|
I cheated with my roommate. What do I do??
Hi everybody, I haven't been on here in a long time! But I am now in real need.. So here's the story..
I'm 23 years old, I go to college, and I have a boyfriend that I've been with for almost a year. My boyfriend, code-name 'Justin' is a really great guy. Any girl would be so lucky to have him. He's kind, he doesn't get mad easily, he cares and really tries to make me happy, he holds my hand when we walk and tells me he loves me everyday. (Just writing this I feel like a complete ass). So Justin lives in a city that is about a 45 minute drive from me. Every weekend for the last year he has driven down here and stayed with me. I adore him and we've even talked about getting married, both of us are convinced we've found 'the one'.
And the only thing I can complain about is that he isn't really into sex enough.. He loves sex, but he never initiates it, its always me. So its lacking a little bit in that department. But here's where it gets rocky.. I have been on hormonal birth control for 7 years, since I was 16. I recently realized that it was causing my anxiety to be worse and that is why I had been suffering with it for so long. So I came off the medication and that is when my body and feelings started going crazy. They say it takes 1-3 months to level out to normal. I read that the birth control will suppress sex-drive, which is true, I was always kind of indifferent. But they didn't say that once off it, the sex-drive would come back with a vengeance!! I mean its been BAD!! I can't stop thinking about sex, anytime I SEE someone of the opposite sex I think about it. But here's the problem.. 3 weeks ago I was looking for a room for rent and found the one I live in now. A super nice little house with a really nice and really cool guy. For this post I'll call him 'Mark'. Mark and I play video games and watch movies almost every afternoon after school and work. We laugh a lot and joke and have fun. Last week, I tried to set him up and brought a single friend of mine over who he had mentioned before that he thought was cute. So we were hanging out and ended up the 3 of us in our underwear laughing and watching TV. Shortly after she had to go home because she worked in the morning. Mark and I proceeded to get naked and hang out in our livingroom. Nothing happened, we just were flirting and made up a 'naked monday' rule in our house, as a joke but you know what I mean. Then we went to our separate rooms and went to sleep.
Last night, Halloween, we were watching TV and he decided Halloween is now a naked holiday in our house and jokingly tried to get my clothes off. I went with it, I won't deny I always thought he was attractive and my hormones are still totally out of whack. I mean, I just walk by my roommate and catch a whiff of his cologne and my legs start shaking and I just want to jump his bones, even though I do love my Boyfriend. I just want sex, without the feelings, just sex. All of this isn't helped by the fact that my boyfriend and I have been arguing for the past couple of days..
So last night, one thing led to another and I had sex with Mark. It was just sex, no feelings, and now I feel terrible for cheating on Justin. I feel like the best thing to do is act like it never happened, don't tell Justin and just move on and try to forget about it. I feel like if he made a mistake like that, and he felt terrible for it and never wanted to do it again, that I would rather not know about it. Something like that is never forgiven.. What should I do? I feel like a complete ass for doing that to him, and I'm afraid I have put our relationship in jeopardy, a relationship and quite honestly potential marriage. I just cheated on my future husband.. ='[
Please don't say anything mean, I feel bad enough, I just want to know what I should do now..
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well no matter what you are going to have to tell "Justin" what you did. Just put yourself in his shoes really, how would you feel if you find out if he had an opposite sex roommate (which I'm surprised didn't bother him) and you found out he cheated on you with her? If you care about him as much as you say that thought should have hurt a bit. Now even though that probably made you really not want to tell him imagine now if you found out He cheated with that roommmate and never told you and you found it another way. It would hurt a lot more. Believe me I've been on the other end of that stick. Knowing someone cheating on you from them instead of someone else hurts a lot less. And from you telling him there is a better chance of you working it out, see where you can go from there. But pillwise with the whole b.c. thing if you guys can work it out eff the whole him initiating sex thing if you want it go for it. send him a text like i just wannna ride your weewee for hours, who cares (i hate the p-word). And try to get him more open bit by bit. everyone has a huge inner pervert, some just got to be drawn out. and probably best to get away from that roommate I can tell you if you guys work it out, you living with that same roommmate will be a HUGE issue.
]
If I were you, I'd come clean. It probably will put the relationship in jeopardy. But I mean, it's real, you did it and he really should have a reason not to trust you.
Be prepared for him to possibly end the relationship. Even though you care for him, you didn't care enough to control your urge to have sex with someone else, someone you don't even have feelings for.
So he does have the right to know, in my opinion.
There is a chance that he might forgive you, it might take time, but it's possible.
If you stay with him without telling him the truth, that potential marriage is already starting out with lies.
I'd also suggest that if you do plan to stay with your boyfriend, move out. Don't live with the guy you slept with. A lot of people have rules when they live with someone is to not sleep with them, because that can cause a lot of problems.
There truly is no excuse for cheating. Getting off birth control and craving sex, even though that really sucks, it isn't an excuse to have sex with anyone you look at. And even though you two have been fighting, it doesn't mean that you can just jump on another guy.
I'm sure you know all this. It just sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that it wasn't that bad because of how you were feeling, how your relationship is going, and that you have no feelings for this other guy. When/If you tell your boyfriend, don't start giving these excuses because it will make him think that it's possible for you to do it again.
Like in his mind, if you guys got in a fight, it's possible for you to cheat again. Or if something happened with your hormones again, it's possible for you to cheat again.
I don't wanna make you feel bad. You made a mistake and you learned from it. But in my opinion, it's best to tell him and face the consequences.
]
You're gonna have to come clean. I've heard people saying "ignorance is bliss" and "it'll just start a fight." That's no way to maintain a relationship. It should be built on trust and honesty. Personal experience time: my girlfriend left for a week about 3 years ago. We have had issues with a stagnant sex life and still do today. I slept with another woman when she was out of town. I came clean as soon as she came back. Things were rocky, and we weren't certain of our future. However, she has explicitly stated that the only reason we stayed together is that I told her directly and immediately, instead of her finding out on her own. We've built that trust back in the years since.
You need to tell him, and soon. You're also going to have to move out of that house. There is no way he's going to be ok with you still living there. Even if he breaks up with you, if you have any faith that the relationship could possibly be rekindled, you need to move out. It's not good for you emotionally anyhow.
It'll be rough, but it's the right thing to do.
]
More Questions: |