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taking advantage of girls
Okay so I'm a 15 year old girl and yeah, here's the thing. So there was this one guy I liked who I hung out with who seemed really sweet and we had been friends for like a year. Anyway, while we were chilling we started to make out. He started taking it too far and when I told him to stop, he didn't. I tried to get away from him, but I couldn't. I mean, I was physically not able to. He completely overpowered me and I got really scared! He wouldn't let go off me and he wouldn't listen when I told him to stop. Then I yelled. Of course, after he saw that I was serious he stopped and apologized. I don't think he meant to do anthing, but still, I was REALLY freaked out. I never want to feel that helpless and weak again, and it really makes me sad for girls who have been raped. Because if I'm feeling this bad from that, I can't even imagine what they're going through.
I'd just like to add that I'm in shape, and I'm strong and stuff, but I'm a fairly small girl, and I just can't change that. Also, I have taken self defesne classes which I thought would come in handy, but they didn't. At least not in this case. And the reason I take care of myself and took those classes is because I HATE that feeling I got when that boy did that to me. I hate feeling weak.
Anyway, the problem I'm having now is that I'm really scared around guys that are like bigger than me. I just look at them and I think 'He could do anything he wanted to me and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it'. I even think these things about my guy friends that I've known forever. It's almost like trust issues? But it's also this pissed off feeling I get when I think about all those guys who take advantage of girls like that one boy could have done with me. It really makes me angry. What goes through those guys's minds? Why do they do that? I mean, I know they just want pleasure, but they have to know that they are hurting those girls in ways that aren't just physical don't they? Like why would you do that to a girl? Aren't guys supposed to use their strength to protect us? If someone could answer those questions, that would be great, because at the moment I am just so mad.
Thanks!
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Take self defense courses.
Seriously.
There are plenty of ways for a smaller opponent to overcome a larger opponent. Case in point, I'm 6'2 and probably about 260, alot of thats muscle, used to play football in high school.
One of my Aikido instructors was a lady who was about 5'3, probably about 125, and she could throw me around like a ragdoll.
I highly recommend Aikido. Its about leverage and balance rather than strength, there are tons of ways to break a hold on you and Aikido is all about showing you how to do it. Jujitsu is also recommended, it focuses alot on pressure points, close in fighting, and joints. Muscles may be strong, but you can't work out your joints to make them stronger against attack.
As far as your last paragraph, its about control and a feeling of power. The same way you felt helpless, a guy who does shit like that does it to feel in control. He's in a situation where he can, as you said, do whatever he wants.
Many people seek power and control over something in their lives, people who seek direct power over other people are no exception, but obviously it can at times make them alot more dangerous to others.
Get into a martial art. Not just basic self defense classes, but an actual martial art. Its great exercise, a fun social activity, and you won't be nearly as worried when you know that the guy whos being a dick is about to be put in an arm bar and be afraid that you're going to tear his hand off at the wrist.
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I'm sorry that happened to you. You shouldn't be afraid of guys who are big. Before doing anything with a guy even kiss, you should be able to trust him and see what he's about. Yes I believe guys should protect women and there is no excuse for hitting a girl or cussing at them and especially not pushing or controling them to do something they aren't willing to do. That's the type of guys you should be looking for. And the next time a guy does something like that hit him where hurts, he'll be off of you in a second.
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I'm sorry that happened to you.
However, this guy was WAY out of line, No means No and despite whether they think you are joking or not they need to know to stop. I personally would of kicked him in the groin and yelled as he completely disrespected you and deserved it. I do not blame you for having trust issues every girl has trust issues when a guy doesn't listen to them. Keep in mind that not all guys are disrespectful though, There are caring guys out there too. This guy, Phrt he is not a friend ANYONE who disrespects you in that manner is not a friend and don't ever let a guy think he has power of you. I wouldn't hang out with him anymore nobody needs a friend like that. You could try to take self defence classes again or karate classes help also. Remember you are in control of yourself nobody eles. Kick him to the curb!
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Well, I can understand the trust issues you are having..what he did was horrible. Eventually the trust will build back up. I'll answer your questions to the best of my ability.
What goes through there minds and why do they do it?: It can be anything from sexual desires to just wanting to hurt females. Sometimes, especially if the boy had a bad childhood due to his mom, the boy will grow up and treat women badly (abusing, raping, etc.) Same thing goes for boys who may have been molested at a young age. If they don't seek help..it follows them through adult life and they end up raping someone themselves. Some just hate women overall and want to hurt them. However, all they want to do is have power over the victim in any situation. It's sick..but, that's usually the case.
Are they aware they are hurting the girls they rape?: In most cases, they are. Some do it because it turns them on to see a woman frightened and hurting (which disgusts me). However, sometimes they aren't aware. For instance, the guy who wouldn't get off of you even when you told him to stop, probably wasn't thinking "I'm going to rape her". He just wanted pleasure..and tried ignoring you when you said no. Again, it's also a control thing. Maybe he liked the control he had? I understand that it's hard to get some guy's off of you..but, it is good that you screamed. That got the message right through his messed up head.
Here's a link from yahoo talking about it more:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I don't know how girls who get raped deal with it. You have the right to be angry. It's understandable. You felt powerless against him and now you're mad because you wish you could've stopped him by physically doing something. My advice: Stay away from him. He needs help. TELL PARENTS. Thank god he stopped though. If it still does bother you about what happend..talk to a therapist? I know, it may sound stupid. But, it helps. This guy is lucky you didn't call the cops. Technically, this could be considered "attempted rape". Please, tell someone of this. Hopefully, he won't be doing this to any other females. Telling someone may help stop him from ever doing it to another girl?
Hope I helped.
If you have anymore questions..feel free to inbox me!
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you should see a counsler and you should really tell your parents what happen. tell him he didnt have sex with you (unless he did) you were still raped. you helpless and scared.
when i was almost 13. I worked with a police program i told the community service children what to do. this kid raped me. i quit voulunteering there i was miserble scared i took off running and crying.. when i was 17 i moved to missouri.. I meet this guy we talked he asked me over and over again to kiss me i told him no no no then said i want to go home.. he kissed me i pushed away. i was against the door couldnt get to the handle i was scared. he got my pants off and stuck it in for second i cried and just stopped struggling after a while and gave in i felt like i let him do it.. this web site helpped me because someone told me i was raped. thers websites.. groups you can talk to he only had it in for a little bit but it was still rape.
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