I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172834
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Hi There,
Please help me! I am in my 20's, a female, and sexually active. I have a problem that may be normal or not, but I need to know.
There is a flab of skin/line of skin growing from my vagina to my anus. It connects them and goes up inside my butt. It's not big, but I think its gotten bigger. I am terrified to go to a doctor. How would I approach them with this? What is it and is it bad? What is it caused from? Any websites with pix I could check out to see if it's the same?
I do not have anal sex, but several years ago...it was forced upon me. Could it be from that? I have had it for a while. I don't peep down there often, but happen to notice it today. OMGosh...I'm so scared and don't know what to do!! (link)
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The perineum is the area beween the vagina and the anus. It often has a line of extra skin there. You can go to this page for further info and a picture:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perineum
I do think seeing a doctor would be best, though I appreciate this is a sensitive subject. You should be having regular appointments with your gyno as you are sexually active - this could be a great time to bring up the topic, as he/she would already be in the general area!
It's important to get to know what is normal for your body, so that you can tell when something is not right. As it stands, this could be an innocent thing or your perinuem. However, it could also be something more serious.
Schedule an appointment with your doctor, and take heart in the fact that no matter how embarassed you may be, you are prioritizing your health. I wish you the best!
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i think i may be bipolar. im happy one minute, sad the next, ticked off the next, and then fine the next minute. i saw this commercial, where u can get a packet online, and it will teach you how to treat it and everything. now, should i get that packet, and do whatever it says, or should i get professional help from a doctor?
thanks
-shelby 13/f (link)
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Bipolar disorder does have ups and downs. However, these are usually stretched over weeks or months. So someone would, for example, feel extremely depressed for six months before feeling incredibly manic for another six months.
What you are describing sounds more like something hormonal. You are of an age where your body is producing higher levels of hormones, and this can mess with your emotional state.
Ways to help deal with this are talking with friends, writing in a journal, painting, etc.
However, if you are feeling like you can't cope with it, I would suggest speaking to your doctor. He/she could then recommend if you needed more specialist help.
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i want to know if the birth control pills are more effective than morning after pill and how long it is effective for after you take it. Some people told me to take birth control pill AND morning after pill just in case as a back up. (link)
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As a regular method of contraception, birth control pills are the better option. There are also other methods you could discuss with your doctor, to figure out what one was best for you. Keep in mind that only the condom can reduce the spread of STDs/STIs.
The morning after pill is not a contraceptive. This means it is not designed to be taken as a way to prevent pregnancies whenever you have sex. It is made for a situation when you have unprotected sex - if the condom breaks, if you have forgotten to take your pills, etc.
The morning after pill is most effective if taken within 24 hours of unprotected sex, but needs to be taken within 72 hours or else it's essentially useless.
It's better to plan for sex, prepare yourself for keeping yourself safe, and be assured in what you are doing. This leads to less stress, and possibly less negative effects on your body.
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Hey ive been having all symptoms of being pregnant, and ive been pretty stressed over it and scard about it.. could i just be getting these symptoms because im stressing over it? or are you really only going to get dizziness and tender breast because your pregnant? please help =( (link)
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Dizziness is a symptom of many, many things. Sore breasts can also be a symptom of PMS, which means your period is on its way.
If you have only recently had sex, then it is highly unlikely you would be having ANY symptoms of pregnancy, even if you were.
The main thing you should be thinking about is your period. When did you last have it? When is it next due? Have you missed it? If so, how many days overdue are you?
If you've not missed a period, then you need to bide your time and see if it appears. Please remember that stress can mess up your cycle, making your period late.
If you have missed a period, you will want to take a pregnancy test. You can do this with a home test, by going to a clinic, or by seeing a doctor.
I wish you the best.
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Yeah, sorry for the lame title.
I am laughing at this cause I think It's funny but painful at the same time.
My ass is REALLY sore.
It's like it has been cut or something. By my ass I mean the.. ring.. If you know what i mean. I'm pretty sure It Is that anyway.
Yeah so It's really sore. I've never, in my entire life, had this problem.
About washing it; I don't really wash my ring. I don't know about everyone else though.
I only take showers, maybe It's time for a bath. I dunno.
Oh I'm a 16 year old male.
It's embarresing. So I came here.
Shall I put some lube on It or something?
Thanks
(link)
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Lots of things can cause you pain in that area. If you're not drinking enough water or having enough fiber in your diet, for example, it can make your poop harder. This in turn might cause tearing inside your anus, or could make pooping painful.
Hemorrhoids can also cause pain in this area. These would need to be treated with the proper medication.
If the pain increases or does not go away within a day or so, you really should consider making an appointment to see a doctor. While it's potentially embarassing, at least it'll stop your pain.
Also, you should be washing the outside area of your anus every time you shower. A bit of soap around the outside is all you need - and make sure to rinse!
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. During the school year last year and this year we saw each other every weekend (both Saturday and Sunday) and still do. In the summer, he had a job, but when he had to work I would see him before and after he worked, and on the days he didn't go to work I was with him all day. We saw each other every single day in the summer unless we had to go on a family vacation (and even then I brought him on one once). I feel like he gives up everything for me. Does that mean he really does love me? (link)
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Well, there's no no doubt he cares for you a great deal. Only he can say how he really feels.
I will point out that spending all of your time with someone isn't often an ingredient in a successful long-term relationship. It's great to enjoy being with someone and plan to spend time with them, but both people also need outside interests. This helps keep some spark in the relationship, as well as allowing you to continue to develop as individuals AND as a couple.
Someone should't give up everything for someone else. Compromise is the name of the game. While it can make us feel loved and secure to have someone want to spend so much time with us, it's also important to look at the give-and-take of the relationship overall.
I wish you the best!
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I'm a 15 year old girl and am curious about masterbation as i am just starting to explore my body. I want to know what i have to do and if there are any health risks. Basically i'm clueless help! (link)
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There are no health risks associated with masturbation - providing you have clean hands! If anything you are doing causes you pain or irritation (like getting slightly sore from a lot of touching), stop. Give yourself a break!
I'm not here to give specific tips about sex or masturbation. This is for a couple of reasons - the biggie being that everyone enjoys different things. Girls have a lot of areas on their body that feel nice to the touch. In relation to the vaginal area, the clitoris is an organ exclusively designed for pleasure! Many girls or women think masturbation is about penetration; while some people like this, many more focus on the clitoris.
It's entirely up to you how you choose to do this. Pick a time when you can have some privacy and don't need to worry about being interupted. Also, don't masturbate just for the sake of it - wait till you really feel like it.
There's no pressure or hurry for you to figure out what feels good. It's a brilliant opportunity to get to know your own body as well as your likes and dislikes. Masturbation can also make you feel more confident when you later include a partner.
It's normal, healthy, and most everyone does it. Relax and spend some time with yourself - you are your own best judge of what works and what doesn't.
I wish you the best.
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hey everyone,
well I have a boyfriend and we have sex and all that and I'm always wet and stuff, but I don't know why but my pussy smells weird/bad and I don't like that smell, I always take a shower clean my self and all that, like what is causing that smell? how do I get rid of that smell, I get so embrassed, but he doesn't care, but I do it makes me seem dirty, but I clean myself and shower like everyday (I'm a neat freak) so please help! has it happened to you? help! how do I get rid of this smell?
thanks for the help =] (link)
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If you wash your vaginal area too often, this can create problems with the natural balance, leading to smell. You describe yourself as a sort of hygiene freak, so perhaps that might be the problem.
The correct way to wash yourself is to only wash your genitals once a day. Use non-perfumed soap for sensitive skin - like that made for babies. Perfumed soap can irritate your vagina, again producing an unpleasant smell.
Wash around the outer and inner lips. Do NOT put the soap actually into your vagina. The vagina is an amazing self-cleaning thing - she doesn't need any extra help.
I would advise trying this for a few weeks before going for any products made specifically for this issue, as they can end up only masking the real problem. Try this and see if it works. If it does, great. If not, ask another question!
Also, please be aware that sexually transmitted infections can cause changes to the smell and discharge of your vagina. If you're having unprotected sex, it might be best to get screened.
All the best!
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I'm having a crisis of faith at the moment.
I've been dating this guy for over a year. And I guess things are getting a little stale.
I've met this boy Dan, who is very similar to me.
And to me, he's more attractive than my current boyfriend. He has a lip ring and a mohawk, and thus more my'type'.
And lately I've been feeling really attached to him, and I think I like him.
It's just, I have a really great thing going with my current boyfriend,and I don't know what i should do. (link)
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Stay with someone long enough, and it's inevitable that at some point you'll think things are stale. This is what happens in longterm relationships. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mean to paint a doom-and-gloom picture without any excitement, fun, or real connection.
But most relationships do reach a point when the people in them need to make a committment to keeping things alive. This could be doing new things together, or whatever else takes your fancy. Alternately, longterm relationships offer a lot of benefits that are missing in new ones.
New relationships are amazing - that dizzy feeling, the excitement, how wonderful it all is. But perhaps there's something to be said for the beauty of two people really knowing each other, being there for each other, etc.
It can be tough to figure out if what you are feeling is a normal dip in a relationship, or it is signalling something more serious. It's quite normal to be attracted to other people even when you're really love in with your partner. The question is, how much have you invested in your partner? How much are you getting from the relationship? And while you use your head to answer these, it's important to also use your heart.
I wish you the best.
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I am a senior in high school & I'm really interested in becoming a Nutritionist or Dietician. I was planning on going to school in NY and starting at a regular college, then my sophomore year of college, I'll apply to their Nutrition program since you need certain credits. My high school does not have all of the courses that you need before you start becoming a registered dietician. I know the basics & I googled about becoming one, but can anyone give me additional information about the field?? I don't want to actually cook or work for food. I want to plan meals & help people with their weight. I lost 40+ lbs myself in a healthy way & I think I could really help a lot of people. Any advice, suggestions, opinions, experiences, etc??
Thanks!! (link)
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You're in luck. You see, there's not a tremendous emphasis on the actual classes you take in high school. It's more about the grades you get, particularly in certain subjects if you are going on to a specialist sort of degree. Your university will have advisers that can give you very specific information about what courses you need to take in order to qualify as a dietician.
I've found a pretty good site for giving you information about the qualities a good dietician needs, the sorts of jobs they can get, etc. It sounds like you are in America from your question and the site is directed at British young people, but it still might help!
Info on becoming a dietician - http://www.connexions-direct.com/jobs4u/index.cfm?pid=51&catalogueContentID=330
Info on becoming a nutritional therapist -
http://www.connexions-direct.com/jobs4u/index.cfm?pid=51&catalogueContentID=335
Good luck!
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what happens if you kiss a smoker? i don't know if it's bad or not, but i was just wondering if it's bad..or..can you like get sick? get something from that person? if he/she smokes ALL the time? for a few years?
(im not doing that, i just thought it was gross, and you can probly get sick?)
thnks in advance (link)
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Kissing a smoker usually means that you can taste the cigarettes secondhand - not always the nicest thing. You will not 'catch' anything from a smoker that you couldn't catch from a non-smoker.
Smoking could be likely to make the smoker sick, but if you just kissed them it wouldn't affect you. However, if you were breathing in their secondhand smoke (if they smoke around you and you inhale the smoke they exhale) that can cause damage to you.
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Hi, I'm 17 and think I may be pregnant. I'm not sure yet so I am scheduling an appointment soon for the doctors. I was with my boyfriend for two years and September 2nd was the last time we had sex. I had my period September 11th and it was a regular flow-no 'spotting'. Now I'm not even sure if it was my period because I feel sick liked I've caught something, have gained a little weight-but that could be diet related, and my stomache feels chubby even when I flex it-its like jiggly and mushy feeling(so wierd).
Me and my ex are no longer together and live 300 miles away from eachother, and don't speak much but still love eachother deep down- yet I have no intention of being back with him. I'm scared I may be pregnant but am not sure and although I'm waiting to see a doctor I'm still freaking out! I should be graduating my last year of highschool this year early and moving on with my life... But does that include a child?
What I want to know is if that stomache jiggly/fat thing is a pregnancy symptom or if it is... Should I be seeing this now? I've only noticed it THIS last week.
& If I find out I AM pregnant do you have any suggestions on what I should do...(Keep it, abortion,adopt..ETC.)???
I don't care much if it's constructive criticism, as long as its a true opinion. All I'm asking for is your suggestion because I am still young, but yet could regret this for the rest of my life and have a guilty concious.
Please answer HONESTLY.
-Thanks-
(link)
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Your stomach would have not changed size or shape this early in pregnancy; in fact, the belly often feels very tight to the touch.
It's interesting that you say you had a normal period, and a few lines later wonder if it was a period at all. This would suggest that your fears about being pregnant may be playing tricks on your mind.
Things to think about that may shed more light on the situation: Did you use protection when you had sex? Did you last period come when it was due?
Going to the doctor is a great idea. When you go, make sure you bring the start date of your last period - even if you are unsure whether it was a real period or not.
I can understand your mind racing to conclusions and trying to figure out what you would do if you were pregnant, but in reality it might be best to find out if you actually ARE pregnant first. One worry at a time.
If you and your ex recently broke up, or if you have mixed feelings about the break up, you could be putting those worries into being anxious about pregnancy. I do think the mind and body are very linked.
The best advice I could give you for this evening is to relax - take a bath, meditate, draw - whatever helps you calm down. Schedule an appointment to see your doctor - don't forget to consider confidentiality if you do not want your parents to find out.
Please let me know if you need further information. I wish you the best.
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I'm pretty sure what I experienced was a wet dream. I mean, I did have a rather "interesting" dream and I woke up from having orgasm. I'm 16 though and a female. I thought males could only have these.. ? (link)
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Anyone can have a sexual dream and an orgasm while asleep. It happens to some people a lot, some people once in a while, some people rarely. But the potential is there.
'Wet dreams,' however, generally refer only to when guys have them. This is because they ejaculate and leave a lot of liquid behind.
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Okay I want to do alottttttt when I'm older. I want to know what is a good score to get on the ACT for scholarship money? Or any score? I want to be a psychiatrist..Are there schools in the US that are good in that field? I understand I will have to go to medical school..But I don't understand..Will that be seperate or a part of college also? Because when I get to college my cousin who is becoming a pharmicist is going to med. school. I also want to go to a fashion school as 2nd choice. I'm not sure if I would want to live in New York..What are great schools in the arts and fashion, etc..Photography? Chicago? This was long I'm sorry..Haa but thanks in advance!
:] (link)
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Well, the psychiatrist option is a great career, but requires years of training. First you need to go to university, and major in 'pre-med.' This might require a lot of classes in science, though a simple Google search will give you more info!
You then need to apply and be accepted to medical school. Med school is very demanding in terms of time and emotional energy.
Once you complete med school, you're a doctor. You THEN need to enter a psychiatric training programme, sometimes called a 'residency'. This can take a further four years (minimum!) to complete. For more info on residencies, you can go to http://www.aadprt.org/training/default.aspx
Psychiatry is a pretty big leap from fashion, photography, the arts, etc. It might be well worth your time to book some sessions with a careers adviser so you can really explore your interests and likelihood of succeeding in either field. Both are demanding, so it's best to do whatever you're passionate about.
I wish you the best.
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I'm a junior in college and i'ts been a month now that I've been attending classes in my major.
I had a hard time picking my major because I was undecided between 2 majors (accounting and business) .
The problem is that when I come home and start to open the material we took in class that day, my mind keeps thinking " What if the other major is better?" " What if this major is really not for me?" "Should I switch to the other major (business administration) ? "
The thing is I don't know how to get rid of these nagging thoughts. Do you think that's a sign of my mind alerting me that I shouldn'
t continue with this major (accounting)since I've begun having second thoughts about it ? What's making these thoughts even more annoying is that I thought this major(accounting) would be easy, but now I see that it's getting difficult and dull somewhat because it's mainly all numbers.
Another problem is that the mid-term exams are only 2 weeks away .
I know that if I switch to the business admnistration department, these thoughts will go away because it WON'T be an option for me to switch back to accounting.
So, my question is :
1. How do I get rid of these nagging thoughts about staying in the accounting department?
2. Should I listen to these nagging thoughts, because they reflect my concerncs and switch to the other major?
(link)
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There are two real possibilities here. One is what you appear to fear: you are having these thoughts because you have made the wrong decision.
The other option is that you would have had this reaction either way. There is a whole school of philosophical/psychological thought about this. Essentially, life is all about making choices. Every choice you make excludes some other possibility.
So whatever major you choose, you are excluding (for now) the possibility of getting a degree in the major you have not chosen. It's pretty natural for this to cause a lot of anxiety.
It might be helpful to consider why you picked Accounting in the first place. Are the reasons still true and valid? Do they make sense for you in terms of what you enjoy and your longterm goals? What, exactly, are the benefits in choosing Accounting? The negatives?
This sort of thinking might remind you that you've made the right choice, and this is just some anxiety stemming from that. Alternatively, these questions might alert you to the fact that you may have made the wrong decision.
Is there an academic adviser you could speak to? Or perhaps people who are in their senior year in each major, who can let you know firsthand what the majors are like? Finally, what sort of career would you like, and does your major support you in achieving it?
Untangling these options can be scary and frustrating, and I wish you the best.
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when u have a tampon in and have to pee do u have to change it? (link)
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You have three holes - one for poop, one for pee, and one for blood/babies.
When you've got a tampon in, it doesn't have anything to do with the hole where you pee. You should change your tampon regularly (see the packet of instructions in the box), but probably not as often as you pee. There's simply no need to.
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okay so im 15/f and my boyfriend is 18. we started dating about a week ago. well hes older than me hes just a lot more experianced than me. we make out all the time and hes really like "fast" with it but its been fine with me. but i let him finger me last night and it was the first time someone has. well he was really fast and when it started to hurt i told him to slow down and he would just whisper to me that "ill be fine and he knows what hes doing" and he kept going just as fast. so i finally told him to just stop and he didnt and so i closed my legs and he just pushed them back and held me there until he was done.. im kind of scared now cause we've talked about having sex but im scared he'll hurt me a lot more and i dont really know what to do cause i dont want to break up with him but it really scared me when he was basically holding my legs apart when i was telling him to stop. what should i do? (link)
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Fear of the sort you're describing is not part of a healthy relationship. It is a very bad sign that your boyfriend didn't listen to what you were saying - after all, you told him to slow down, AND you told him to stop.
It sounds to me as if you were forced into a sex act you did not want. While you originally were happy to be fingered, it crossed the line once he refused to stop when you asked him.
There is every possibility he will be like this when it comes to sex, too.
It might be helpful to take some time to think about what you want in a boyfriend. Someone who listens to you, respects you, makes you feel comfortable, goes at your pace? This guy hits none of those points, so if they're important to you, think about whether this relationship is really right.
No one can stand up for you except for you, and it's better to do it sooner rather than later.
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Okay so i got my cartalage peirced and i got it on my right ear ( im a girl) . I heard that it has to be on a certain ear or soemthing. like Gay or lesbian for both genders. Im totally confused; does that go for gilrs or just guys?? (link)
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In decades past, gays and lesbians were in a lot of danger from members of the public as well as the police. This made finding other people to date really difficult - emotionally and physically. The community developed a whole host of ways to tell other gay people that they were gay.
I think this is probably where the whole piercing on various sides thing to come from. It doesn't really carry any significance today - particularly as cartilage piercing was not around when these symbols were used!
I wish you the best.
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to use female condoms
and male condoms at the same time
beacuse i want to make sure i am safe
will that be okay using both (link)
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Using two condoms - of whatever type - is not safe. It is ALWAYS much safer to use only one condom.
This is because the friction between the condoms makes tearing much more likely. If a condom tears, it's not a reliable or safe method to prevent pregnancy or STDs.
Every time you use sex, only use one condom. If you plan to have sex again right afterwards, you need to use a new condom.
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you answered my question.. i dont know if you remember but it was about how i think i pee from my vagina... well let me just tell you this,, every month when i have my period i have to wear pads,, alwasyz have had to,,c uz when i wear tampons, when i pee i have to take it out cuz i cant pee.... you tell me then.. i know women have 3 holes,, i shit from one, i bleed piss have sex through the others i know i do... (link)
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Many women mistakenly think they need to remove their tampon in order to pee, but I really do hear that you genuinely believe you are unable to use the bathroom without taking out your tampon. I would gently suggest that this is possibly a physical issue brought on by an emotional cause. (You know, you believe you pee from that hole, so your body won't allow you to pee with a tampon in.)
I would suggest you make an appointment to see a gyno, which you should be doing regularly as you have had sex, anyway. She can walk you through the anatomy of your body, explain how things work, and hopefully clear up any anxieties or worries you may have.
I wish you the best.
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