I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173018
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Hey i want to say thanks for what you said about me knocking my girlfriend up. Im 16 shes 14 one. Well She wants to get an abortion befor anything shows. Do you know how we do this? what she will have to go throw i want to make it as painless as possible for her! She not good with pain! Any type of pain! How do they get the baby out? Will she get a scar? Have to stay over night? That type of stuff... BTW my guradians are my Aunt and her 3 room mates..Thanks for everything -J (link)
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I don't know about laws in your specific area, so I'll give you some general facts.
The first thing you need to do is contact Planned Parenthood. They can tell you what services they offer - for example, if they can provide confidential abortions or if your gf's mother must be told, if there will be a fee, etc.
Depending on how far along in pregnancy your girlfriend is, there are also different options for her termination. These include oral/inserted pills or surgery. A trained professional will be able to answer every question you have, but whichever option is best for your gf, there will be no external scars.
It's usually a day procedure - into the office and back out. She'll need someone to drive her home afterwards, and she'll also want to talk to her Planned Parenthood worker about receiving some sort of counselling. Abortion may truly be the best option for her, but it's still a tough time and it can help tremendously to have someone neutral to talk to.
It's obviously your choice whether or not your inform your aunt and her roommates, but you will probably need support, too. Let me know if you have any more questions, and the best of luck to both of you.
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Okay, my period is coming every 2 weeks now, like it will end at 2 weeks later it will start again..is that normal or should I be worried that I'm pregnant..b.c I read that pregnant people get 'spotting'. But my periods are like 5 days and heavy..please explain (link)
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Buy a calender. Circle the days when your period comes.
The first day is 'day one.' Count the number of days until your next cycle - the average length for most women is about 28 days. If your period cycle is significantly shorter than that, I'd make an appointment with a gyno to make sure everything's okay.
It could be that your cycle is just shorter than most women, or it could be related to another medical issue. A doctor can help set your mind at ease and discuss options to help regulate your period.
If you've had your period for less than two years, then this is a pretty normal occurance. It can take quite some time for your period to settle into the pattern it will eventually assume - but if you're worried, a doctor's advice is always best.
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I love to masturbate, I can't stop, and I don't know what to do..should I try stopping? Is it okay to be "turned on" all the time? At least twice a day...im 16 (link)
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It's okay and normal. As long as your masturbation isn't causing you pain (say, for example, from the friction of masturbating several times a day) then you're fine.
Masturbation is healthy, normal, and something most people do. You've got nothing to worry about.
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How the heck am i supposed to get credit if I don't have any??? In this world we live in, you can't get credit unless you already have some. I have been turned down every time I have applied, and I don't know what to do! ANY SUGGESTIONS please
JLH (link)
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The easiest way? Get a secured credit card.
This means that if you get a card with a limit of 500 dollars, you pay that upfront. So when you charge a $30 shirt, for example, you are actually spending your own money. If you are prompt with your payments - don't ever be late, pay more than the minimum due - this will build up strong credit quickly.
You don't need to be a millionaire to prove that you can be responsible with money. Good luck.
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I think about sex all the time.....but i know if it came down to doing it i wouldnt do it...I dont want to have sex but i think about it all tha time....im plannin on waitin until marriage...but wat do these thoughts mean? (link)
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It means you're normal. Sex is everywhere - tv, magazines, movies, ads, conversations with friends, etc. You couldn't avoid it even if you tried.
Add that to the wonder of surging hormones, and you've got yourself a recipe for thinking about sex. It's okay to think about these things, but before taking action you need to consider/think a lot more.
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ok, i know for a woman their are 2 holes. one for mensturation, and one for urination. so which one is which (meaning which is on top and bottom), and during sex, the man goes into the menstruation one i would guess? (link)
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Okay. Imagine a woman lying on her back, legs spread, with her vaginal area facing you.
The very top is the clitoris, a small bump like area. Below that is the hole women urinate from, but it is not easily visible - and you couldn't accidentally put your penis into it.
Below this hole is the larger entrance to the vagina - this is where women menstrate from, give birth through, and have sex. It is usually surrounded by two smaller inner lips, but is visible. Many females will know where this hole is from self-exploration, masturbation, or inserting tampons.
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I got my girlfriend pregant this time we know its true. We went to the hospital and got a test and its positive. We have been going out for 5 months almost 6 on the 21st of Jan. Well we don't know how to tell her mom. She doesn't have a dad and I only have a gurdians. We don't know what to tell them. The big problem is the age differnce! Im 16 and Shes 14. She hasn't been herself since we found out! She wants to run away with me and raise the baby ourself but I honsetly don't want to live! But, since i got her this way i have to go with her. If i don't she might try to kill herself. She tired it once and she'll do it again! Im so worrid about her! Thanks for your Help - J (link)
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First of all, let me say that it's really good that you are accepting responsibility. You are right in doing so, though you didn't 'make' her anyway - both of you created this situation.
Being responsible for another person, like your girlfriend or your baby, means doing the best thing for them....even if it's hard or might make them unhappy in the short term.
Running away and trying to raise this baby isn't a good solution, and it sounds like you know it. I can't stress the HUGE financial considerations of raising a baby, and when you add that to rent, utility bills, food, and everything else - it's a recipe for disaster. I'll also add that you wouldn't be able to get an apartment unless her mom was willing to sign a form stating she'd give financial support.
Your best bet is to reassure your girlfriend that you will be there for her, and then work together to create some realistic goals. You can access free counselling through organizations such as Planned Parenthood - they'll help you see all of your options (abortion, adoption, keeping the baby) and what you'll need to consider for each one.
Basically, your girlfriend's mom needs to be told. If your girlfriend isn't strong enough to do it, offer to go with her. If she rejects that idea, then I think you should go speak with her mother.
Running away while she's pregnant is just another way of killing herself - maybe not her body, but her soul. It'll also harm the baby. Your girlfriend needs to be getting medical attention throughout the pregnancy, and that sort of thing will probably have to be paid for by her mother's insurance.
The sooner the mother is told, the better. Prepare for tears, yelling, and general craziness - but the earlier you tell her, the earlier she can get over the inital shock and try to support her daughter.
You'll also need to tell your guardians, or if you have a social services worker, then you can tell him/her.
If you feel nervous about doing so, why not try someone at your school? Or the doctor who gave the pregnancy test? I'm surprised that s/he gave a test to a 14 year old without her mother knowing, but perhaps that person could help you out. Adults need to know as soon as possible - it is best for you, your girlfriend, and your baby.
To be truly responsible, you need to stand firm and not let your girlfriend's (understandable) extreme emotions cause you to do things you will definitely regret.
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i know it's still possible to get pregnant when you have your period, but say someone has sex during her period, preferably near the END (and still wears a condom) will that lessen her chance of conceiving? or is there a certain day where you are highly likely to get pregnant? (link)
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Okay. Here's what you need to do. Get a calender and circle every day you have your period. The first day of your period is, easily enough, Day One.
Count how many days there are until your next period; 28 days is an average for many women. Your most fertile time frame is during ovulation, which happens mid-cycle.
This means that you are most likely to get pregnant just before, on, and after Day 14 of your cycle. You can, however, get pregnant at any point during the month.
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I have a friend that sleeps with a lot of people, I tell her it's bad but she still does it. Well one day during lunch she took a pregnancy test (she never uses protection, and she's been pregnant before but had a miscarriage) and well it came out positive. She got home and somehow her mom found out, and was like "How many times are you going to do this, you act like a ho, stop sleeping with people" and stuff like that. And then she told me she took another test and it came out negative saying that she wasn't pregnant. So that's what she belives, she thinks she isn't pregnant. Is she pregnant? I heard that the only time pregnancy tests can possible lie is if it comes out negative, and that if it comes out positive then she's defninitley pregnant. Which is true? Is she pregnant? (link)
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If she's taken two tests and both have given different results, then there's no way to tell. She needs to take some more tests - and the only way to be POSITIVE is for her to see a doctor.
She'll want to see a doctor anyway, as unprotected sex can lead to all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases. These can render her infertile in the future, cause pain, never go away, or even kill her. She needs to be tested for all of these, and then speak to her doctor about birth control methods: the pill/patch/shot for pregnancy, and condoms for disease prevention.
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I work at a restaurant and there are some really nice guys there that are about 20-25 years old. a lot of them have been kinda flirtin with me and i told my mom! my mom said that i'm not dating them! should i obey or not? i'm 17 and I'm a female and she said i should only date 17, 18, or 19 no men over 20! (link)
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Your mom's right. Not to fall back on the old cliche about men who want to date younger girls, but it's true. A guy that age really should be looking to date other adults, not young people.
You're at different stages in life, and there really is something strange about an older guy who wants to date a teenager. He should be able to find someone his own age, unless he's looking for sex, to be in a power position in a relationship, or is fairly immature.
Stick to the younger guys. You're at the same place in life and there's less chance of anything dodgy happening.
I'll also point out that depending on where you live, anyone over 18 having sex with you is technically committing abuse/rape and could face appropriate punishment.
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OK i have a problem.. I kind of told my friend i started my period a longggg time ago ( A WHOLE YEAR) so all this time ive bin lieing. Lately my friend was talking 2 my sister and mentioned me and my period. My sister asked if i really did and i said yes. So now i am lieing 2 my sister and my friend but wait it gets WORSE! my friend asked my mom about it ( my friend is like family) and my mom said she didnt think i started! i HATE lieing 2 them about it and everytime i see my mother im worried she'll bring it up! Same with my friend! Please HeLP! (link)
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Is there a possibility you can explain to your mom without her giving away your secret?
It's understandable to feel tempted to lie about this sort of thing, but it can also lead to all sorts of complications.
Your options are to tell the truth or keep quiet about the whole thing and hope your period shows up soon. If you decide to keep quiet, I would speak to your mom if you think she'll be open to the situation.
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If someone eats you out, will you get an orgasm? (link)
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Maybe yes, maybe no. It depends on what you enjoy, your partner, if you are comfortable, etc.
There are no guarantees in sex.
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i no this is stupid but, what the heck is a condom? (link)
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A condom is usually made of latex, and it fits over a male's penis. It is used to make sex safer - less of a chance of pregnancy or transferring a sexual infection.
The condom fits the way a glove fits a hand - it's not loose or baggy. There is a little recepticle at one end to 'catch' the sperm.
Condoms are not 100% effective, though they do reduce risk if used correctly.
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I keep trying to start a blog but I have yet to find a site that lets you have a free blog and that works. I have tried about 10 blogging websites and not a one I liked or worked. (kept saying I had reached the page in error when I tried to edit, Happened with about 4 of the blog sites)
I have thought of making my own web page but I don't know HTML quite enough. With a blog I know I could work on it and figure it out. Plus its not as big as a entire web page.
If any of you know any good blogging websites thats cool or if you know why I might keep getting the error pages, it would be totally helpfull. (link)
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http://www.diaryland.com is the best! It's free and has lots of features, including about six premade layouts.
It also has a page, http://beautify.diaryland.com, full of literally hundreds of free layouts. Diaryland is the oldest blogging community on the net and has hundreds of thousands of members.
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is it safe to have sex with my wife when she is pregnant? (link)
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As long as you have checked with your wife's doctor, there should be no problem. You'll want to choose positions which are comfortable for her, as well as the baby. You won't want to put your weight on top of her, but other positions are side-by-side or whilst spooning.
Basically, she can communicate if she is uncomfortable or in pain, and you can rearrange yourselves as needed.
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okay this is really weird.. im 13/f and i juss found out one of my best guy friends is gay! he doesnt know me and my friend know.. but now me and my friend cant look at him the same.. were not aggaint gay people but i mean when we see him talking to another guy its kinda freaky cuz what if he is flirting with him.. i dont know he has had a girl friend and me and my friend thought he was gay because he hung out with all girls but we didnt want to believe it.. and we want to be friends with him still but this is all happening so fast and we dont know what to do!! can you please help us and help us find a way to not think of him as gay and think of his as we used to.. we will rate 5's
sincerley
just not the same* (link)
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How do you know your friend is gay? If he didn't tell you himself, then you need to be really careful about making assumptions. He could be gay, bisexual, OR straight.
If he IS gay, then what you need to realize is that he is the same. He's always been gay. He's always been attracted to other guys. He has not changed at all.
What has changed is the way you look at him. I think that a bit of time should help - it sometimes takes gay people awhile to get comfortable with their sexuality, and it can take their family and friends time as well. But even more than time, you need to talk to him.
If you are believing rumours, not really talking to him, or feeling weird about the situation, a good conversation can work wonders. If he's gay he could really need your friendship and support.
Of course there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but some people don't understand that. You can be the one holding his hand when he has problems - but you can't be there for him if you can't even talk with him.
So go on. Be brave.
Good luck.
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Just about a year ago I lost a friend, a really close friend. And well...yes, I was to blame for this. She did something which I totally disagreed with her on, and well, I was so angry, and the matter was so serious, that we just stopped talking. A few weeks ago, I saw her in at school in the hallway, and I got this huge feeling of regret about everything. I realized that I miss her a lot, and that becoming friends with her again would be a big improvement to my life, which btw is quite frankly suffering at the moment. After I realized this though, it didn't make much sense. I don't know her anymore, at all. She could be a totally different person, and the fact that she could and most likely is still mad at me. I don't know how to deal with this. (link)
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Whenever you lose a person, there comes a time when regret enters your mind. The first thing you'll want to do is think about what caused the friendship break up in the first place. If it was a serious difference of opinion on morals or life, then you need to be realistic. Neither of you will have changed the deepest parts of who you are, and that problem will still be there.
If you decide the friendship is worth it anyway, then you'll need to communicate with her. Letters are good ways to talk to people: youcan get out everything you want to say without risk of getting emotional or getting into a fight. Of course, you can't be there to see the expression on their face or have a discussion, which could be the best option.
Either way, if this friendship is important to you it's worth talking to her about. If you find out she HAS changed (and you don't like it) or the friendship just won't work out, you have lost nothing. If she's willing to work things out and is a good person, then you've gained a lot.
Good luck.
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Hey...im a 14 year old bisexual and i want to have intercourse with the same sex...and i also want to tell my parents but i dont know how they will act... :( im kinda worried..
Signed..14 year old bi guy (link)
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Well, you're fine and normal. Some things to consider, though:
Male-to-male anal intercourse has the potential to cause tearing, and thus the possibility of transferring or receiving an STD is pretty high. To reduce it, you'll want to use a water based lubricant (like KY Jelly or Astroglide) and ALWAYS wear a condom.
As far as your parents go, there are several reactions they could have. Everyone's an individual, and you know better than anyone how they are likely to react. If you feel it is important to tell them, then you'll want to carefully think about how to go about doing so.
Something you might want to consider is getting involved in a youth group for bisexual, gay, and lesbian teenagers before coming out. They can provide specialist help, be a lot of fun, and be a really strong support system while you are coming out. You can contact your local P-FLAG for information about coming out groups, boys' groups, etc in your area.
The bottom line? As long as you are thinking about the best ways to stay mentally and physically healthy, you'll be okay. If you know who you are and are willing to share that with other people it might mean you have a tough road to walk - but it also means you have found your path.
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Hey, I'm just curious as to what you guys think about this. I was at callbacks today for an audition, and I ended up singing Marian with all the Harold Hills (we're doing Music Man) and I was fine, but all of a sudden, singing with this one guy (who is, by the way, an AMAZING actor) I started getting all shaky. Like, I didn't feel nervous, but I was shaking. Just for the record, I do have a boyfriend, so I wasn't nervous about singing with a cute guy or whatever. I also never get stage fright. I'm sure what happened is normal...lol. I just want to know why you guys think that happened then instead of at the beginning of singing with them. (link)
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Standing up on a stage in front of a bunch of people and taking a risk will affect you, even if you don't get stage fright. You could have gotten a rush of adreneline from being in that position, and one of the effects of that would be shakiness.
It's normal and nothing to worry about.
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i just lost one of my friends we havent been close recently but for 3 years we were and we drifted the past year, i just found out he passed away and i cant belive it, it hurts so much i alwayts pass by his house thinking hes going to be there, i always want to call his cell phone thinking hes going to pick up, i cant handle this no1 can, i dont no wat to do i miss him teribly i just wish i can bring him back and tell him that even tho we drifted that i still love him when i saw him laying in the casket i just wanted to wake him up, what should i do :'( (link)
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Do whatever you can to express your grief:
Talk to someone.
Pray.
Write in a journal.
Listen to music.
Take a hot bath.
Go for a long walk.
Cry.
Laugh.
Whatever you do, you need to be honest about your feelings. Of course you feel pain and sadness. It's okay to feel that way, and it's okay when you find yourself laughing or smiling and suddenly feel guilty because your friend is not there to join in.
Be honest with yourself, be honest with others, don't hide this away. Buy some paint and fingerpaint all over a piece of paper. Write a poem about your friend. Sit in your room and smell candles. Hold a friend's hand.
I can't tell you how to make yourself feel better, but I can say that as long as you acknowledge your grief, you'll be fine. I think talking to a school psychologist or an outside therapist could help, but so could talking with any close adult or friend.
My thoughts are with you.
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