will outlast your dance career. And it's your moneymaker in the case (god forbid) something happens and you can't dance anymore.

So take some time off and focus on your academics. That way when you get back to the world of dance, you'll be better without the guilt of school on your head!

cheers,
stargirl

Q: can anyone give me any good love poems about love, being together, being happy with each other.

if you can try not to put in website address to them because i dont want to visit a website for poems/quotes.

also can you try making them unique not the same old ones

thank you!

two words: Robert Burns.

oh and That William Shakespere knows his way around the ladies.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: me and my boyfriend have been having sex for quite some time now.
but i've never given him a hand job...its not like he cares or anything, but i just feel like where we've been having sex that i shouldn't feel weird about it.

its just odd to me to touch a guys penis.
and even weirder to have to stroke him.

idk.
i really want to.
but how can i go into it?
& not make myself look like an idiot.

Let your fingers do the walking. Literally.

If he's a touch sensitive guy, have your fingers and palms explore the rest of his epidermis. Explore his skin and make your way down. Keep up the playful nature. When you get there, you can get curious. Don't need to stroke him right away but explore. Explore with your fingers instead of a quick and done handjob. You might find it a lot more fun with this method than the normal grab and yank.

There's lots of different methods you can look up on the internet about it.

cheers,
stargirl