about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

I got into really big trouble at work last Thursday, because I've had a lot of time off ill (ongoing health problem, not skiving), people on the team have apparently reported to our Manager they think I'm not pulling my weight or working at 100% and someone (No idea who) reported they saw me out mucking around when I was signed off ill. Just to clear it up, the last one is rubbish. I'm not that sort of person at all.

In the last week, I've covered one team member's late shift, cleared my colleague's work diary for the week by doing the work, handled my own work at the same time as all the incoming calls for the work I and a colleague deal with. I didn't take my lunch break today so I could get the work done and have subsequently clocked up 4 hours of overtime.

The problem is, I need to find a way to make my Manager realise how hard I'm trying so he knows I'm working on being better at work. But if I mention the 4 extra hours, I can't think of a way that won't make it sound like I'm trying to claim overtime. After what happened last Thursday, I don't have the audasity to try to claim overtime!!

So how can I left my Manager know how hard I'm working? They don't record people's working hours or their productivity at all.

Hey there,
Well as crappy as this sounds you need to let your work speak for itself. Keep a log or journal of hours worked and work that you do, that way if the question ever arises as to what work you have done or what you contribute you have a record of it. As to your co-workers some people will do anything they can to get ahead including stepping on people.

If you go to your manager and point out the work you are doing it negates the potential "pat on the back", as a manager I always knew who was actually working and who was coasting. Reality is people get sick or need time away every manager expects it, keep working hard and he/she will notice that you actually are working.

Hope this helps.

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How do I get a debit card, like where do I go to get one? Does it cost anything to get one?

Depending on where you live it is easy to get one. If you live in North America then it all you need to do is open a bank account, chequing or savings and ask for one. A debit card is a bank card that accesses your account, as long as you have money in your bank account you can use the card, keep in mind that if you use bank machines from different banks then your own it costs you money every time.

Hope this helps.

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Hi, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm 26 and i've been single since college. I've been on about 100 dates and have met no compatible guys to date. *The ones whom I thought were attractive enough turned out to just want sex on the 1st or 2nd date and then that's it.
Life in ny is hard as the single woman. All my female friends are coupled. I met their boyfriend's guy friends and didn't like them.
My workplace is almost 100% female and the few men there are either way older or gay.
I'm a size 4, facially attractive, and have a nice body. I'm well-educated and have a good career. I'm a nice person, but i don't have a lot of opportunity to meet men.
I go to bars, but all the men i meet just want to hook up with me and that's it. I would like a boyfriend since i have been lonely for the past 4 years. I'm not looking for a brad pitt, just an above-average-looking nice guy who is college-educated.
Any suggestions on how to meet men?

OK first of all you need to stop focusing on the physical, I am not saying date someone who you don't find attractive but keep an open mind, I have dated ugly guys who got better looking through time by getting to know their personality and really hot guys that get ugly with time because they are ugly human beings.

Secondly meeting men in bars rarely works, when there is alcohol involved both men and women are not using their full brain power or common sense. Try other options that you would normally think were odd or out there, for example dating services, or if you don't want to outlay the money try online sites, may sound weird but develop a system to weed out the freaks, always meet in a public place and go for it. Its how I met my husband...There is also things like join a softball league or bowling league. Take up a new hobby that involves not meeting only women and new things outside of your normal circle of friends.

If you need some good websites or more help please feel free to ask, and it really is true what they say its not whats on the outside that counts...well at least not totally!!

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ok, i was at a house party last week and i didnt really know everybody who was there, it was really my friend who wanted to go. everybody got really drunk but i didnt because i dont drink.
anyway these guys started talking to me but i said i wasnt interested because i have a boyfirend. (ive been seeing him for a year and i love him to bit.) so we just sat talking and they brought me a drink from the kitchen and i remember i felt ill and went to the bathroom but i dont remember anything after that except waking up in a bed. i think they spiked my drink and im worried they did something to me and i dont know who they were.
do i tell my boyfirend and if so, how? i dont want him not to believe me and think i cheated on him.

Before telling your boyfriend you need to get to the hospital and get examined. Also since chances are something did happen you need to get on medication to prevent disease and possible pregancy depending on how long ago this happened. If your drink was spiked with a "date-rape" drug then it leaves your system within 72 hours of ingestion so there is no way to tell what you were given. It is important to talk to your doctor and your parents, if your boyfriend doesn't understand that what happened was in no way your fault then he is not worth keeping. Make sure that you get counselling as well this is a lot to deal with, don't do it alone.

If you need to talk let me know.

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I am at breaking point with my mom. She does not accept the woman I love, with whom I have two sons. This problem is damaging the lives of my family as well as my father and brothers. She twists events to the point of complete fiction and twists them in such a way that we are terribly victimizing her. In truth, knowing her condition, we have taken great care into our dealings with her and have always welcomed her in our lives. Somehow, my partner seems to sit in the wrong way, not greet her in such a way as to appease her, not call enough, not come from a nice enough family - the list is infinite. She doesn't believe that our intentions are pure. My partner has continued to try, despite the fact that she will never be accepted and that she will always accidentally do something wrong - but she has reached the point where she has spiritually given up - she can never show her real self to my mother again.

My mom creates massive drama around every important event in life - from the birth of our son, the completion of my PhD, moving into my first home - they have all been spoiled because of her fiction drama. Everyone in the family knows she has lost her mind, but everyone is afraid to confront her - and rightfully so. If you don't agree with what she says, then you are the enemy. So, she creates this fake world, people try to pacify her and we grow more distant. I am at a loss for what to do. I could talk honestly with her - a strategy which has never worked in the past, or I could keep trudging along trying to be nice and to serve as a bridge between the most important people in my life. My last attempt at honesty resulted in her listing off further transgressions on our part and her continued inability to understand any other viewpoint. Unfortunately, I have reached the point where I am too angry and frustrated to continue this much longer. I'm not willing to lose my mother – despite all of this, she is a very loving and good woman. However, I am afraid that I have no reasonable options to pursue! Any advice would be very appreciated.
Male, early thirties

Lullabelles advice is awesome, I would just like to add that you also need to discuss this with your partner and ensure that her needs are being met, and that she is happy with any choices you make. I would suggest that you put her first for the sake of your relationship and for the sake of your family. I also think that if your mother is this toxic then you limit the contact she has with your children especially in regards to leaving them unsupervised as the drama she creates will rub off on them and affect them in the present and future. Don't cut off all contact but limiting contact will ensure your sanity and that of your partner!

Hope this helps.

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http://about.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=22027536
That's a pic of the dress I want (I can't have it because it doesn't come in the size I need-plus sizes) I need it for the Marine Corp Ball which is in November.
If you know of any website that have dresses like that one for less than $100.OO, hook me up! lol

Ok I looked around and the first link below is one that is not identical but similar to your dress and is 89.00 and goes up to size 2XL. The second link is the whole website, with more dresses most are around 100.00 dollars, or there about. If you don't like any of the dresses shown then google plus size clothing online ball gowns or prom dresses. As someone who wears plus sizes as well I know your frustration!! Also for cheaper prices check out sites that are canadian, as the exchange saves you money!


http://www.promgirl.com/shop/dresses/viewitem-PD159847

http://www.promgirl.com/shop/pretty_princess_plus/viewall?sr=61

Hope this helps

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are there any other options given for pain during labor other than an epiduaral? i am really not wanting an epiduaral becuase of the fact that it enters through the spine, and i am so scared that theres a chance i might end up paralyzed for an inkling of a mistake. if there are any options, how are they administered? any help would be awesome. thank you so much in advance.

Some doctors offer other options which would be administered intravenously. The reason it is not recommended and seldom used is that it puts the baby in danger. I too was terrified of the epidural but as long as you get an experienced doctor there should not be an issue. If the fear is too overwhelming for you there is the option of natural child birth.

Also if you have a tattoo on your lower back it makes it harder for the epidural to be given, so keep that in mind when weighing your options. If you are expecting soon or pregnant and have more questions let me know.

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hey,iam sorry to bother you again,but i didn't quite catch your email iam so sorry could you please re send it iam so sorry.

Hey no worries,

sassysara_1975@hotmail.com

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could I have your email address?

sassysara_1975@hotmail.com

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hey there is this boy at school named chad and he is 17 like me and he is autistic I have no problem with him being autistic becouse I know he can't help it and he was just born that way,but he follows me everywhere and I can 't get him to leave me alone and iam afraid he's going to ask me to the school prom,but I want to find a nice way to turn him down gently without hurting his feelings should I say can we just be friends or what and how can I get him to stop following me without hurting his feelings becouse I know it will be hard to say no becouse he's autistic and chad dosn't really understand what the word no means please help me!

Ok First of all if he is autistic then he is obviously either very high functioning or has a type of Autism called aspergers syndrome. This is important to know the difference. If he has Aspergers then it affects socialization and his ability to understand and read social cues. If this is the case then you need to be very clear with him, he will understand as long as you speak in black and white leaving no room for him to interpret anything. Tell him " when you follow me around it makes me uncomfortable please stop. We can talk once a day at break for 5 minutes" being this clear will HELP him now and in the future. I can promise you that he does not want to be defined by his disease and this will be a learning experience for him and not hurt him. He may need clarification and if you need "backup" talk to a counsellor at your school.

He honestly does not know that he is doing anything wrong, worry less about his feelings now and more about his future feelings when his habits could get him into serious trouble!

If you have more questions about this feel free to ask as I studied and work with clients with autism/developmentally delayed and mental health.

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i'm in 9th grade. i take honors geomentry & honors english, typing, spanishh & the other nessicary classes.
i need a science fair project question, soon. i like alot of girl things. i love computers & typing.

if you could give me a website or something. i really want to do good on this & be accepted for the science fair.

Why not investigate the effects that the internet has had on shopping and fashion? It would cover computer science and the "girly" part for you too.

I really don't know off hand a website that would help you but try some of the ones that do surveys.

Hope this helps.

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i have curly hair, when i ever scrunch it and put moose in it it gets very curly at like end and all the way up to my ears its very curly, but above that the hair is pretty much just stuck to my head flat, how can i get more volume near my scalp

I used to have the same issue what I do know is after putting in the mousse and scrunching I gather all my hair loosly at the top of my head and stick a scrunchy around it. The other solution is to use a diffuser on the end of your hair dryer and use it on your roots.


Hope this helps.

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Greetings! Quite new here, what a lovely site...anywho, I have a question, I have been on a strict diet for the past...say 2 months, I've lost 25lbs, which is good :D, but I have been doing it eating Subway sandwhiches, I have moved to Winthrop University now...and I need a new diet plan! I am 6ft and 215lbs, any suggested caloric intakes, fat intakes, w/e would be appreciated!

I also heard that if you cut 250 cals from ur diet while exercising moderatly for 30 minutes a day you can lose 40lbs in a year...is that true?

thanks!

Hey look up the GI diet, basically you don't eat 3 times a day you eat 6 and you eat all your protien by lunch as it is the slowest to burn off. Also cut all fats, carbs and calories basically you can eat what you want but go for salads and skinless chicken bake not fry stuff ect. Also eat opposite to what you normally would Biggest meal should be breakfast, medium lunch small dinner, also healthy snack at 10-11am, another snack around 3 and optional snack after dinner try not to eat much if anything after 7pm unless you will be very active as there is a much smaller chance of burning it off. Exericise doing cardio 3-4 times a week balancing in some weights as well.

Losing this way not only will you see results but you will also keep it off as there is a give and take and its a lifestyle change not a diet. Keep in mind that there are tons of calories in alcohol, also remember that if ya eat something fattening its not the end of the world just to better next time.

Any questions feel free to ask.

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ok, i'm not sure exactly what ocd is but dosn't it just mean your obssesed with something??? anyways, i am always playing this game on the computer. its based off of a show on disney channel and i don't even like the show. the first thing i do when i get on the computer is do play this game. sometimes i'll even stop what i'm doing on the computer to go to disney channel website to play this game. what is wrong with me??? am i just stupid? or do i have a problem? thanks!

Ok first of all OCD is a mental illness while what you may have is an addiction to a video game. The test to see whether or not you are addicted is to see if A. It is affecting the rest of your life i.e. you don't go out with friends so that you can play, you refuse to eat dinner cause your in the middle of a game... and B. How long can you go without playing, if you HAVE to play daily you may want to wean yourself off the game.

I get "obssesed" by different games all the time and it usually lasts a week or so then I move on...

Hope this helps.

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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a while now (10 months) were ready to take it to the next level (sex) I am a virgin and i am young, and havent really experienced much and i've heard you have to be shaved, i'm not familiar with it so i was wondering if someone could give me a few tips on how to shave.

thanks.

First off shaving is a personal choice especially when it concerns the genital area. Shaving your vagina can be painful leaving razor burn and it itches like hell when it grows back. What is recommended is trimming, using sissors just trim so that its not like a bush!

The only thing women should shave and even then many women don't is their legs and arm pits.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask me.

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Can anyone tell me anything they know about chemotherapy? Like how it's given to the patient and for how long and when? Any other info would be great also. Thanks

Most chemo is administered intravenously most people start off through doing this as an outpatient. How long is dependent on the type of cancer, how the patient reacts and how well it works in the individual. Some patients lose their hair some don't it tends to make you feel very tired, achy, and overall very crappy including throwing up. This usually only lasts a day or so after recieving the treatment.

Here is a link that will give you more info.
http://www.marylandchemotherapy.com/

If you want more info or to talk let me know.

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Does masturbating while you're still a virgin mess with your period? I'm 15 and I still haven't gotten mine. Can a gyno tell if you masturbate?

Masturbating in no way affects your virginity. Nor will it affect when you get your period, many girls only start their cycle when they are 16-17, talk to your mom and see how old she was when she got hers, its not foolproof but if she was a late bloomer you may be too. A gyno can't tell if you masturbate.



Hope this helps

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i have an acer laptop, and it's hooked up onto the charger and everything, but my computer says its running on the battery. This is bad because 1. i checked everything and it's all connect right, and 2. my computer only has about a half hour of battery life
what could be wrong?

Check what kind of battery you have, if it is a Sony battery then it could be that it is defective, hundreds of millions are being recalled. If its not that it could be a malfunction with your power source and may need to be looked at by a technician.

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Alrite i work at this store and i have beeen there for a year. I dont like the job at all. im currently a cashier and will be as long as im working there. My manager recently told me that she is going to be giving me a promotion to head cashier. Which is someone that can get money for the draw when needed, gets to do everything except for office work.

So applied at another place and got a call for an interview on monday. And i told my mom and she said whatever you want to do its up to you.

Today i asked her "what do i do if i get the job." Just tell my manager that im putting in my two weeks. And she flipped out on me. Shes like why do you want to leave a job where your about to get a promotion and plus youve been there for a year theres no reason to leave. I have been there for a year and the people treat me like crap. Im always on register even though everyone at the store is a cashier but i always get stuck on it. Then if they give me something to do on the floor i wstill have to watch the register. But i hardly get anything done and i get chewed out by one of the cashiers.

My mom tells me its my decision but she doesnt like my choice. and she gets pissed about it.

Any advice would be wonderful. what do you guys think i should do?

-----------
also heres another thing i may be able to do

at the job im at right now. the main days the need help is wednesdays and saturdays.

Do you think it would be a good idea to work my current job those days and if i get hired for this new job just work the other days?

im only 17 and still in high school. So i cant get more then 20 hours a week at one job.
Ill be 18 soon so my hours will go up to 35hours a week.

please help.

Ok I think your mom probably doesn't want to see you make a mistake, but she is probably showing it in the wrong way. Explain to her that this is the time for you to make mistakes and learn what choices work best for you.

If at all possible I would try to keep both jobs at least for a little while to see where you enjoy working more. You may not like the new job, there are always good and bad things about all jobs especially when you are young and not yet educated enough to get a job in a field you would enjoy.

At your age the best bet is usually to follow the money unless you are so unhappy in a job that you can't bring yourself to go. I know I hated my first few jobs, once you get older and get more education you will have more options. Keep in mind now though that while varied experience is good going from job to job isn't so be careful about quiting a secure job for an unknown one.

If you need more help feel free to ask.

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how do you explain to a kid their pet died?

they went to live on a farm with all the other pets?

I am unsure of your religious affliation but what we have done with my nephews is explain that harry the hamster or buddy the dog ect. had to go live in heaven, telling them the truth now about this is a good way to get them acquanited because sooner or later people they know will die and at least they will have a foundation of understanding. When they ask questions depending on their age and level of understanding we have explained that jesus needed them or that they are happy and playing with other puppies, hamsters or whatever the pet may be.

Questions will usually follow about dying and will they die or parents and to that we say that that is a loooong time away and they don't need to worry about it now. My 6 yr old nephew had lessons in school about death in grade 1 so it is better to be honest then lie it creates trust for the future.

Hope this helps

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