Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29766
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my cat used to love me soooooooo much and now she is like all biting me and scratching me, i gave her some space and i havent bothered her in a long time. her name is angel. please help me i love her sooo much! response ASAP!! its an emergency! (link)
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She might well be hurting somewhere. Animals often set about you when they are, even when you're trying to help. Does she tend to hide herself away in corners and withdraw from you? Is she off her food, or looking out of form? Eyes look a bit 'sunken in' to her face? if you're getting many yes answers to these you should see a vet soon as possible. Could be anything, a bite from another cat turned to an abcess, somewhere you can't see? Vets are like doctors, they've seen it all and can fathom out the problem very quickly most of the time.
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I just started cutting myself... I wanna stop but nothing helps me feel better. what should I do? (link)
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Hi there! This one is so difficult to answer. Listen a minute and try to understand? OK, it doesn't really solve anything. And it will very likely leave some nasty scars. But when you do it, it provides a sort of relief from your anxieties and fears? Kind of liberating? Comforting? It's what psychologists, or counsellors (however you want to describe them) call a 'coping mechanism'. That's not complicated or difficult to understand, it just means it's something you do to 'help you cope with' (or handle, or deal with) your stresses and worries. We all have theses worries. You, me and everyone. And we all need to find a way to cope with them. Do you know the best way to do that? It's by clearly identifying just what they are. Then being very strong and facing up to them, head-on. Once we do that we eventually get to the end of that long, hard road. We accept them. And they cannot hurt us again. How about starting being strong today? When you feel like you want to cut yourself, tell yourself "No. I know what this is all about. I'm not a victim, I'm not giving in to you today". Try to find someone close. Someone you trust and love. And start opening-up. Telling them your fears, how you cut yourself, how it makes you feel. Try to get it all out. You won't do it all at once, it will be a day-by-day thing. Defy the urge to cut yourself. You might fail sometimes and do it. Say "OK, you win this time...but I'm stronger than you. And getting stronger. And I will beat you". Be very brave and strong. You will get there. Best wishes...and don't give up.
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Ok I'm been thinking that I'm going to die with a terrible disease and fear I'm going to be sick or lost a part of my body I'm crying everyday please help...my body hurts and my hair falls freaks me out because I think I have a terrible disease I always thought you could only die at an old age or for a serious illness It's possible to die without a disease and. Die old? I mean my great grandma lived 100 years could walk was healthy her story is weird she died while she fell in the floor I mean it was fast o blood she just died...please help me I even have had suicidal thoughts I want it to stop please im crying... (link)
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Being concious of our own mortality, and a fear of dying is of course a natural human thought. But wise old nature gives us a sort of mental 'inter-lock' that keeps us from contemplating and dwelling on the fact, undeniable as it is and lets us function 'normally' as it were. And get on with the act of living, day-by-day. We could discuss this for a very long time, but I won't bore you. The fact that this thought is strongly forcing it's way into your mind, and too regulalry is almost certainly a symptom of SOME OTHER UNDERLYING fear or anxiety. Or a response to some trauma you have not fully resolved yet. Try to look beyond the fear of death...what's really under your skin? What issue is really worrying you? And how could that translate into a fear of age, death and disease? Do a bit of self-analysis. Some thoughts? Are you still quite young, early teens? Maybe feel that you a growing-up a bit too quickly...feeling that the adult world is now pressing on you? Was the unexpected death of your seemingly healthy relative a real shock to you and your family? Is there some other experience in your childhood that you think may have caused the fear of illness and death to surface now...some bad experience or event, a trauma that you never really 'got your head around' at the time? Did a schoolfriend unexpectedly die young, and it affected you more deeply than you felt at the time? If so, how about dragging the issue out into the light now and facing it head-on, talk it through with your mum maybe, or another relative? Try to tackle it at the root. The root, like the root of a plant can be hidden away, burried and you might have to dig deep to find it. Take my ideas as a guideline only, not solid reasons. YOUR reason will be unique to you in many ways. Good luck in your search. x
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Hey..
I have a question to ask.I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. Problem is,I don't feel that chemistry anymore.
We used to hang out at least once a week and over the weekends too.That has changed to him being busy all the time leaving us limited or even no time together.
We would text or call,but that has changed to upto three days of no communication unless it's liking each other's posts on facebook.
It has gotten to the point where I feel like it's one-way. It's like anything that needs to happen has to be my effort. Sometimes it works but sometimes he ends up cancelling.
I know they say that at this point my boyfriend needs space..or he may be contemplating a break-up..or he may be cheating e.t.c.. I've heard it all and it's hard to relate to it because I just don't get any coldness or any of those negative feelings from him.He actually apologizes for it at times like when I get emotional.I do give him his space at times e.g I don't call too often and I don't get naggy and pushy with him.
So my question..where do I go from here? Is it time to reconsider this relationship?Are there any signs I may be missing?What is the best approach that will give me an answer,good or bad? (link)
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Hi there. Chemistry is indeed often the key issue. I'll cut the waffle but we do have a 'bonding hormone' called oxytocin. When we 'fall in love' we produce much more of it. It creates a 'loved-up' feeling and makes us focus on one person (our partner, hopefully!) to the exclusion of others. A sort of 'tunnel vision'. (At normal levels we are more 'open to offers' romantially speaking). After a while (and you're in the zone) the levels begin to return to normal. You do NOT necessarily 'fall OUT OF love' with the person. Far from it. But you do begin to notice other things and other people more again. It should have done it's job...you should have formed a strong pair-bond and the relationship has moved on to a deeper, more sustainable level. Unfortunately, it can expose the fact that the IS NO deeper level with this person, then the relation may well start to show cracks. I don't want to 'de-mystify' love. The affinity, the sharing of oneself can be strong, real and the most wonderful feeling we can experience. But I hope a little extra light might help you weigh-up the state of play of YOUR relationship?? Best wishes.
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18/f/New Zeland
Ok, I have had one bf before but tbh I am inexperienced with guys.At my work there's this guy (27)who comes in to the back as he's related to the manager.
He's known for flirting with the teenagers who work there-they've since left. It's quite obvious he likes me (making jokes and things).
But my question is not related to my situation, its more general. Why do males generally find younger girls attractive/desirable? Because to me it doesn't make sense-I mean what's attractive about a girl that lives with her parents and stuff who is 10 years younger??
(link)
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Hi. Lots of 'power and control' dynamics discussed in your answers. Lots of 'inadequate older men choosing younger women because women of their own age see through them' stuff. Would like to add a little balance if I may? Sometimes we feel a spontaneous and true affinity with, and attraction to people and have no idea why, or why it is so strong. All we know is that it is there. Age gaps are an 'easy target' to shoot at, they are so completely undeniable. Other incompatibilities are harder to pin down, and are usually about personal preferences, life-style etc. If your situation WAS the real issue it's quite possible that he would feel the same insecurities, maybe NOT choosing you as someone he could easily feel in charge of at all? Maybe thinking...'I'm too old, I know it...she would much prefer a teenaged boyfriend. What could she find attractive in me?' And yet, that feeling of connection is still there, and it's strong, and it's real. You might think about this scenario too, as well as the power & control side. Few real-life situations are two-dimensinal. And there is no 'general case'....all cases are particular in one way or another. That is why we have the power of judgement & decision. Take care.
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14/f and I've been realizing that Im super itchy on like the flat part of my privates where all the pubic hair grows.. i do shave that area and i think a razor mightve irritated the area because its always itchy and i looked the other day ans theres a buncj of red spots like a rash.. im not going to a doctor but what do i do? (link)
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Definitely a spot of 'razor-rash' I'd say. Don't know if you use foam and a razor or an electric one. Could try a 'sensitive skin' (aloe, or some soothing balm in it) shaving foam, a brand-new and very sharp disposable razor each time, and always move it in the direction of the hair growth, never against it. Rinse all traces of the foam off afterwards and dap it dry rather than rub away at it with the towel. Should make you feel less itchy. The skin will begin to feel less sensitive if it's regulalrly shaved and exposed, at first it can be a bit tender. Might look at waxing some time in the future, some women prefer it. Razor-rash can look a bit like a scary skin complaint, and scratching will only make more 'red dots' but it's not. In general, if you wet-shave the more 'nice' and comfortable it feels when you're doing it, the less likely you are to irritate the skin. That's what you're aiming at. Blunt razors don't half pull and snag at you, and a less than razor-sharp razor is a common offender!!
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I'm male/18. Recently graduated high school. The first half of high school was kind of depressing. But then things started to get fun and more positive. Recently, it seems the happier I become, the more and more I fear death. It used to never bother me, but now it gives me the chills, as if I'm just realizing it. I know I'm young, but all the time I spend with friends, family, my band, my girlfriend, I can't handle the fact that it will all end, and that there might not be anything afterwards. No music, no love, no pleasure, no people. It's really scary if we just cease to exist completely. People might say, if you're dead, you won't feel anything. But that's the thing, I want to feel, and experience. I am atheist, I do not believe in any gods, but I do consider the possibility of an afterlife. Although I cannot know of anything beyond this life, I do know one thing is certain. All I know, is that I'm experiencing. But I do not know what exactly I'm experiencing. Now, if the physics and building blocks of the universe allow me to experience consciousness once, and these building blocks cannot be destroyed, wouldn't that imply the possibility of remaining conscious? Or being conscious in another form? Either way I see the alternate as a possibility as well, that it just fades to nothing. Maybe I can't just face the reality that it might just happen. Either way, its been bothering me lately. (link)
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Being an atheist does somewhat preclude the possibility of an after-life in an unearthly paradise, so we'll take that out of the picture. OK, we differ from all the other animals by being conscious of our own mortality. An animal will of course take steps to defend it's life against a predator or threat...but that's not the same thing. Quite possibly the awareness of our own mortality is a function of us having a complex and sophisticated language and nothing more? The idea of consciousness existing without a living brain is akin to the thought that digestion could occur without a stomach. Digestion is a process, the stomach is an object but there is a mutual dependency. The same with thoughts and the brain. Some of the more gloomy German philosophers have mused that since we know we will ultimately cease to exist, how and why on earth does a man bother living, and continue to make plans, and have ambitions at all? One theory is that humans are merely carriers of genetic 'code' and live only to pass on that code to the next generation. For the species to thrive and multiply, and colonise. Since genes cannot do anything other than replicate themselves, keeping perhaps random mutations that benefit the species, dropping those that do not, then perhaps in that way we are immortal? Our genes are in fact as old as mankind then? Is that why we tend to like a roaring log fire in our house...it speaks to that age-old 'code'...preserved from the time when fire meant warmth, light, safety and security? I don't know of any other 'immortality'. True, matter and energy are 'conserved quantities' (we can not create or destroy either on earth, perhaps anywhere in the universe either?). Only convert their state. Possibly another kind of 'immortality' if you stretch it a bit. But surely not a conscious one? This is a massive question, and there are myriad theories in answer. Really, I believe all we have to do, the only 'decision' we have to make day-to-day is how we use the time we are given. And let infinity worry about itself! Nice to chat with a thoughtful and obviously intelligent young man though...good luck in your own personal search for meaning. Some find it in religion or spritual/mystical places. The desire for 'something more'. I'd say take a look around you at some of the wonderful things this earth and this life has to offer. What MORE could you need or want?
ps. I'm sure you'll read all the replies. Might mention that even Descartes' mighty 'cogito ergo sum'(I think, therefore I exist) carries the knowledge that when we cease to exist, we must inevitably cease to think also. So is fear of death even valid? Given that we cannot regret dying, or 'wish we were still alive'??
pps. A common 'collective thought' among servicemen fighting in say, world war one where they were willing to fight and quite possibly die is that "We're doing it to make a better, safer world for our children. We do this so they won't have to". A big endorsement of the theory of preserving and protecting the genetic 'code' we talked about. Sorry, I'll stop waffling-on now!!
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I accidentally hit the back of my head on a corner (not sharp) of my cabinet. It isn't bleeding or anything (It didn't bleed at all), but I'm kind of scared I might have a concussion or something... I remember who I am and where I am, obviously, haha. I can't go to the doctor.
Also, if age matters, I'm 13. (link)
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I've bashed my head a few times, there's definitely a few signs of concussion. The eye one you know already, big wide black pupils (eyes like a cat) is not a good sign. Feeling sick or even worse, actually vomitting is bad. Do you feel like you're falling over, of falling down a hole when you close your eyes? That's a bad sign too. A persistent 'dizzy headache' is not good, but the actual spot hurting or feeling tender when you press it is far less worrying (and natural, since you've given your head a good knock). You're obviously coherent, and you can type (even got the punctuations right!) so you haven't knocked yourself silly. And you didn't black-out at the time I assume, or you'd have mentioned it? Another good sign. Sounds like you're fine to me, but if any of the symptoms we've talked about appear then you should really seek some advice from someone. It's not likely you've done some damage that will go undetected and damage your brain in future or anything, so don't get worried about that.
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I'm a bit worried.
Today I saw a homeless man on my way home and he looked really bad so stopped to buy him some water and food.
He wasn't one of those homeless people who are capable of walking around and begging.... he had been sitting on a bench all day and was covered in dirt.
When I got close enough to him to set down the stuff I had bought him I saw he had sores on his hands and body.
Can you catch something like that just from being in somebody's vicinity?
I feel bad for asking, but it kind of scared me. I didn't touch him, but I was a few feet away from him. (link)
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It was a compassionate and caring act and I'm sure he appreciated it. Living rough takes a big toll on the body, and seeing someone who has been living like this close-to can be a shock maybe when you are not used to it. You won't have 'caught anything' from this unfortunate man just by being near him. People help and work with the homeless, and are close to them every day. I guess if he had flu or a cold there's a chance you could catch it by just being close to him. But you can catch flu queueing up in a shop, at schoolwork, anywhere...from anyone.
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Well at night time my period leaked on my bed and there where a few drops of blood on the bed and later on in that day my mum went to a friends house and i thought I will try to clean up the stain so i got some washing up liquid and i poured a small amount from the bottle onto the stain i got a piece of clothe and i started rubbing it. The stain got lighter but it was still there and I couldn't get it out anymore so i kind of just gave up but in the afternoon there was like a budge stain from where I poured the washing u liquid and i don't know how to get it out and also how to get the bloodstain out? By the way i can not go to the shops to get any other cleaning materials because i do not have any money with me. And if my mum does see the now budge stain what do I say to her? Im just really embarrassed (link)
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Personally, I'd say stop struggling to spot-remove a blood-stain (which is virtually impossible to do invisibly) and either tell your mum, or let her find it for herself. I don't know you, or her...but I guarantee she's had a bit of an unexpected leak overnight herself, many a time. She's been there! It's actually not embarrasing, or at least she won't be. You might cringe a bit...I assume you're quite young? I'd take a good guess that when she does your laundry and probably spots it, she won't even mention it to you at all. You haven't been messy, sloppy or childish here...there's nothing to beat yourself up over or worry about...all just part of becoming and being a woman. You'll be fine. OK?
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I have a boyfriend now but before I had him I talked to another guy. I liked that guy a lot but I let him down, lied to him, and said no to going out with him. Now he has a girlfriend. I really like him still and can't get him off of my mind. I'm hurt with thinking about how things with me and him ended. I can't stop blaming myself because it was my fault! He won't talk to me anymore and I just can't go on living like this with so much regret. I miss him and want him back. What should I do? Sorry this is so confusing I don't know how to put it into words... (link)
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Hi there. By not finding the words you've said everything. Reason and logic and good advice all seem to point one way...forget it. But sometimes all the reason and common sense in the world just isn't enough, eh? Was there maybe some connection, some affinity with this previous guy that you now realise is lacking with your current boyfriend? I assume he'd be far from your thoughts if not? You turned him down...we guys can get over that easily. Let him down, hurt him...maybe more difficult. Trust can be rebuilt, slowly and steadily, piece by piece if you both want to. You'll need to work hard, he'll need to work hard. And he's got a girlfriend. I'd say this all hinges on that connection, that feeling that drew you closer to him. If it was only on your side, then there's little chance of any reconcilliation. But such feelings don't easily exist in one party alone. If his current relationship doesn't match what he believed he'd found in you then there is indeed hope. What if he felt the same, misses and wants that connection as much as you do? Wouldn't that be worth fighting for? There's a self-control evident in your writing, such that I cannot easily dismiss this as 'wanting what you can't have.' Am I close to the truth? If I'm right then you must approach him, for your own peace of mind and maybe your own happiness. I'd suggest you make your feelings clear, and be content to leave the answer open a while. Don't press for an instant response, let him think it all over. In short, if he comes to you, he's yours...if he doesn't, then he never was. Without being dramatic (I hope!) a situation like this has, I think the power to hurt us as much as life CAN hurt us. Be strong. be patient. It might just be worth whatever it takes, and regret is hard to live with. It can spoil future happiness. My very best wishes whatever you decide, truly. CJB
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I was with a guy for 5 months, lets call him X. So we really connected in all sort of ways as possible, we become really intimately close. We broke up because we used to argue a lot, sometimes we would just clash for no reason and it would blow into a really big argument. We have still been talking 7 months after our break up and I haven't lost one bit of feelings for him. We talk at least once very 2 week, sometimes we'll talk as just friends, others we will talk more than friends. But I just don't know what to because if we try to sort things out with each other, we'll be fine and then we will start arguing again. I can't lose these feelings, I go out on dates with guys who I know are my type and I'm like, but he's not X and I just think about him whilst on my dates and everything. Thanks! F/17 (link)
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Want the cold answer? Oxytocin, it's a 'bonding hormone'. The various 'loved-up' feelings occur when the levels are raised, when we choose a partner and 'fall in love'. At normal levels we are 'open to offers' as it were, romantically. The raised level gives us acute tunnel-vision and we focus and fix on just the one person. Levels are kept high by constantly re-affirming the bond (talking, socialising, physical closeness etc). They will remain high for up to around 18 months usually (intended to keep pairs together during pregnancy and directly after birth in evolutionary terms). When oxytocin levels return to normal, you do start to notice other people again, the tunnel-vision (feeling he's the only one for you) decreases. That's why you're not happy with the other guys you date right now, you're fixing on one. That's why you can't 'let go'. So stop re-affirming the bond by contact with him for a start. Of course, if you prefer something romantic and mystical you can believe he's 'the one' and you can't look at anyone else because you're destined to be together etc...etc. The personality clash will be difficult to overcome I think in the long-term and sounds rather self-destructive. Hope I've given you something to think about...at 17 you'll probably prefer the 'mystical power of love' idea!! Best wishes. ps. Other aspects of an individuals personality will tend to make them a 'torch-carrier' (remain fixed on the same person and exclude others after a break-up) or alternatively they'll more easily transfer the feelings to another. Are you in general the sort to hang-on to things, or the type who cuts their losses and moves on?
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Hi!
18/f/UK
So naturally when I meet new people I am shy-not an introvert, just shy.
I worry whether they like me, and automatically think people don't.
Well I'm going to Uni soon, and I am freaking out!
I know no one knows each other, but it takes me a while to get 'with the crowd'.
I want to go out, and party etc...but I'm scared I'll make the wrong impression on the first few days and that I'll be left out and stuff.
How can I involve myself more and make a real good impression?
Thanks~ from a shy girl who wants to change! (link)
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Hi there. It's a fact that you're about to enter an environment which is and will be unlike anything you've encountered before. And unlike any you'll come across again. It's not home, and it's not your own place. It's not school and it's not work. You'll be away from 'your crowd' and pitched into a new one. I know that 'shy' can come across and stand-offish and aloof and that can set up barriers which are a million miles from what you want to do. Try to overcome the 'people don't like me' mindset, it's too negative. Meet your new acquaintances with a big smile, open and honest looks. We all like being liked...get your charm-offensive in first! Confront your fears head-on. 'It's a bit scary now I'm actually here...I wonder what the rest will be like?' is a great ice-breaker. You'll all want to party, to de-stress after lectures. Party might not mean full make-up and clubbing...might mean getting together in your/someone's room and chatting sometimes. Normally, everyone 'shakes down' together before long. They will not, I promise you, all morph instantly into one social group...with you lonely and on the outside! Be yourself. Most people find they form bonds and ties with university friends which are very special and lasting, it's a natural consequence of rubbing together, living in each others pockets, sharing laughs and fears. You simply cannot keep up an act or project and image for 3 or more years, you see each other 'warts and all' as it were. And during holidays your 'old set' might well remark that you 'seem different'...and it will change you. But in a good way. You've already sussed a major point...no one knows each other. You're not trying to get in with an existing clique or gang. Be open, honest...yourself. Put out good, friendly vibes straight away. Reserve, taking your time to weigh-up new acquaintances is a good thing in everyday adult life. But I think you can let down your guard a little here. It can and should be a very special period of your life, and as I've said, unlike any other. You'll be fine I reckon. Best wishes...and have FUN!!
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I saw a video of how they get animal fur (Stupid idea... I accidentally clicked it and continued watching...), and now I'm really sickened by it. I'm never wearing animal fur or eating animal products again, but how can I get the image and thought out of my mind? Please help. (link)
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Totally agree with Razhie. You do see shocking images played over and over. Shock lowers your seratonin levels and it 'burns' a neural 'loop'. Should fade. And I agree, ad hoc trapping and skinning wild animals is to be discouraged. The methods of slaughter and skinning can be horrific. And what right do we have to go into their 'space' and take them on a commercial scale. Fact is, most fur and virtually all the meat you'll buy is from farmed creatures. They were bread for food or fur and simply would not exist otherwise. Might sound like I'm splitting hairs, but if you think into it at some length there is a vast ethical difference. Also, slaughter is sanitary and humane. You may not wish to wear fur, plenty of women don't. I tend to think it looks better on the animal! Likewise, you might give up meat. But have all the facts before you make a decision. Not a (no doubt?) anti fur-trapping video clip and a state of shock. I dislike trapping myself, but have no objection to shooting of game (pheasant, wild duck etc) for sport and good eating. It's a matter of personal values I think??
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First off not sure if this goes in this section so I apologize on that.
18/m
First and foremost please do not tell me that I am under age and should not be drinking. I am very well aware of the fact. I came here for an answer to my question not to be lectured.
Last summer when I was 17 I went to a party and didn't have anything to eat and I ended up drinking a lot. I felt like throwing up at one point but never did and was hung over the next morning.
I have not drank since except for beer. Whenever I have tried to drink any alcohol besides beer I immediately feel sick and like throwing up. Ever since that party I have been this way.
Will this go away so I can enjoy drinking again or will it just stay?
I would like to over come it so I can enjoy drinking at a later age again and at college and parties. I am responsible and do not drink or drive and try to limit myself.
Thank you for any help! (link)
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Even the finest brandy or vintage champagne contains alcohol which is strictly speaking a poison to the body. And if you take in too much it'll kick back and try to get it out of your system. By throwing up! Too much depends on a lot of things. Your height and build. Your tolerance (natural or developed over time). Your metabolism (fast, or slow). Drinking on an empty stomach is an old enemy. You get drunk quicker because it gets into your bloodstream quicker. You can consume rather large quantities of booze in an evening accompanying a meal for this reason. In your blood means in your brain, you get woozy, lose your orientation and your spinning head increases the nauseous/sick feeling. All that being said, I've always enjoyed a drink myself, and can see exactly where you're coming from! You do develop an increased tolerance over time. Limiting yourself means learning how much is enough...and that means first learning how much is too much. Experience is the key...and no doubt you'll still get leathered from time to time! Pragmatic approach might be stick to beer? And try not to fall asleep flat on your back, lay on one side with your head tilted forwards, in case you are sick. Do NOT want to choke on it chap! Glad you don't drink and drive, it's the one thing I've never done. Could end up with worse than a hangover. Could be end of story for you and/or others. That IS a lecture...lend an ear if you're wise. Best wishes.
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There's a pattern I've been noticing with guys lately that starting to get annoying. I would meet a guy I'm interested in and they seem like they are interested back. We would talk everyday and they would be engaged in the conversation, asking, questions, even complimenting me. Then they stop talking everyday then it becomes like once a week and the responses are mostly one word answers. They also seem to flake out on me when it comes to hanging out. Its very annoying. I feel like I'm wasting my time keep meeting guys that leads to nowhere. If they are not really interested why just say it up front. I would prefer that instead of talking to someone for 2 or 3 weeks and then when its time to hang or something they not around anymore or take forever to get back to you. Can you guys tell me why this happens? (link)
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It would help to know your age. I'll assume you are still quite young, maybe school age? Possibly you have many female friends, who you chat with, share your feelings...but guys? They're different, right? In fact, guys are about half the world. You'll meet and interact with loads of them. Co-workers, friends of friends (male & female), maybe your boss...and so on. And you'll talk to them. Not every guy you engage in a conversation is weighing you up as a potential girlfriend, believe it or not. And when you do start to hang-out with one, you'll still talk to others. Possibly the conversation just dries-up. Lack of common interests, the conversation is 'hard work' (struugling to find things to talk about?). Maybe they just forget, and they are preoccupied with other agenda. Please don't take the behaviour you have mentioned personally, as some sort of criticism or comment on you. Not every conversation with a guy is a potential relationship, not every conversation is a flirt. As for the 'interested' part...conversations don't normally end in "Well...it's been lovely talking to you but, hey...I'm not interested in you sexually." That's not how we interact, is it??
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im going to lose it in february. i told my boyfriend i wouldn't do it with him till we were together for a year, that do i need to know? are there any ways i can make it more comfortable, or make myself look good for this, should I buy lingerie? tell me what i should know? we have a gentle relationship so im not planning on crazy sex or anything ! (link)
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Sounds a solid relationship and attitude. It will almost certainly feel more comfortable if you are physically and mentally as relaxed as possible. You should feel at ease with a guy who's been around 12 months. You'll no doubt be a little tense first time, a little nervous and of course you'll be excited sexually. But being at ease with him and trusting him will help no end. Be sure to enjoy lots of foreplay first, so that you feel nice and wet and, well...ready physically. I'm sure you know what I mean. Don't rush. A gentle relationship? Sounds very promising! Knowing he'll treat you with respect and with care is another big plus. Naturally, sex = fertility = pregnancy. You absolutely must sit down beforehand and thoroughly discuss contraception. Meaning he'll need to use a condom, and use it properly. It must be in place before any sort of penetration and stay in place until it's all over, completely. It can be a bit difficult to discuss maybe, in cold blood as it were, before things really start to happen. But it's essential. A big bonus is that any anxiety and fear of unwanted pregnancy will be removed, or at least very greatly reduced, which means you'll be much more relaxed physically and mentally. Which we've discussed already. Looks? You might want to make-up lightly, fix your hair nice...or you might not. Depends on the woman. A dab of your favourite sexy perfume can't go a miss. Lingerie? Again, some women really enjoy wearing pretty lingerie and find it makes them feel special. Some don't. If you're a 'do' then 'do' by all means. I'm sure he won't object! Basically, anything that makes you feel more confident and generally 'sexy' is good. If you feel a bit self-conscious or silly in glamorous lingerie...don't. Hope I've given you a few ideas or things to think about. Hope too it feels really special for both of you. You'll almost certainly be nevous, but it doesn't have to be a traumatic ordeal first time. Shouldn't be, in fact. And you can't say you're rushing into it. Best wishes.
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I have to be honest with you in order to get a full answer to my question. I am a 28 year old guy from the UK and I am a convicted sex offender, having been convicted of historic offences when I myself was a child. The offences only came to light when I walked into a police station and handed myself in without warrant for my arrest. The judge, when sentencing me, said that, had I not handed myself in, the offences would probably never have come to light. He also said that I should look at rebuilding my life and return to University, which I was unable to complete because of the case. Probation officers working with me repeat that and often tell me not to be as hard on myself as I am being. I am going through a behavioral course for sex offenders to encourage me not to reoffend and I am serving a community based sentence.
What I don't understand is WHY do many people believe that, after the torment and destruction I have caused to my victims (plural) when offending and to bring it back up and hurt even more people in the process, obliterating more lives, that I deserve another chance? In my eyes, I should have been put to death, but we abolished the death penalty before I was born. Do I really deserve another chance at life when I have destroyed the lives of my victims? Or am I right and I should never see the light of day again? (link)
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Taking an objective, rather than subjective or emotional view I'd say that although there is a 'pattern' of normal and acceptable behaviour, there are no normal people. Only those who have identified their deviation from the theoretical normal pattern and consciously acted to correct it, (Compensated). And those who have failed to identify the tendency or have identified it and refused to correct it (Uncompensated). I'd say you are one of the former rather than the latter. You cannot undo what you have done however much you beat yourself up. Neither would your execution have erased or changed the events in any way. What you have done will probaly always burn you, that is your pennance and what you have to live with.
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I am a 21 year old female, and I'm having a really hard time reaching orgasm without using vibration.
I know it's possible. Which brings up a second part to this question as well that I'm actually really embarrassed to explain.... I'm a total freak in bed. I LOVE having sex - ANY kind of sex. And I'm really enthusiastic about it too; I arch my back, I moan and breathe strongly (I don't scream at the top of my lungs, or anything), and any act I perform I put my all into it. I genuinely enjoy pleasing a guy and myself, except, I can't please myself. Not truly. Unless I use vibration. So could it be that I'm defective, or because I feel like I don't have the right person to be the one to do it? Because I feel like I'm never on an equal playing field with who I sleep with. I say what I want from him, but he's either intimidated or just can't do it. Don't get me wrong, making love is great but I find it so much more sexy to be thrown around and fucked like a dirty whore. If I find someone who feels the same way about sex could I possibly orgasm? The best way to try and explain it is that I can only do so much on my part. And do you think I should go for older guys in hopes that they know what they're doing? Like 10 or maybe even 15 years older? I just feel like I have this inner vixen that has yet to truly be let out and maybe that's why I haven't been able to orgasm. Like maybe if I find the right guy to tap into it and bring it out I won't have this problem anymore. I want to handle and be handled. Dominate and be dominated. But I seem to freak guys out with how sexual I become. Either all of that applies, or I'm just not able to orgasm.
So: Am I "defective"? What are some ways to try and orgasm? Or should I find someone older, more experienced and compatible with my style of sex, and be willing to do what pleases me to see if that might work? (link)
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I can see where you're coming from. It's more than possible that a much older patner will be more experinced, more relaxed about his own sexuality and completely at ease and less intimidated with his partner being strongly and even assertively sexual and uninhibited than a guy your own age. But there are likely to be a raft of incompatability issues OUTSIDE of the bedroom which may well preclude a relationship which satisfies both of you in other ways. I doubt you're 'un-orgasmic' (is that a real word, or have I made it up?!!) in a physical sense, it's more likely a psychological 'block'. The root cause...you appear to have fathomed out yourself. I'd say that younger males do like to think of themselves as prolifically sexual and that their girlfriends should be perhaps more passive, (even 'innocent and angelic'?). It can disturb their 'take' on life to find a voraciously sexual partner. If you see where I'm coming from? It may be case of thinking long-term working on a relationship and introducing him to your wilder side gently, perhaps? Tough one to answer. If you do go for the older man path, be a bit selective and choose a guy with a bit of class who respects you as a person too, not simply a convenient sex-object to amuse him. You could attract the wrong sort entirely, and very easily. And no...I don't think you're defctive in the slightest! Best wishes.
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I know this is real, it is not made up in my head. I have been hearing scary voices & seeing shadow people for 10 years. No one believes me.
I know I'm not schizophrenic! People have told me I am and I'm not.
I started suffering from sleep paralysis when I was 10. I also started seeing shadow people moving around & I've heard evil voices. I can't sleep, when I close my eyes I hear them. They make loud scary noises and Im REALLY scared. Sometimes I'm in my room AWAKE and I'll freeze up & start hearing voices. I can't move or talk when this happens.
A week ago I was over my grandma's sleeping on the couch. I felt a spirit go into my body. I see them at her house too. I jumped off of the couch and heard and evil voice really loud. MY GRANDMA WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM sleep, she didn't hear it. It scared me so much that I was shaking for days & I couldn't sleep. No one hears the voices i hear & it scares me the most. I've tried praying & everything.
I BELIEVE THESE ARE EVIL SPIRITS AND IM SCARED. NO ONE BELIEVES ME.
I'm terrified & it's ruining my life. No one believes me. I'm scared. I've read stories on the internet of people going through the same thing I'm going through, about hearing voices & seeing evil spirits. If I go to a psychiatrist, they'll just call me crazy. I can't sleep by myself & I'm scared to go in my room. I hear deep evil voices ALL DAY.
How do I get these spirits & voices to go away? (link)
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Hi there. Your post sounds genuine to me rather than an attempt at getting some attention so I'll treat it as such. The 'freezing' or being conscious of your surroundings (ie. 'awake') but unable to move/speak has a rational explanation. In simple terms when we awaken the brain becomes conscious in a usual order, this being motor functions followed by higher cognitive (mentally 'awake') functions. Watch a person briefly start to stir/twitch just before they open their eyes and become properly awake to prove it. Sometimes the order goes wrong. It can feel very scary. (First time I experienced it I thought that this must be me dying, and I WAS shaking for a quite a while afterwards. Long ago, but still recall it today! The other comments are harder to explain as easily. I am not trying to discredit anyone's spiritual or religious beliefs, I'll just say that there is not one scrap of substantiated or sound evidence that disembodied spirits, evil or otherwise, even exist. But the internal voice thing is a common symptom of mental disorders, such as schizoprenia. I think you should really set about seeking some face-to-face professional help and guidance here. Mental disorders are scary, and there's a feeling that we must be weak, that we're losing our minds. A broken limb doesn't have the same feelings associated of course. We must not forget that the brain and thus our feelings/thoughts etc are hugely influenced by hormonal activity and that a purely physical solution may be on hand. Thyroid gland problems for instance can be mistaken by the sufferer as "I'm going mad...losing it." We are also very 'suggestive' as humans and can quite easily 'brainwash' ourselves into a particular train/pattern of thought. The 'evil spirit' idea fitted the bill, and it has reinforced itself day by day, and increased the intensity and frequency of the experiences. And now there's no doubt in your mind that you are a victim of evil spirits. This is obviously really impacting on your quality of life, and I suggest you start looking for a mainstream medical solution, whatever it may be. Will you do this for me? Best wishes.
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