A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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my boyfriend and i had unprotected sex on september 7th 12th and 15th. i ovulated september 10th through the 15th. my period was supposed to come on the 27th but it didnt so i took a pregnancy test and it was negative. i also took one last night (the 29th) and it was negative. i have been having super bad cramps like im about to start my period for about a week but just a few hours ago i went to the bathroom and i had some brownish red discharge but it wasnt alot. could i still be pregnant even though those test were negative? (link)
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Give it until the 10th of October, take one more test. Thats about 2 weeks of missed period, alot of tests are sensitive enough to show you for sure. At this point you've only been missed for 4 days, its possible you are and probably alot more likely that you aren't.
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I used to read your advice column every week. I absolutely love the answers that you gave to people, and occasionally they helped me. But lately, you haven't answered any questions at all. Are you okay, or did you just quit Advicenators? It's totally okay if you did, I was just really curious and wanted to make sure that everything is okay. (link)
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Computer died, actually. I'll be back on pretty regularly in a few weeks, I've been waiting for financial aid to come through so I could afford a new rig.
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im 16/f, i have recently started doing stuff with a 18/m. our relationship started out like this : he saw me in school in a classroom that he was visiting to say bye to the teacher because he was graduating that week. He saw me and obviously thought I was cute so when i got home i saw he friended me on facebook. then he Inboxed me and got my number [this was in june] the first day we started talking, he asked for a handjob/blowjob. i jokingly agreed to it because i liked the attention. from then on it only got worse. he asked for pictures the second day we started talking. i didnt give in until about the 5th day after having a long talk about it with him..ever since then ive became pretty much whipped and i will litterally do whatever he wants me to do, whenever he wants me to do it. i guess you could say i like it when he tells me what to do..i dont know why..anyways, we had sex for the second time today. when i got home, i realized that i really like him. and now that weve had sex, [he was my first by the way. when we first did it, he made it seem really safe and he made me feel really comfortable about it, the way he talked to me because he knew i didnt want to] when we first did it, after he left, i felt like we were bonded togethor and that i needed to be texting him..i felt like we had a connection, a bond. obviously he doesnt feel that way..but for me, it really means a lot to me that he was my first and that we did that. i really like him ..even though hes clearly stated before that he isnt looking for a relationship and he just wants to have fun and thinks im hot. [hes never called me pretty by the way. just hot and cute and sexy]
today after we had sex at his house, i got really sad. because i really enjoyed it and while it was happening i looked into his eyes and i felt like we had something. i just cried my eyes out for over an hour because now i feel bonded to him for ever, because we had sex. i really really like him and i dont want him to ever stop talking to me, ever. and it really hurts me the most because think about it..if this is the way he met me and is doing stuff with me, then he's probobly doing the same thing with other girls. he never admits it. i dont know what to do..i feel torn. completely.
please help me (link)
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You just learned one of life's most painful lessons.
Namely, guys will take sex if its on the table, and it doesn't in any way mean that they're interested in you.
I realize that I'm answering this late, been off the site for a good while and all. As belated advice, I can just hope that you've managed to work something out.
If you're still having issues, go ahead and send me another question. I can't guarantee I'll get to it fast (no computer at home at the moment) but if you'd like to talk more about this, drop me a line and I'll do what I can.
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Okay so I'm a 15 year old girl and yeah, here's the thing. So there was this one guy I liked who I hung out with who seemed really sweet and we had been friends for like a year. Anyway, while we were chilling we started to make out. He started taking it too far and when I told him to stop, he didn't. I tried to get away from him, but I couldn't. I mean, I was physically not able to. He completely overpowered me and I got really scared! He wouldn't let go off me and he wouldn't listen when I told him to stop. Then I yelled. Of course, after he saw that I was serious he stopped and apologized. I don't think he meant to do anthing, but still, I was REALLY freaked out. I never want to feel that helpless and weak again, and it really makes me sad for girls who have been raped. Because if I'm feeling this bad from that, I can't even imagine what they're going through.
I'd just like to add that I'm in shape, and I'm strong and stuff, but I'm a fairly small girl, and I just can't change that. Also, I have taken self defesne classes which I thought would come in handy, but they didn't. At least not in this case. And the reason I take care of myself and took those classes is because I HATE that feeling I got when that boy did that to me. I hate feeling weak.
Anyway, the problem I'm having now is that I'm really scared around guys that are like bigger than me. I just look at them and I think 'He could do anything he wanted to me and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it'. I even think these things about my guy friends that I've known forever. It's almost like trust issues? But it's also this pissed off feeling I get when I think about all those guys who take advantage of girls like that one boy could have done with me. It really makes me angry. What goes through those guys's minds? Why do they do that? I mean, I know they just want pleasure, but they have to know that they are hurting those girls in ways that aren't just physical don't they? Like why would you do that to a girl? Aren't guys supposed to use their strength to protect us? If someone could answer those questions, that would be great, because at the moment I am just so mad.
Thanks! (link)
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Take self defense courses.
Seriously.
There are plenty of ways for a smaller opponent to overcome a larger opponent. Case in point, I'm 6'2 and probably about 260, alot of thats muscle, used to play football in high school.
One of my Aikido instructors was a lady who was about 5'3, probably about 125, and she could throw me around like a ragdoll.
I highly recommend Aikido. Its about leverage and balance rather than strength, there are tons of ways to break a hold on you and Aikido is all about showing you how to do it. Jujitsu is also recommended, it focuses alot on pressure points, close in fighting, and joints. Muscles may be strong, but you can't work out your joints to make them stronger against attack.
As far as your last paragraph, its about control and a feeling of power. The same way you felt helpless, a guy who does shit like that does it to feel in control. He's in a situation where he can, as you said, do whatever he wants.
Many people seek power and control over something in their lives, people who seek direct power over other people are no exception, but obviously it can at times make them alot more dangerous to others.
Get into a martial art. Not just basic self defense classes, but an actual martial art. Its great exercise, a fun social activity, and you won't be nearly as worried when you know that the guy whos being a dick is about to be put in an arm bar and be afraid that you're going to tear his hand off at the wrist.
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Firts things first, I would like to emphasize the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.. You can love your best friend, no matter the gender, but you can be in love with someone of the opposite gender.
In this case, for me it's the same person. I won't go as far as saying I am in love with him, but I do love him and I have non-platonic feelings for him aka I like him as more than a friend.
I am left with the ever so popular dilhema of deciding whether or not to act upon my feelings and impulses, and telling him or showing him that I like him more than he thinks. I currently have no idea how he feels towards me, we have only ben friends for little under a year now, yet a friendship that grew over time.
I am not expecting you to tell me what to do because you know neither of us, I just need advice on where to start, and perhaps how as well. Think of a hypothetical situation, and give it your best. Thanks in advance =] (link)
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I can't lay it out any better than Laura did, so I'll just throw my support on the "give him hints" bandwagon.
Guys in general develop friendships with girls who have the same qualities we look for in dating. If we're close with a girl, theres a good chance that theres a latent interest there somewhere, even if its buried.
Flirt a little, smile at him, tease him and make physical contact with him. See where it leads you. If all else fails, ask him out yourself and see what response you get.
Just don't fall in love before you get to that point. Its easier to go back to just being friends if he's not interested and you aren't in love or anything.
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I have been dating a girl for around a year and a half now and both of us want to get married and live together. I have known her for over 5 years and we have spent just about every day, all day, together in the past two years including work the past 8 months. Throughout this time we have gotten along great and only had minor problems that we easily talked through and never fought over. We know each others life styles and how we live since we spend all our time at each others houses so I don't believe there will be any surprises after marriage. The question I have is is it a good idea to propose since we are only 19 years old? If I did we would be engaged for about a year and a half to 2 years. (link)
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You're in love and committed, but theres no reason to have a two year engagement.
I will give you fair warning. Living together is a whole new beast. It will create problems you never expected, if you think your relationship can't throw anything you aren't ready for your way, think again.
Also, if you two haven't slept together yet sex needs to become a topic of discussion. Sex is a major compatibility area of a relationship, and you should be able to discuss fantasies, desires, drives, ideas, etc together before you pop the question.
I'm not trying to discourage you from your plan, I just want you to realize that theres no way to be prepared for every little thing, and if you two haven't had a huge fight over something yet, thats not exactly a good thing.
Everyone fights. _Everyone_. Fights are part of the process of two people who are not clones of each other adapting to those differences. If you haven't had a huge screaming fight yet, you will, be prepared for that.
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ok look at the messege he sent me yesrterday its propper pathetic
Subject: You can be a real dick without even trying I don't even know why you bothered coming back to wow, you said it yourself its a stupid game so why on earth did you come back? I don't even want to know because at the end of the day you can't make up your mind about anything anymore. You should just quit like you do with everything else that you can't make your mind up about. All I hear from anyone anymore is how your being a complete idiot and that you've changed and its starting to piss me right off. And in truth you have changed. I don't know what shitty idea crawled into your head when you dicided to be a fucking dick but i'll tell you one thing. Everyone is getting pissed off with you and your childish fucking grudge against and i'm the one getting it in the ear. What it all boils down to is your a selfish, arrogant little prick who lives in a world where everyone else is wrong and you don't have to think about your own actions because its clearly everyone elses problem. You should just quit wow all together and forget you ever used to play it becuase we both know the only reason you ever played was because of me, and now your so keen on cutting yourself away from everything to do with me you should hurry up and sell your account. While your at it you can get rid of those items callen gave you because they really came from me, I asked him to give them to you on my behalf. Thats right I was still watching out for you. You can hurry make up your mind about leaving asda too because i've already left home shopping so you wouldn' have to leave. And lets not forget who got you that job in the first place. Well i hope your proud of yourself now. Also just because your out skating everynight thats not going to stop me going out and skating with my friends so if you see me down there with my mates you can expect my mates to stick up for me just like your prick of a mate did to me tonight, which by the way you should of had the guts to do yourself but instead you let a kid handle it. Your a fucking pussy matthew and you should try dealing with your problems rather than ignoring them. I hope you grow some balls and straighten up because if you don't. Your going to find you'll lose a hell of alot more friends than just me. I'm not going to name anyone, but theres quiet a few who are fed up with you. I always watched out for you and this is how you fucking treat me? We were like brothers I would have done anything for you. Your the real low life matthew. Grow the fuck up and get the fuck out of my way. P.s Atlest I have someone who loves me, you haven't even got that.
So he pulls out every wierd point in his stupid wierd mind to say what exactly? lol does it look like he is finnaly going to leave me alone kus to be honest.. this is the most retarded thing i have ever read (link)
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It sounds like someone you know told the idiot who wrote this to go screw himself and he responded angrily.
It also sounds like he took a video game way too seriously.
Ignore it, don't respond. Thats what he's looking for, this letter was made to generate an angry response, like a two year old throwing a tantrum to get attention.
"Grow the fuck up and get the fuck out of my way"
A truly childish statement. Don't encourage him.
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My friend is taking lots of drugs.
I asked her what she's taken and she listed a lot of things including Crack and LSD...
Shrooms, E, pot... Much, much more.
)': It hurts me a lot to know this...
What can I do?
I want to help her...
But when she's not on drugs, she gets really depressed. and Cuts her self...
She use to cut herself, then got on drugs... now doesn't cut herself...
What can I do or say? (link)
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You need to tell her parents.
You're 14. Theres no amazing pearls of wisdom that can come from a 14 year old that will make enough sense to overcome a drug addiction.
Well, to be honest, theres not a ton adults can say to change her mind either.
But what her parents can do is try to stop her, control it and get her the help she needs. She's cutting and doing drugs because she doesn't know how to handle the stress and pain she's dealing with, whatever that pain is. Its a way to cope with things she can't otherwise deal with.
You can't save her, and to be honest you can't save this friendship right now. If you don't tell her parents she will destroy herself, that is a guarantee. A teenager who's doing drugs to cope with life isn't going to be able to find her way out of the tailspin that she is in alone.
So tell her parents. It will be hard to say, and she might well hate you for it after you do it if she finds out it was you.
Thats something you'll have to accept, because you won't be able to continue being friends forever anyway if she stays addicted.
If you tell her parents (a school counselor is backup if her parents don't respond well or do anything about it) then she might be angry, but she also has a chance of getting her shit together, getting off drugs, and recovering her life. If that happens, she will probably thank you for it down the road.
If you tell no one, theres a good chance she's going to ruin her life.
Theres a good chance she's exaggerated what she's done, but if she's cutting thats enough to tell her parents. Tell them exactly what you know, what you've seen her do, what you've been told by her or others that she's done, and tell them you don't know all the details, but that you know she's dealing with something in a very bad way and that she needs help.
Your friend needs therapy, theres something screwing her up inside, drugs and cutting are the symptoms of a larger problem. Get an adult involved, so that your friend can get the help she needs to get her life back on track.
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13/F
California
I am interested in working for the OC Register newspaper that is published in Santa Ana, California. I want to be part of the press who interview/take pictures at concerts. I have already looked over California's child labor laws and it says I am eligible for a working permit only if I work in the entertainment field.
My questions are:
1. Is working in the "Show" section of a newspaper qualify you as working in the entertainment industry?
2. Are newspapers allowed to hire 13 year olds?
(link)
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Unfortunately for you, you'll need a high school diploma, possibly a college degree to get a job working for the press.
Your age is also an issue. Generally if you're under 16 there are very limited hours you can work and very limited conditions as well.
Concerts would be considered hazardous for someone under 18, and getting a job in photography usually requires work experience in the field, a portfolio, possibly education in that area.
Its unlikely you could get a job there doing anything serious before you're 18, and even then its a tiny almost infinitesimal chance purely because you're 18 and won't have a degree or job experience in the field prior to that.
Oh, last note, working for the press is most likely not in the "entertainment" field. The "entertainment" field refers most likely to actual entertainers. Work permits exist so that 13 year olds can act, sing, whatever.
Being part of a newspaper isn't entertainment its press/media, so I doubt you could get a waiver for it anyway.
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I am a 22 year old woman dating a 39 year old man. We've been together for almost 2 years now. I love him very much and he loves me.
Can our relationship last despite our age difference? (link)
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If thats all you have to say on the subject, probably not.
He'll be 60 before your kids were in college. Its not a good idea, personally.
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This question pertains to the affects of alcohol on the human body. If you have no experience drinking, or you're 15 and you only think you have it, please move on. This question is not for you.
Ok, so I hosted a going away party for a coworker last Saturday, which is odd since I knew that particular coworker couldn't make it. Basically, me and a bunch of guys from work got drunk and played Guitar Hero. About halfway through my third drink, typically close to my personal safety cut-off point, I noticed I was getting far too drunk. Normally at this time I'd barely be buzzed, but I remembered I hadn't eaten anything in anticipation of us all ordering pizza, which never happened. Not to mention, I'd made my drinks stronger than usual for no discernable reason.
About a half hour after I'd stopped myself, I knew I was past the point of no return and spent the night worshipping the porcelain god. Kinda killed the vibe and most everyone left. When I realized I hadn't eaten, I was left with two choices.
1. Quickly eat something in an effort to absorb some of the alcohol and avoid yelling at the toilet, while risking a much more painful vomiting session if it fails.
2. Stop drinking, resort to water, and hope for the best. If I vomit, it will be liquid and will hurt less. This is the option I chose.
My question is, would I have been wiser to quickly down some food to try and bring myself back from the brink? Or would it have been futile and made my unintentional all-nighter that much worse? I'll be much more careful to eat before drinking from this point on, but I'd like to know if the whole experience could have been avoided. (link)
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If you don't eat before you drink, its pointless.
When you drink on an empty stomach, your body is going to absorb more of the alcohol faster than usual (becuase its in digestive mode) and your body has less food to work off of. Less food = less energy = less ability for the brain to cope with and concentrate through being drunk.
More total alcohol absorbed from each drink, absorbed faster, no concentration, plus having nothing but mixers and alcohol can upset a stomach all by itself. If you aren't irish, its a formula that will lead to feeling like crap.
Eat a small, light meal a few hours before you start drinking, or at worst start eating before you've finished your first drink halfway. Otherwise, don't eat and let come what may, eating when you're already drunk just means you're likely to have more ammo to unload later in the night.
Had you eaten a few hours before, you might not have gotten as drunk, then again you might have.
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14/F
Okay. Like, really, I am about ready to just give up on guys. Ugh. So this guy I like right now (well not really anymore) is a complete ahole, I don't even know why I like him. But he really only just wants to feel me up. Everytime I text him or call him, he says he's busy and that he'll text/call me when he's done... he NEVER does. But of course, whenever he calls/texts I should just be ready to talk to him. I don't know... He's sweet, but, what the hell?
Then there was the last guy I liked. I really, really, really, liked him for like two years, but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Which I can get because, yeah, I'm young and stuff so I thought we'd just wait till like highschool or something. Yeah well, he moved away. F my life.
And it kind of sucks because my three bestfriends are all insanely pretty, and I mean, I know I'm pretty too, but they're gorgeous. It sucks so bad that whenever we go out, the boys all flirt with them and then they turn to me like a sloppy second. Plus all of the guys at school like me, but they made this like "Top Five Hot Girls" and I wasn't on it. I know its stupid and dumb and immature and I should waste my time worrying about it, but it hurts you know? I love my friends, and they're the best but it's so hard hanging out with them, because all I can do is compare myself and it's all because I have sucky self esteem.
Then there's this other guy that I kind of like right now. But because I'm an idiot, I like threw myself at him. Like I tried to talk to him 24/7 so I looked like a creepy obsessed girl... and well I think I blew it with him which really stinks cuz I think it could have worked. And that whole ordeal really hasn't helped my confidence much at all.
So at the moment, I'm kind of just ready to give up. I think about all of that stuff I just wrote and, God, I feel so pathetic. I feel ugly and gross and unwanted and stupid. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy with myself? Why do these dumb boys' opinions matter to me so much? (link)
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Why do they matter? Because you're 14 and you have no understanding of self confidence.
At 14 you're too young to understand that not everyone is supposed to be attracted to you, so when a guy isn't you're upset, thinking theres something wrong with you.
At 14, you're also too young to understand that there is something wrong with these guys. You're attracted to people who aren't attracted to you. Why? Because you're a kid, and all a kid knows about relationships is "I want to be liked"
All you really know is chemistry. That feeling of initial attraction. You date and pretend to be an adult when in truth you don't even get why you date someone. You don't date for status, or to be liked or considered attractive. You date because you find someone you connect with, can talk with and love spending time with, and because you want to continue spending time with them.
Kids don't. Kids date to get laid and to feel like adults. Well, you're dating to feel like an attractive adult, the guys you're interested in are dating more for the possibility of getting laid.
I'm sure by now you're sick of being called a kid, but thats what you are and there should be no shame in it. The fact that you WANT a boyfriend doesn't mean you or they are actually ready for a healthy relationship.
There is a universal truth you have no grasped yet. You are not your genes, you are the choices you make, the things you do, the way you treat people, the life you want to lead.
Self confidence should not come from who you date or how pretty you are. It should come from what you know, what you've done and plan on doing. Go get a life. Go have fun. Find things you enjoy doing and do them. When people see that you lead a life you enjoy and take pride in, they become attracted to that. People like being around people who they want to emulate, if you want more self confidence then go out for a sport, join a club, find something that you want to do and go out and have fun doing it.
Having a life is better than sitting around posting about not being in the "top 5 hot girls". Why are you unwanted? Because you're so caught up in wanting to be wanted that you aren't being your own person. When you throw youself at people wanting to be accepted, everyone can sense that desperation. You project your lack of self confidence because you have nothing to have confidence in outside of that.
Get a hobby or something, have a life. Sports are great at your age, if you can get into that. Gets you in and keeps you in shape, gives you something to belong to, gives you a feeling that you worked hard at something at the end of the day, and gives you a group of people who have a reason to interact with you and get to know you.
You need things to take pride in that aren't whether or not you have a boyfriend. When people see someone that agonizes over being alone, and who throws themselves at others hoping for approval, they're not inclined to give you what you want.
When people see someone who is too busy with her own life to care, who doesn't have a boyfriend because she's too busy to look and the opportunity hasn't presented itself with enough reason for her to pursue it, they see someone who might actually be worth dating.
Last, when you're freaking out about whether or not someone likes you, you repress youself and everyone can tell. What little fun might be had is gone because every second they can tell you're waiting for that smile or word of approval.
Having your own life helps. It allows you to relax, to be doing something that is natural to you and allows you to just be yourself where others can see that.
Thats attractive. Confidence is attractive. If you aren't confident in anything about yourself, then you are spending too much time trying to get a boyfriend and too little time improving yourself and your life so that you have some confidence.
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http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=562228
Did you think I wouldn't read that? (link)
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Projecting. v.
1) The act of making assumptions about someone else based on your own insecurities and faults.
Chasing down someone who called you stupid, reading back over their post history to find out "what kind of man they are" and commenting about it shows you're not as detached as you'd like to pretend.
Methinks you're a bit sensitive to e-sults?
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what would be a cute signature for my phone? I'm looking for sumthin that has to do with curves or bein sexy like 'baddest chick' or sumthn sexy like that but not too far gone. (link)
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When you send a "sexy" signature you show everyone that in fact you don't feel sexy because you have to send that message consciously even through texts. When you spend your time trying to make people think you are something, often times they notice and trying too hard makes it easy for people to dismiss you as not whatever you're trying to show yourself as.
In other words, you look like an insecure little girl when you send texts that tell people that you're sexy, people who actually are sexy usually don't feel the need to make mention of it, especially not with every outgoing communication they send.
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Hi. Im 16. i was confirmed in the catholic church this year, and they said that to be confirmed you have to want to be in the church and everything, but truthfully, like many others, i did it because of family.
I am a religious person, just, first of all i dont believe many things of the catholic church. secondly, i want to find a religious place that i can be in and feel like i belong. you have to understand that i cant really go anywhere yet (i cant drive, and my mom is catholic and so is my dad but he doesnt go to church), but even if i find a religion that i understand and believe in i will be happier.
I' dont believe in many things of the catholic church. i believe in god, tho im not even sure, cuz i've read about pagans and they believe in more than one and thats possible. i also dont know if i believe that jesus was the sone of god. there are so many people who belive he was, and so many that dont. there are also so many athiests. how do i know whos right?.. i've been to a jewish temple, because my aunts are jewish. i liked it, but im not sure if that is the religion for me.
what are some ways i can find a religion that is meant for me?
thank you very much. im sorry if this is a confusing question..
(link)
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I was born/baptized Catholic and refused confirmation when I was 15.
Honestly, while I don't completely feel at home with any congregation I was fine with Baptists services for the most part. What made it easier was that I had a friend whom I shared my faith with and I went to services with her. Thats what made me feel more at home.
I maintain my faith separate from any organized religion. I've seen too much of people manipulating other's faith for their benefit to ever put my faith in what an organized church says about God again.
I would say to you that worrying about what specific form God has is pointless. We'll never know, and I personally think its far less important to try to use human understanding to explain a deity than it is to simply have faith.
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I've had my computer for a little while now, but it always has worked just fine. I've had it for like 8 years? It works well, and I don't know, sometimes its a tiny bit slow, but its never that big of a deal.
Well, anyway.. i will be right in the middle of something, anything, & it will just shut off. like the tower will turn off. & its really hot. this happened 3 times today, and its been happening a lot lately.
so my question is.. is this bad? is there any way to fix this? will i need to buy a new computer soon...
thank you! (link)
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You're going to need to replace it. If its starting to overheat regularly that means that its not handling the cooling well and that its overheating to the point that your processor is probably pretty damaged.
Four to five years is the best half life you should expect out of a new computer. Its time to reinvest.
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i really like the mac book laptops because you can ichat and stuff and i think its really cool..but i also like the dell ones too (the colored ones) can you ichat on a dell? which one should i get? (link)
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Get a Mac.
I'm a PC user for a reason. That reason is that if I screw up my computer I can fix it, and I can get my computer to do anything I want it to do under the sun.
Plus, for the same performance a PC is going to be like 2/3 of the cost.
You, however, probably just need to surf the internet and chat online, maybe watch a video or two off youtube or whatever. For basic functionality, if you don't need to be able to make your computer sit up and dance for you, a Mac is overall easier to use as long as you're willing to pay the higher price tag (or you have someone to pay it for you)
It doesn't matter that much, in all honesty. Vista is stable, OSX is stable, and you aren't likely to need a higher end performance computer.
Though, I will say that Dell is 10x easier to deal with than Apple. I worked for apple a few years back, and I would not touch any apple products with a 10 foot pole for a number of reasons that won't matter to you in the least, but the one reason that might is the fact that dell stands behind their warranty and is by far the easiest company to work with if something happens to your laptop. A 4 year warranty with accident coverage means that your computer will be pretty much worry free for those 4 years, and a simple call to Dell will take care of just about anything you need.
Applecare on the other hand sucks, and sucks very very hard. Getting a replacement computer or replacement parts is a pain, they take twice as long as Dell does and they don't have things like at home service last time I checked.
For you I recommend a Mac, unless you're already used to windows. If you like windows fine, get a PC, because it WILL make you happier in the long run. Apple is alot of spit and polish and not much substance, nothing like a computer that freezes and you have to mail it in somewhere to fix it because its impossible to deal with it yourself.
::Edit::
Also, just for the record, Mac and Dell use almost the exact same parts, including similar motherboards and the exact same hard drives when you aren't getting a solid state drive.
Consequently, the hardware failure rate is identical. If you get a working computer its just as likely to fail regardless of which one you get.
Anyone who tells you Macs hardware works better is mistaken and probably is just one of the many people who gets a computer and has no problem with it, regardless of brand and who feels safe in making the assumption because they happened to get one of the 80 percent or more of computers that either company ships out that has no problems.
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My boyfriend and i have been dating 9 months, we dated for 4 months about 2 years ago and then got back together. We only have problems when my boyfriend has these little "freak outs" he keeps everything inside until he just randomly ut of know where freaks out and goes off the wall, its horrible he always directs it at me, he would NEVER hit me or anything like that but he has put holes in the wall and he calls me names and stuff his last one was over the weekend and they usually last about an hour and then he brakes down and starts crying and says how he loves me more than anything and i don't deserve this and i can tell he really is sorry. He had a horrible child hood and life, he's 19 and his whole life has been horrible he has drug addict parents how fight and hit him and.. i don't want to leave him, i just want to know what i can do when he has these freak outs? like what can i say? i don't want to just leave him i want to fix the problem i want him not to think im going to leave him, when he freaks out he always says that i dont love him, nobody does and its just an act, when in reality i love him more than anything and i dont know how to prove that to him since everyone in his life has abandoned him pretty much. What can i do?
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Your boyfriend needs therapy.
Seriously, learning to deal with shit in a healthy way is part of growing up, but when your life has been ten kinds of fucked its hard to learn to deal with it the way most people deal with their every day shit.
Its a defensive reaction, he withdraws and freaks out because he's been hurt alot in the past and deep down somewhere its very difficult for him to believe that anything is, can be, or ever will be better than it has been.
I know a bit about scars on the inside, they're tough to deal with, but worse they're tough to see past. When you have something its natural to be afraid of losing it, but what he's doing is freaking out because he has something and its easier to believe that he doesn't have anything than to believe that theres something in his life he could lose. Its safer, if you have nothing no one can take anything away from you.
A few suggestions
- Figure out some safe phrases. Talk to him about the fact that you need a way to talk to him when he gets like that, a way to snap him out of it or get him to sit down and calm down without having his freak outs focused on you.
- Talk to him about getting therapy. Its actually alot cheaper and easier to find than you'd think, alot of places have a sliding scale that will charge less if you're broke and need help. Get on google and do some searching for him.
- Sit him down and talk to him about acceptable behavior. Don't talk about leaving or anything, just let him know that he has to control himself better and he has to work on stopping himself and asking himself why he's doing what he's doing.
Its not that he disbelieves you in general, its more that because of his past he feels very insecure and his freak outs are his way of staying safe. If you leave, then he's right and he was safe because he "knew it all along". If you don't leave, then he knows you really do care and he feels safe for a while because if you didn't boot him for the way he just acted then you probably won't boot him in the future.
Its a fucked up circular way of thinking that he needs to break. Get him help, theres no shame in talking to someone who knows more about emotional issues than he does.
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13/f
okkay so ive had a boyfriend for about 2 years now and im starting to think hes the one. Except for the fact that he will randomly ignore all my phone calls and everything for like a week and then blame me for not calling or asking to hang out. and everything good that happens and i try to tell him and all he sayd is yeah whatever. I feel like we arnt as close as we once where. I try and ask him if he is okay but everytime i do he hangs up or walk's away.should i end this so i dont get hurt more than i already am? help me please i have no idea what to do anymore (link)
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He isn't the one. You're 13, you won't know if someone is right for you for probably another decade, because you have alot of growing up and changing to do.
He sounds like a bum, the sooner you sever, the better off you'll be.
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ok, so I applied for a few jobs and one replied back to me and so I had to talk to them in an interview today. They said by the end of the week I would have the job but I have to pay out of my own pocket for a background check, finger printing, and a full physical (including lab work, tuberculoses TB test, and xrays)--all of which total is estimated to about $400. Is this common for an employer to ask? Should I just tell them I can't afford to do that at all? Ideas? Thoughts?
The job pays $8.75 with no benefits. It sounds weird they want me to pay them so much for these checks right off the bat, but I've never really been employed at a different place than where I have been working for a few years...so what do I know, right? The job is an assistant preschool teacher.
Maybe I've misunderstood? :\ Anybody have experience with this? (link)
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Its a scam.
X rays? Theres no job in the world that pays 8.75 thats going to need you to get a TB test and X rays. Actually, check that, I can't imagine ANY job thats going to specifically require a TB test and X rays. Or a full physical.
I can think of two things that they're doing.
1) Getting your information for identity theft purposes and trying to get cash out of you at the same time
2) Getting your money and then they tell you you "failed" the physical and they can't give you the job.
Assistant pre school teacher isn't going to ask you to take 400 in tests, and any legitimate employer is expected to bear the costs of anything like a background check on their own.
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