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Q: Alright this is the very first time i even discussed the this anywhere either in person or online. so here goes. Im a 38 year old truck driver. I live in Maine. I have trouble speaking to strangers. I drive all week alone by myself and usually spend the weekend home alone. I dont like being alone. but I cant seem to talk myself into going out. I dont believe im looking for sympathy. Im looking for motivation. I dont do well around large crouds of people and starting up conversations is Very uncomfortable for me. Im unmotivated unless it comes to my job. i hardly ever finish anything i start unless it comes to my job. I am a very disorganized person. Personally I think my self esteme is quite low. I know i have problems and issues but it all seems so overwelming that i dont know what to do so I dont do anything and thats not getting me anywhere. Making decisions is very difficult for me. However I feel i am very intelligent. I have tried without success to help myself and am getting nowhere quite rapidly. I have medical insurance but dont know where to go or who to see. Or if thats even covered. Please just help me get going in the right direction.

I don't think you need a doctor. If you have enough sense to admit that you're unhappy and wanted advice here, you've got enough sense to make yourself get up and go out and be around people.

When I first moved to this city I was alone for about a year, I had nothing to do, I didn't know how to make friends. Then I joined a non-profit group and did a lot of volunteer work for them, and made some friends there, and it sort of taught me how to get out and talk to people. It really changed me. So that's what I'd recommend... find a group that needs help, and use your alone time on the weekends to make a difference. If you're religious, find out what you can do for a church. If you're not, go feed the homeless at a kitchen or stack shelves at a food bank. It'll keep you from being alone and getting stuck in your own head about your situation. And while you're truck driving, listen to talk or news radio so you've got interesting things to tell people, that'll help you be more interesting in conversations.

Q: Hi!

I am currently working for a California state agency here in San Francisco. But our company is in the process of making everything digital and paperless by early next year. Because of this the management team warned us that there will be at least 60 overstaff positions once this process has been implemented.

They can't assure us (employees) that there will be no layoffs. Can you please advice me on what's the best thing to do? Do I wait for further announcements? Or should I start job searching externally? Is it still advisable to look for internal job vacancies?

Can you please suggest some good companies to work for here in San Francisco. By the way I'm a Mass Communications graduate. My work experiences are related to customer service, retail,insurance and a little bit of marketing, public relations and advertising. Please advice!

Thank you very much!

Unless you're totally in love with your job and it's 100% stable, you should always have a resume ready to go and have other companies in mind that you'd like to work for. Your job is probably safe, but just the fact that they're threatening layoffs would make me want to look elsewhere, at least see what's out there. It sounds like you've got good experience and education, and changing jobs might help you move up. Browse through your newspaper's career section, post your resume online, and do some research on companies you hear about that might be cool to work for.

Q: okay, so i downloaded GIMP and i really like it, well what i can do with what little i know. does anyone know how to make icons or layouts? im so confused. i know this is hard to explain but i'll rate 5's for anyone who helps!

GIMP is an image program, it doesn't really make "layouts" but once you get good at making images, you can combine them to make layouts. Start with some simple basic tutorials so you learn about colors, tools, layers, etc. and that'll help you get started and learn the rest.

http://www.gimp.org/tutorials/The_Basics/

Q: for a while now i've been thinking that i may have ocd. heres some of the little things i do, and if i don't do them then i want to cry and my stomach starts to hurt and i feel so guilty.
-when i eat something colored, such as m&m's, i have to eat them in a certain order. like all the reds. then all the greens. or red, green, red, green.
-when i lay on my back i HAVE to cross my right ankle over my left.
-when i shoot a freethrow i dribble it 3 times and then spin, drop, spin, drop.
-i have to take out my right contact, then left.
-when i eat noodles, i have to eat three at a time.
-when i eat something i try to eat it in numbers so that when theres quite a few left, the number left is how many letters there are in the name of the guy i like.
-i have to sleep on my left side.
-i HAVE to drink my coke with a straw, even if its in a can.
-i have to put my right rubberband on my braces before i put my left one on.
-i have to straighten the left side of my hair before the right side.
-whenever i pop a pimple, puss has to come out of it. [gross, i know.]
-when i stand, i have to bend my leg so i appear shorter than i really am.
-i save ALL my receipts and put them in order from the date of the receipt.
-i have to save all the little tear off price things from price tags.
-i have to save all my movie tickets and put them in order of the theater i was in.
there's more..but it's hard to explain some of them. do any of you think this could be a sign of OCD? i've told my mom, but she thinks i'm kidding, and it's making me upset. but maybe i'm just overthinking..? what do you think?
♥ megan

You're not OCD, just a little type A. Try to avoid thinking that little quirks about you are diagnosable mental disorders, it marginalizes the people with real issues.

People who suffer from OCD aren't just quirky but really unable to function in a normal world without medication or treatment. We're talking about people who spend 45 minutes dusting one shelf, or wash their hands until they're so dry they bleed, or pack rooms and rooms full of newspapers or napkins. It's rare and very extreme, and generally speaking a lot of people with real mental health issues aren't able to critically thing that they have a problem without outside help.

Q: Hi,

My name is Carosita and I'm 22 years old and heterosexual.

I had an experience with a lesbian friend one night where we both drank too much and we ended up dancing sensually to the song as long as you love me by the Backstreet Boys and that my other friend taped it.

Also, we went me and her to drink coffee and since we were really drunk, she ended up holding my hand all the way.

Ever since that night, I had dreams of kissing her and sleeping with her but I know that I'm not her type and I'm heterosexual cause i still like boys but haven't found the right one.

My question is that whether that experience that night with my friend could have a repercussion on me on whether I could be a lesbian or not

carolina

No, you're not a lesbian. Just like holding hands and dancing with a guy doesn't make you his girlfriend. these are all things you can do with people whether or not you're attracted to them, and a lot of people, especially women, feel fine being affectionate with members of the same gender. And trust me, we all have lesbian dreams every so often!

I think that being openly affectionate with friends is healthy, it means you're willing to relax and have fun and you're not obsessed with finding "the one", and that makes you more attractive to the opposite sex, not less.

Q: I have a really really important question. It's gonna be long,,sorry, but plz answer!! I will rate.

My best friend told me her deepest darkest secret. Her secret was that she was raped by her cousin as a child.(7 yrs old.) He actually had sex with her, but she doesn't think that he "popped her cherry". She didn't really know what was going on...and she told her parents about it and everything when it happend. (we are 14 now) My question is: is she a virgin?

My question is: why do you care? SERIOUSLY! virginity does not matter to anyone but people who want to feel like they're "better" or "more pure" than somebody else.

Her sexual status is nobody's business but her own, and anyone she choses to be intimate with in the future. And in all likelyhood that person won't ask if she's a virgin, he or she will ask what her level of sexual experience is, because these days everyone has different definitions of virgin. It's a term that's been debated enough that it's useless, and not worth considering.

Q: I really like high jump, but Im not that good. I went to nationals this year, but I didnt do so well. Any advice on how to get better??

totally depends on your style and where you're at now. I mean, if you're a 4-6' jumper, that 'getting better' idea is a lot different than if you're a 5-3' jumper.

Listen to your coaches, that's about all I can tell you. They might be annoying sometimes but they know how to make you better. And work hard and get in really good shape, and go to some indoor winter meets before the season starts to get ready for it.

Q: Female - 16

Hi, in my art class at school we are using clay and it really dries out our hands. If I put it on my face where I am oily would it dry it out and make the blemishes go away? What else might happen?

Thankss

I'd try it, I mean, you never know what'll work.

But blemishes aren't caused by oil on the surface of your skin, they're caused by oil under the surface that clogs pores. The fact that the top of your skin is oily is only a symptom of the fact that your body is producing a lot of oil. Personally, I've had cleansers that dried out my skin so much my face went into hyper-oil mode to restore itself, and I ended up with more blemishes, and that might happen to you with the clay. But trying won't kill you, it's non-toxic, so if you feel like it give it a try.

Q: where do they sell cute necklaces? maybe a cute silver one, with a heart? nothing expensive, something less than $50 will do. it doesnt even have to be silver or have hearts, anything trendy and cute and short let me know and give me the store name and pictures maybe please.

=]
alrighty then

froogle.com is good for searching stuff you want to buy.

my favorite sites for cute & trendy:
http://www.pixelgirlshop.com/
http://www.hippychixshop.com/
http://www.purplepinkandorange.com/
http://www.uncommongoods.com/

Q: it's tradition in my school that the seniors make up a senior prank. i'm only a freshman, but i want our senior prank to be remebered FOREVER! i'm just wondering if anybody who is out of highschool could tell me what their senior prank was, and if anybody has any good ideas of a senior prank that is actuallt funny, not destructive, and doesn't cost too much.
thanks in advance.
xo

my senior year the school was doing renovations on one wing of the building. we stole the porta-potty from the construction site and suspended it above the cafeteria with a chain. it was fabulous.

whatever you do, please don't be cruel to animals. people let birds or squirrels loose in schools and that's really mean, the animals will be more freaked out than the people and it's very possible that they'll be injured or killed. it's just not nice.

Q: Ok so I met this guy last week. He's a regular customer at work, he's very good looking, very nice and he asked me out to dinner.
Here's the problem: I can't understand a word he's saying. It was easy to sell him stuff because he would just buy everything I showed him and if he said anything, I'd judge his facial expressions and words and just laugh or or moan accordingly to what he conveyed.
This is where it gets stupid: He's from the United Kingdom. He speeks English but he just has a thick thick British accent that I can't understand. I had to keep saying "What?" when he asked me out and I feel bad, because it must have been pretty embarrasing for him. Usually, I just blame it on the music on the store but what do I do if he calls me on my cell or we're talking at dinner.
I am totally stumped as to what to do. It's not like I can tell him I can't understand what he's saying, I've had people say that to my parents and it's just insulting.
This thing seems to be doomed? Any ideas on what should I do? They should start giving courses in understanding accents.

Concentrate, be sure to watch his lips and don't feel bad about asking him to repeat things or speak slower. I think you'll be fine. I'm in grad school right now, and all my teachers are from other countries, and I hardly ever understand a single thing they say the first two weeks of school. But after enough classes I sort of get used to how they pronounce things and it gets a lot easier, and by the end I barely notice the accent. These are guys who've been in the country for 10 years, so I know they're not changing, it's me, and it's normal, our ears just have to adjust. Spending more time with this person will probably be really good for you, because you'll learn to understand everyone from the UK.

Q: I'd prefer a Christian's (Methodist if possible, but just Christian will do.) opinion since everyone has different beliefs.

I am completely afraid of death. I always think I'm going to die in the night or doing something. And of course, there's what happens after death. I dont just want to "end" but eternal life is overwhelming to me. I mean forever is so long!!!

Everyone has times like this, don't feel bad. Death is scary. Even if you are a devout Christian, death means a huge change, and we're all afraid of change. You're like a new baby, screaming because you've just been born... we all know the baby is about to be wrapped in a warm blanket, fed and taken care of and loved by parents and grandparents and whoever else, but SHE doesn't know that and there's no way for her to understand what's in store, all she knows is that she was perfectly comfortable before all this birth stuff happened.

By the way, I just read a really fantastic book called The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis, about the afterlife. You should check it out. You can read it in an afternoon and I think every Christian should read it, it's got lots of answers.

Q: if i have a Compaq Computer can i purchase a Dell keyboard to use with it? can you cross those 2 brands together or do i HAVE to use a compaq brand keyboard?

Keyboards are keyboards, you can use whichever one you'd like. Personally I wouldn't use a dell or compaq keyboard, I'd go to a computer store and really check them all out, because there might be some better ones out there. Well, that and it's just really fun to go to computer stores!

Q: Hello,

Recently, I have been searching for a dog. I definitley want to go to a breeder or an animal shelter. My question: I do not know what breed to get. I am gone for about six hours a day, so I need a dog that can be alone for some time. I plan on giving it extensive obedience training along with classes. I have a medium yard and when I get home I plan on exercising and spending time with it. I am leaning towards a medium sized dog. It is also important that it does not have a long coat, does not shed that much, because I really don't think I can spend that much time grooming it. (I am prepared to do it once a week.) Do any dog owners or dog lovers have any suggestions of breeds? Thanks!

Please go to an animal shelter. If you go to a breeder you're only encouraging that person to keep breeding dogs, in a world where we're killing others that we can't take care of. There's nothing wrong with shelter dogs, they just don't have homes. Unless you really think they deserve to die from that, you shouldn't leave them there... go check them out, see what they've got, and then go home and research the breeds that are available. Also, shelter dogs are more likely to be mixed breed... purebreed dogs are frequently inbred and have lots of health problems as a result. You'll save on vet bills by skipping the purebreeds.

Q: About half an hour ago my computer switched itself off and refuses to come back on. I'm reasonably sure it's the power supply that's failed. This is the third power supply that has met it's end in my computer. This one's 720w, which i got to replace the 600w one that was showing signs of failure. I got that to replace the one that came with the computer (less than 600w).

My system specs are as follows:
Pentium 4 3.00ghz
1gb ram
nvidia geforce 7300 with 512mb ram
Windows xp home edition

I have 2 hard drives, a floppy drive and a dvd rewriter.

Does anyone have any idea why I'm needing a new power supply every few months? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

weird. I can't even imagine why you need 600W.
are you buying bad cheap power supplies? are you plugging into a good surge protector? is the fan on the power supply blocked with anything? do you blow the dust out of it every so often?

Q: My cell phone has a memory card slot, or I'm pretty sure (it's at the bottom, and rectangular) and I have to get a new cellphone because it doesn't charge anymore. My question is can I buy a memory card and save everything on my phone then put the card into my new phone and have everything? Also, once I get the new phone, does anyone know if my number will change? I have sprint if that helps. Thank you.

It's something that your cell phone provider will do for you when you get a new phone. Unless you've got a really old phone, they'll be able to get your numbers and other information and save it to the one you buy. They'll also be able to transfer the phone number over, it's no problem, even if you switch companies you can keep your phone number the same these days.

Q: im 18 and i have been at my current job for over a year. I recently got a managment position. Before i was offered the position i was ready to leave the job and when i told my parents that i was ready to quit they yelled at me and told me to stay at the job because it will get me somewhere in the future. Ever since i got my promotion they do nothing but say i cant make a living at a job like that and i should search and try to find a better paying one.

they complain that i get every single thing i want but then again i have to buy my own clothes, lunch, Anything i need for school, shoes, personal items. They maybe buy me a soda every now and then (and they complain about having to buy that.)

Having this job for a year should mean i have plenty of money to get the hell out of this house. But i dont because i support myself.

I guess my question is how do i save money and still be able to get the stuff i need?

And any other good advice would be nice.

Well, it never hurts to be looking for a new job. Even people who like their jobs often keep a resume always ready in case a new opportunity comes up.

I know the feeling you get when your parents seem unhappy with you no matter what you do, it's a common one, it's like parents don't even know what they want. They could very well have money problems you don't even know about... having you live with them isn't really great for the utility bill for one thing, and maybe that stresses them out.

Ask them what their goals are. Do they expect you to move out? Do they want you to save money? Do they want you to spend more time at school so you get finished faster, or more time at work so you're more financially independent? It sounds like there are some communication gaps so it might be a weird conversation, but it'll be worth it.

Q: any tips on getting started on your homework? mind tricks to play with yourself or something? i seem to find a way to justify not doing my homework just about everytime...help me help myself.

what works for me is setting a timer. don't be too ambitious, set it for 10-15 minutes, and then force yourself to work for that time.

Q: Eating 1000-1300 calories a day, exercising moderately, and drinking plenty of water, how much weight can I expect to lose every week?

15/f/5'5"/160lbs

That's sort of impossible to answer, it depends on how much you eat now, the type of exercise, the percent of calories you're getting from fat, how much exercise you used to do, all that. Everyone has different metabolism.

A good weight loss diet will have you losing 1-2 pounds per week. Anything more than that and odds are you're not losing fat, so it won't work in the long term, you just have to try your plan and see what happens.

Q: How do you make something a link in your advice column?? Like, in your 'about me' section how do you make it a link for someone to click on?? thnx

On the left side of advicenators under "miscellaneous" there's a link that says "link to us". If you click that link while you're logged in, it'll have codes you can paste that link straight to your advice column, some even with graphics and stuff.

bio

I've been in the advice column over five years now so I think I've pretty much heard it all... the love, the hate, the random insanity. I don't take it too seriously, so I'm not always giving the best advice, but my column is fun to read!

I am a 23 year old electrical engineer, a feminist, a Christian. I don't know everything but I can sure pretend to.

Disclaimer: Now that I'm on advicenators I'm getting even more questions every day. It's fast and easy for me to answer them, yes, so at least I'm answering something now, but if your question contains the words "there's this guy that I like..." chances are I won't get around to it. I'm only answering interesting questions that I haven't answered before. Register at the site and ask everyone for advice if you must have an answer, because if people read my column and boring love advice was all they found, they'd never come back.