I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172973
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my dad is taking away my phone line for my internet. is there any way i can do something on my computer to prevent him from taking it away? (link)
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Nope. You are an underage minor living in his house, and his rules go. The internet company will not take your side - as minors cannot legally enter contracts - and there's nothing you can alter on your computer, either.
I would sit down and talk with your dad. Chances are he has a reason for cutting off your internet; maybe you need to compromise and agree to only go online one hour a day, have your computer put in a public family room, or something similar.
You'll have to do SOMETHING if you want to keep your computer, and talking to your dad is the way to do it.
Good luck.
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Well, ive been a cutter for about..1/2 a year now. And i cut on my wrist..(i was pissed) and i went out without my wrist band on, and i think my mom saw! what if she sends me away to a mental hospital!?
Please help!
|-.Lost Soul.-| (link)
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She won't send you to a mental hospital; in fact, the old, scary version of mental hospitals don't even exist anymore.
She might suggest, however, that you get professional help, and I think that might be a good idea. Cutting is a dangerous addiction - I would expect someone addicted to cigarettes or alcohol to get help, and I think it's reasonable that your mother might expect you to get help.
Cutting might take away the symptoms of depression, anger, or anxiety, but it will not stop the underlying problems.
Your best bet might be to be upfront with your mother; if you admit you have a problem, you'll end up looking better tan if you continue to cut and hide it from her. She will eventually find out, and it's up to you to decide HOW she finds out.
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My friend * Ashlyn* is trying to tell me her boyfriend told her he is a vampire and i dont think she is lying for some reason and her cousin is going around the High school calling her a blood sucker what should i do i dont know if i believe her or not do you ??? (link)
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Okay. He is not a real vampire. I can tell you that with the utmost authority, just as I can tell you that the tooth fairy will not be stopping over to his house next Tuesday.
However, there ARE some people who call themselves vampires - they do this for role acting games, and can assume the personality and characteristics of what they think a vampire would be like. Perhaps her boyfriend is into role playing?
I'd encourage Ashlyn to talk to her cousin AND her boyfriend - her cousin shouldn't be saying hurtful things in school or anywhere else, and her boyfriend should be clear with her about what he means when he says he is a 'vampire.'
If the guy really thinks he is a vampire, I'd ask Ashlyn is she wants to date a crazy person. If not, maybe she could move on and find someone who won't melt in daylight.
(And to test him, she can always cook him a meal with plenty of garlic!!;) )
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Im a sophmore and we just got told that a representative from Jostens(the ring company) is coming to the school this friday to take class ring orders. We got the information today and theyr sooo expencive but i found 3 that i love. Problem is theyr all at like the $200 and up mark...YIKES! So i want to know if any of u have any good ideas to help out my parents pay for some of it without really having to get a job that im stuck too (cant cuz i play soccer 3-5:30 plus h/w every night) If anyone has any ideas PLZ help! (link)
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You can get a job on the weekends - maybe Saturday afternoon? And give your parents payments in installments?
The other thing you can do is offer your services at home; figure out a schedule for washing dishes, cutting the lawn, vacumming the living room, etc. Your time is worth money, and if you tread delicately your parents will be willing to help you out.
From their perspective, I know they are thinking it could be a waste of money. I mean, I got a ring from Josten's and now it sits in a box in my parent's basement. To combat this, I would think about WHY this ring is special to you - if you have reasons, then it'll be easier to convince your parents.
Good luck...and enjoy your ring!
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Well, I'm 13. I just got my boyfriend
only about 5 days ago. And we just met each
other about 3 weeks ago. We really like each
other. Already, we went to a Football game
and people were chanting us to kiss...and
we did 4 times. I think we're rushing, but
I don't want to hurt anything between us. Though
I know he'll probably be fine with it if I tell him how I feel...I just can't get the guts to. What should I do?
-Mystie (link)
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Well, you're the only person who can stand up for what you believe in. You'll have to tell your boyfriend how you feel, but you CAN choose how to do it.
You have a few options: telling him in person, on the phone, in a letter/email, on AIM, etc. Figure out which makes the most sense for your situation, and go for it.
This will make good practice for the rest of your adult life; you need to be brave enough to respect yourself.
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i take Communication Arts, and I didn't know how hard it would be? My latest assignment was to make a script with a partner, and we agreed that he would write the script while I brought the props and costumes. It's called a one word scene, which means one person can say only one word per line, and it has to be at least a minute and no longer than two minutes. See, I didn't have a problem with this until I read the script...it's about him being hungry and wanting to eat lkions while I think it's gross. i don't want to sound rude, but almost half the grade is based on the script and how good it is, and most of it doesn't make sense. Plus, the script it only 48 seconds, and she's a REAL stickler for getting the times straight. I have 2 questions::
How do i tell him in a nice way that I want to re-write the script?
Do you have any good ideas that will work well for a minute with this kind of script? (link)
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Well, I'd be very careful when I told him. After all, you agreed to this set up at the very beginning, and this guy might actually be proud of his script.
I'd see if you could work with what he already has, and possibly change some things or add to it. Try reading it outloud with each other - you can say it's to doublecheck the timing, but while you do it you can point out bits which you don't care for.
I'd make it clear that you liked his stuff, but that it just wasn't right for the two of you to perform.
And in future, be careful of agreeing to let someone else do all the writing - or you might end up having to perform skits about hunger.;)
Good luck.
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Okay, Im so upset! My boyfriend broke up wit me like sept 5th or somethin like that and he hasnt talked to me about it..He was so immature he did it online. hes almost 18 and im freakin 15 years old! Ive called n left messages tellin him I need him to explain to me so its not left all open n shit n me wonderin bout everything. He doesnt wanna call or anything. My friends have even tried n talked to him. They have gotten thrugh him and told me everything n shit but its juss not suppose to be like this. He liked me A LOT n i liked him. I fell for him hard and I think he was my first love. Maybe I juss liked him ALOT but I dunno I never had these feelings for someone so bAD before. I dunno what to do. I have been in a depressed mood ever since and I cant move on and everyone says I should. someone please gimmie some advice on everything..I juss dont know what to do anymore..he broke muh heart (link)
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I don't think it's 'open' at all; it seems pretty obvious that your relationship is a closed book. He doesn't want to date you anymore, and he's acting like a child about it.
No, I don't think he's handling it the right way. Yes, I think you deserve an explanation. But you and I can't make him do things he doesn't want to do.
The unfortunate news for you is that you've got to deal with getting over him, but the good news is that you're thankfully done dating someone who would treat you with so little respect. You deserve someone who will be open and honest, and also someone who is probably closer to your own age.
Good luck.
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okay..my best friend i love her and everything, but she has this level of flirting that is like wayy over the line. and when ever she goes out wtih someone she like flirts wtih other guys and i tell her that she has a bf and she is like..so he cheated on me! and omg! and whenever she isn't going out with anyone she flirts bigggg time with other guys like she is a slut! and we actyally have some sluts at our school (like gurls gogot "fingerd" or w/e) and she also got fingerd but i am one of the only people who knows about it and i just dont know what to do! please help me!?
~*~*Dazed and Confused*~*~ (link)
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Our friends all have traits which annoy us. The question is - is the grief you suffer putting up with her flirting worth the rest of the friendship?
If you are constantly annoyed to the point of not liking her, maybe you should rethink the friendship. If you want to remain friends, then you need to have a talk with her.
Basically, though, this is the way she is. She's a flirt. She's not going to change, though she may reign herself in if you happen to be around. You can't expect her to change her personality - no matter how obnoxious it might be. You either put up with it, or you find a new best friend.
The thing to do is to remind yourself of your morals and beliefs and then stick with them - it's up to you whether you do that with your friend by your side.
Good luck.
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if someone is wearing lime green tights, or pantyhoes or whatever, does that mean anything? like does that mean theyre lesbian or gay? (link)
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No. It means they like lime green tights.
Lesbians and gays, like all people, come in such a wide variety that it's impossible to 'tell' whether someone is gay or not. Some dress flamboyantly, some dress very preppy/pretty, some dress in whatever is most comfortable. Just like straight people.
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Hi, i'm 13 years old and i'm a girl. I like this boy but he is taken already, By one of my friends. I really like him and i want to tell him but how can i without my friend not finding out? (link)
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Your friend will find out. Either you'll feel guilty one day and tell her - or, more likely, her boyfriend will tell her that you've got a crush on him.
You've got to consider some things here - how much is your friendship worth to you? Do you want to risk getting hurt by a guy who already has a girlfriend?
You could end up losing a friend AND this guy; why not try to move past him and find someone who is unattached?
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I NEED HELP!!!!!...Ive Been Goin Out With My Bf For Like 2 Weeeks But we Knew Each Other Like 1-2 Weeks Before He Asked Me Out...Well I Talk To His Cuz A Lot(Ive Known Him For Like 6 Months) And He Told Me That His Cuz Has Another Gf Besides Me...So Last Night I Called Him And Ask Him If That Was True And He Said, "Yes , But I Didnt Kno"...(How Can You Dont Kno If Your Goin Out With Sum1????)...Well I Asked Him If He Likes Her And He Was Like, "Not As Much As I Like You....Once I Get Here From Camp ill Cut Her"...All My Friends Are Telling Me To Cut Him....But I Love Him Soooo Much To Let Him Go....What Should I Do???...Should I Cut Him???... Dont Wanna Get Hurt!..Can sum1 PLEASE Gimmie Advice...Thanx... (link)
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Okay. You might really like him, but how much does he honestly like you? He has another girlfriend.
I hate being the bearer of bad news, but I definately think you should break up with him. But you know what? I don't think it's ONLY bad news - the good news is that you'll be free to find a guy who is open and honest with you.
You deserve someone who will commit to you & respect you, but you can only find that if you are willing to respect yourself first.
Good luck.
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Hi!
Im the on e who has a problem about a mom paying $5.00 per less than 4 hours.
Im thinking everybody who answer my question really help, so thanks to every single one of you.
But what if im only 14, maybe she think that im only 14 that's why she need me to pay less than.
What should I do help. (link)
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First of all, if this woman continaully asks you to babysit for her, then she obviously trusts you with her children.
What you need to do is sit down and really figure out what your time is worth. Many girls will charge $5 per hour for their babysitting services, and this is totally justified. You are taking care of someone's children, and that is a big job.
This is helpful - when you start a new babysitting job, you can be upfront and explain your rates. It's a little trickier, though, considering you have been working for this woman for awhile.
It'll be scary, but you really need to sit down with her and explain that you need to be making more money. Explain your reasons - this is a fair rate of pay, child caring is a demanding job, etc. Give her reasons, and keep in mind that you DESERVE to be getting properly paid for a job well done.
If you don't talk to her, then you're allowing yourself to be paid poorly. Perhaps because you are 'only 14' this woman thinks she can take advantage of you.
Be polite, but be firm.
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Hey there. Um ... I can't take a test until next week to see if i'm pregnant or not, but i'm a little anxious. What are some signs you should watch for if you are in fact, pregnant. Some things I've experienced in the last week is not having any energy, very sore boobs, body aches, stomach has been bothering me, and i'm just very ... tender. Also, my boyfriend and me had sex last night, and after my lower back and lower stomach pained. Advice please! (link)
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You are not going to be experiencing any real symptoms of pregnancy this early on - if you are even pregnant. It is completely natural to be overanxious - this can make you pay attention to things you might not have noticed before, it can make them seem more major than they really are, etc. Also, the stress can reduce your energy, give you stomach problems, and other things.
The only sign you can and should be watching for is the arrival (or not) of your period.
I would also strongly consider what has made you feel this way. Are you and your boyfriend using two forms of protection (ie the Pill and condoms)? If not, then you need to start. This will reduce your chances of getting pregnant and/or contracting a STD.
If you ARE protecting yourself and still feel so nervous and upset, then I think you should take some time to seriously consider whether you are genuinely ready to be having sex. All this anxiety is not good for your mind, body, OR relationship.
Good luck.
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when is the best time to take a prenancey test? i heard 3-4 days after you were suppossed to have you period, 12 days after you have sex, right after, a couple of days before your period is suppossed to start ... i'm so confused!!! (link)
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The last time I took a pregnancy test, the general advice was to wait until your period was at least two weeks overdue. Of course, over-the-counter tests have probably improved. I think the best thing to do is go to the drugstore and read the back of the boxes.
If you take a test too quickly, it could come out as negative even if you are really pregnant. This is because your body won't have produced enough of the 'pregnancy hormone' to register on a test.
Generally, any test needs to be taken after you've missed a period. Keep in mind that stress can make a period late.
Also keep in mind that using two forms of protection can really lower your stress, as well as chances of getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
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Hey, I'm 21 years old and female. I have a problem. My boyfriend of 4 years (5 October 3rd!) and I havent had sex yet. He is really not that kindof guy to ask for sex or anything. He's really patient and all we have do is makeout. We were best friends for 2 years before going out and he really respects me. I am ready to lose my virginity to him, because after 5 years of going out shouldent it be time to have some fun? lol I have been on birth control for 2 months just incase when I do ask him if he wants to have sex, he will say yes. I want to tell him I want to lose it on our anniversary but I'm really scared because how am I gonna start the conversation of sex? And since he really respects me and cares for me I think he wouldent want to. But I'm not 16 anymore, I'm a woman and I want to do this. I love him a lot and I just dont know how to ask if he wants to do this! We are talking about marriage so should we just wait till were married? Help! (link)
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You need to talk to him. If you've been with this guy for four years & are talking about marriage, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to talk about sex.
I understand that it can be an awkward issue, especially when you've just been not having sex for so long, but you'll just have to bite the bullet and bring it up. Figure out, as a couple, what is best for you.
I think it's important to let him know you feel ready for sex and see what his reaction is. If he's really in love with you - no matter how much he respects you - then he's been struggling with not having sex. Sex is a natural way for people to express intimacy and love, and perhaps your boyfriend is not ready for that or is confused about his sexuality.
It's all a bunch of 'if's from my end, though. I really think you should bring the topic up in a loving, supportive way. Ask questions, explain how you feel, and let him know how much you love him.
I wish you the best.
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hi. i am very sad and i cannot stop crying because both of my parents refuse to get me braces. i really need them and i hate smiling because my teeth are So crooked, and everyone stares. i would feel so much better if i had them and i would stop crying everyday. i know that writing this isnt gonna help me; hence i feel helpless. "we cant afford it", they say. but when it comes to buying something expensive for themselves my parents suddenly can. i'm not going to get into my family because i really dont wanna talk about my neglegence and abuse. anywho..i just dont know what to do. i hate looking at all my happy friends with their braces. i really dont want to get a reply such as "dont care about what they think," or "theres people out there that have less then you." because frankly, i dont really care. (link)
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Has your dentist recommended that you see an orthodontist due to the crookedness of your teeth? If not, then perhaps you could ask your dentist if he thinks you need braces.
A lot of people's physical faults seem worse to them, while other people wouldn't notice.
If your dentist agrees that you need braces, I would ask him to speak with your parents. Parents, unfortunately, are often apt to listen to other adults rather than their own children. A professional saying you actually NEED braces will carry more weight than you saying that you WANT them.
If your dentist speaks to them and they still don't want to get you braces, I would have a serious talk with them. Offer to get a job and pay them regular installments. Ask how much your dental health insurance covers - if a dentist/orthodontist says you needs braces, many health care plans cover all or part of the expenses.
If you try everything and it doesn't work, I'm sorry to say you are stuck. You can ask an orthodontist about the possibility of a sliding scale - or maybe letting you work for his/her office in exchange for dental care. And, of course, you can still get braces as an adult.
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HI,
anybody knoows any webites you go that you teach your self writ and be a writer? with grammer and every thing.. Thanks :) (link)
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I think the best way to teach yourself to write is to just do it - open up a new Word document and just write. Maybe a half hour a day, maybe a chapter a day, maybe a poem a week. Whatever works for you.
Grammar IS important - it makes sure that the person reading your stories can understand them. I can recommend several good books for you (or give you some tutoring if you want!)...just email me if you want to do that.
The website I think you should go take a look at is http://www.nanowrimo.org. It is National Novel Writing Month - a group of people from all over the world who decide to write a 50,000 word novel in November. It has really great, supportive, and fun message boards.
You can ask questions about anything, and you can also get to know other people who want to be writers.
Good luck!
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okkk my friend was over and she is 12 and just started her period a day ago!.. and we went to the lake.. and she wore a pad!?!?! and it didnt leak!! why? thats wierd! and it was heavy! (link)
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Well, some people claim that you don't bleed while you are in water. I would say this is true in my experience - but it is also true that you bleed so slowly it would dissolve into water. It would appear there was no blood, when there was.
Aside from that, swimming with a pad isn't a smart idea. It is designed to soak up liquid - if you put a pad under water, it will swell and be very uncomfortable. It'll also be totally obvious to everyone around that you are wearing a pad.
The best thing is to skip swimming, or to wear a tampon.
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my boyfriend and i broke up in july, right when my 22 year old cousin died, and he had his friend break up with me. i had experiance 4 deaths that month, and he crushed me. i was on anti-depressants for the rest of the summer. i was truely in love with him and we we're engaged (like, 4 real, not that whole crappy, "omg we are like sooo gunna get married") but i dunno if i can ever forgive him for wut he did. therez another guy at school i just met and we really like each other, but my old bf wants me back and so does this new guy, and i dunno who to go with. HELP PLZ!!!! (link)
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You should pick the person that:
Makes you laugh
Lets you cry
You feel comfortable with
You respect
You know they respect you
You can honesly talk to
You genuinely trust
Who values you and treats you like you deserve
Connects with you on the deepest level
Basically, the person you like more. Obviously, you have to consider your past with your ex - having a friend dump you when you were engaged shows not only that you two weren't ready for an engagement, but that he's not mature enough for any sort of relationship.
People are human and make mistakes. All you can do is shut your eyes - right now - and do what you gut, brain, and heart tell you to do.
I wish you the best.
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If a guy wanted to go down on me should I let him? I mean girls say it feels good n everything but I dunno. I mean I know im clean down there but DOWN THERE isnt the best lookin and juss yeah down there. I mean u cum and what if it starts to smell or somethin or I dunno.. Juss thinkin bout a guy doin that..Doesnt it taste BADD I mean why would a guy wanna..?? (link)
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Oral sex, like any sexual act, needs to happen when you are entirely comfortable. Women are taught from a young age that they should not be sexual, and that their vaginas as a dangerous and/or gross place. This is why it's especially important to find a person you really care about, who cares about you, before you have oral sex.
I wouldn't worry about the mechanics. If you wash yourself daily and practice good hygiene, you'll taste and smell fine. You might want to be aware that different diets produce different tastes, and you will also taste differently during various times of the month. You can touch your finger with a finger and then taste it so you know exactly what your boyfriend has to expect.
A guy would want to do this not only because he wanted to give you pleasure, but also because it is pleasureable for him to do.
Relax, and if you are ready and comfortable, enjoy yourself.
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