Hey y'all. I started this whole advice thing cuz i absolutely luv people and giving advice. I'll try to help the best I can with whatever problem you have. I've been through a little of everything so ask away and don't be shy!
E-mail: e.sherhart@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: TEXAS!!!
Occupation: Violinist
Age: 16
AIM: rikatree2375
Member Since: July 29, 2005
Answers: 255
Last Update: September 12, 2006
Visitors: 16325
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welll how do i start....well i start from the very start....i went out with this guy because i knew him from high school..we went out before...now were grow into mature people, and was attracted to each other....every thing was goin great for 6 months...but within the last month he started treating me differently, like he didnt appreciate me...one day he called it off, he said he can see that were not right for each other...i begged and cried and cried...i was so shocked we just spent the weekend together and it seemed great but he said he doesnt love me anymore..i begged him twice and i stopped after that....he tells me im doin great getting over him..so i snapped and yelled at him and said he was unfair and told him that relationships are about communication and honesty...he said loving me and missing me will just go away which mean he would consider going back out with me, i gave up but told him for the last time what i loved about him...then he kissed me and cried....so yup he decided to go out with me again...but left the decision for the weekend..i had to wait 3 days....
yup so we went out...the first three days seemed great..well he was good at making me believe it was great....and i think he was deliberately driving me away and finally broke it off and said he hasnt loved me for the past month although im a beatiful person...we lost the chemistry....i didnt cry this time....but he seem angry at me...i said you lied and he said i should be thankful he didnt lead me on for long...he also said he doesnt care about my feelings about this...and he only went out with me because he didnt wanna deal with breaking up....
now although im badly hurt im realizing he wasnt treating me the right way...everything was based around his feelings, his thoughts, and his doubts. What kind of guy is he? he doesnt know what he wants...
How long am i going to keep feeling lonely and sad about this...
i know hes not worth it but a part of me wants him or maybe just the companionship..
is worth it?? is he gonna comeback?? if he did should i take him back??
im dealing with this better than the first time we broke up but i still get moments where i cry too much, and i cant sleep or eat.
he only cared about his band and friends, i wasnt even special..he said i was, but i could feel i wasnt...
it seemed really good at one stage and he just stopped loving me as he said...
i see him everyday and it seems like hes dealing with it fine...but i dunno how he truly feels behind closed doors... (link)
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This guy absolutely doesn't deserve you. He even admitted that he lied and lead you on!!! What kind of guy is that?!?! He doesn't deserve you if he can't love you and be honest with you. It takes a while to get over things like this, but it's different for everybody. If he comes back though, think of how he treated you before and if it's worth all the suffering AGAIN. He might say that he's changed but you'll truly know when you see him if he's lying or not. You should get to know some nicer guys who you KNOW are going to be honest with you and can love you for who you are. Forget about this other guy because he never even treated you decently. Just start new and you can't go wrong. Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments)
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There is this guy that I like a lot and we tend to flirt sometimes and stuff..... Well the thing is he has a g/f and I am friends with her and I would never want to hurt her..... I just feel bad because this is the one guy that I have come to like a lot and he is taken..... And now he does not talk to me anymore and I just want to be friends with him because our friendship means so much to me its just I dont know how to aproach this... can you guys help me out (link)
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If y'all are still pretty good friends then he should understand your concerns. But it also helps is you stop flirting with him because that's still causing him to be unfaithful to his girlfriend which you also care about as another friend. Try talking with him again. Just mention that you'd rather be friends. He should understand but if he doesnt, you deserve better. Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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lol okay not so much a problem as a general wondering of action here... i'm 16, this guy at work - also 16 - has been telling a bunch of his collegues I've been "checking him out" and he reckons I fancy him and he fancies me blah blah blah. I heard all this off a friend/collegue and didn't even know who the guy was :| ... anyhow fast forward a few days.. I know who the guy is now and today when I was around doing some jobs and needed help he was available and was all...showing off whilst helping me... which was funny... but I remained normal as to not give him any signals. Let's just say... im not interested in him, especially since he told his collegues I was checking him out :S
Anyway near the end of my shift his mate comes up to me and hands me over a piece of paper with this guys name and mobile number on... haha which made me laugh... and he managed to work the last half hour of his shift right by me...but not quite near enough for speech.
Anyway what do you reckon I should do now? Umm.. I don't wanna be mean but I'm totally not interested but wouldn't mind being a mate and crap.
Should I talk to him next time I see him in the store (which may be next week) say I lost the paper? or text him tell him im not interested ect... lol how would be the best way to put this?
Help muchly appreciated! xoxo (link)
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I think you should be totally honest with the guy since you're not even interested. The longer you put it off, the more convinced he's gonna be that u ARE interested. He'll keep bothering you and "checking you out". If you dont want that, just try to tell him, nicely of course, that you're just not interested in a relationship right now. Make it seem like it's not really him, you're just not ready for that. If he gets it, then you're off the hook. But the fastest and easiest way is to just tell the poor guy the truth. Hope i helped and good luck!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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Hi there. You probably know who i am but i had a question regarding a future in music.
With millions of musicians out in the world, how sure is a person with a degree in music going to get a job, whether teacher privately, at a university, in a public school, as a concert pianist, etc?
Is it safe to go out there and try to 'reach for your dreams'. or should a person look at the more "realistic" approach of the music/business realm?
recently i was looking in a music forum and i came across a topic. one member posted several ideas, advice, and tips on "marketing" oneself to get a job! No one is going to ask you to play. you are literally going to need to "advertise" yourself! I was blown away! I had the same feelings as own of the other members who wrote this:
"Wow! I had no idea how business-oriented (being a musician) was... I suppose I had always adhered to the naive assumption that if you're good, then it will all fall into place. Thank you VERY much for making this apparent; being 16, I should have some time to get my act together."
now along with this is the fact of colleges/conservatories. graduating from curtis, julliard, eastmann, etc does not necesarily insure a wonderful music career, (a concert musician, professor at a university), although the name may look good on a resume. The sad thing is, if we were to look at a list of the most important factors of being accepted into a prestigious music conservatory, it would probably look like this...
1)talent/ability
2)CONNECTIONS (knowing a professor well, an alumnus, board member, etc.)
for some schools connections may be even more important than the prospective student's abilities!
Taking all these factors into account (schools, job securities, marketing oneself, music's business side), is it safe to try to plunge into a career of music?
i know that every musician who wants to be professional has a dream and an assurance of a future in music, but should we stop to consider the facts, statistics, and history and question ourselves?
thank you for your time,
a troubled musician in high school (link)
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Okay, let's start at the beginning. You basically want me to tell you if you're going to succeed in music. I can't really do that. BUT, about being sure about it. I'm not going to lie. You seriously have to be talented. Like stand out amidst like a ton of other pianists. Sounds hard but if you know you can do it, then you just gotta get out there and make it happen. You're trying to be realistic which is extremely smart. But i'll quote from Leonid Kogan, great violinist, "if the talent is there, the career will come". I'll just let that speak for itself. And about the marketing. People ARE going to ask you to play but you need to get out there and really make some publicity for yourself. Play where you KNOW some important people will be. In the old days, people used to give free recitals for the public to get known. That's a little old timey but you could still do that specially in New York and up North. And yes, famous musicians usually need people to market them and to help with publicity. Heifetz needed people to help with tours and such. So that's normal. You won't personally be expected to do that if you're famous. The college itself will not guarantee you anything, you're right there. But it does help to get up there in that vicinity, North, so you have chances to be where others are being "found". You'll have great teachers probably from the Metropolitan and Boston Pops maybe if you try New England. Connections are great, but people are going to love you if you can play. They'll ask you if you want to take under them. Like how i study with Ms. Mori. Well, you know about that. She asked ME to study with her. So that kind of stuff does happen!!! And let me remind you, not every musician is sure about themselves. Some want the safe way like teachers and professors. Very few "brave souls" are willing to go out there and just make it by themselves as soloists. I've considered history and statistics and it doesn't bother me. I'm fully confident of what i'm able to do. Other people are too such as my teachers and such. So that's encouraging. But you're 16!!! Right now, practice!!! Don't focus on the future as much. You have time!!! I find that trusting God is so much of a help because i know he's in my music career and He's made soo many things happen already that aren't natural. So just rest in Him because he'll pull you through always. Like he's totally going to ignore you with colleges??? Don't think so. Hope i helped and good luck!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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i hate myself. i'm extremely self-conscious. i have zero self-esteem. are there any ways to start feeling better about my self, or to boost my confidence? (link)
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Confidence and self-esteem are totally mental. Start thinking better things about yourself. Hang around with positive friends and stuff like that. I'm sure you're so not that bad to the point you have to feel that way. Just remember that confidence starts with how YOU feel about YOURSELF. Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)
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sorry this is so long but please take the time to read it. my best friend...lets call her Alyssa, she has been my best friend for about 2 years. we've had our fights and everything like a normal friendship. right? haha. but the past winter, we didnt hang out at all because her dad started to hate me. so she wasnt allowed to hang out with me. once he found me, my brother, and her walking home from school together and he got so pissed. he was yelling at her so loudly outside, in front of all the neighbors. so we never let him see us hang out together. but hes in the army or something and he leaves home for a long period of time (like a month and a half) and then her mom started hating me for no reason. and so we never were allowed to chill out together. and we live half a block away. BUT now, her mom likes me..and her dad is gone but they dont tell him that alyssa is allowed to come over to my house now. her mom lets alyssa come to my house everyday now! haha. but maybe not everyday. but im wondering..isnt this wrong? i mean, her dad thinks that his daughter is staying home but shes actually haning out with me. is that wrong? alyssa is so cool and i really want to keep being her best friend. (im not a lezbian and im not bi) (link)
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It's not exactly being honest to her dad. If he's gone right now, you can't really do anything. Maybe mention to her mom that he should know what's going on. If her mom is supportive, she should find a way to make things okay with her husband. But for now, just hang out with her and dont feel bad because it's not your responsibility to fix this situation. Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)
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My mom and I have always been close but I'm fourteen now and we're still close but we get into fights a lot and it really bothers me. She's a preschool teacher so she gets summers off with me so we have a lot of time together. It's just, I hate fighting with her because, in her eyes, I'm always wrong. I mean, she starts to assume things and then when I tell her that that isn't true she get's even madder and saying "Well you said it once" or "Just drop it". It really really makes me mad. To everyone around me, my life is perfect. I get told I'm pretty and have the perfect body all the time, my family is "perfect", I'm not too popular, I have great friends...but no one sees behind the scenes. In reality, I'm really self-conscience and sad. When I'm around people, I'm the happy girl everyone thinks I am, but in my mind I'm sad. The fights take a toll on me. The way my friends treat me take a toll on me. I just don't know what to do. I really am happy on most aspects of my life, but I don't see why my mom has to fight with me. I don't think I deserve it. She doesn't know how it affects me and I'm not going to tell her 'cause then she'll get mad and say I'm selfish and think I'm always right, which I know I'm not. She's really cool a lot of the time but now we fight more and more and it's really starting to bother me. What can I do to help myself be happy and not let the fights get to me so much? What can I do when we fight? I want to be happy but these fights hurt.
Please help. Usually I give good advice to other people, but I don't know what to do.
-K- (link)
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First of all, sounds like your mom is going through something personal. If she's starting to fight more and more with you when she never really did that, then i doubt it's YOU that she's mad at. Try thinking that she's just having a hard time with life and stuff and that it's not you who she's fighting. If you seriously feel like you can't tell her and fights keep coming up, try just hinting about how much you know it's hurting HER and you. Say you really dont want to make her upset and that you luv her. And about your friends. Do you have like ONE really good friend you can just tell like anything??!!?! If so, go to her/him and just tell them everything. They could probably help you more than i can. If you dont, try opening up a little more to your general friends so they stop assuming and expecting so much of you. If you dont open up to people, how are they suppose to know that you're really not as happy as you look?!?! Maybe think about that. But for now, let your mom cool off and do whatever you can to prevent her blowouts. I'm sure over time she'll see that fighting is just stupid and useless. Take things slow and good luck!!! Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)
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There's this guy that i met at a local teens club. He was super cool, and my friend keeps saying she thinks he likes me. I dont know, he was totally sarcastic like, the entire time, like making fun of my friends (not really, just playing) but he didnt make fun of me. and when this one guy made fun of me, he through cake at him, but it might have been cuz the guy was making fun of him to...i have no clue what to do, should i make a move, or chill out and wait for more signs?
Thanks in advance,
Jessy (link)
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You should probably wait and get to know the guy. Sounds like he might be interested but you dont wanna make your move and not really know. Talk to him and drop hints, you know, the usual. Just take things slow and they'll work out. Hope i helped and good luck!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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hey i think i might be starting to question my sexualty...every time i hang around my good friends that i have no my whole life i just want to jump on them and start making out with them. Its a really big urge and i have no idea how to control it. I have always dreamed of being married (to a man!!) and having 3 kids!! i want to be a straight women but whenever i get with girls i get really nervous and just get butterflyies in my stomache....what should i do?
Please help me! (link)
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I totally understand, you are not alone!!! If you're questioning your sexuality, then you might be bi or you just might be curious. Alot of people just get curious and sometimes even act on what they feel and still say they're not bi. You could be confused or you could really be bi. Just think about it for awhile. Usually it takes a long time for really figure out all your feelings. Just be patient!!! Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)
if you really need somebody to talk to who's actually gone thro all this...then im me on my columnist name..and i'd luv to help ya!!!
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Last night i went to cousin's wedding. we were all having fun and stuff.(obeying all the rules)
but later into the night, I got risky but still being a good kid, I asked my dad if he thinks it is alright if I got some drinks. He said yes,i was now 15 and I could handle myself.
So... I drank a few glasses of wine with my parents and friends. my parents didn't object.
then I left with my friend's and got some beer.
My mom caught me drinking the beer and she got really vexxed. She said how I betrayed her trust and all sorts of crap like that.
I didn't tell her that dad said yes otherwise that would cause family disruption.
No I am in trouble for drinking 1 beer. 1!
and I want to know how I could apologize to my mom.
thanks for the tips. (link)
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Try sitting her AND your dad down and let your dad explain how he told you it was okay. Just sounds like communication got a little messed up between your parents. If your mom knows that u did it because your dad approved i'm sure she'd be a whole lot more forgiving. If she still doesnt understand then just tell her you're sorry and you didn't mean to hurt her. Hope i helped and good luck!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)
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well i'm gonna try out for this olymic soccer and i'm just afraid i wont make it cuz i'm gonna be one of teh younger ones trying out and i made it to the district soccer (the best of teh north shore) and when i dont make something i tend to get really sad and think i suck so i dno to try out or not help plz????!!! (link)
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You should seriously go for it!!! Age is nothing if you got skill. And if you dont make it, use that to make you better. Figure out what u need to work on and go from there. Let it make you more DETERMINED instead of depressed. But seriously, go for it and you just never know!!! Good luck!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)
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ok, well i really have liked this guy for 2 years, i think i love him. he knew, he hated me for it. lots of horrible stuff happened. now i'm going to a different school next year & i'm almost over him, which is good. i met a guy at this school who i really like [through the drama camp], & i really want him to know how i feel about him & how i can't stop thinking about him, but i don't want to tell him i like him, because he barely knows me. i don't want any of my friends to do it for me because i don't want to cause any tention between us. all the guys i've ever had feelings for have hated me in return & i don't want this to happen again. someone please give me some advice. i'll rate you for it if you want. (link)
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You made a good point about this guy. You dont know him very well. Try talking to him a lot more and get to know him. Develop a really good friendship but dont let you liking him scare him off. Sometimes guys get intimidated if they know somebody likes them. Take things slow and eventually drop hints that u really like him. I'm sure if all that goes well that he wont hate you at all!!! And i doubt that guys hate you because they know you like them. It just scares them to tell ya the truth. But take things slow and dont worry!!! I'm sure it'll work out!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate!!!)
if you wanna talk then i'm on aim under my columnists name...i'll luv to talk with ya!!!
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There is this kid I liked since the fourth grade and now i'm 13 and he is nice and we hang out together in school and stuff. But sometimes he doesn't want anything to do with me and tells me off then he'll be nice again. No matter what I do I can't stop liking him. What should I do about liking him and about our relationship?? I'll rate high!
Signed, Confused Cutie (link)
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Think about it this way. If this guy is willing to tell you off, do you really want to go out with him??? If i were you, i wouldn't but i guess that's just personal opinion. Try really getting to know him before you totally decide to stop liking him. Maybe he's been having a hard time lately and doesn't know how to respond. Give him a chance but if he still acts mean, try meeting some nicer guys!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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I feel really left out of everyhting lately. I feel like noone likes me. Any advice?
~Lonely Girl~ (link)
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Try calling somebody up to see if they'll hang out. Summer is hard because a lot of people hang out with their closest friends all the time and it's hard to see them. I'm sure you're not being left out. Just try to make some effort and get back together!!! Who knows, maybe your friends are thinking the exact same thing.
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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My parents won't let me remove the hair from my legs, but I do anyway because I use my dad's razor. I want to get my own razor or hair removal device but my parents won't let me buy them or else they will kick me out of the house. My friend gave me a disposable razor but it ran out and she is out of town until September. How do I get a hair removal device and how do I hide it from my parents when I have it? If it helps I am 13/f. I will rate high for good advice or a good try. (link)
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First of all, try sitting them down and talking to them. Sounds to me like they don't know that you're mature and that this is just another way girls grow up. Try being polite and all and ask them what they think. If they still disagree, then maybe try in like another month. Don't push it or they'll just get mad at you. But honor your parents because they were put in authority over you. But go ahead and try to reason with them. They at least have to listen to ya!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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do you think my ex-boyfriend will get a little jealuse if I am in a band full of guys? (link)
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If he's still interested then yeah, he might be jealous. But if he's not, then i doubt he would be. All depends if he's fully over you yet. Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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18/M About 6 months ago i was burned bigtime by a girl that i liked. In retrospect i went overboard with planing out every miniscule detail. Now a new girl has found her way into my life. She likes the same things as me and shares the same musical interest, BUT the problem is that i am also good friends with her parents and im not sure if they would let her date yet. What would be a good way to get the parents approval. (The parents own a local coffee shop that I frequent) (link)
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First of all, don't rush things. Get to really know her parents and get them to trust you. Kinda try to introduce them to the idea of y'all dating. Act respectful and polite and i doubt they could turn you away!!! Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and leave comments!!!)
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hey i was wondering.
what should i use as my workout schedule?
like i'm a guy 22 and all my friends are so buff. every time we go to parties and take off our shirts i'm always shy because i'm not that built. i was wondering about different options.
1. working out 3 times a week
2. getting a personal trainer
3. steroids? i'm not sure. i'm scared of some afteraffects.
i just wanna be noticed when we have like a swimming party and i guess i'd like some girls to think my body is sexy and muscular. when i made out with my girlfriend she said i'm too skinny. i wanna have some meat and look buff!
HELP (link)
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Try doing weights AND get a personal trainer. They'll know exactly what to do to help you out. But don't do steroids!!! They'll build up like fake muscle and crap that you really dont want. And the afteraffects will be bad too so it's just not worth it. It's better to gain muscle by just working out. So go to the gym and get a personal trainer. Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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hey i'm a girl and i really worry about my body. i'm too fat! and i was wondering if slim fast is an answer (link)
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First of all, you seriously need to start thinking better of yourself!!! But about the whole slim fast thing. It depends on your body and your metabolism. To lose weight you usually have to drink it for like two meals a day. If you want to just keep the weight off, it's once a day. If that doesn't work try the green tea pill or the actual tea. It's supposed to speed up your metabolism. Also exercise alot!!! Hope i helped!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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Hi there!!!!!! I'm gonna be a high school senior this year. I was trying to decide between three colleges. emory (atlanta georgia), northwestern (evanston illinois) or University of Michigan Ann Arbor. thanks
i was just looking for another opinion
(link)
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I haven't heard about the first two. But my dad went to Michigan and he really liked it. It's huge but has a lot of stuff to do for both undergraduate and graduate degrees. I would highly recommend Michigan. Go Wolverines!!!
4Him, Disciple (plz rate and send comments!!!)
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