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hi tara!
ok so im in the middle of a huge disaster with one of my friends. shes been my best friend for a really long time and we've always gotten in fights but have alwyas got over them. this time it was really bad becuase one of my other friends who absolutely hates me best friend decided she wanted to bitch her out online because my friend thought she was stadning up for me. i couldnt stop my friend from doing it and i really didnt want her to but she did neways and so my best friend got really mad and has been telling me she doesnt want to be friends anymore because of what my other friend did. i hate it becuase i want to stay friends with my best friend more than anything and im trying as hard as i can to fix things but shes so stubborn that she doesnt want to make up and try to make it work. im really frsutrated and i need a way for us to become friends again becuase its really upsetting that were in this huge fight. please help (link)
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yikes. your other best friend who bitched out your best friend online sounds a lot like me. i would do something like that. but, lesson learned the hard way - it's not cool... at all. you need to talk to her and tell her that she was wrong for yelling at your other best friend and while you appreciate her loyalty and sticking up for you, this is a fight you have to deal with on your own. she was wrong, but your other best friend shouldnt just stop being friends with you. i mean, its not like you ASKED your friend to yell at her, and its definitely not like you wanted anything to happen. tell your friend that your sorry for what she did and that you still want to be friends. tell her you didnt want your friend to mean to her. apologize first and be the better person. if she doesnt accept, then it becomes HER problem. you did what you could and you were willing to make the friendship work again. if she is too proud to see that, then she has issues.
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this girl that says im her best friend always talks about my other friends behind their back, so i tell them because i dont think its right for her to do that. The other day she was talking about one of my friends named danielle, and so i told danielle this weekend and dnaielle said that my suppose to best friend called me a spoiled brat and a bitch and said that she doesnt hang out wtih me that much because i act stuck up .. but she is always calling me. I talked to the best friend and she siad she didnt say that, but how do i know because she always talks about everyone else to me. What should i do? i rate high!! (link)
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to give you an honest answer, i would ditch this girl. i know it would be hard to just stop being friends with her because shes your best friend. and you don't have to ignore her completely and stop talking to her. just, stop confiding in her. because she is obviously too immature to handle a best friendship. best friends NEVER talk smack about eachother behind their backs. EVER. i believe that everyone deserves a chance to be beleived, so give her the benefit of the doubt this time. maybe she didnt really say those things about you. but if it happens again, you know its time to move on. this friendship is fake. it has no SUBSTANCE. no TRUST or LOYALTY or TRUTH. thats what you want in a best friend. and they're hard to find, beleive me. but when you do find them, its out of this world, and you know they will never intentionally put you down behind your back.
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I am on my friends screen name and i saw your name and your advice column so i decided to read up... i have a question, and be honest. I MASTERBATE CONSTANTLY. not like between classes or something but like atleast onces a day in the shower. should i stop? is it unhealthy? what do girls think of guys that do that sorta think everyday or close to it? (link)
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goodness this is the billionth time someone has asked me a masturbating question.. umm i guess it's normal.. maybe not every day, but hey your choice. personally i think it's sick. but whatevs.. maybe some girls are turned on by it. you want my opinion? im not.
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hey,
i really want a relationship... but like girls dont look at me the same anymore. i had a long relationship with a bitch and like ppl dont even look at me that way anymore. i got've gotten with one girl since and shes nt talking to me anymore.. shes acting like the guy after a hook up and he uses you. its not liek me and my ex broke up liek 2 weeks ago it was 4 months ago. idunno its just like no very fun. i'm use to having some 1 i can talk to every night and stuff andi jstu feel so damn lonely man. i'm not depressed i'm just like alone. i guess its ok though.
(link)
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people dont look at you as wanting a relationship? well then maybe you are giving off an air of hey, back off, i don't need a girlfriend. or maybe you flirt a ton and people don't think your serious when you actually are. ask yourself if you want a girlfriend just cause your used to having one. because thats the wrong reason. sure, everyone craves comfort from their significant other once in a while, but if they dont have one, it makes it all the more special when they finally DO have one. be patient. and if you cant do that, put yourself out there. make yourself seem more available, and not in an "i'm a player" way, because girls are so not attracted to that. don't worry. you'll find the girl you're looking for soon enough.
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tara,
i need help. i get in these moods at night, wherei'm so sad. it's just hard to explain.
i can't stop, being sad, crying, i dont know.
what's wrong with me/ (link)
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i'm not exaclty sure what's wrong with you. my cousin gets upset and lonely at night as a result of bipolar disorder. you could also be depressed. it's a serious thing, so if this is a serious problem you may want to see a doctor. if your upset for a certain reason every night, and its pretty much the same reason, then you need to concentrate on why and how you can get over it. think of happy thoughts and get to the bottom of what EXACTLY is making you feel bad and HOW its making you feel bad.
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tara, since you're so intelligent and all, i need advice. i have this FRIEND...and "shes" has monsterous legs. would it be wise to tell her that her tree trunk legs need lypho? or would that not be a smart thing, cuzs they really are getting out of hand! (link)
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matt.. i could really kill you!!! :-D
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There's this girl named Ashley Barden and she thinks it's funny to make absolutley ridiculous acusations! It's like she thinks she knows what she's talking about when really it was all Kyle's fault, and I had nothing to do with it! So anyway, I think she needs to be taken care of, and I think, you, Tara, can do the job. I mean, she just plain deserves it. (link)
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haha ok erich. i'll deal with her. slap her around a bit.. (though she could probably beat me up) do you know that she kicked me with her HUGE shoe today and nearly killed me?!) since idk kyle.. we can just blame it all on him and call it a day how does that sound.. lol
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omg there are these kids named carl and erich and everyday @ track along w/ douche kyle lol the push me down n make fun of me n i cry... should i beat them up????? or wut.... lol love track grl ;) (link)
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haha beat em up ash beat em up! erich and carl are two kids who need to be put in their place! lol love you track grl
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i try to put a picture on my advise column, but it always tells me "You tried to upload a picture, but it was greater than 15K in filesize so it wasn't uploaded." .. so what do i do? (link)
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post your picture to a picture website, like community webshots or picturetrail. then go the picure you want, copy the URL and paste it into the box that says upload a picture url of you. it'll be less than 15k :-) at least it was for me..
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ok there is this guy name josh and we went out over the summer then broke up a day before school started. I still like him. we havent tlaked in a while but the other day we did a little bit. Last week my friend asked him would he ever go back out with me, and he just smiled. but he has a girlfriend. Also, alst week someone asked him would he ever go out wth this girl name brooke nad he said nnooo .. but he didnt say yes or no when someone asked about me. Then wed. at church, he sat near me but not right next to me .. it went me, his friend murphy(murphy likes me) and then josh and we talked in a group for a little bit. Do you think he still likes me? what should i do? im 14 and female and i need the truth .. please dont just tell me what i want to hear .. i need to hear the truth!
(link)
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well then babe, you came to the right place because i always tell the truth.. whether you want to hear it or not. and in this case its a good thing you want to hear it. you say that he smiled.. which is a good sign. he may still like you. but he has a friend murphy who also likes you. he may not pursue you because of loyalty to his friend, if you know what i mean. that could very easily break apart their friendship, and it's never good to be the girl to get in between that. another reason he may have smiled is because he was thinking back on a good time with you. that doesnt mean he wants to go out with you again. it just means he was happy and it was a good time in his life. for example, say you went to the beach and met this boy. you and this boy like eachother and hang out constantly. but he lives across the country. at the end of your vacation, you are sad to be leaving him, but chances are you will never see him again. and thats ok because you had a good time and you were happy. that boy will always be a wonderful memory, but would it be possible to go back and relive the same dream with the same boy? its not very likely.
you guys went out once, which means you have definite chemistry. and you have liked him for a long time now, so there must be somethign there. but dont get your heart set on just this one guy. there are tons of other ones out there, and your young still! you have plenty of time to date plenty of guys. if this one is really special though, it will work out. and i hope it all goes well for you.
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i live in your neighborhood...and you always give me crap for liking him....now you must know...so can you read what i wrote again and see what can happen?...PLEASE!
~desperate~ (link)
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o. well THAT makes more sense to me. to tell you the truth, and im not trying to be mean, but if you never talk to him it will never work. your too shy. you say you like him a lot.. but do you even know him? really know him? you have to sort of know a person before you can determine if you like him. and to do that you have to actually have a real conversation with him. so start talking to him. THEN you will have a chance.
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I know i just got advice from this...but i still need help
I cant stop thinking about him. I barely ever talk to him, and now i know that he never liked me from the start. but, im almost to a point where i am in love with him. is that strange? hes just sooooo HOT!...sry..but anyway, i know u know who this is, and the kid im talking about is in you're homeroom, so, do you think i have a chance? can you talk to him or something? and who do you think he will end up going out with, cuz i want to know who thinks hes hot, so i can see if i even have a chance..
~desperate~ (link)
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whoah.. i really have no idea who this is. are you in my homeroom too? cause that would help a lot. ok who works at a store in my homeroom.. im racking my brain and coming up empty lol. if you tell me who you are i can talk to him for you..i still think you should slip him your number.. but dont become obsessed with him, thats not too good for your mental health. just take it slow.. talk to him more. if you need more personal help.. you can IM me at xoxicedteexox and then i can help you out.. other than that idk who you are so theres not much else i can tell you.
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Hey! ok so theres this store by my house and this really adorable kid works there. I go about every week , i sound like a stalker but im not lol. ok well this guy is oh my god i cant even explain how beautiful he is lol... he seems really sweet from what i know, ive talked to him a few times also. and today i went and i saw him there i was talking to him and after someone came up 2 me and told me that he was looking at me with this ... puppy dog face and smiling... do you think he would be into me??? i really want to give him my number or something but i never have done that and i dont want to get embarrassed cause i wont be able to ever go to the store again =/ ... ugh, idk... should i give it a shot?? (link)
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i say go for him! write down your name and number on a peice of paper beforehand. then when you see him in the store, slip him the paper with a smile and walk out of the store. make sure you buy something though, so your not just coming in to give him you number and then leaving. don't blush or stammer.. just be casual and nonchalant about it. guys love girls with confidence. if he knows whats good for him, he'll call you the second he gets off work. i think that he really could be into you.you'll never know for sure if you dont take a chance tho, so by all means, go get him girl! good luck.
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so i like this girl, but i dont know how 2 tell her. what should i do or how should i ask her out? (link)
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well, you could always subtly bring it up in conversation. if you guys are friends, you could casually ask, "so who are you into these days?" and if she asks YOU.. you reply by not telling her who exaclty but giving major hints that its her.. and unless she's dense she'll figure it out. if your planning on going straight to asking her out, you could do it in a cute, original way. girls love when guys do this. think of her favorite band or something. their bound to have lyrics that match the way you feel about her. then tell her the lyrics, write them, or if you can sing, sing them to her. even if you can't sing, sing them to her. it's a surefire way to earn brownie points, and to convince her she should go out with you. it takes a lot of courage to tell the person you like how you feel. but once you work up the nerve, go for it. youv'e got nothing to lose. and if she says no, that's ok too. there are plenty of other girls out there who i'm sure would love to be with you. good luck!
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my friend is all mad at me n i dont kno what i did . she left me all knids of messages on the computer. shes a really good friend n i dont want us to get even worse n not talk to each other. i need ur help!!
Sad and worried (link)
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well.. think about it. could you possibly have said or done anything to make her upset? even if it wasnt intended? you may have said something without realizing you upset your friend. if thats the case, ask her what you said or did, and apologize. tell her you didnt realize you had upset her. what kind of messages is she leaving? are they mean messages? do they tell you what you did wrong and why EXACTLY she is mad/ if not, then she is miscommunicating also. ask her why she is mad. let her know that she needs to tell you up front WHAT is making her mad so that you can work it out. her method is slighty immature. let her know that she can come to you if she is ever upset or angry. it's much easier when you work it out without jumping to conclusions and becoming angry first. and its much easier to keep a friendship. ive been in similar situations and ive learned that talking it out is MUCH better than negative confrontation. it gets you nowhere. good luck with your friend.
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ok when i finsih asking my question u will probably kno who i am but o well...
So here is my question..Well I found out that the guy that i like kind of liked me back (which is a definate good thing) and i kept hearing these certain things that he wanted to go out(another good thing) but then yesterday we talked and apparently he never said those things which is fine like i dont really care..but at first when we were talking about it and stuff he was like well maybe and then he turns into this thing where he doesnt like me and likes this other girl..but i mean i really and truly not upset about it cuz i mean its not like we ever had anything to begin with ya kno...
But if he does like another girl how can i get him to like me back again and want me instead of her...
~i want him~ (link)
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huh well you can't "get him" to like anybody or not like anybody. it just doesn;t work that way. he is obviously confused about what he wants. give him some time. if he still choooses the other girl, hes not worth it. you should move on and dont become focused on him. there are so many guys out there who will realize that you are an amazing girl. if i were the guy you like, i would definitely pick you :-) he's just too blind to see how perfect you are. so don;t stress. if hes still too dumb, then move on. you can do better.
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how do i kno if the guy i like is the right one? plezz help (link)
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well.. thats very broad. i beleive that you won't really know until you DO find the right one. you're not going to know who hes going to be, what he looks lk, what his qualities are,etc. you can;t find him by searching. but once you do find him, you'll just KNOW. it will just feel right. it's hard to explain, but you'll see when u find him. and if you have any doubts, it's not him.
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hey tara!
thank you so much for answering my other two questions (not the latest one, but the ones before that). i dont really know you, but you're so sweet! i wish i had a friend like you! :)
but you asked me what i meant by my choice in guys being bad. i don't really wanna say too much, just like...i had a tendency a while ago for being unstable like, mentally. not like crazy crazy, but just not stable. idk, i've gotten to the point where i can hate myself or love myself--and most of the guys that i pick out...i pick out of a need to be loved to be hated. like. i dont know how to explain it without sounding REALLY crazy. just abusive relationships.
like i don't really want to trust my own judgment for a while.
so, i don't know. i see what you mean. i know what you mean. don't flirt with guys. but no one will like me if i don't FLIRT, if i dont ACT in some way. guys or girls--i dont flirt with girls, but i'm more used to hanging out with them, you know? (link)
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no no. i didnt day dont flirt with guys. i just meant not to flirt with THAT one. and actually, it would be cool if you tried NOT flirting. because then a guy will see the real you. a good friend of mine (a guy friend) said that most guys dont like girls who are all over them and flirting. they like a real girl who isnt afraid to show her personality. if you can do that, and just be yourself, you'll attract so many guys. the RIGHT kind of guy for you.
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Hey Tara...i have a question for you...what do you do when your "best friend" has pushed you too far? i mean...my "best friend" and i have known each other for as long as i can remember...and starting about 4th grade our friendship has kind of been off and on. last year and this year we have been back on and i was thinking...ya know...maybe it'll last this time...but nope...i invited her to come on spring break with me months ago. and then...i asked her yesterday if she was allowed to...and she said "no i dont think my mom will let me" then she writes in her xanga that shes going somewhere else with someone else...i dunno what the heck to do anymore! blah i just wanna scream...should i talk to her...forgive her...or just quit being a friend?
-questioning- (link)
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what did she do to "push you too far?" i dont understand that. ok so if your friendship is on-again-off-again.. well thats not really a best-friend type of friendship. maybe she didnt think it was official when you asked her so many months in advance. and when she was asked by another friend, she agreed. she probably said her mom wouldnt let her because she needed time to think about how to break the news to you. i mean, she probably had already agreed to another friend. i would talk to her. tell her how you feel. i wouldn't quit being her friend because it's kind of a silly matter to quit being someones friend over. i mean, "you won't come to spring break with me so i won't be your friend anymore." sounds kind of juvenile and elementary school, doesn't it?
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i'm the same person that wrote the last question
but i guess what i'm trying to say is, she asked this guy out to a big dance and he said yes--and then went with another girl instead. we've told her that he's not worth her time, but she STILL likes him. i don't like him as a boyfriend, but i do want another friend. i'm sick of laying all of my shit on the same two or three people. i need to either expand my horizons or keep everything to myself. i know that it's never ok to like the same guy as your "best friend," but a guy shouldn't ruin a relationship that strong if you have one. just because she met someone first doesnt mean that he can't like me more. plus, if left alone, i would have such horrible taste in guys. at least this way, i know i can get some friends. right? (link)
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ok so this guy is pretty low. your best friend def doesnt need him. but then again, neither do you. of COURSE you can have him as a new friend! making new friends is great! but do you flirt with girls when you make new girl friends? no i didnt think so. so why would you flirt with him? its always good to have people you can trust your problems with. i would go for expanding your horizens a bit. make some new friends! hang out with a new group! its so much fun. and no one can keep everything to themselves.. thats depressing.
but i don't agree with your logic on having friends. what do u mean if you were left alone, you would have horrible taste in guys? do u always go with what your friends say? because if thats the case you need to learn a lesson. be yourself. you dont have to go with what other people think.
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