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Unable to climax / I want to try having sex with older men.
I am a 21 year old female, and I'm having a really hard time reaching orgasm without using vibration.
I know it's possible. Which brings up a second part to this question as well that I'm actually really embarrassed to explain.... I'm a total freak in bed. I LOVE having sex - ANY kind of sex. And I'm really enthusiastic about it too; I arch my back, I moan and breathe strongly (I don't scream at the top of my lungs, or anything), and any act I perform I put my all into it. I genuinely enjoy pleasing a guy and myself, except, I can't please myself. Not truly. Unless I use vibration. So could it be that I'm defective, or because I feel like I don't have the right person to be the one to do it? Because I feel like I'm never on an equal playing field with who I sleep with. I say what I want from him, but he's either intimidated or just can't do it. Don't get me wrong, making love is great but I find it so much more sexy to be thrown around and fucked like a dirty whore. If I find someone who feels the same way about sex could I possibly orgasm? The best way to try and explain it is that I can only do so much on my part. And do you think I should go for older guys in hopes that they know what they're doing? Like 10 or maybe even 15 years older? I just feel like I have this inner vixen that has yet to truly be let out and maybe that's why I haven't been able to orgasm. Like maybe if I find the right guy to tap into it and bring it out I won't have this problem anymore. I want to handle and be handled. Dominate and be dominated. But I seem to freak guys out with how sexual I become. Either all of that applies, or I'm just not able to orgasm.
So: Am I "defective"? What are some ways to try and orgasm? Or should I find someone older, more experienced and compatible with my style of sex, and be willing to do what pleases me to see if that might work?
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It's pretty common for women to not orgasm from PIV sex. Don't know why you are here on advicenators - this topic has been done to death over the past 20 years by people that actually know what they are talking about. A basic internet search will get you more advice than you could possibly use.
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I can see where you're coming from. It's more than possible that a much older patner will be more experinced, more relaxed about his own sexuality and completely at ease and less intimidated with his partner being strongly and even assertively sexual and uninhibited than a guy your own age. But there are likely to be a raft of incompatability issues OUTSIDE of the bedroom which may well preclude a relationship which satisfies both of you in other ways. I doubt you're 'un-orgasmic' (is that a real word, or have I made it up?!!) in a physical sense, it's more likely a psychological 'block'. The root cause...you appear to have fathomed out yourself. I'd say that younger males do like to think of themselves as prolifically sexual and that their girlfriends should be perhaps more passive, (even 'innocent and angelic'?). It can disturb their 'take' on life to find a voraciously sexual partner. If you see where I'm coming from? It may be case of thinking long-term working on a relationship and introducing him to your wilder side gently, perhaps? Tough one to answer. If you do go for the older man path, be a bit selective and choose a guy with a bit of class who respects you as a person too, not simply a convenient sex-object to amuse him. You could attract the wrong sort entirely, and very easily. And no...I don't think you're defctive in the slightest! Best wishes.
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One would think that having good sex would be as natural as rolling out of bed. Unfortunately it is not. First we have to know our own bodies. Second we have to be willing to tell our partners what we want that goes for both the man and the women. Neither partner can read the others mind so how can you tell what turns the other on if you/they don't speak up. Problem is we are fearful of making the other inadequate or a think they are a poor lover.
As for the first part. There are about 20% of women who will never orgasm for what men consider normal lovemaking. By that I mean strictly vaginal stimulation, where the guy sticks a couple of fingers in her and goes to town on her. The reason is that these women are more clitoral in nature. They need their clitoris stimulated to get excited. The other 80% of women need only minimal clitoral stimulation and mostly fingering which is how the male has learned to make love. Which is mostly by watching porn or reading porn.
There are sexual positions for women who are more clitoral in nature that allow for more clitoral contact while having intercourse allowing them to have an orgasm.
The fact that the vibrations from a vibrator get you off tells me this may very well be the case with you. Yes, you may very well also like being treated, as you say, like a whore. I think some of the positions you like when being treated like a whore actually stimulate your clitoris more. Doggy style can stimulate your G-spot which also affects you clitoris.
Do this. Take your vibrator and only vibrate your clitoris. If you have a orgasm from just stimulating your clitoris then I believe that is your problem. You're not defective at all. You just need to show your partner how best to stimulate you. Find sex positions that allow for more clitoral stimulations and a little longer foreplay for you will go a long way to a better sex life.
Nothing says that being tossed around the bedroom or being treated like a whore isn't something you should stop doing if you like it. It should not be the only way you can have successful lovemaking. There will be times when you will want to just be made love to and those times should be successful too.
If you want an older lover that is up to you. I don't think you will need one if I am correct and the problem is as I believe. Once you teach your partner to please you the problem should be solved. If your partner is hurt by the fact that you need to teach him, then find a new partner for he is not respectful of you or your needs.
Sex is something we learn and we should be open to our partners individual needs and desires. As long as the desires won't hurt you or hurt them, or either partner find them so outside the realm then their is nothing weird or wrong about them. As long as you both consent to try something then it is right for you.
Good luck.
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At your age i was married in a sexually mismatched deal. He didn't inspire me to orgasm. There's such a thing as sexual chemistry with a guy. And if the man isn't as sexual a creature and needing the same type of sex, then the female isn't going to enjoy herself, never be fully fullfilled and never have orgasms. My ex never gave me an orgasm. When I starting dating again in my forties, I discovered there was nothing wrong with me and I was actually quite wild in bed like you. And yes, many guys will be intimidated by it. Does age matter for a guy to know more? Only in a few circumstances. If the guy's perspective was always getting fullfilment for himself and that the female participating in that was enough for her, then a gal can try talking to him to determine if it simply that he needs educating or he is simply a lazy lover. Lover isn't the right word, sex partner...nope, he's not really giving you a good sex experience either.
The facts are, any woman is capable of having an orgasm. The sad fact is that very few ever do. The ultimate is the g spot orgasm. I will put several links here for you to learn a bit and go searching the net on your own for more info. You need to find a guy who is really into you, there's sexual attraction/chemistry in just the kiss alone, and he is willing to learn how to please a woman in bed. One thing I will say is that sources you'll find say that every woman can gush or squirt with a g spot orgasm. That is not true. Every woman can have a g spot orgasm but for some, the same ducts like a male has were the pee duct closes and the duct for ejaculate opens, same in woman they have a separate duct that opens into the urethra from which the liquid comes forth, female ejaculation, only some females while growing in utero as a baby, these parts never connected. So she doesnt ejaculate but she can still have her full body mind blowing orgasms. Thats what you need to experience. You can work on it yourself bu its much easier to have a man doing it for you because you can't obviously keep doing it once your mind disengages and your body starts thrashing around, it's a real job for a guy to keep on target and keep prolonging the females g spot orgasm when she's bucking alll over the place. Because like you I enjoy and require a certain level of intensity to get off...using fingers on clit doesnt work well, vibrators do but take a long time. It works better when hubby is using the vibrator on me. So do what you can to educate yourself first about the wonderful abilities of female to have multiple orgasms. And the male can learn how to hold back ejaculating too early so he doesnt come to early. We're not talking just about premature ejaculation, but guys learning the tricks on how to hold back so that they can give the female many orgasm with intercourse without coming once and wait until she is fully satisfied before allowing himself in that final time to cum. Enjoy the videos, look for more and find a guy who is open to learning more on how to please a girl. Many are willing but just don't know how.
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