Member Since: September 12, 2011
Answers: 190
Last Update: April 26, 2016
Visitors: 10374
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I'm so bored today advice? (link)
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REad a book? Go for a walk? Talk to someone you've never spoken to before
Read a book, go for a walk, talk to a stranger, knit a sweater, plant a tree, research your family history, paint a picture, complete a crossword, tidy up your room, write a letter, bake some cookies, hold a garage sale.
Hope this helps. Best wishes.
Read a
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i am an aspiring artist. i love art and everything that comes with it, i am also an active member of Subeta.net a virtual pet site wher i see other artists work and try and get inspired recently i finished this work and asked for peoples opinion. they said it was 'sordid'. I feel let down because i really work hard in what i do and i thought it came out fairly well.
I just hate that im never good enough! it kills me cause theres so many other people who do so much better then i do and i can never reach their level of skill.
what am i supposed to do? shouls i just give up my dream on becoming a concept aartist?
16/f (link)
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I don't know the set-up of this Subeta.net (how many people judge your work etc) but that was their opinion. Have you given any opinions of their work?
Constructive criticism can be hard to take sometimes. People don't always see what you intended to be seen. People's perceptions of anything will always be different because people are too.
If you're still in school, is there an art teacher you could ask for advice on how to develop your skills? If not, could you contact an artist that you admire for their opinion of your work? Either way, try to give them a true representative sample of your work, over various
genres, so they get a fuller picture of what you're doing and can give a measured response.
You obviously feel passionately about art and I think everyone should have a passion in life. It makes dark times a little brighter and sunshine becomes electrifying.
Hope this helps a bit, let me know how you get on? Best wishes X.
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I want to transfer colleges for family reasons next year. I am really bad at confrontation and for some reason I just cannot work up the courage to tell my roommates that I don't want to be here next year. They are my good friends and I don't want them to be mad at me for leaving them and our apartment next year. We have all been getting along really well and I just don't want to ruin the happiness. I really need to tell them I just don't know how to force myself. I know its just something I have to do, but when it comes down to it I tell myself that everyday, and every night I go to sleep without confessing. Please help me, I don't know how to force myself. I also don't want to write a letter or anything like that because I feel like that would be even more rude... Thanks (link)
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I think the best way around this situation might be to explain to them why you have to leave, with all the sadness you express and obviously feel in your question. The more you work yourself up to a pitch of telling them, the harder it'll be
. Try telling one or two of them first, they might see how upset you are and tell the others for you. They might even have guessed there's something wrong and be waiting for you to say something.
When my son was in college, his flatmates changed yearly, it made for a mixed bag of students.
Circumstances change, so do we and adjustments have to be made. Luckily, your move doesn't mean that you have to lose touch with your friends - webcam, Skype, email, text, phone, take your pick!
You can visit each other throughout the term in electronic ways.
So, pick who you'll tell first, take a deep breath and go for it. The news will soon spread. You might have to explain your family situation a few times, but it will get easier.
Hope it goes well, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes X.
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19/f well it goes like this, im 19 and i just feel like im failing in life with everything that i do. I've had my share of problems. about 2 years ago my mom, brother, and I got evicted from our apartment, even though that"s not the first time we've been evicted. my brother went to trade school, my mom moved in with my aunt and i moved to another town with my cousin, for a new start, i wasnt really happy at that school and i thought it would be good for me to get away, so i started school there in the new town, and basically i was made fun of and i couldnt make any friends. i felt inferior, like i was under everybody and unimportant (which isn't a new feeling). so i left that school and went back to my old and moved in with my mom aunt and uncle. my mom and shared a room that was like 6x9 literally. i started going back to my old school and it was better than being at the pther school. then, i was socializing, but i felt lonely. even if i was in a room full of people, i felt like was the "loser" of the crowd. but after a couple of months at living ay aunt's i graduated from high school, and i wasnt happy because school was one of the reasons that i left the house. one month later a tree fell on my aunt's house and we had to move out i got dropped off a my cousin's house whom i barely talked to for months, i started cutting then .. acouple months later i moved on a boat with my mom and her friend, who is a crack addict, so is my mother. that was when i started feeling really sad. i just wanted to jump in the water and die, then i started losing contact with my friends even though no one knew i lived on a boat, and i started hating myself, which i always have, i took like 27 advil, but that didnt do anything, i tried drinking bleach but it was too strong. after 1 year and a half we(my mom, brother, and i) got one bedroom apartment, we've been here 7 months now, and i just feel like im failing. im 19, with no job, no job history, im not in school, and im not doing anything. i babysit occasionally, but all i do is sit around the house and eat and listen to music. all my "friends" are nonexistent in my life and are all working, in school, or both. all i want to do is get a job, go to school, and be somebody. but its like i dont have any motivation. i had all honors and AP courses in school, and i did fairly well. but it hurts seeing my mom and brohter go off to work and i sit home all day. but im also scared of people, i know it sounds weird, but im scared that people will see me and have a negative opinion of me, and that would hurt me to my soul. i stay in the house to also avoid this. my doctor put me on antidepressants but they're not working. all i want to do is die, and i contemplate suicide but when i think about it i think of funeral costs that my family cant pay, but even more embarrssed that if i died no one, would show to my funeral, but immediate family, and i doubt all of them would show. but i think i would be better off dead, i just fell stuck, unwanted, unloved, and forgotten i know this might seem stupid, but i left out many details. (link)
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Starting from a positive point of view, you're young, healthy (apart from depression) and have a useful brain. You have people around you who love you and who would be devastated if you died. They have work, you don't.
VIsit your doctor to see if he/she can suggest some talking therapies to build your self-esteem and confidence.
Ask your Mom, brother, family and friends if they know of any job clubs you could attend to learn more about possible jobs, training courses to build up some history of experience. You aren't alone in being jobless, there are thousands out there, just like you.. No-one else can do it for you so grab all the courage in your body and go out there and do it, now before you get too scared.
Good luck, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes XX.
Think of things you'd like to try - crafts, singing, travelling, star-gazing, whatever, and look for a group you could join to do this.
In other, brutal words - (I apologise for this) get a life! This is the only one you've got and you have to make the best of it
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I fight with her everyday and I just hate the way she acts. Sometimes I get on great with her other time I just hate her and never want to speak to her again like now. She always thinks she is right in everything even when I try to say something even if it about my life she has to have her input to it. And she thinks it should go that way. She also hardly says anything nice to me and talks bad bout my friends. Also when she asks wat I think of something and it's not the same as her she goes of the head and says well it's a good thing it not u getting it. She is older than me and thinks she can tell me what to do n try to act all big. When we fight she says all these mean things to me and when I can't take it no more I try not to but I say mean things to and she starts to cry and I get in trouble for it then even thought she started it. I think I should just stop talking to her. What do u think I should do. Btw I'm 17 and she is 23. (link)
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It's very tempting to say 'You and every other sister/brother in this world!' It sounds glib but its true, most children fight with their siblings at some point in their lives. My mother and her two sisters, now aged between 78 and 85, STILL argue regularly about silly things of no importance. Sometimes it gets quite nasty, but thank goodness they've always been friends afterwards.
Just because your sister is a relative, doesn't mean you have to be best of friends all the time.
But sometimes it can be changed so that you are friends some of the time.
Imaginr the freedom of life without her! All the attention would be on you. I don't know if you have any other siblings but that was how your sister felt until she was 6 when you were born. You were her little doll that she coulod play with and organise the life of from dawn to dusk, as she wished. Now you're almost grown up, her influence is reduced and that's hard to accept, ask any oarent.
If there's a situation that you've tried to change without success, the only thing left that you can change is the way you look at it.
So, your sister could become your friend. Rather than wait for her to give her opinion on something, ask her first and consider if she might be right. Equally, she could be wrong. If you go about this carefully, as you would with a friend you're not sure of, she might let her guard down a bit and friendship might develop.
Possibly you'll always have fights between you but as you grow older, you appreciate each other more - there's someone around who's been through almost the same background as you have, who knows you as well as you know yourself. That person could be a source of much needed help and support in difficult circumstances. Just because you're both stuck in this habitual argue/fight/argue again cycle, don't let it blind you to the person underneath.
You're so alike - that's why you argue. You're so different - that's because you're sisters. You're not children anynmore - that's how you can now be friends.
Hope this helps, let me know how you both get on?
Good luck X.
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Im always memorizing things in my brain il go thru day and have to remember tiny things.i cant miss anything out ilook up words or phrases icant remember need toremember IT HURTING MY BRAIN ive been like this the last week i need to tel a story my wayin my languge so it ALL out like i noticed lately the front of my brain where my forehead is is bulging dwn near my nose.it hurts im exhausted iwant to collapse in bed im so sad.ifeel lile icnt trustmy friends anymore idnt talk to anyone.im roling idnt want tofeelthis shit im exausted.imy thoughts are mudled from rearanging them al the time..too be perfect?im not diagnosed anything but depression,social anxiety.hel.im on lithium and prozac.ifeel so lonely.26/F (link)
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I think you need to visit your doctor as soon as possible and explain how you feel. Possibly these drugs you're on are starting to work or maybe they need adjusting to suit you.
Explain to the doctor how you feel, show him/her this question if that's easier. Hopefully, they can help you adjust.
Ask the doctor about talking therapies too, at least you could off-load your feelings and worries onto someone who understands and can help you.
I hope this helps, if you feel you need someone to talk to, you can always try the Advicenators site. Take care of yourself, best wishes X.
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Ever since I met this guy,a friend, I've had thoughts of suicide and self harm. Sometimes I will cut, but not deep. Sometimes I bleed sometimes I don't. I feel like I have depression cause I haven't been able to feel happy and worry free in awhile. My ex just dumped me and I really want him back because nothing bad ever happened with us. But I guess he wants another chance with his 8th grade crush so I've been told. My grandpa just died a week ago and I'm still hurt from that. I've been verbally sexually harassed and had to quit my job. I have a lot of things going on that makes things seem like nothing is going right in my life. Well my friend, who I secretly love, hacked my facebook somehow and is making me feel guilty for just talking to other guys. Yes, I would say some dirty things to go along with it, but I never did anything with them. This guy started to make me feel shitty about myself. He went on to say he deserves better and Im a hoe and he doesnt feel bad for me and what happens to me. This was too nights ago and I lost it. When he said goodbye I was holding a knife in my hand for awhile..just looking at it. Thinking if I should do it or not. I cut my legs but it wasn't deep. But then I held the point of the knife to my chest and just closed my eyes for a bit thinking ..it could all end like this..in a second. But I couldn't do it. Thinking about my mom and the rest of my family. Should I get help? Like treatment? I dont want to tell mom any of this but I dont want to lose her either. I have stopped talking to this guy but Im still not happy. I've tried to starve myself as well (link)
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I think you need to focus on your life and what you want to do with it. Forget those 'friends' who put you down and put negative thoughts into your head, they're not doing you any favours.
Talk to your Mom, you don't have to mention the cutting, just general chat about how life's getting you down etc.
Look around for new friends with similar interests to you, search online for clubs, groups or societies in your area you could join to give you something outside your life to think about.
Give guys of any kind a rest until you feel more like your usual self; if you hool up with someone while you're in this negative mood, he might be the wrong one for your positive side.
Be good to yourself, give yourself small treats of doing things you really enjoy, an hour of reading a good book, gardening or singing will relax you and brighten your mood. You and your Mom could really push the boat out and have a spa treatment afternoon!
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes XX.
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So I recently met this guy, thing is...I've known him sience we were little. we apparently stopped talking because he went to juvy wen he was 6 for grand theft auto. We started dating on christmas of 2011 (last year). My life has been amazing ever sience! I love being with him, around him, and anything that has to do with seeing him. Right now, he is 15 and I'm 13 (don't tell me I'm too young for anything I'm going to say). He is in a residential center right now until march. He has done stuff he isn't proud of, but he tells me that he loves me and is going to change once he gets out. I've also done things I'm not so proud of, so we can relate. I feel like i can trust him, but the thing is.....we usually see eachother on saturdays when he gets out on pass..but yesterday...he didn't show up. I have no idea what is going on and I'm kinda getting scared. I think something happened, but I don't know what. Time for the weird and personal stuff.....he had sex with one of my friends friend, but he only used her for sex....nothing else....he. never loved her, but he told her he did....my friend keeps telling me that he truly does love me, and that if he didn't...he wouldn't go through so much hassle just to be with me...we've been dating for almost 2 months, the girl he only used for sex dated him for 2 weeks, then he dumped her. He hasent tried to rush things with me at all! That is what im suprised about. I dont know what to do! I just think he would cheat on me once he gets out, because my mother keeps telling me that he is using me for a safe place to go when he gets out on his passes....soo... ..my questions are...
#1: Does he seem pretty honest?
#2: Do you think i should trust him?
#3: Do you think he would cheat on me when he gets out?
#4: Do you think he is just using me?
#5: What could I do to show him i truly love him?
#6: Is it weird to worry this much about him?
THANKIES!!!! XD (link)
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I've read the other answers to your question and I agree with almost everything they say, except that this guy will never change. True, most people in his position don't change but that could be because they return to their old life, environment, friends, habits etc.
I think for this guy to have any hope of changing anything about his life will take a lot of work and possibly three things:
He has to WANT to change. No-one could force you do something you don't want to do, the same goes for him, Change must come from inside to be effective.
His environment would have to be completely different to that he was in before, far away from the temptation of the things he did before. Being back in the same place would possibly just lead him to old haunts and old 'friends' who will encourage him to join in with their bad habits again.
The amount of help and support he'll need would be colossal, possibly a 24/7 to keep him safe from all the temptation he'll meet.
At 13, this is a lot for you to take on. Your life would be on indefinite hold, schoolwork, friends, hobbies etc would all be forgotten until he was strong enough to resist temptation.
To be honest, this isn't something you could do on your own. I'd suggest that you remain friends with him IF YOU WANT TO, keep in touch by email, text, phone, occasional days/evenings out. If he does really love you, he might well be willing to clean his life up, knowing you're there to give him support.
However, I would also advise that you don't tie yourself to him in any way. AS we grow older, our tastes and feelings change; the boy I loved 'forever' at 15 became an idiot when I was 16! At the moment, nothing is written in stone, so keep it that way until you've looked around at other guys a bit and feel more sure of your feelings.
Hope this helps, please let me know how you get on? Best wishes X.
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Is it possible to sustain mucosal membrane injury to the labia when inserting a tampon if you are not menstruating? (link)
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I would imagine its possible in certain cveryircumstances, if the labia is very dry when inserting the tampon, pushing it hard against the labia in what might be the wrong direction could cause some sort of injury. Normally, inserting a tampon would be easier because of the lubricating effects of the menstrual blood; normal mucous secretions in the labia area should allow at least partial insertion of the tampon. The only circumstance I can think of that this might happen is when the mucous membranes are very dry during the menopause, but my knowledge in this area is not brilliant.
If you are worried about such an injury, unusual dryness or other problem, you should visit your doctor for a check-up.
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Good luck X.
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Well my dad and I have never been super close but he's getting older and I want to be with him more. But the only thing he talks about is math, math math math! All the time! He didn't used to. It's because I got a C in it last semester. I dread asking him for help because he spends like two hours on 5 questions. EVen if I tell him I have homework due the next day while my math isn't he still continues. I don't even ask for his help anymore because he just walks into my room and says ok where's your math homework? Even my mom groans when he comes home. They have never been close that I know of. They haven't slept in the same room for idk how long and don't hug, kiss, or say I love you. Ever. Please help me, if you can :) (link)
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You could try setting out your homework timetable on a chart or calendar, so everyone knows what homework happens on which day. (If you have no actual timetable, you could do the jomework on the day you get it - its fresh in your memory and hopefully, nothing will be missed.)
You night need your mother's help for the next bit, or another family member or friend if possible, - is there a subject they could help you with? Even if its just ideas on how to approach subjects, doing experiments or whatever.
So, they help on that day, Dad on math day. That would give all of you a break, spreads the help about a bit and organises the whole family too, all in one fell swoop!
I really hope this helps, let me know how you get on? Best wishes X.
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it was my baby sisters birthday and so i wanted to look older and more like my mom so i wore a little mascara to school but then my mom saw it when she picked me up and got really mad, and said that we would 'talk' about it adter the party and im really scared. i want to tell her why i did it but i feel like she is going to think its really stupid...so to get to the point...i dont know what to say, how to act, or what is going to happen. what do i do? (link)
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IYou could try showing her this question. Its obvious how upset you are over this but the fact that you wore the mascara to look more like your mom is very flattering to her.
I think she might've been scared that you wear make-up regularly in school to make yourself more attractive to boys and although you don't say how old you are, she's afraid you won't be able to handle a difficult situation if it arises.
Show her your question and reassire her that this was a one-off for your sister's party etc and that might be the end of it.
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Good luck X.
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I started dating this guy in august of 2011. He's a sweet guy but he's younger then Me. I'am 20 and he is 19. Not a big age difference but I get kind of scared that we wont last long because at times he not the "man' that i want him to be. I want us to be a mature couple and not fight all the time over silly things. He does so many things that annoy me and i want to be able to look over it all. I need advice on what to do and stratergies on how to make us stronger. What should I do? (link)
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I don't think actual age is much of a factor here, I think it's more that girls tend to develop quicker than boys. It might explain why women seem to be attrated to older men and why some boys remain big kids all their lives, stuck in the same habitual character.
Your boy should mature soon, in several years time you might not recognise him as the same person, but its difficult to predict.
My husband of 30+ years is 10 years older than me, it took a long time to find the 'boy' in him and get him torelax and enjoy himself.
Try giving your guy responsibility for stuff, like holiday bookings or money for example, encouraging him to think seriously about things.
You may decide you can't take any more of his silliness, but it's probably a phase of growing up that you passed through some time ago. It's up to you whether you can accept this and wait for maturity to dawn.
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes x.
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I'm an eighteen year old female. I was just at the Neurologist (ADHD) and they need me to be working out 30 minutes everyday. I have not been doing that. I used to swim competitively year round but I developed a hip injury and haven't been back for 4 years.
I have very low self-esteem when it comes to working out. I used to be bullied for my weight. I am 160 lbs and 5'8. Another reason to be working out. Anyways, all of my friends from high school (I'm a senior) work at our local YMCA. So I can't go there, even though it has a pool and fully equipped workout room. I would take some sort of dance Zumba class, but I have no one to take it with me (my dad is annoying and my mom is sooo over weight & all my friends are crazy busy). I get bored with workout videos, Wii games, Zumba on YouTube. I also used to do this program called "Couch to 5k" running around my neighborhood with my dad.. but we both got lazy and I got whistled at and hollered at so much that I don't want to put myself out there like that again...
What do I do? (link)
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I think your question about taking more exercise sounds just like me! I need to be more active but I continually find every excuse in the world why I can't do it, despite the barrowload of good reasons why I should. One excuse I have over you is that I'm 51, with extra aches and pains too!
If I were your age with no commitments, I think I'd try two things and see how they go -
#1 would be swimming as you can keep going for a long time and no-one need know how much effort you're putting into it; swimming would also allow you to exercise without much pressure on your hip. Having done competitive swimming in the past, doing it now in a more relaxed fashion, without the competitive element, might make it more enjoyable too.
#2 would be the Zumba class. Depending on the level of the class, you could be there for the dancing, not the exercise, so who's to know? If the class is about to start, many of its members there will be newbies like you, making it easier to break the ice and find friends. If the class is ongoing, ask the others for help, someone will probably help you out.
If anyone from school hassles you about exercising, try to ignore them, they're just jealous that you have the guts to do something positive. Who knows, if they see you exercising and getting fitter, they might be the ones joining you and asking for help and advice. Go for it!
Hope thishelps, let me know how you get on? You might inspire me to get active too! Best wishes X.
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Does watching porn at a young age desensitize me? Does it make me anti-social? Is it why I have trouble talking to girls? I went a week without it. I started to feel better. Then BAM, I relapse one night. I'm back to feeling horrible again. (link)
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I think it does desensitise you in a way; you get used to seeing that and it becomes normal, has no power to shock any more. I don't know about anti-social but I wouldn't want to talk to someone who watches pornography all the time as I believe it encourages people to regard those involved as sex objects, not people. That might explain why you have difficulty talking to girls, you're used to seeing them in a certain way - this tends to continue when talking to real girls, so drop the porn girls, have a relationship with real girls instead.
If you stopped watching porn for a week, you can do it again. Give yourself rewards for time spent away from watching it, such as talking to a real girl at the supermarket check-out, the pharmacy or in the street. Nothing creepy or over-the-top, just casual chat about the weather, traffic, pets or kids. ANything that wncourages you to see women and girls as people instead of objects.
Have a happy life.You can do it.
Because you really want to and because it's worth it.
Hope this helps, keep in touch if you feel you need more advice? Let me know how yu get on anyway. Best wishes x.
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What age do most girls loose their virginity? i am 13 is that ok? (link)
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I think 13 is too young to be in a sexual relationship, but I'm old-fashioned! I'd imagine most girls lose their virginity around 14-15 years old.
There are so many things to consider; it's better to be in a stable relationship as casual sex can lead to STDs and the problems they can leave you with; at 13, children (sorry, I do consider 13 year olds as children!) aren't fully developed emotionally so can get badly hurt; older men can target youngfor sex, children, drawing them into drug abuse and prostitution for their financial gain; most importantly, children deserve a cgood hildhood, to enjoy themselves playing with friends, foing childish things before they have to grow up.
Hope this helps, let me know if you need further help? Best wishes X.
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I am a sixteen-year old girl and I really hate my family. I usually have good days at school, but once I hit the steps of my home, all my happiness washes away. What's the problem exactly? Well, a lot of things, but mostly my mother. Let's start with her.
My mother and I both have a very violent past. My father abandoned us both when I was ten, and he would often abuse her and he cheated on her a few times. We used to be very close when I was a kid, but not much anymore. She is very nit-picky, bitchy, and forceful. She always complains that no one appreciates her, that no one cares about her, that no one ever helps her. I'll name a few examples. Yesterday, it was my six month anniversary with my boyfriend. It was my special day and I was really excited. I put on my favorite jeans, a nice shirt, and boots. She came in and said those jeans were ugly, and I said, "Well, I like these jeans." She got pissed and started crying about how no one loves her and I simply said I wanted to choose my own outfit. She threw a fit and slammed the door and the rest of the day, I couldn't even enjoy my day because she made me feel like shit. She always does that. She makes me feel so ugly and negative all the time by telling me I'm selfish and I am disrespectful. Also, I risk my education to watch her kids. I always skip school to help her out, and the next day she gets pissed at everyone because no one helps. I think it is unfair. I bust my ass for her. I take up all my after school time cleaning the house for her and she doesn't ever notice. She threatens me all the time. Once, I woke up at 5 a.m. and found cat poop on my sheets. I put the sheets aside and went back to bed with new sheets. The next morning, I told my mom, and she told me that I am a scumbag and I should've washed my sheets right away. At 5 a.m.? I told her I needed my sleep and I didn't have time for that, and I put them aside to wash them in the morning. She started freaking out when I told her she didn't need to yell at me for that, she pulled my by my hair into the bedroom and told me she would bash my head through the wall and smash my phone onto the floor if I said another thing. I was really upset that day and I called my boyfriend and we left.
I hate it here. I am constantly yelled at, bitched at, never appreciated, and a victim to abuse and negativity. I don't have a very good self-confidence because my mother always brings me down. She wants me to be what she wants, not what I want. She complains I'm lazy and I don't try hard enough. She never appreciates what I do for her. I can't ever be in a tired mood or not in the mood to talk to anyone. She expects me to be in a good mood all the time. When she found out I had sex for the first time, she told me I was a slut. She took me to therapy and a doctor because she thought I was sleeping around with everyone. She does her best to restrict me from sex all the time. I can't even talk to her in a mature way about it. Because my boyfriend and I are always alone, we do have sex, but responsibly. If I'm responsible about it, why does it matter if I'm doing it or not?
My family fights a lot. My stepdad is very uncaring and often acts like a douchebag. He is selfish and never respects my mother. This house is haunted with constant yelling and screaming. I stopped it once, because there was slamming of glass and crying and pounding and my little brother was crying. I talked to my parents the next day and we agreed to fix it. That's just it. Nothing got fixed. We all agreed to have a nice talk and we did, and nothing ever changed. My mom never goes through with anything.
How much more of this do I have to take? I have posted advice on this before, but most of them involve calling child support and such. I don't want to do that. I don't want my sister and brother being taken away as well. I've wanted to get out of here for a long time. My boyfriend told me my mother is an asshole and she doesn't have the right to treat me this way. He doesn't like my parents because they always make me cry. I've always wanted to move in with him even if we're both young. I don't want to live here anymore, but I doubt I could get the change I want, because I have no job or license. Please help. I need guidance. I don't deserve any of this. I'm a good kid.. (link)
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Your mom seems to be in a bad place that she can see no way out of. You say your stepfather shows her no respect, you and her are always arguing and fighting - it sounds as if she's very confused and upset.
You are suffering too, trying to hold everything together with no help or support from anyone.
I think this situation might have something to do with age, yours and your mom's. She can see you growing up and inevitably away from her, you're no longer her little girl. The relationship with her partner is not good but its all she's got andthere's a long, lonely old age ahead of her onc e her children have gone.
She's trying to stop you growing up and away from her by stopping you having sex; she knows deep down it'll happen anyway, but to be seen as in control maybe all she feels she has left.
Is there anyone you can talk to about all this? A teacher, doctor, family friend, social worker, counselling or mediation service, advice worker, anyone in a position of authority really, who can do something positive to help.
You all need a massive boost to your self-esteem so you stop disrespecting eacf other and treat each other properly.
Hope this helps, keep in touch if you think I can help further. Best wishes X.
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Ok so, I've been dating/dated this girl for over a month. It took off pretty fast, we only talked for 3 weeks but we spent a lot of time together and did so much for each other those 3 weeks. She actually asked me out on a surprise picnic. Well anyways to the problem, she recently got to thinking about her future since she will be graduating soon and doesn't know exactly where she wants to go to college but when she does go she wants to be single. This all happened last Saturday and I took it pretty hard but I want her to happy. Then this past Friday, she called and we talked more about it. She said that her heart was telling her that she needed to be independent for awhile, it had nothing to do wit me at all. She still wants to talk and stuff and she still really likes me. But what do I do? Should I be there for her and wait or just let go? (link)
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The answer seems to be that its up to you. Obviously, you and this girl connected and liked each other, the relationship would possibly have continued were she not going to college. While in college she will meet other people and other relationships will form. That doesn't mean your relationship with her must stop of course, but it will change, through the physical distance and the new life she's leading. You could be a friend from 'back home' she meeets now and then, an ex-boyfriend who keeps in touch, a current boyfriend even. Who knows?
Between you, you will make a 'contract', friends, close friends, boy-girlfriend, there shouldn't be a problem; as long as you both understand and accept the terms of the 'cntract'.
I'd suggest that if you want to maintain contact with her, do so after agreeing on mutually accepted terms. If you wish to have other relationshiops, so does she etc. In this way, both of you know what to expect of the other, no secrets or shocks on either side.
Hope this helps, let me know what happens and how you get on? Best wishes.
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For the last 9 years my wife and I have been going down a rocky road for our relationship. I was a selfish prick to her and my two daughters. I would go off and go drinking with my buddies, I would refuse to help her in any way shape or form, and I would take full on advantage of her services. I felt that since I was the sole provider then I can do what ever I want. About two years ago she had an affair and it was a huge wake up call for myself. I started to turn myself around, quit drinking, and be there for her more. Then one day, something snapped inside of me. All I could do is think about the affair, every time I looked at her I would get so angry at her I couldn't even stand it so I would go to the bars with my buddies and go drinking to drown out the anger. I did this for six months straight with now break. During this time she was working real hard to make things right but I would simply ignore her. I got so tired of her trying to make our marriage work and I got so tired of being angry that I told her that I want a divorce. Well after I said that I went out of town on business and that gave me time to think about what I said and what I really want in my marriage. I contacted her and I told her that I have been doing some thinking and that I want to make our marriage work and turn our situation around. Well its been almost a year and my wife still is shut off from me and she keeps telling me that if she opens up a little she feels I will go back to my old ways. I have seen the errors of what I have done and I truly love my wife. She is my everything. I would love it if I could get her to open up, but everything that I try gets shut down, she turns me down for dates, she refuses to touch me, she refuses to talk to me. I figured she would just up and leave but she hasn't. Is she punishing me for what I have done? Is she feeling guilt for the affair? How do I get my wife to open up after nearly a year of her being shut down? (link)
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You could try asking her what she wants to do. I know it sounds simplistic but perhaps she feels it's all been about you and what you want in each stage of this story.
Mefiation might help, if you can find such a service - a neutral space where you each have a chance to say your piece without interruption. It often becomaes quite an emotionally charged meeting but lots of unsaid, old resentments and grievances can be aired and sorted out.
I also think you need to work on your reactions to stress; in two phases of your life, your fall-back sireaction to being true self has been to turn to drink. This does a lot to numb your pain and distort the situation but achieves nothing towards resolving the problem.
SO my advice is to sort out your tendency to drink under stress and ask your wife if she'll try mediation with you. Both sides have to agree to do this, so I hope it works for you both.
Let me know how you get on, keep in touch if you feel I can help further. Best of luck.
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#1 Not looking for a "Stop we can help you" Solution
#2 Not even sure if im going to go through with it.
(will know in about 2 weeks)
#3 -=Looking for fast painless ways to die.=- (not sure exactly how to get a real gun but im sure i could find a way.)
#4 Thanks ever so much!
Please no spam or #1 {Thanks} (link)
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I'm not sure why you're asking this question. Obviously, you've decided to commit suicide, there's nothing anyone can say or do to stop you.
Apparently, you an gain access to a gun so both the intention and the means to do this are there; the opportunity will occur in 2 weeks when whatever decides you happens.
What can I say? In 30 years of nursing, I've never known a fast, painless death. Each one has been frightening, especially if you're on your own. Deaths on TV/film are NEVER as shown; no-one has ever said "I'll tell where to find the will/money/secret of life - it's all in ... ohhh!"
and they die. Very dramatic but a lie.
Last year, an American senator was shot in the head? Thankfully she lived but its taken her a year to reach the point of learning to walk again. Do you want to risk that for yourself and your family?
I don't think you really want to do this at all. Why not try to change this event in 2 weeks that'll possibly spark your suicide? If whatever it is happens, can it possibly be bad enough to justify your death? If you succeed and do die, will your family/friends ask themselves why you didn't ask them for help?
Think very hard about your ultimate decision. Once you've made the attempt, there's no going back; if you don't succeed, there'll always be something left to remind you of it, scars, pain, memories. If you succeed and die, you'll never know what you might have becpme. It would be such a waste of your life.
Hope this helps and you make the right decision for you. If you need to chat, contact me or someone through Advicenators site. Best wishes, thinking of you X.
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Please help I'm only 11 (almost 12) and I DO NOT have my period yet but I noticed a breast lump and since I am young my breasts r still small but any ways I found a golf ball cut in half sized lump in BOTH my breasts (1 in each breast) in the direct middle of my breasts I'm soooo scared cause I think I may have breast cancer or some breast illness I told my mom too and I read a book about having lumps in breasts and saying that It was normal for young girls PLEASE HEELP!!! (link)
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Your feelings of panic are understandable but it's unlikely that you have breast cancer. Go and see your doctor for reassurance as soon as possible - why waste time worrying?
Hope this helps, keep in touch and let me know how you get on? Best wushed x.
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