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Am I a lesbian or not?
Hi,
My name is Carosita and I'm 22 years old and heterosexual.
I had an experience with a lesbian friend one night where we both drank too much and we ended up dancing sensually to the song as long as you love me by the Backstreet Boys and that my other friend taped it.
Also, we went me and her to drink coffee and since we were really drunk, she ended up holding my hand all the way.
Ever since that night, I had dreams of kissing her and sleeping with her but I know that I'm not her type and I'm heterosexual cause i still like boys but haven't found the right one.
My question is that whether that experience that night with my friend could have a repercussion on me on whether I could be a lesbian or not
carolina
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
No, you're not a lesbian. Just like holding hands and dancing with a guy doesn't make you his girlfriend. these are all things you can do with people whether or not you're attracted to them, and a lot of people, especially women, feel fine being affectionate with members of the same gender. And trust me, we all have lesbian dreams every so often!
I think that being openly affectionate with friends is healthy, it means you're willing to relax and have fun and you're not obsessed with finding "the one", and that makes you more attractive to the opposite sex, not less.
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Just because you have a dream involving another woman doesnt mean you are a lesbian, or rather bisexual. I could imagine that with what seems to be confusion on your part due to that one night, your unconscious mind was having a field-day with it.
What is more important is how you feel about women, towards women, in an everday sense. Not dreams.
I've known several women who started out liking men, began liking women as well, and then had to struggle with their sexual identity. Some still do. More than likely you wont wake up one morning and suddenly have an epiphany. You may very well have to deal with the posibilty of liking men, liking women, or both.
Saying "..and I'm heterosexual because I still like boys..." isn't accurate. You could still like boys and be bi-sexual, liking boys/men doesn't automatically put you in the heterosexual group.
From my experience, many women (and fewer men) become curious and experiment, and while it may not be normal in a mainstream sense, I would say its normal from the viewpoint that you are hardly alone in feeling this way. Some might even argue that this experimentation doesn't actually 'make' you lesbian/gay/bisexual, and I'm not going to touch on that here. At the end of the day, your going to have to be honest with yourself about how you feel.
As for "...whether that experience that night with my friend could have a repercussion on me whether I could be a lebian or not". I've yet to see anyone be 'made' or influenced into changinmg their sexual orientation, though many try to put up a pretty facade. If you end up being attracted to women, I would say it wont be because of this night, but rather, because you are exploring your sexuality and trying to understand your limits and aversions. If someone could be made to be Gay for example, I would have been gay a long time ago with the men that have been attracted to me. As it stands, I know I am straight, and it doesn't bother me /shrug.
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umm. it's never that simple.
You could have always been bisexual or Homosexual.
Or maybe you are straight and just are attracted to this one person.
Don't discard the thought, it may be you are.
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things aren't really that black and white. You can't just be straight, get drunk and kiss a woman and then become gay. It's definitely possible that you are bi but have always thought that you only liked men, probably because that's what you've been exposed to your whole life. I think that at this point, you shouldn't stress so much about figuring out whether you are lesbian or straight, instead just consider yourseld open. For a little while, just consider everyone you see and if you don't deny feelings and fight yourself, you will soon realize who you are attracted to and who you are not. If you meet someone you like, whether it's a man or a woman, try it out and decide from there. Just keep your mind open and try to be in a relationship that will make you happy, once you're happy you'll have a better idea about your sexual orientation.
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It could be that you are lesbian because of your dreams, but it really is up to you. Did you get any feelings of intense affection when your friend held your hands? When you were having those dreams, were you enjoying them? If you did, you are most likely bisexual.
If you have no such feelings for this friend, you simply aren't. Since you were mostly drunk at the time, you have to see by hanging out with her to see if you get any strange emotions centered on her.
Hope I've helped
-Jenny C
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