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"My" Bi-Bi Guy
OK, I'll tell you my "problem" only if you promise not to laugh and/or reply with a "Just get over him!" (I don't know how).
Assuming that you've agreed to those terms... I am, as many young teenagers are, in "love". OK, maybe not, but I really like this guy who's a new friend of mine- I've only known him for about two and a half months. The bad part? I'm a girl, he's a guy, I like guys, he likes guys. Yeah. Well, actually, he says he's bisexual, but from what I've heard from friends that know him, he's only ever gone out with and talked about guys. Speaking of which, he presently has a crush on a guy.
Not only is he bisexual (or homosexual, whichever), but I also believe that he's bipolar. Not really, but what I mean to say is that he goes through major mood swings. He'll love me one minute and ignore me at other times.
Everyone else has told me that I should just not like him, and just be friends with him, because it's never going to happen. They may very well be right in saying that, but it's not so easy to ex-crush someone.
And, if he really is bi, he sometimes acts like maybe he does sort of like me. I went to the mall with him once, and we just sat there watching one of his friends play a video game, and then for the longest time he looked at me and held my hand...oh, that was heaven! Is there a way to tell if a bi guy likes you? 'Cause he doesn't seem to show it like a straight guy would, and if he IS gay, then he obviously doesn't. He's just so confusing.
I know, this is long, but just a little more. I guess he doesn't know that I know he's bi or gay or whatever, 'cause he keeps trying to hide it from me. He'll talk about guys to other people, but hates to talk about stuff like that with me. And he knows I'm OK with it because a lot of the friends that we share are gay, and they always talk openly with me. I don't know if he's just scared about how I'll react or what, but I think it's obvious that he's not striaght by the way he acts so I don't see why he'd think I don't know.
OK, done! I know that's a lot of things to need advice on (what to do about my crush, how do I know if he likes me or it's just how he acts, and how can I get him to be open with me?). It's funny, but as I'm writing this, I can already think about some advice to give myself. Just so you know, he's very affectionate with girls in general, which is why it's so confusing to tell if he might like me, but sometimes it's "all about me" and again, sometimes it's like I don't exist. Also, I'm not only trying to get him to be open with me about his sexuality, 'cause I know it might seem like a big deal to him, but even little things- what he likes to do, his favorite music, anything that can start a conversation. He just won't tell me anything about him or says things like "you wouldn't be interested" or "you wouldn't like/know them".
I'm so sorry that this is so long! I just really need some advice!
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Hmm... you've got yourself an interesting situation there.
He may just be torn, or indecisive, or confused... unless his mood swings are directed at everything I'd guess he's not certifiably bipolar. (I am however only a propagandist, not a psychologist, OneMan's your man for psychology around here!)
Anyone who stands there, holds your hand and looks into your eyes isn't just doing that randomly. I'd use whatever sense of "straight guy likes me" you've got to figure out "bi guy likes me"... we're all human after all, and it sounds like the evidence points to yes.
If he's trying to hide his other interests from you, it is understandable straight-guy behaviour to keep his interest in two cute girls pretty separate while he makes up his mind/gets to know them better. If a bisexual guy keeps his interest in a guy and a girl separate until he sorts himself out, it's entirely understandable.
As for getting him to be open with you... being direct and a little stubborn ("only one way to find out if I'd be interested!") will probably get you results. He may still push you away, but at least he'll have to be clear about it and you will have a better idea what's going on.
I've tended to take a deep breath and call out the chase when I find myself in an "I'm a guy, she's a girl, I like girls, she likes girls" situation. Being friends afterwards is easier if you go without pushing to be sure, and his sexual orientation will probably come out (excuse the pun) sooner or later.
I thik it's likely you two will wind up as regular old friends and you'll find yourself diffusing a crush, either openly or quietly. Quietly is much easier and doesn't colour your friendship for months or years quite as much, but if you really want his whole story up front, go for it, your curiosity will be satisfied and things may still turn out happily.
I hope that's of some use, feel free to question further or e-mail as needed!
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