Member Since: October 23, 2003
Answers: 187
Last Update: November 18, 2005
Visitors: 17621
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Well basically I'm really out of shape. I don't play any sports i don't take dance classes or things like that. And i would like to stay in shape even though it's really hard for me. Does any body know any excersises that i could do over a couple of minutes to keep me in shape? (link)
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Vow never to take an escalator or elevator unless you have no choice, and to get on and off public transit a stop or two from your destination and starting point. You'll barely miss the time and it'll add up over the course of a day. In fact, if a trip is less than 20 minutes walking, then walk! You'll save time wangline a ride or waiting for the bus, you'll get to know your area better and you'll get exercise without making a noticeable dent in your schedule or wallet (you'll even save on bus/subway fare for short trips).
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but what if he doesnt feel the same way?? then i will feel wierd talkin to him.. (link)
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It sounds like there's already some weirdness in the equation... what've you got to lose?
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I'm about as butch as the next girl. I don't shave anything, I hate make up, I have a mean left hook, I don't take any crap on the street. My husband is a sweetheart, I found a rare gem in him, but his bull dyke best friend hates me. I have tried EVERYTHING to befriend her. I have tried ignoring her, I don't know what else to do. She HATES me. She tells total strangers what a seething bitch I am (well, I am) and she has tried to break us up many times. She has even threatened me with physical violence. I don't tell him who to be friends with or not, but she just won't let up. It's making him take a 2nd look at his friendship with her, and I'm afraid he's going to leave her behind. What can I do? I think she may be jealous of me. Does she want him, or me, or both of us. She has a history of sleeping with his other girlfriends, but I'm not bi. I'm letting him sort this one out for himself, but I feel kinda bad about it.
Violet (link)
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Aside from your mean left hook...
If she's as foaming at the mouth as she sounds, maybe your husband is right to take a second look at his friendship with her. You're just a catalyst for her very scary personality, it seems. Let your husband talk reason with her, and if he judges her to be not worth it, then you've both taken the high road and leaving her behind is for the best.
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what do you do when u fall for you best friend? i know it sounds like the CLASSIC relationship question.. but i really dont know what to do! i have been best friends with this guy for 3 months.. that mite not sound like a long time... but we have grown really close in that time! i like him as more than a friend now and when he starts to talk about who i like... i dont know what to say! he says im shy.. and well i agree.. lol cause im not the foward type to just come out and tell someone that i like them... i dont want to ruin our friend ship by telling him how i feel, but what if he likes me 2 and he wants me to make the first move?? please someone help me.. (link)
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What OneMan said. There are a very limited number of reasons a guy will ask a girl who she likes. And the very best answer, if you're inclined that way in any case, is "you!". (Then you can grin and blush and go from there).
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Hey, me again. Thanks for the advice! The thing is, I'm not so sure he does like me. Like I said, he's way too confusing, because he does act like it at times (like today: I came up behind him and gave him a hug, and he saw me and said "Yes! There really is a God! I love you Jesus!"...and then Monday, he started off ignoring me 'cause I guess he got mad at me, but then at lunch, he walked up to me and said "I was supposed to be ignoring you today, but I missed you" and we hugged....and, well, he's just nice a lot of the times) but then again, he's really nice to all the girls he's friends with. Really, he's just that way. Ooh, he even gave two girls a kiss on the cheeck- not a huge deal, but I wanted to kill them! Green-eyed monster...
Anyways, so I guess I'll just have to see about that. Okay, I'm way too chicken to directly ask him about his sexuality. So, I've developed a plan (that will probably backfire, but I'll try it anyways): tomorrow at school is a half day, and on half days certain clubs meet. I know that he's in this one club called Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) and he refuses to admit that he's in it. Well, he just ignores me when I ask what clubs he's in. So, I think that first I'll ask him which club he's going to, and let him ignore me. At the end of the day, I plan on dropping by the GSA meeting. He'll be there, and he can't deny that he's in it then(unless he uses the "evil twin" tale).
That could go wrong: maybe he won't go, but if so, I'll say to him (whenever I see him again) "I didn't see you in GSA Friday. Why weren't you there?" I have friends that know him and know he's in it, and I'll hammer down on him until he gives in.
It'd be so much simpler to ask him, but like I said, I'm a chicken.
Anyways, the thing I really need advice on is this: After spending a whole day ignoring him, he came up to talk to me and after that was really talkative and nice to me. I think it's one way to get his attention (I didn't totally ignore him, but I didn't go out of my way to talk to him), so do you think I should keep it up? I only did it once, and he's been nice all week, but maybe the less I tak to him, the more he'll want to talk to me. I don't know, it could have nothing to do with that. It could just have to do with his moods. It was just some advice I found in one of those self-help books.
Thanks for taking the time to help me, I really appreciate it! (link)
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I think you've stumbled upon a helpful principle... absence makes the heart grow fonder. A little away time makes together time that much better.
As for visiting the GSA, well, the whole point of GSAs is to get gays and straights working together, for fun and activism. So even if he is there, unless he's giving a presentation on coming out or something, it only means so much.
Really, if you feel he's the best thing since chocolate-covered strawberries, you should just let him know somehow. After all, he's wonderful first and bi second from where you're standing (if he's bi). If he's pure, no-girls-allowed gay, he'll let you know at that point, I would think.
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What do boys REALLY like in a girl? All these magazines & stuff say that they love what's inside, not outside. Is this true or is it crap? (link)
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If it were purely inside or outside, it would be too easy.
Guys can only take a guess at the inside by how you act and carry yourself... words, dress, priorities, how you face the world. And there's no doubt fitting a given guy's conception of pretty will get his attention... but that varies quite a bit from guy to guy. All of it does, really. There's no secret checklist that all guys have hidden away somewhere.
Looking back at most of the girls I've fancied over the years, most of them have been opinionated, whimsical, smart, smallish (as in short, usually and small, sometimes), comfortable dressers and able to cream me in an argument. But that's basically averages, and nobody's fit the profile exactly. So it's inside and out, it's dynamics, it's luck and timing. And if it were any more predictable it would be kind of dull.
Like MFS implied, there's all kinds of guys for all kinds of girls (and guys for guys and girls for girls, and...) so start with knowing what kind of person you want to hang out with, and what kind of person you want to be... the rest will follow and will involve a certain amount of randomness.
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does anyone have any good advice on how to have the perfect hairdo or style so u can make boys heads turn when u walk by? (link)
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Shave it all off... heads will turn!
(Don't do this in Canada this time of year though -- you need all the insulation you can get!)
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What does everyone here do to become a better writer? I want to be a writer when I grow up and I want to know if there are any writing excercises to become a better one. I know reading helps...but I'm just always in a writers block because all my writing is the same and it gets frustrating.
Know any way to improve my writing?
Anything...even if you think it sounds stupid.
Thanks! :) (link)
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All of what everyone else said... but also, try "tightening" pieces -- take something you're pretty happy with, and try to get it smaller by a third without losing anything important. You'll think about every last word, and read the piece with fresh eyes.
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It's Here To Help
I was just asking people to email me. That's all, I didn't expect such harsh comments from some of you. And what makes you think I asked you guys for a phone number??? I never asked that. I just asked you guys to email me if you needed any help...and yes I did see that link to make your own advice column but something went screwy with my computer and it didn't work.
You guys need to lighten up okay?
I did not type anywhere that I wanted your phone numbers...because that's not true. (link)
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What Shay said. There are lots of younger users here that probably shouldn't be posting personally identifiable information... and Fern was just issuing a reminder, because things like that can cause grief and lawsuits from parents.
Nobody's blaming you, it's just the easiest place to stick a warning (although sending a question to the columnist might have been more reliable... maybe I'll do that now... er, are YOU Christen? How many people is Here to Help? Anyhow, you might want to edit that phone number out -- you can answer the question that started all this and remove it).
If your computer is misbehaving, try downloading another browser... I can almost guarantee that Mozilla Firebird will work with the site, it's Open Source, and it blocks popups if you need it to. You can even attach your e-mail account to your column.
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By the way, I don't care if I SEEM desperate.I just want to help people if they want help...sorry for spazzing out before but you guys can get really harsh even if you didn't mean to. (link)
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I find the best way to get questions is to answer a few thoroughly. You wind up touching a nerve on about 10% of them, and the questioner comes back with all the details they left out the first time with a supersize question directed at you.
The culture here is a little like Jeopardy... you must phrase your question in the form of a question or you get people jumping down your throat.
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how do u know youself if your a good or bad kisser?help please (link)
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Try kissing a few unsuspecting people. You'll be able to tell.
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All my best friend talks about is her computer! Me & my other friends will talk about what we did over the weekend, and "Ellie" will just talk about gigabites, megabites, and that sort of stuff. We don't understand that sorta stuff at all! How can we get her to talk about normal people stuff, like guys, parties, or even her pets?! (link)
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Learning a little about computing won't hurt, if only so you can figure out interesting little segues out of RSS and into getting the word out for a party... CSS2 into fashion or art history... or Microsoft to the decline of empires.
Computing talk can be deathly dull to listen to, but she probably will be able to retire by 35.
Geeks will need to shop-talk, but try to get her to translate a bit, and then change the subject. And there may be a corner of computing in which you share an interest, I mean, you are posting on an Internet bulletin board rather than asking the person next to you -- you can't be that much of a technophobe.
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ok i have a really hot and awsome bf...i get good grades...i have tons of friends...and i am lots of fun clubs..(gifted and talented siging)..my family is awsome...for some reason i feel like i am missing something..like there is a big whole in my body tht is missing..can anyone explain? (link)
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Do a quick count of holes in your body and make sure there aren't any extras...
But seriously, I think it's perfectly normal not to feel perfect. Good, even. I think the empty feeling is a little like the refrigerator hum in an apartment. When stuff is happening, you don't hear the hum because it's drowned out by the radio, the friends over, the ambulance in the street, the rain on the windows... but when it's quiet, you hear the hum. We always are incomplete, adrift without a complete explanation, just usually we're too busy putting out fires to notice.
My fridge sounds louder all of a sudden.
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I am a senior in highschool and once i graduate i would like to go into fashion designing or interior designing. I have "shadowed" an interior designer before and have helped people in their rooms with designs. I am also curretly designing my prom dress and would hopefully some day like to design my wedding dress. Just one concern.... What if i am totally out of my league and really have no clue with what i am doing. What if i go to college and major in this and then find out that it isnt for me? I guess its just a concern i have been having for awhile now, someone please give me advice. KT
(link)
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Your major on your undergrad degree doesn't matter that much: some of the best computer types I know majored in creative writing, one of the neatest media theoryheads I know majored in theoretical physics... subsequent degrees and life experience can leverage the thinking and organizing skills you pick up in college into all kinds of stuff.
So, onward!
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OK, I'll tell you my "problem" only if you promise not to laugh and/or reply with a "Just get over him!" (I don't know how).
Assuming that you've agreed to those terms... I am, as many young teenagers are, in "love". OK, maybe not, but I really like this guy who's a new friend of mine- I've only known him for about two and a half months. The bad part? I'm a girl, he's a guy, I like guys, he likes guys. Yeah. Well, actually, he says he's bisexual, but from what I've heard from friends that know him, he's only ever gone out with and talked about guys. Speaking of which, he presently has a crush on a guy.
Not only is he bisexual (or homosexual, whichever), but I also believe that he's bipolar. Not really, but what I mean to say is that he goes through major mood swings. He'll love me one minute and ignore me at other times.
Everyone else has told me that I should just not like him, and just be friends with him, because it's never going to happen. They may very well be right in saying that, but it's not so easy to ex-crush someone.
And, if he really is bi, he sometimes acts like maybe he does sort of like me. I went to the mall with him once, and we just sat there watching one of his friends play a video game, and then for the longest time he looked at me and held my hand...oh, that was heaven! Is there a way to tell if a bi guy likes you? 'Cause he doesn't seem to show it like a straight guy would, and if he IS gay, then he obviously doesn't. He's just so confusing.
I know, this is long, but just a little more. I guess he doesn't know that I know he's bi or gay or whatever, 'cause he keeps trying to hide it from me. He'll talk about guys to other people, but hates to talk about stuff like that with me. And he knows I'm OK with it because a lot of the friends that we share are gay, and they always talk openly with me. I don't know if he's just scared about how I'll react or what, but I think it's obvious that he's not striaght by the way he acts so I don't see why he'd think I don't know.
OK, done! I know that's a lot of things to need advice on (what to do about my crush, how do I know if he likes me or it's just how he acts, and how can I get him to be open with me?). It's funny, but as I'm writing this, I can already think about some advice to give myself. Just so you know, he's very affectionate with girls in general, which is why it's so confusing to tell if he might like me, but sometimes it's "all about me" and again, sometimes it's like I don't exist. Also, I'm not only trying to get him to be open with me about his sexuality, 'cause I know it might seem like a big deal to him, but even little things- what he likes to do, his favorite music, anything that can start a conversation. He just won't tell me anything about him or says things like "you wouldn't be interested" or "you wouldn't like/know them".
I'm so sorry that this is so long! I just really need some advice! (link)
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Hmm... you've got yourself an interesting situation there.
He may just be torn, or indecisive, or confused... unless his mood swings are directed at everything I'd guess he's not certifiably bipolar. (I am however only a propagandist, not a psychologist, OneMan's your man for psychology around here!)
Anyone who stands there, holds your hand and looks into your eyes isn't just doing that randomly. I'd use whatever sense of "straight guy likes me" you've got to figure out "bi guy likes me"... we're all human after all, and it sounds like the evidence points to yes.
If he's trying to hide his other interests from you, it is understandable straight-guy behaviour to keep his interest in two cute girls pretty separate while he makes up his mind/gets to know them better. If a bisexual guy keeps his interest in a guy and a girl separate until he sorts himself out, it's entirely understandable.
As for getting him to be open with you... being direct and a little stubborn ("only one way to find out if I'd be interested!") will probably get you results. He may still push you away, but at least he'll have to be clear about it and you will have a better idea what's going on.
I've tended to take a deep breath and call out the chase when I find myself in an "I'm a guy, she's a girl, I like girls, she likes girls" situation. Being friends afterwards is easier if you go without pushing to be sure, and his sexual orientation will probably come out (excuse the pun) sooner or later.
I thik it's likely you two will wind up as regular old friends and you'll find yourself diffusing a crush, either openly or quietly. Quietly is much easier and doesn't colour your friendship for months or years quite as much, but if you really want his whole story up front, go for it, your curiosity will be satisfied and things may still turn out happily.
I hope that's of some use, feel free to question further or e-mail as needed!
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my guy friend has always had a crush on me and he would always- i htought. i always kinda took it for granted that he was there for me to be reassured that i was still attractive but i jsut found out that he really likes somebody else. any advice on how to deal? (link)
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If I understand correctly, he just was around and a friend, crushing on you and making you feel attractive... now he's moved on. Well, take solace in the fact that you attract well-adjusted guys I guess.
Other people will come along... you know it's true 'cause it just happened for him.
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ok so i have this site right and it shows how to do telekinesis and stuf like psi balls which i can do but with telekinesis i cant shut my subconsious up in or der to consintrate help!!!!!
~Phsycic gurl~ (link)
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It's debatable whether anyone can... but in any case, don't trust everything you read, eh?
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in the first quarter i made honor role. now im like getten strait f's what is goen on? (link)
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Maybe you relaxed, attempted to rest on your laurels... or took up some new time-consuming project that keeps you from focusing on school.
Figure out where you're taking your damage on your grades (check your graded tests and papers, work out if it's a type of assignment, or a partciular set of concepts, etc.) and work like a dog to deal with it.
Ask your teachers what you're doing wrong... they probably have some ideas.
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...I want world peace. Anyone with me? (link)
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As long as it doesn't result from world tyranny, I'm OK with that!
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i made my news years resolution to loose weight but the only problem is i cant stop eating like even when i am not hungry i need help and just to let you know iam 14 1/2 and over wieght (link)
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You could try changing what you eat... munch on stuff with lots of roughage (e.g. celery, whole-grain whatevers, etc.), drink water when you're thirsty and have normal meals. You'll still be eating, but your body won't be packing away excess energy (read: producing fat) nearly as fast.
Exercise (even just vowing to always take the stairs, and get on and off the bus a stop or two away from the closest stop) can also be helpful, I would think. Of course, if you're lucky enough to be in a bicyclable climate this time of year, biking everywhere is an even better plan... and it's often faster than public transit or bumming a ride.
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