EnchantedSage's advice column

My sister is a lesbian, and I am good friends with her girlfriend. When I am introducing the two of them to other people I always find myself saying "this is my sister and her friend."
I know I should say girlfriend, but I never can get it out.

Is it alright if I just say friend to avoid akward moments and let coversations to contiune to flow, or do you think it is affending to my sister and her girlfriend?

The best way to find out if you are offending your sister and her girlfriend, is simply to ask them. It's obvious that you are supportive of them and they probably already feel that support and love from you. So, if you honestly explain that you mean no disrespect in your introduction of them, but that you don't know how to comfortably announce them, you will probably find them to be very understanding and appreciative of your concern for their feelings. Best of luck to you.

Kind wishes,

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Ok, theres this guy. Hes my brothers friend and also mine. I think hes hinting around to us dating, but i can never be sure. Sure, i mean, i like him and all. And he keeps telling me personal shit about him like where he got 'deflowered' and hes always like "we have a lot in common. So far its 'SI Music interests, and..(a bunch of shit) and he has to ask me out, but hes always been kind of..insecure so i think he might want me to ask him buut i dont know! is he hinting around to us goin out or something?!?! HELP ME

First you should decide if you are interested in dating this guy. (I'm assuming you are interested since you sent in the question.) So, you are interested in him and he certainly seems to be sending signals that he's interested also. If you are already friends, then perhaps the best solution is just to do what friends do so easily... just talk about it. For example, the next time he mentions that you two have so much in common, you could say... "hmmmm, well maybe we should date each other", as if the thought just occurred to you. If he's interested, but just a little shy, it might be just the nudge he needs. If he is not interested and looks at you like you're crazy, or worse, starts acting weird and starts to pull away from you (emotionally), then you can just act as if it was just a passing thought, a moment of temporary insanity and move on from there. It might seem like playing a bit of a game, but as important as it is to "go for" what we want, it's also not a bad idea to protect ourselves from humiliation at the same time. Best of luck to you.

Kind wishes,

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Ok - my uncle hits on me at almost every family gathering. It really bothers me! I told my mom and she said she'd try to help me, but I still feel so uncomfortable around him. He's always staring at me and winking, and saying that I'm hot!

I'm just so uncomfortable ..

It is NEVER okay for your uncle to make you feel uncomfortable in this way. He could be harmless (but just incredibly stupid) or he could be a very dangerous man. I believe that we each have an internal ("gut") knowingness about when we are in danger and it sounds like your gut is telling you to be careful. Even if he is just a creepy (but harmless) guy, it is clear that he has no sense of acceptable boundaries or behaviors. My suggestion is not to allow yourself to be in a situation where you are alone with him and to continue to voice your uneasiness with his behavior to your Mother and possibly to other relatives as well. If, on the other hand, he is a dangerous man and you feel that you yourself are in physical danger or that anyone else is in physical danger because of him and your Mother is not taking it seriously, you may want to talk to someone you trust outside of your family. Best of luck to you.

Kind wishes,

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ok well i cut and stuff but i really want to tell my mom about it because i meen i want to get help but i just was wondering like how could i like talk to her about it? me and my mom are like really close and stuff but i think it would like kill her! should i tell her or no?

Your Mom is likely to be freaked and upset, but ultimately, she will be SO thankful that you were able to come to her. Asking for help is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do and I say you should tell her for sure. Two suggestions: Timing is important. Don't wait for the "perfect" time because there will never be a "perfect" time, but try to find a time when your Mom is not preoccupied with other things and when you know that she has the time to listen. (For example, on her way out the door to work - not a great time). My second suggestion is not to feel totally deflated by her initial reaction if it's not what you were expecting. Remember, you've had time to think about this conversation and choose your words. Your Mom will be hearing this for the first time and could possibly react in an illogical way. Telling her that you love her and trust her and that you are coming to her because you need help should be a good way to start your discussion. Best of luck to you!

Kind wihes,

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this is long but i'll give u the highest rateing just plz answer..ok i lived w/ my grandparents my
whole life untill my grandfather died and so now i'm liven w/ my aunt uncle and cousin.well i had to move in a diff house and go to a diff school where i didnt kno n e one. and this was just a few monthes ago.well my aunt and i have always had a really good relationship till i moved in here but a few things happened and she didnt trust me n e more.i have never had to do and house work in my life till i moved in here.now she exspects me to do chores every day..its really hard for me to do this and her daughter has done then her whole life and my aunt is always sayin how she does her chores and i dont and i feel really left out..u no i dont feel like part of the family.she knos this and that i fell that she treats her daughter better i tell her that all the time.she is always sayin how my cousin gets good grades and is a really good kid...i have no clue wat to say to her that will make her understand how i feel...plz help me..

Before you can expect your Aunt to show you the respect you are obviously expecting (rightfully so), I think it is important that you work to show her that you can reciprocate that respect. My suggestion is to spend some set amount of time (i.e. 2 weeks) working very hard to complete all of the behaviors that your Aunt is expecting of you (chores, homework, good attitude). Then, you should sit down with your Aunt and calmly point out that you have been making a real effort to meet her expectations of you, that you want to be a part of this family and that you want to work toward regaining a good relationship with her. Then, you can tell her what she could do for you (within reason) that would help you feel like you are respected and that you belong. This is clearly a tough adjustment period for you, but don't forget that it is an adjustment for everyone and it's going to take effort and understanding from all to make this new situation successful.

Kind wishes,

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my neighbor was pregnant with twins, not even 5 months in the the pregnancy her water broke and the babies were born, sadly, ian passed away because he wasn't strong enough to breath on his own. it's a closed ceromnoy so only my family and two others are invited. do you think i should go, the atmosphere of wakes just scare me peroid. honestly, i want to go, i'm just iffy about it. do you think she'd understand.. x3

RE: Wakes...

Grief and loss are very complex animals. Forget etiquette. If attending the wake will make you uncomfortable, and you know that others will be there to lend support, then don't attend. You can find your own way of showing your support, through a kind note or a thoughtful gesture. Your neighbor is going to carry this loss indefinitely and will learn to deal with it in her own way and time. There will be plenty of opportunities to be there for her and her family apart from the wake.

Kind wishes,

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