Imperfectionist's advice column

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Q:
I'm 22 year old female. I have been dating this guy since high school and now I'm a year past graduating college. We have been dating on and off since 2007. I broke up with him in 2009 because I felt I wasn't IN love with him anymore. A year later, we agreed to start a casual sex-only/friends relationship, but that turned into an unspoken transition into dating. I was secretly not exactly happy with dating him exclusively again so I broke it off earlier this year. We spent 3 months apart, and I missed him terribly. I asked him to take me back, but he said he wasn't sure if he was ready to take me back. We accidentally ended up having sex again one night and now we are back into the "unspoken transition into dating". We have talked about moving in together next year, but I'm scared that it's not really what I want. I have jerked around this man I love dearly for so long, but I'm afraid I'm staying in this relationship because I don't think anyone will ever love me like him. I'm scared of hurting him. I'm scared that later I'll regret it. I am secretly in love with someone else, but that situation is hopeless. I feel like an awful person day in and day out, but I couldn't stand the thought of hurting him again. What should I do?

Of course you should break up with him, not to be the b*tch here but if you know you love someone else, you don't want to be with him, and you know you are wasting your time you should have been dumped him. You are being selfish and you are leading him on. You said you are in love with someone else right? So imagine if you started seeing that person and they secretly wanted someone else and was still acting like they wanted a future with you but knew they really didn't and even knew they were leading you on? You say you can't stand the thought of hurting him but you two are bound to break up at some point if this is how you are feeling so either way he is going to get hurt whether you tell him you don't want to be with him or he starts to realize you don't and starts to become insecure about himself and the relationship because you didn't have the guts to tell him.

Q: hi i am rossy.....i am 18 years old....yesterday my gf 15 years old........was giving me blowjob and accidentally she swallowed the sperm.........now my question is will this make her pregnant?........and how can i make sure that she is not pregnant??.....please i need urgent answer.......i am very much tensed

You can not get a girl pregnant by her swallowing her sperm, or a lot of guys around america would be freaking out especially porn stars.

Q: What do u talk about during a slow dance?

I tend to go for the most awkward sexual things to say during a slow dance. Great icebreakers. Just ask them if they've ever let ice cream melt down to their genitals. They might propose right there.
JK.
Anyway, well. Really? There isn't a specific things to talk about during a slow dance it's like normal conversations just talk about things similar or random things. Maybe mention that you like the song or they dance well. Or it's a nice dance.

Q: I have this crush on a girl that i really like. But i get the feeling she likes somebody else, how do i make her like me?

Well truth is you can't make anyone like you, you can change your personality to the one someone likes or even change your appearance to the one someone likes but in the end that wouldn't be you they like. Just keep being yourself and if she comes around, she comes around. And if she likes someone else you can't really change that. Just keep doing your thing because even if she doesn't like you, best believe someone even better will come around who does.

Q: I wasn't really sure what category to put this in, but I guess it's kind of a pet question...
So, I've decided to write a story about a homeless black cat (I have a black cat, so she inspired me), but I don't know what to name her. The name is probably going to be the title, so I need something that really stands out. In other words, I need a name for a female black cat (And please, nothing like 'cutie' or 'brownie' or anything like that) that sounds kind of sweet and simple. Thank you!

Uhm... total dork moment Luna. like the Sailor Moon cat.
but that is totally not original so probably not that.
When I think of black cats i think of mysterious withdraw something kind of like a southern name you'd find in those witchcrafty areas in Louisiana.
Ambrosia
Amielean or Adelalean... probably not how you spell that name though.
Belladonn or Belladonna or even Isabelle, Isabella
Renee
Louisee
Celeste
Deliah
Felicia
Rosa lynn.. actually a lot of Lynn names like Anna Lynn Emma Lynn

but yeah I know those are more human like names but those are what I got.

Q: He keeps mentioning the devil and stuff and it's scary. He told me to make a deal with the devil and I just got creeped out... I don't really want to talk to him about it because I might just stop talking to him overall. Should I?

omg I just loled so hard at what k3857 said. Oh my lord. Okay caught my breath ANYWAY. The kid might have problems or maybe he is just joking or honestly maybe he knows it creeps you out and is enjoying it. Dark sense of humor. No big. Just ignore it and go on about your life unless he tries to sacrifice you ... then you might have a problem.

Q: My mom saw my self-harm scars and told my dad.. Well he called me an attention-seeker. He doesn't know what I go through and why I do it and I don't want to tell him. What do I do?

P.S. Please don't tell me to get professional help or anything like that. Thanks

...You're dad is a dick. (I said it.) Instead of trying to talk to you about it or trying to help you, he called you an attention seeker. I'm not even sure I want to know what other kinds of things he says to you. But cutting really is bad honestly, I get the whole needing to inflict that pain on yourself... it making you feel better but in the end it doesn't change anything. It's only a temporary fix for that moment. It just becomes a scar, a bad memory, a thing to remind you of those horrid thoughts you had at that moment. You may not want professional help but you should talk to somebody and since your mom seems to care, try talking with her first.

Q: I am 13 and I look like a zombie crossed with a nerd. My under eye circles come from genetics and allergies, and are more extreme than you would assume. (Havent seen anyone with worse) I got glasses and I look a lot more attractive since they hide them a bit, but now I look like a nerd. My hair is medium length and boring, my teeth are yellow, my eyes are small, and my nose is big. I know that there is lots of makeup I could use to fix this, but I'm not allowed to. What can I do to look more attractive?

For one thing about the glasses, totally get that especially when it comes to the nose because it's why I never wore mine made my nose look bigger and made me look nerdy. With that being said look into different types of glasses, if you find a real good pair you can find ones that bring out your features a lot more. For the under eyes, you can definitely try a lot of remedies, I heard teabags work pretty good. But even increase your intake of water, drinking a lot of water (even though it's disgusting looooool at least to me) can help with skin imperfections like uneven tones, under eye circles, and a lot of other stuff. It can also give you tht natural dewy glow makeup is suppose to. And if you wear makeup try concealer, if you can the green concealers.

Q: I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet. I have a job, where I've worked for over a year. Next door to my job is a shop, and the owner of the shop offered me a job. I accepted the offer, and therefore had 2 jobs. I only had the job at the shop for 2 days. This is why.

My first day, the manager of the shop ("Ashley") told me that she has been having sex with my manager at my other job ("Jake") in the back office of her shop. Jake just had his 3rd child with his wife. During the shift, she left me in the store alone for 20 minutes so that she could mess around with Jake in his car. During this time, a customer wanted to check out, and I did not know what I was doing. I had to call Ashley to come back in, and after she rang up the customer, she went back out to Jake's car. When she returned, it was time to lock the door and close the shop. She told me we would not do the regular closing duties because it was already 9:00pm.

My second day, I worked alone from 1-9pm. When I went in at 1, another associate told me that I get a 15 minute break, and to just lock the door to the shop and put a sign on the door saying "Be back in 15". So that's what I did.

I got a call from Ashley the next morning asking why I took a break, and told me that we don't take breaks and lock the shop during business hours. I told her that another associate told me otherwise. I was told that I was going to get written up. The day after that, I was called and told that I was terminated and that it was "out of her control, corporate just told her to."

I contacted corporate and explained that I was not trained properly due to Ashley leaving to mess around with a guy, and that she has had sex with him in the back office twice. I also told them that I was told to take a break by another associate. I explained that I should not be written up or fired for this.

My question is: am I wrong for doing this? The shop owner and I have gotten drinks before, and I don't want her to lose her job, but at the same time, I'm not going to let her or the business fire me for nothing.

Nope, it wasn't wrong. She should be doing her job instead of spreading her legs for a married man and then blaming her associates when something goes wrong to cover her own arse. Don't feel bad one bit, but you might want to look for another job because there is a chance she might help you try to get fired from the other job if she finds out you told on her or even thinks you did.

Q: Now please don't criticize too harshly, I'm already insecure enough. But I feel like I was meant to be born a guy. And that being born a girl was a mistake. I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but I want to be who I think I was meant to be. Am I sane...? :\

(Sorry, didn't know what other category to ask this.)

No. You are not crazy. Do you know what transgenders are? If not, go look them up. They are people who feel like they were born in the wrong body, sexuality aside it's mostly about gender. Because there are FTMs, in otherwords a female who got a male sex change, that like guys. and even girls. Being a transgender is all about what you define yourself. And people may call you crazy or even say it's a birth defect or something to do with the way the brain is set up, for me personally I just think it's a soul thing (Like your soul was put into the wrong body and it feels odd, left out, alone, scared even beyond depressed because it knows it's in the wrong body)

Q: I have a friend named Sarah we've been friends for about a year now. She has a guy named John she's never been boyfriend with but has liked for a year now too. John and her both hook up with other people and not just eachother. Last week she heard from someone me and John had hooked up before drunkenly we made out. I do not remember this at all. Also it happened 10 months ago when she was actually still kind of seeing her ex boyfriend. She also hooked up with a guy I dated and lied to me about it but she's somehow trying to turn ppl against me. She did the same thing to me and everyone's mad at me right now because her and John have been good lately. Did I do anything wrong?

Honestly, if she can't be a woman about it by just talking to you about it and instead decides she is going to play the manipulate and blame game... Eff her friendship. She isn't worth it. She's a fake b-word. I'd say excuse my french but it's the truth. And she hooked up with a guy you dated and even lied about it too yet still has the nerve to be mad at you for supposedly hooking up with a guy she was just f-buddies with?! which if you don't remember and there is no proof, how does she even know. It's stupid. Forget the girl. Forget the get. Forget it all, it's not worth it and she isn't a good friend or a real one for that matter.

Q: Hi everybody, I haven't been on here in a long time! But I am now in real need.. So here's the story..
I'm 23 years old, I go to college, and I have a boyfriend that I've been with for almost a year. My boyfriend, code-name 'Justin' is a really great guy. Any girl would be so lucky to have him. He's kind, he doesn't get mad easily, he cares and really tries to make me happy, he holds my hand when we walk and tells me he loves me everyday. (Just writing this I feel like a complete ass). So Justin lives in a city that is about a 45 minute drive from me. Every weekend for the last year he has driven down here and stayed with me. I adore him and we've even talked about getting married, both of us are convinced we've found 'the one'.
And the only thing I can complain about is that he isn't really into sex enough.. He loves sex, but he never initiates it, its always me. So its lacking a little bit in that department. But here's where it gets rocky.. I have been on hormonal birth control for 7 years, since I was 16. I recently realized that it was causing my anxiety to be worse and that is why I had been suffering with it for so long. So I came off the medication and that is when my body and feelings started going crazy. They say it takes 1-3 months to level out to normal. I read that the birth control will suppress sex-drive, which is true, I was always kind of indifferent. But they didn't say that once off it, the sex-drive would come back with a vengeance!! I mean its been BAD!! I can't stop thinking about sex, anytime I SEE someone of the opposite sex I think about it. But here's the problem.. 3 weeks ago I was looking for a room for rent and found the one I live in now. A super nice little house with a really nice and really cool guy. For this post I'll call him 'Mark'. Mark and I play video games and watch movies almost every afternoon after school and work. We laugh a lot and joke and have fun. Last week, I tried to set him up and brought a single friend of mine over who he had mentioned before that he thought was cute. So we were hanging out and ended up the 3 of us in our underwear laughing and watching TV. Shortly after she had to go home because she worked in the morning. Mark and I proceeded to get naked and hang out in our livingroom. Nothing happened, we just were flirting and made up a 'naked monday' rule in our house, as a joke but you know what I mean. Then we went to our separate rooms and went to sleep.
Last night, Halloween, we were watching TV and he decided Halloween is now a naked holiday in our house and jokingly tried to get my clothes off. I went with it, I won't deny I always thought he was attractive and my hormones are still totally out of whack. I mean, I just walk by my roommate and catch a whiff of his cologne and my legs start shaking and I just want to jump his bones, even though I do love my Boyfriend. I just want sex, without the feelings, just sex. All of this isn't helped by the fact that my boyfriend and I have been arguing for the past couple of days..
So last night, one thing led to another and I had sex with Mark. It was just sex, no feelings, and now I feel terrible for cheating on Justin. I feel like the best thing to do is act like it never happened, don't tell Justin and just move on and try to forget about it. I feel like if he made a mistake like that, and he felt terrible for it and never wanted to do it again, that I would rather not know about it. Something like that is never forgiven.. What should I do? I feel like a complete ass for doing that to him, and I'm afraid I have put our relationship in jeopardy, a relationship and quite honestly potential marriage. I just cheated on my future husband.. ='[
Please don't say anything mean, I feel bad enough, I just want to know what I should do now..

Well no matter what you are going to have to tell "Justin" what you did. Just put yourself in his shoes really, how would you feel if you find out if he had an opposite sex roommate (which I'm surprised didn't bother him) and you found out he cheated on you with her? If you care about him as much as you say that thought should have hurt a bit. Now even though that probably made you really not want to tell him imagine now if you found out He cheated with that roommmate and never told you and you found it another way. It would hurt a lot more. Believe me I've been on the other end of that stick. Knowing someone cheating on you from them instead of someone else hurts a lot less. And from you telling him there is a better chance of you working it out, see where you can go from there. But pillwise with the whole b.c. thing if you guys can work it out eff the whole him initiating sex thing if you want it go for it. send him a text like i just wannna ride your weewee for hours, who cares (i hate the p-word). And try to get him more open bit by bit. everyone has a huge inner pervert, some just got to be drawn out. and probably best to get away from that roommate I can tell you if you guys work it out, you living with that same roommmate will be a HUGE issue.

Q: Why are people in college so shallow? Why is every girl obsessed with having a boyfriend instead of being good at something or being intelligent. I am deeply invested in my school studies because I love what I am studying and predict it will be a life-long passion. I just feel so left out.

Don't feel left out about it, and it's not just high school. Depending I guess where you live at, the whole girls being obsessed with having boyfriends thing is not unusual. It is definitely good though that you are focused on your studies and see where you are going for life and even going for it. But just don't forget to have fun once in awhile whether it's taking a guy up on a date or spending time with some girls who aren't obsessed with guys, because they do exist. Or even befriend some guys, the best part about guy friends is a lot less drama.

Q: ok i know this isnt exactly your subject but i just wanna know the answer to a simple question: is theater an elective?

It depends on the way your school is set up. Each school District is set up differently.

Q: Summer is coming and I have to go to Busch Gardens for an orchestra competition. Right now I go to a hair salon every two weeks to get my hair flat ironed. But if my hair gets wet it's gonna frizz into an afro. My mom wants me to get braids, but I want my hair to flow. Is there anyway I can have both somehow? (btw I'm black (not to be races) and my hair is naturally curly)

My hair is naturally curly too (i'm half black), you can always wear a swim cap if you are going in water, but wear a shower cap underneath. Got to double it up. But you could always get braids too, probably be easier.

Q: How do you take clips that others posted to You Tube and turn them into MP3 files you can play in ITUNES or similar programs?

A friend told me there are programs on the Internet for free but I really don't want to download anything that could have malicious software possibly attached.

Also, all of my Itunes files are MP4 how do I convert to MP3 easily? I'm sharing them with a friend using a flash drive.

You can download Youtube downloader. You can copy and paste the link into it and it downloads it to your computer and then you can click convert and it convert to any format, I think you can even use it to convert Itunes.

Q: Whats a Good Friendship song for two girls that have been friends forever and one of them moved away

I'll be right here by Miley Cyrus. Not really a Miley Cyrus fan, but still a good song.

Q: Okay well me and my girlfriend had sex like 5 days agoa
and she wasnt on any pill but after i checked tge condom and it had a really smallbhole that i couldnt evn see near the tip not direcly like 5 cm below. I did not cum in her and i didnot pre cum either. Can you please tell me what are the chances of her getting pregnant. Please help right away.

Slim to none, if you didnt cum in her, nor precum either.

Q: Okay, so I'm a senior, I'm still not sure if I even want to go yet. If I do I would want to bring my girlfriend, the thing is, is that she's a freshman. I really like her, and it's not like I'm 18 and she's 14, I'm 17 and she's 15. Would it be awkward if I took her to prom?

How awkward can it be, she's already your girlfriend, unless you've been hiding your relationship it won't be shocking anyway.

Q: is it weird to be a straight woman and wanting a sex change to become a man so you can be with another man?

i just always felt that I was in the wrong body, that I don't belong in a female body. And I'm also extremely uncomfortable with my body.

is this normal?

Is it normal? I don't know if I would consider it normal but it happens to a lot more people than you probably think. The fact that you want to be with a man that doesn't really matter. You like who you like but if you are so uncomfortable with your body that you really are considering a sex change, go learn about it. Do some research, talk to some doctors, join some forums. It's a hard process for most people, and transgenders go through a lot of shit just to be allowed to feel themselves. Excuse my french but it's true. Not only do you have to deal with all the medical crap which isn't free or cheap, but you have to deal with the way people treat you and people can get violent towards them. Good luck with everything though.

bio

Hi, thanks for coming to my column.

The name is Diamond but Dia is fine.

20, female, jersey girl at heart. mixed race taurus natured woman.

So...the reason I made this was during the start of my senior year of high school I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of fighting and didn't see the reasons to fight. It was a random stranger that made me realize I would be stupid to take my life and to stop fighting.

So if you think I'm going to tell you life gets easier, I'm not. Let's face it, it doesn't get easier. Through pain you get stronger and learn to open your eyes to those things that give you strength to live.

Mine happen to be music, writing, dr. pepper, anime, the color black, the way rain sounds, and an amazing boyfriend. What gives you strength to live?