khadiya's advice column

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Q: I am having so many problems with my recent breakup! I can't stop wanting him and thinking of him! I need him!
People say go out and live your life and flirt...but I just can't flirt. I never could!
I don't want to cry anymore and I want someone to make me feel better!

You "want" him because you cant have him. Best thing for you to do is to find some activities that will take your mind off everything. like exercise.

Q: First a few details, I'm a 21 year old female and will complete my master's in December (not planning to pursue a PhD). Basically I'm at the point where I'm job hunting, starting my first retirement plan, and figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. These plans ideally include marriage.

I have been in a relationship with "Joe" for most of the last three years. Although he is slightly older, I'm a little farther along than he is. He's still finishing a bachelor's, figuring out what he wants to do, etc. Recently "Joe" and I have had several discussions on the subject of marriage and our future. "Joe" claims to be interested in marrying me but frequently points out that he's still several years from being ready. I realize that marriage is not in the immediate future but am unwilling to go on much longer without an engagement.

I could really see myself marrying "Joe". I've had three previous offers including one proposal, so it's not just a marriage I want. If he really wants to marry me, there shouldn't be many sticking points. I'm okay with a long engagement, don't want to immediately move in together, and have no desire to have children. Although I'm not looking to get married right away, it's important for me to know whether or not this relationship has a future. "Joe" is aware of all of this feelings and knows I'm waiting for a decision. How long should I wait for him to propose?

If you aren't looking to get married right now or in the near future, why cant you just trust him when he says he wants to marry you? You really don't need a ring to make it official. You know he is yours and he knows you are his.

But if this is the route you really want to go and he knows this, give him 3 to 6 months. He probably has a lot of stuff including his school and what he wants to do with his life on his mind and he might feel a little bit of pressure from you on the engagement issue. Back off with the engagement talk and see how often he brings it up and if he doesn't then you know that he is nowhere near ready.

Q:
my boyfriend has a fairly large penis..we have become sexually active and i always feel bloated. i don't think im pregnant because i am on the pill and haven't missed a pill. why am i so bloated and have abdomen pain after sex?

The birth control pill makes your body react like its pregnant. All birth control does. It controls the release of the egg until a certain time. So its natural for you to have bloating. Now as far as abdomen pain, I think you should try a new approach. Or if he's rough dont be rough.

Q: The person in this picture is obviously smoking. But what is she smoking? And what is what she's smoking in.?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v510/xocrazixbabiox69/saas.jpg

Its a pipe. Could be tobacco. Could be hookah which is flavored tobacco, or it could be weed.

Q: my bangs always get greasy way before any of my other hair and its really gross because it looks really bad, i dont like pinning up my bangs, im already using an oil free moisturizer..is that enough? please suggest anything for me to do to fix it. thanks so much

You have your bangs in yopur face so Yea they are going to get greasy because youe faces gets greasy. The beast thing to do is use a leace in comditioner. And wash your face before and after you do her hair.

Q: how bad does sex hurt?
and can you feel your hymen breaking? and is it the day that you have sex that your hymen breaks ? or the day after?

The hymen is just a thin piece of skin on the exterior of your vagina. It isnt actually somethin inside. And it just depends on the way you handle pain.

Q: my school has a formal coming up but its not a prom we already had that, does anyone know any websites that have some shorter formal dresses?

Some prom dresses are versitale. And you can use it as a formal dress. But Here's two sites:

http://www.therosedress.com/dresses/dresses-pg7.html

The dresse on ^that site are gorgeous!!

http://www.findmypromdress.com/short-65/

Q: the guy i like is comin over for new years. we used to be best friends but we screwed up and we dont talk much at all i love him yet hate him... i called him he was shakin n he was tryin to find a excuse not to come and he said hed talk to me later. well it is later 4 hours ago. he wouldnt answer his cell or texts so i called his house n his brother answerd. is he avoiding me on purpose should i forget him whats wrong?

Most likely he is avoiding you. Dont get your hopes up. Just Forget it. Invite your friends, and if he comes, he comes. And if he doesnt, he doesnt!!

Q: I really need help see i like this boy at school and hes's like really popular and im like normal so he really doesnt talk to me how should i approach him or should i just leave it alone and stick wit my kind.

Make him notice you. Say hi. When ever you pass him by. He will start to wonder who is that girl?? Or why is she speaking? If he speaks back, then you have hope. But if he doesnt, back away.

Q: I want to do something special for my boyfriend on our six month anniversary, the thing is I don't know. I don't want to spend a lot of money just want to make it special and let him know that I care a lot about him. Please help ASAP because our anniversary is TUESDAY!

Make him something that he knows it took time for you to do. Like cook something for him. Have a nice set up where its just you and him. If You cant cook get a simple recipe off line and try it out. The way to a mans heart is threw his stomach!!

Q: 16/f
I'm currently 163lbs and 5'5.
I want to get down to 130-137lbs.
I have 7 months to do this.
I'm looking for ideas along the lines of:
- Specific diets
- Excersizes
- Low calorie TASTY food

Thank You!

Heres a great diet
-Fruit in the mornings
-Salads at lunch
-Baked meats and veggies at dinner
-Yogurt in between for snacks
-Wheat bread
-Try to substitute Soda and Kool-aid, Or punch, With Fruit Juice. AND Hawaiian Punch is not fruit juice!!!

Try to cut Back on some dairy like whole milk and fatty cheeses.
Low fat dressings on your salads.
Most sauces have lots of oil, so make sure your light on the sauces.
Anything grilled or baked Is great
Try to get away from pork.

All this can work for you but you have to exercise too. You cant just expect the weight to fall of by eating right. Crunches. Sit ups. Jogging. Do a little each day. Whatever your body feels comfortable doing. Dont over do it. Drink water!! Keep yourself Hydrated!! Thats important!!

Q: I grew up with this girl whom I always used to defend and then in middle school we parted ways, she dumped me but just for a year until she became like my stalker but i no longer want to be her friend. Shes always there and like all over me so i had my friend talk to her and it didnt work so i talked to her it didnt work so i have just plain asked her to leave me alone but it didnt work. wat do i do?

Tell her again. But tell her more than "leave me alone" Tell her its not ho it used to be and you dont want to hang with her anymore. Also let her no that it would be appreciated if she left you alone. Try not to embarrass her. Or hurt her feelings.

Q: my friend thought this guy was hott and stuff and so we were both like YAH HES REALLY HOTT! then we go to this party and he's asking her for something and he mixes up her name and calls her brianna..or something like that. I kinda caught that she looked all embarassed so the other day she goes who would you make out with this year and i say him, and she's like he's not that great or anything. Is she just mad because ONE guy doesn't pay attention to her. Now she like puts him down all the time. She has to get it through her head that all guys won't like her. is that the case? she just doesn't like him because he doesn't even know who she is?

Maybe after having a brief conversation with him she doesnt like the type of person he is.
If she does feel hurt by the incident, there is nothing you can say to her to make her feel any different. I think you should just blow that off. Its better things in life to worry about except a boy who doesnt know your friends name, and Your friend who is hating on someone she doesnt really even know.

Q: ok i'm a pretty fucked up girl here i:
play volleyball
play piano
want to play guitar..so i know a little bit
snowboard
used to skateboard
play soccer

what am i? like label wise. my friends are pretty nerdy, and i dress in pacsun, abercrombie, AE, and whatever else is out there.

Your you. You shouldnt label yourself. Because that makes you limit yourself and judge others. And honestly, You dont really fit into a category. because You do some of everything. So just consider your self talented.

Q: So i had a xanga that was like my personal online journal.
i wasnt connected to anyone i knew through blogrings or comments. this site was strictly for me, and so i thought it would stay that way. I wrote my deepest thoughts on there, but then yesterday, this girl from my school that is really stuck up commented it and it said "whats up?' but i NEVER TALK TO HER. i didnt even think she knew me. So im thinking she read my blogs about who i like and stuff, and just commented to basicly tell me she saw them.... what should i do? she will probably tell the whole school.

ps.
i have already deleted the account

She coulda just been saying hey. See if she talks to you again. Its really nothing she can do because If she knows, then she knows. But she doesnt have any proof so dont worry about it. If she does tell anyone anything, dont deny it, but dont agree to it either. Denying it would just add more fuel to the fire. And agreeing will tell all your secrets!

P.S.
Dont acknowlegde it. If someone says I heard you had a crush on so and so you be like really?? Thats crazy. or I hear the Same thing. Or just laugh it off.

Q: So i really like this guy, lets call him Sam. We have been best friends for 3 years and he is amazing. We both found out we hav liked eachother a ton and both got super desperate for each other. We kissed once and then we decided we had to be gf/bf. So we have been dating for almost 2 months now and the first 2 weeks were great. He wanted to hold my hand and put his arm around me and asked me out on the weekends. But now he acts as if i am nothing to him, it doesnt bother him when he doesnt say goodbye at the end of the day, he doesnt im me, doesnt ask me to hang out on the weekends and avoids my invitations. ive told him to break up with me if he doesnt like me but he continues to like me he says, and all of his friends tell me how much he talks about me. i dont know what to do because i dont want to break up with him i cant i love him but how can i get him to acknowledge me i dont want to be a super naggy girlfriend. i dont want him to dump me but id rather he did than play these games with me. i think about him all the time but i dont think he ever thinks of me becuz he never tells me im pretty or he likes me or anything. u may think he is just being shy but he is really not a shy guy and he wasnt for the first couple weeks. im getting super confused and i need advice is it a hopeless cause or should i fight for him?

Stop running behind him Let him come to you. Dont call as much, try to let him involve himself with you. When he think something is wrong that will get his attention.

Q: i never really loved my wife/mother of my two kids i dont know why i married her now i wanna know how long we are gonna stay married?male 27yrs

As long as you let it be. If you want out get a divorce. Dont drag her threw the mudd if you dont love her. Be up front and real about it with her.

Q: so im 17/f. ive been talkin to this guy on myspace for about 2 years now. hes 18-19 i dont remember but he graduated last yr. he lives about an hour from me yet weve never met, but were good friends and were close, even though our communication is just via myspace. we talked about gettin all our friends together and hangin out before it just never happened. anyway, he joined the army after graduation and has recently come back from basic training. so weve been pretty much out of touch for awhile. he told me that sometime soon he'll be sent overseas. i want to ask him if i could write to him or if he'd wanna write to me, but i dont know.. would that seem weird? or awkward or whatever? he got engaged after he graduated so i mean theres definitely no feelings involved, its strictly friends. but would that be a good idea? would he even be able to write me? i want to be able to keep in touch but i doubt myspace is likely. any ideas? how could i go about asking without seeming too... forward?

My friend is in Iraq and he talks to me on myspace still. It just depends on if he brings his own computer or not. Because Soliders of any kind arent allowed to get on any social networking site when they are overseas and stuff like that. I dont think his fiancee would approve much, but you should ask him if he would like to keep contact while he's overseas I dont know about the writing you, but he can send you emails.

Q: My BF of three years says I am too needy. I really do not understand how I am too needy! Any ideas how I could possibly get to be any less needy/clingy?

*ok this only applies if you do these thigns*
Dont call as much let him call you sometimes.
Dont complain or talk him to death.
Give him some space. He wasnts to be with his friends too.
If he doesnt spend a certain amount of time with you dont feel bad, and dont make him feel guilty like you just absolutely NEED him around every second.

What are some things that he does that makes him say your clingy?

Q: okay everytime me and my boyfriend have sex i get this really weird feeling down there thats kind of uncomfortable and idk what it is does this ever go away?

It should But if you have an uncomfortable feeling try doing it in a different way. Change positions.

bio

Its A brand new year!! And I havent really been giving advice lately so now IM BACK!! If you have something to ask dont hesitate to ask. DONT BE SHY!! I've been there! Or I know someone who has!

I am a black albino female whose been through alot!!! I have a lot advice to give. Im a very knowledgeable person, and i look at things from many different views. Im very blunt, so if you dont want to hear it straight dont ask me!! any thing else you wanna know get at me!

LET ME REINTRODUCE MYSELF REAL FAST, REAL QUICK!
iM A BLUNT PERSON, IF YOU ASK A GROWN UP QUESTION, IMA GIVE A GROWN UP ANSWER. RECENTLY A GIRL ASKED HOW TO GIVE A BLOWJOB AND I WAS VERY BLUNT AND UPFRONT WITH HER. I GOT SHUNNED FOR MY ACTIONS SO, BASICALLY. IM GOING TO TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING QUESTIONS LIKE THIS. BECAUSE ALL THOUGH THESE KIDS ASKING THESE QUESTIONS ARE YOUNG, THEY OBVIOUSLY BEEN DOING SOMETHING THEY AINT GOT NO BUSINESS DOING BECAUSE THE WOULDNT BE ASKING THOSE TYPES OF QUESTIONS.